Gone By

by Hajong, Beatone

  “Oh! Girl...you’re the drug to me” whispered inside my heart.

  In every action I used to do I always thought of her first. And I knew that day would surely be the best. My heart was completely filled with all the demands. It was like I was the happiest man on earth. Many a time I felt like poor man before her and she be my queen. I knew I could show her more love but she was so serene and calm that she never demanded much more what I could give to her. I completely surrendered myself before her. Anannya was my world now. Nothing mattered me more than her. Even if the world would end our love would survive. Even if people, diverged away from me, she would be by my side and I by her side. At the time of solitude she was the only one who would join me by my side. I always conjointly made her feel the same at her bitter loneliness. At my best, I never let her feel the extreme solitude. Days began to look at us like we the only two souls who loved one another with their true hearts surpassing every difficulties in their life.

  As my pen went on writing the lady happened to glanced at me. She tried to peep at my diary through her quiet movement of her eyes.

  “What are you writing” she asked.

  “A story” I said casually.

  “Really” she grinned.

  “Yeah”.

  “If you don’t mind would you hint a little of your sweet story” she demanded being casual. “Sure”.

  “On what genre are you scripting” she asked.

  “It’s about a girl” .

  “So, what happened to that girl” she said.

  “It’s about a girl I love”.

  “Oh!!..Broken hearted”.

  “Yeah!! Broken hearted” nodded my head to her.

  “What’s her name” she asked me again.

  Now the only thing that came first on every one’s mind was to ask about her name. I had been encountering such situation since the time Isha asked and now she.

  “Anannya” said I.

  “Beautiful name”.

  “I know it’s wonderful name” facing at her.

  “So, what did you write about her” she slid an interest.

  “Nothing..just the memories we had together”.

  “So, she’s no more in your life”.

  “Right..she found someone better” I sighed.

  She looked keenly at me. Her facial expression slightly faded away being pale. Perhaps she was thinking what to say ahead. She blinked her eyes rapidly like some sort of flipping diseases.

  “I can understand the thing you must have gone through” she softly spoke.

  I looked at her once and turned my face straight, I opened up with slight gesture. Our bus was running smoothly on wheels. It’s speed parameters were constant. The day grew old by now. Even the rays penetrated through the windows evolving the heat inside the bus. I managed to close the window to protect from its deadly burn.

  “Wow! You have written a lot” she stalked her eyes at my diary.

  “Yeah! I have been writing since many days”.

  “That’s wonderful” she said.

  “Are you going to Mumbai” I asked her.

  “Of course I’m from Mumbai” she said with her eye brow raised high.

  “Where are you from?” she inquired.

  “Well, I’m from North Eastern part of India”.

  She chuckled “Yeah! I can see that”.

  “What went wrong between you both” her voice seemed insisting.

  “She didn’t love me anymore”.

  “What was the reason behind such detachment” she said softly.

  “She didn’t give any reason to me when she walked away”.

  “She said nothing” her voice cramped into my ear.

  “Just few lines....”.

  “What”.

  “I don’t want to talk to you anymore and I don’t love you. That’s what she said” I sighed.

  “So, she didn’t mention the reason why?” she said. I nodded my head.

  “No..She didn’t do that. Maybe I was ineligible to hear her reasons”.

  “You think so that” her voice seemed commanding.

  I stayed silence with no sign of interest.

  “She thought it that way”.

  “No..you’re much more than what she couldn’t think of you. It’s her lost” she said with an encouraging tone.

  “I don’t know exactly what’s the truth” I giggled.

  “I don’t know why I feel you’ll be famous someday” she said watching keenly at me.

  I took by a surprise note at her face. I smiled with glee. She faintly gazed at me again. And I added to that stare.

  “What happen” she grinned.

  “Nothing..I was thinking of being famous someday” I giggled.

  She laughed out and patted softly me on my head.

  “Yeah..just you need to published this out. People will come to know about your story. They’ll get inspired by you”.

  “Wow! I dream of that” I said with excited tone.

  “Then let your emotions and feelings fill up the empty pages”.

  I nodded my head “Yeah..you’re right”.

  She was so friendly that I never felt anyone missing in my life for the moment. She urged me to continue to write while she kept seated quite. I began to write another unfold part of my story.

  It was Sunday morning, I was on my way to tuition. My auto accelerated through the uphill with its full gear. The lonely person was I seated. I paid my fare and walked off to my tuition class. As I was on my way nothing fascinated me to look around. I was completely directing myself on my way. I passed through some shops and vegetable markets, Some restaurants on the way too. I clipped in to get some nourishment for my empty stomach. As I took my heel on the first step, my vision blurred suddenly before my eyes. Now, I could see nothing but running in blank mind with the heartfelt dejection running through my heart and soul. My eyes pointed out at a scene where Anannya and Avick were dating together. I stood silence while my body pulled me down. The beat of my heart began to shiver and nerves began to fall down. The tone of my voice vanished like I was turned into dumb fellow. I stood shattered with my broken pieces of emotions and feelings on the ground. I diverged my way out of the restaurant and hurried somewhere down the lane that led me nowhere but I was lost into the darkness of my mind. The glitch of frustration appeared on my clumsy face. It set me back with a sign of depression on my mind. I began to think about the deep hardcore love I nourished for Anannya. And now she was dating. Not new to me but it haunted me anytime seeing her with some other guy. At times of such moment, my weaker section of my genes gets activated and I starts to feel low on my knees. I decided to walk away from my tuition class. Avoided to hire an auto and proceeded on my way. I checked on one side of my pocket. Some notes were wrapped inside. I slid out to have a look. I had hundred and fifty rupees. I thought for a while what should I do?. Should I drink to compensate the pieces of broken heart or fill my stomach somewhere. I stopped to walk and sat on one cemented edge that was laid constructed by the roadside. Where to graph my life now, I had no freaking idea but have to wonder around like a lost child. I waited there being seated for a while. Finally I thought of searching a new restaurant. For I knew I bunked the tuition class that day. I began to move myself with slow gear on my feet. I walked through the foot path that led me to a restaurant. I was drenched into moistened heart, scrubbed down like a little child. I pushed up the glass door. Silence was my priority neither my heart nor the mouth wanted to speak out. I quietly walked towards one corner and occupied a table. The menu card laid before my eyes. My eyes scrolled down some menu items. The waiter came by and asked me the order. I could hear the bell of a wall clock ringing seven times which was hanged on the sidewall. The evening gradually hovered in. I order a sandwich and a cold coffee. I was left seated with empty hand until I was served with the eatables. The waiter served me. My heart pounding and pumping harder, nothing floated on my eyes but the scene of their romance that began to trouble me. Somehow I cou
ld calm myself encapsulating the zest of terrible thoughts that possibly chased me. I began to chew the sandwich with no fluid of taste in my tongue. Neither the cold coffee added it’s aroma. The tasteless plaque began to form. And I , at no way could able to swallow every bite of it. The reason never seemed clear before my eyes why was I turned into such. I hurried after the ill taste of snacks. I hired an auto to turn back home. That evening hours was full of disappointment and everything on my way began to fade away in the mist of darkness. On my way back home nothing circulated on my mind but the vivid picture of both that floated before my eyes. Indeed, it started to hollow me inside. My fragile heart began to shed its blood violently through my veins. My lips pressed hard and the fear of sorrow appeared on my face grabbing me into dungeon of darkness. How would I control my emotions and feelings I stood numb and dumb. No one beside me to console this lonely disrupting soul filled by its ghostly shadows of life. The auto stopped before my home gate. I paid the fare. The emptiness resided on me. I was constantly thinking about Anannya dating some other guy. That scene at the restaurant constantly played before my eyes. How to erase the haunting drama I couldn’t find a better solution to it. All I could do was to live with it like a dream before my eyes. She was the only one that my heart desperately cried for, but now it’s dried off with nothing left to shed anymore. The rich emotions and feeling for her burnt into ashes. And now I was left with nothing but a human with no sense of feelings. Maybe it forced me to turned myself into a lifeless marble. I contemplated to forget her after that day. But that was not the way my heart wanted. It wanted me to cherish her within my mind. Was it possible to do so? It questioned me. Yes! Of course it would be. But then the only thing that I would have to stay with, was the value of patience which I had to conserve within me. That night within my room, I pondered thinking about Anannya. Forging myself to find out the every reason that was going wrong with me. I began to think from the very first day since when I saw her. Every gesture of her clicked on my mind with bright flash. So many questions rumbled on head. The dreams I used to have never tended to return to me again. They said your love was false. But I couldn’t agree to that.

  “I’m a patient Man” my subconscious hit on my brain.

  It encouraged me and I could gather strength on my feet to stand upright.

  I laid down on my bed. My face was targeting with sharp vision at the ceiling I was looking at. My both legs were crossed and overlapped on one another. The bulb of my room never glowed that night. I maintained a soft silence within myself. I began to shake my hands with the darkness that prevailed within that four walls. My eyes began to turn cruel and the torment began to float into the air. Love proved me I was insecure and brimmed with inner demons. Since when I understood how to fall in love it never told me how to win a heart. I’ve just learn to fall for other not to win them. Was the fault there, it pondered me over and over. I was meant to fall in love once in my life which I knew and I did with no mistakes. The fault laid in my stars to choose the wrong one who never understood my affection. And now I was in state of extreme regret putting up my demands to find an absolute solution for the ill fated love that wrapped my heart. No conclusion did came up but the inner motion of emotions and feelings trembled me with sorrow and dejection that ruled me the complete night. It shuddered me. I felt like the blood spewing out of my body. No logical thought rested on me for the moment neither I could think for. My mind was completely dosed by her. Only her name, Anannya rumoured into my ears. My eyes slowly began to doze in. I fell asleep like a boy of four years old.

  A half part of Man’s mind and heart dwells in the heart of woman. Whereas woman happened to be unaware of the fact that she can be moulded in the way a Man’s heart feel from that half part. I knew my love was never wrong, it always spoke the right from heart. Although I felt like a lost man the zest of hope and faith replenished me. The tranquil night showered me with the new era of history to begin. When the dawn broke the next day the essence of love once again sprayed it’s rays over me. I began to feel the aura of new beginning. It enveloped me as I stood out of my bed with feet touched cold onto the floor. It shivered me for second. But I managed to hold on. That morning brought a new genre of thought into my life. The era of rusted and stagnant memory were washed away, leaving only an intense aroma of bright life before my eyes. I began to think positively ensuring not to think about her anymore. The strength I could accumulate out of such paranoid and I could see at myself with new face that encased me. After going through rigorous temperament torture finally I felt of changing my dimension of thought and state of mind. I smiled wide that morning for no reasons but indeed it lighted my heart up to its brim. Likewise my days began to clear out from any dark shadow that casted on me. I began to imagine a new life with enormous passion and enthusiasm in every course of my steps that planned for the my future. The banks of love was over by now. I did used to see her at school but now with the change of my feelings and emotions she was no more a kind of girl whom I desperately needed. I began to consider her as one of my good friend.

  Some said love starts from friendship. I thought of applying the necessary quotes to find enough if it’s true. The only thing I could do now was to smile with new flavour that shone all through my heart. I began to feel the real realm of life with the new ornamental effervescent personality I could inculcate. She was no more a dream to me now but a shadow of my life that followed me. I kept my love for her somewhere far away from my inner core. All I now Just wanted to smile like all others. She began to notice me. One day she came up and said to me “You have changed a lot. You became amazing guy”.

  I paused at my words for a while and passed a pleasant smile to her.

  “Someone special has changed me” I said softly to Anannya.

  “Who’s that special may I know” she inhaled her breath deep.

  “Someone like you”.

  “Why like me”.

  “To be more precise, she’s like my dream”.

  “Oh! Really” she chuckled.

  “ Yeah!..She do exist in my dream”.

  “Someday I would love to meet her” Anannya grinned.

  “Surely...for that you need to come into my dream”.

  She smiled and patted on my head like she always used to do. Our conversation ended up very shortly. Lastly we both parted away. I never thought the loss of love for her. It was just my instinct that constantly warned me to stay safe, cause love happened to be fragile that can bring sufferings if it’s over rated. I was compel to take up new things in life for the betterment of future. Anannya, was not only the part of my dream. In fact the greater part depended on her, such was the truth that I could feel for her. There was still a place somewhere in my heart that beats for her. But then there appeared a reason before my eyes why I should conceal it down. It was all for the love of her. I wanted to see her happy and satisfied. I wanted to see her smile and perhaps I was correct on my path. I could see her more charming with Avick. And that self satisfied me about her. If someday I become eligible for her then I would not hesitate to ask for her hand to make her wear a wedding rind. That strong faith and trust boosted me.

  Fourteen

  ..................

  The day reached its noon. The heat of the sun began to rise in higher degree. I could feel the velocity of our bus gradually rising at greater rate. The lady beside fell asleep. And I was the only one in the whole bus with a busy schedule. I took a chance to stop my pen for a while. The diary laid closed on my lap. I could suddenly think about Isha. Yes! Indeed I was missing her. The place beside me felt empty even though the lady occupied it. The absence of Isha cascaded the emptiness all around. I thought of dialling her number. But something drifted me away from reading her number out on my mobile screen. I had many old contacts on my list. Contacts which were even invalid were kept as record on my number list. As I read down the contact list a name suddenly rolled out. I felt happy. A silent and brief smile flashed on my face. I read out the number
on my mind with deep connection. And I knew it was the contact number of Anannya, which was invalid. I pressed the number and from the other end it shrilled only one voice “This number is invalid please check the number”. It was quiet an old number now. But I didn’t delete as to serve me as my memory. I smiled at myself.