My Date From Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy Book Two)

by Tellulah Darling

  “That looks personal,” I said, as she fired off the last round and whipped off the ear guards.

  She turned slowly to face me. If she wasn’t Aphrodite, then I had no idea why she wasn’t a mega famous supermodel, because she was stunning. Her hair fell in a kind of 1940s starlet wave over one eye. Not only was each individual feature perfect, from her large violet eyes to her lush mouth, but put together, she was out of everyone’s league.

  Guess her face had to be exquisite though. Because that rack of hers was so Penthouse forum overkill that she needed a miracle for anyone to ever look her in the eyes.

  Aphrodite pointed the revolver at my chest.

  “I always wondered what a love gun was,” I said.

  She laughed and lowered the gun. “Geez, you’re a live wire, Persephone,” she said in a high-pitched, screechy voice.

  Hannah and I traded incredulous glances. The others didn’t seem to notice anything. Either this was a giant joke they were all in on, or they were too immune to her voice to notice what an abomination it was.

  “Sophie,” I clarified.

  “But youse is Persephone.”

  “I’m both. But I prefer Sophie.”

  “And I prefer not having to shove my dawgs into these mini torture chambers” she said, wriggling her foot. “Whatchya gonna do?” Said with a sad sigh.

  “Hey Thesi,” she trilled in her girlish voice, nodding at the chain that led to Kai, “you done developed some innerestin’ tastes.”

  “Dominatrix,” Festos coughed.

  Theo stomped down on his foot with an angelic smile.

  “Though I’m real approving of your playmate. Hiya, Kyrillos,” she waggled her fingers in a coy wave.

  He blew her a kiss. She beamed at him.

  Gag.

  “She’s Lina Lamont made flesh,” Hannah came forward to whisper to me. She was right. Aphrodite had the dubious honor of sounding exactly like our favorite character from Singin’ In The Rain. A sort of screechy, über-Brooklyn accent.

  Hannah’s discreet observation had caught Aphrodite’s attention. Her eyes widened. She stepped over to her and inhaled deeply.

  Hannah, understandably worried at why the crazy goddess was sniffing her, threw a “help me” look at Theo.

  “Stop smelling the human, Aphrodite,” he said.

  “But she’s full ’a it,” the goddess gushed with a happy shudder that made everything on her body jiggle and all the guys, gay, straight, and dog, stare. “All that looooove. No wonder Piercie is crushin’ on ya.”

  At the mention of Pierce’s name, Hannah glanced around.

  “Pierce is getting a time out for dee-reliction of duty.” She giggled. “And ‘cause I can.” Pronounced kiiin.

  Festos stepped forward. “Always with the hardlining, darling. Here’s the skinny.” He pointed at me. “She needs her memory back. Big picture ‘no more humans, no more love for you’ time. Pierce has the know-how. Give us five minutes with the boy.”

  “Or ten,” Hannah said casually.

  Pathetic, I mouthed at her.

  Bite me, she mouthed back.

  Aphrodite smiled sweetly at me. “Help me. I’ll help you. Since you ruined alls my finely laid plans.”

  I stared at her, genuinely confused. “How? Your Cupid shot Kai.”

  “Cupid is Roman,” Theo and Festos chided me.

  “I could’a used Kai if you hadn’t distracted him,” she said.

  Over my dead body. “I kind of need Kai to fall in love and save the world. So, sorry. He’s taken.”

  “Getting assertive, Sophie Bloom?” Kai murmured into my hair.

  I gasped as I felt his fingers curl over my waistband. He tugged me back against him. Guess he’d gotten free. I glowered at Theo who stared back, totally unrepentant.

  Aphrodite really laughed then. “Fall in love and save the world?” She clapped her hands in delight.

  “It’s a long story,” I muttered, trying to keep some distance between me and all of Kai’s heat.

  “Even better.” She nodded at Kai. “Start at the beginning and gimme all the dee-tails, Kyrillos. You two have always bin so entertainin’.”

  “You’re thinking of Persephone,” Kai said. Aw. That was nice. He finally got it about me, Sophie, not just being a fake her, Persephone. “Sophie’s a whole new level of entertainment.”

  Fond thoughts dead now.

  “Please let me see Pierce,” I cut in.

  She held up a hand. “What I wanna know is what are you gonna do about Bethany? It’s your fault that dragon found her in the first place and gave her ideas about gettin’ above her station.”

  I thought about it. “I dunno. I could try and talk to this Jack Wing character.”

  A crafty look stole over her face. “I’ll help.”

  “Oh no,” Kai said.

  “Shut it, Kyrillos.” She pointed at me. “Get that big dope Jack to kill her campaign.”

  Kai clarified. “Jack a.k.a Hermes. Her current lover.”

  “Ex,” she corrected in a hard voice.

  “So that’s what he’s up to these days,” Theo said. “All makes sense now.”

  I rolled my eyes for Hannah to see, but she was totally zoned, as if all her brain power was busy making mental tabulations on gods and relationships. Which it probably was.

  “Oh, come on,” I protested to the group at large. “Another god? You mean he’s not some poor human under Bethany’s influence. Great.”

  Although, that had to suck. Aphrodite’s ex was the one that wanted to make Bethany a star. No wonder she was so pissed.

  “I don’t want no one worshiping her.” Aphrodite was on the verge of stomping her foot and throwing a tantrum. “Jackie can do all the silly shows he wants but no helpin’ anyone else to be adored.”

  “If he’s doing this out of break-up spite, can’t we forget about his co-operation?” Hannah asked.

  Aphrodite blinked at her. “If he refuses, I’ll be very displeased.”

  Hannah glanced at me. I was glad to see she looked as confused as I felt. “But you’ve broken up,” she said. “Why would being displeased matter?”

  “What does broken up gotta do with anything? I might not show him any more affection again.”

  “Dysfunctional and probably co-dependent,” Hannah said so only I could hear.

  No kidding. “What if he doesn’t want any more of your affection?” I asked.

  The look Aphrodite sent me almost fried me on the spot, combined with Kai’s sharp nudge into my back; I backpedalled. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

  “It is a sad day when a man loses sweet Aphrodite’s affection,” Festos said.

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “Turned you gay.”

  “Sweetie, it doesn’t work like—”

  “Sure did,” Theo cut in.

  “Enjoying yourself?” Festos asked him.

  Theo smiled. “Immensely.”

  “Rigardliss,” Aphrodite continued, “Jackie ain’t had his fill of me yet.”

  This all sounded messy. And possibly icky. Did I really want to get in the middle of it? “Can’t you just go yourself? Cut out the middleman? I mean this basically sounds like I’m playing messenger.”

  Aphrodite gasped. “I’m a Goddess.”

  I didn’t get to fire back, “d’uh Dingbat, so am I,” because both Theo and Festos were shaking their heads “No” emphatically at me.

  I bowed to their wisdom. “So you are. And I am always delighted to ruin Bethany’s world. Just tell me where to go and provide me with safe passage. I’ve got that whole Zeus and Hades out to kill me issue.”

  She nodded and said “Normally, I can talk circles around those two. They’re always givin’ in.”

  “Out of exhaustion,” Kai muttered in my ear.

  I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing and incurring Aphrodite’s ditzy displeasure.

  “But I don’t think they’ll listen to me this time. Just stay a step ahead’a them. You’ll be fine.” />
  That was helpful.

  Hannah nudged me.

  “At least let Hannah see Pierce again.”

  A slight hesitation, then another nod. “Soon as the campaign is dead.”

  Now for the big one. “Undo the arrow on Kai.” I felt Kai’s grip on me tighten, then relax and let me go. Oh, the force of will that must have taken.

  Aphrodite pointed her gun at me again, kind of casually. “Your problem is you’re too hung up on the past. You gotta move forward with yer life.”

  I heard Hannah give a smothered laugh.

  “You got this cutie pie in love with ya, and instead of enjoying his company, all you do is whine.” With a quick flick, Aphrodite opened the cylinder to reload.

  “He’s not in love,” I said.

  She peered at Kai. “Whattya talkin’ about? Sure he is. Everyone knows Kyrillos loves Persephone.”

  “I’m Sophie,” I ground out.

  She waved the gun around. “Ya ya. That too.”

  That too? I took a deep breath, folded my fingers over my palms and looked slightly to the left of her in case I accidentally started blasting. Didn’t want to go down in history as the girl who killed the Goddess of Love.

  “Nope. It’s just desire,” I said with faked calm. “Kai is so resistant to the idea of being in love with me that your arrows don’t work. Besides which, when he actually does fall so hard for me that he doesn’t know which way is up, I want him to know he chose that of his own free will. That he chose me.” I threw him a sweet smile.

  “Chose you?” Kai got this look of “have we had this conversation before?” on his face.

  My smile got tight.

  Aphrodite scooped up a saclike pink purse laying on the ground. She rooted around in it. “Desire is part of romantic love, silly,” she said to me.

  She pulled out a handful of bullets and dumped them in Festos’ hurriedly outstretched hands before turning back to Kai. She gestured with the still-open chambered revolver toward him. “Your body knows what’s what. Stop fighting it.”

  Kai glowered at her.

  She laughed it off, reloading. “And you,” Aphrodite said to me, as she plucked more bullets from Festos’ hand to load into the chamber. “Yer just as bad with your own issues.”

  She couldn’t know about my insecurities around Persephone could she?

  Aphrodite narrowed her eyes at me.

  I gulped.

  Aphrodite shot me a look of disgust and popped the final bullets into the chambers. She gestured at each of us in turn with one pink, sparkly manicured finger. “I’m gonna start gettin’ real mad about how youse is all dealin’ with love.”

  “There’s a whole bunch of drags around here where love is concerned,” Festos agreed.

  “Thanks so much for inviting him along,” Theo said to me.

  I grimaced an apology at Theo, then shot back at Festos, “Seems there’s a whole bunch of dogs here, too.” I looked between him and Kai.

  “Oh don’t forget Pierce,” Festos replied cheerfully. “He’s a total mimbo.”

  “He is not,” Hannah defended. “He’s pure love.”

  Aphrodite threw her a fond smile. “I like you, girlie.”

  “Love in name, hormones in game,” Theo countered.

  “Look at us all in agreement,” Festos replied.

  “No, because you’re talking about lust,” I protested.

  “Lust is pretty good too,” Aphrodite said, “but it ain’t nothin’ like the real thing.” She clicked the cylinder into place and looked at me. “We got a deal? You’ll get Jack to kill the campaign?”

  “You’ll undo the love thing?” I asked.

  “Nope. You could do with a little love in your life. Kyrillos is obviously brimming with love for ya now,” she ignored Kai’s snort, “so you’re gonna enjoy it.”

  “Meaning what?” I asked.

  “A date,” Kai piped up. “I’d say I’m ready now.” He arched an eyebrow as if to say “ball’s in your court.”

  “I think it’s a great idea,” I slid my arm around his waist and pressed myself up against his side.

  A look of surprise flashed across his face. “Perfect.”

  I could outdate him any place, any time. I brightened. This was going to be fun. The touching part wasn’t a downside either.

  “The fate of the world does dee-pend on you loving each other,” Aphrodite said. “So, good. We’ll start with a date.”

  “Still say it’s a euphemism,” Festos burst out. “And Kai doesn’t date.”

  Kai snaked his arm around my waist before pressing his fingertips into my hip. “Never wanted to before. Sophie’s the exception.”

  “The euphemistic exception?” Festos asked.

  “Shut up,” Kai and I fired at him in tandem.

  Festos took it in stride, waggling his eyebrows cheerfully at Theo who pretended to look disapproving but totally wasn’t. Even Hannah didn’t bother to hide her smile.

  “Only thing is,” I told Aphrodite, “I have to be back at school by Sunday morning. I have a meeting I can’t miss. So I’ll have to get this thing with Jack done quickly to have time for the date.”

  “Going together to find Hermes is the date.” Aphrodite looked at me like I was an idiot. “You two need as much together time as possible.”

  No way. I needed all my wits about me to handle Kai. Something that couldn’t happen if I had to track down Hermes at the same time. I tried a new tactic. “A date involves dinner and a movie. Something romantic. Finding Hermes hardly counts.”

  She pinned me in her gaze. “Had so miny of them, Miz Expert? All a date is, is two people spendin’ time to deepen their attraction.”

  “Or kill it,” Hannah piped up.

  Aphrodite scrunched up her nose. “Huh?”

  “There are far more first dates than second,” Hannah explained. “Which means that after spending time, those people realized they were not a match.”

  “What she said,” I seconded.

  Aphrodite narrowed her eyes at Hannah. “I don’t get ya. You talk like that but you’re so brim up with love.”

  “I’m a confounding enigma,” Hannah replied cheerfully.

  Aphrodite threw her hands up. “Enough’a this nonsense. You’ll go together to find Hermes. And you’ll be date-like doin’ it.”

  That sounded like a threat.

  “Almost like you planned it that way,” I said to Kai.

  His smile grew wider as he gave my waist a squeeze. “Told you I get what I want. Feel free to let that sink in.”

  I gave Aphrodite my best winning smile. “I really do want this date. But how about we go deal with Jack, get all that sorted out, lift the memory spell, and once that’s all out of the way, you can undo Kai’s arrow and he and I will have a lovely time falling in love.”

  Or at least as Kai fell for me. I was still planning on having Pierce shoot me right before the ritual.

  “That makes sense,” she said.

  “Thank you,” I replied, glad that this ridiculousness was dealt with.

  “Shake hands with Kai and be friends.”

  Kai shot Aphrodite a surprised look.

  “Shake,” she said. “I’m tired of the fighting. And besides, I’m payin’ for this range by the hour.”

  I held out my hand. Kai took it. I gave him a smug look which turned to a gasp when I felt a sharp pain in my side.

  I looked down to see a gold arrow sticking out of me. It shimmered and then disappeared.

  “Oops,” Aphrodite said sweetly, “I lied.”

  Ten

  “That was so underhanded. You’re amazing.” Hannah beamed delightedly at her. Even though Hannah couldn’t see the arrow, she’d figured out from my expression what Aphrodite had done. “I didn’t know you use arrows, too.”

  “I don’t usually but I wanted the dramatic effect.” Aphrodite tossed her head proudly. “These two need all the help they can git. Besides, teen love is the most intense love there is. The power
I can git off that? Don’t be a selfish girl.” She chided me, then laughed, delighted with herself.

  “I’m not selfish. And this isn’t funny,” I said, glowering at Aphrodite.

  “Is that your ‘in love’ face?” Kai asked with a smirk.

  “Yes please,” Theo muttered. “Let’s have them spend more emotionally dysfunctional time together.”

  “You know, you used to be a lot more fun,” Festos said to Theo.

  “You mean frivolous?” Theo retorted.

  I tuned out their bickering and twisted around to look at Kai only to discover with horror that my hand had somehow snaked its way up his neck and threaded itself through the slightly curled ends of his hair. “Ack!”

  I yanked my hand away but the compulsion to touch him was overwhelming. I rubbed myself against his chest like a cat. My body bristled, hot and cold at the same time, craving the steely feel of him against me. “Make it stop!”

  “Don’t cha love love?” Aphrodite asked happily.

  “Are you insane as well as daft?” I sputtered.

  That was the wrong thing to say because the next thing I knew, Aphrodite waved her hand and the shooting range, the insane goddess, and all my friends disappeared.

  I found myself in a very warm space. A red light cast a warm glow over the room.

  Well, I guess it did. I couldn’t really see much since I faced Kai who stood with his back against a wall.

  “Nice one,” Kai said to me.

  His voice triggered a blind need to touch him. I groped for his hand.

  “That’s not my hand,” he said blandly.

  I blushed as I reached for and, this time, found his hand.

  “Where are we?” I whispered.

  “Alone,” he said.

  Simultaneously, I thought this was the best and worst thing ever.

  I fumbled on the wall behind him for the light switch, blinking as the room got very bright. I craned my neck to look around. We were in a bathroom. A really nice bathroom. I’m talking Italian marble floor and glass and tile shower stall with six heads, but still, a bathroom. I cast a longing look at the shower. I’m telling you, it was high end.

  I don’t love Kai. This extremely reassuring thought popped into my head. I craved him like crazy, but love? No way. Which meant that (A) Aphrodite’s powers may have been wildly exaggerated and (B) with both of us shot and neither of us in love, it was a level playing field again between us.