Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Books by Samantha Wolfe
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Epilogue
Author's Note
An Act of Restraint Excerpt
About the Author
You Are My Life
Breathless Book 3
By
Samantha Wolfe
Copyright © 2016 Samantha Wolfe
All rights reserved.
Books by Samantha Wolfe
Beautifully Broken Trilogy
Let Me Love You:Beautifully Broken Book 1
Let Me Save You:Beautifully Broken Book 2
Let Me Heal You:Beautifully Broken Book 3
Breathless Trilogy
You Are My Air: Breathless Book 1
You Are My Love: Breathless Book 2
You Are My Life: Breathless Book 3
Order & Chaos Trilogy
An Act of Restraint: Order & Chaos Book 1
An Act of Release: Order & Chaos Book 2
An Act of Redemption: Order & Chaos Book 3
Dangerous Desire Duet
Dark Dominion: Dangerous Desire Book 1
Dark Devotion: Dangerous Desire Book 2 (Summer 2017)
Thanks to Mandy, Leah, Alex, and Whitney for your support, encouragement, and feed back. And for putting up with this writing obsession that has taken over my life and spilled out into yours. You're all amazing, and I love you!
- Samantha Wolfe
Chapter One
Natalie
"David," I said his name with uncertainty. "I'm...I'm pregnant."
His face went eerily blank as he stared back at me for several long moments. I waited, thinking he'd smile and tell me how happy he was, but that didn't happen. I watched in horror as his blue eyes hardened into ice.
"What the fuck?" he snarled. "How did this happen? You told me that you were on the pill."
"I am, I just...I forgot to take it a few times," I stammered out. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Did you?" he asked harshly. "Or is this some ploy to trap me and trick me into marrying you?"
"What?" I asked in shock. "No! I would never do that to you, or anyone for that matter."
"Really?" he asked snidely. "You honestly want me to believe that? You know how I feel about marriage. What better way to manipulate me into marrying you, than by making me feel obligated?"
"David, no," I answered as I shook my head violently. "I didn't want to get pregnant at all."
"So now you're saying that I'm not good enough to have a child with you, is that it?" Vivid rage sharpened his features. "Are you going to kill my baby too? Are you no better than Paige?"
"David," I sobbed out desperately. "Why are you saying these things? I'm really scared, and I need your support right now."
"Does that mean you're going to keep it so you can make me pay child support?" he asked incredulously. "Oh my God, you're a gold-digging leach."
"No, no, no." I felt tears pouring down my cheeks. "I thought you would be happy. I thought we had a future together."
He let out a long bitter laugh that shattered my heart. "You're fucking deluded if you think this would make me happy. This has ruined any hope of a future for us. I'm done. Keep it, get rid of it. I don't care. We're done. Your sick twisted plan won't work on me. Good-bye, Natalie."
He turned and walked away from me, and my heart splintered apart. I collapsed onto the floor, curling up into a ball, sobbing and wailing hysterically. My world was gone, my future with David a delusion that would never be.
I suddenly jolted awake with my heart pounding away inside my chest. I was disoriented for a moment, and I reached across the bed to find David, but there was no one there. I was alone in my bed in my apartment. I sat up in the late morning light as my stomach roiled inside me, a wave of nausea hitting me hard and brutally.
I leapt out of bed and rushed into my bathroom, flipping up the toilet seat and vomiting violently as soon as I bent over the porcelain bowl. I vomited repeatedly, until nothing came up anymore, and I was retching painfully. When it finally passed, I was left sitting on the floor panting, and crying hysterically over the vivid nightmare that had woken me, and the renewed pain across the middle of my back where Aiden, Paige's fiance, had thrown me into a couch yesterday morning.
Harsh reality set in as I remembered that I was pregnant and I hadn't told David. I was a coward, and I had lied. I told him that I wanted to be alone tonight, when all I wanted was for him to hold me. I had him keep George at his place too, telling him that George was happier with him, because I couldn't tell him the truth. That I was carrying his child, and I wouldn't be able to clean the litter box because of my pregnancy. I missed them both desperately.
He looked hurt when I drove away from his home last night, and he knew something was wrong. I could see it in his eyes as I told him that I wanted to sleep in my own bed alone, but if I had morning sickness, he would figure it out. I couldn't take the chance until I knew how to tell him. Not keeping the baby was never really an option, part of David was inside me and that part made me happy, but this wasn't how I wanted it to happen. I thought that David and I had time; time to date and maybe get married years from now, then have kids years after that. Now, my world was in chaos, and I was terrified.
The nausea was already starting to come back, and I needed to do something about it. I stood and shuffled out of the bathroom, got my robe, and went to the kitchen. I dug around in the cupboard until I found an old box of saltine crackers. I went to the living room, curled up in a ball on my couch, and started forcing down the crackers, hoping it would make me feel better. I was so tired, and even though I had slept for almost twelve hours, I felt like I could sleep for twelve more.
My back hurt from my injury, but I was afraid to take anything because I didn't want to hurt my baby. I wish I could ask David. That thought brought on fresh tears as my heart ached to be with him right now. I needed comfort and reassurance, but I could have neither. I turned on the television for something to distract myself from my melancholy thoughts, but it didn't really help. I sat for an hour or so, staring unseeing at the TV screen, worrying and fretting about what to do. I came to one conclusion. I needed to talk to somebody. I needed some sound advice from someone I trusted, and a strong shoulder to cry on, and that meant one person, my brother Ford.
***********
It was close to lunch time when I finally made it to my brother's apartment above his tattoo shop. I wasn't nauseous anymore, thank God, but now I was starving, and I hoped Ford had something decent to eat in his kitchen. I wasn't going to hold my breath since he was a single man and mostly lived out of a take-out box, but I might get lucky.
I hit the buzzer next the door that opened to the stairs up to Ford's apartment. The tattoo shop downstairs was closed since it was Sunday, so hopefully Ford was home. A moment later, I heard him hollering down the stairwell that he was coming. The door opened, and Ford smiled broadly at me. He was dressed in an old flannel shirt and ripped jeans, his chin-length blond hair hanging loose for once around his scruffy facial hair and handsome features. He still had his gray walking boot on his broken foot, but there was a black boot on the other.
"Natie," he said happily. He took a closer look at my face, and the smile slipped away to be replaced with concern. "What's wrong?"
/> Instead of answering, I immediately burst into tears and threw myself at my brother. Wordlessly, he scooped me up and hobbled up the steps with me sobbing in his strong arms. The next thing I knew, he was setting me down on his couch, and he was pressing a tissue into my hand. He knelt in front of me and watched me with worry in his dark-blue eyes. I hiccuped and snuffled for a few minutes as I dabbed at my eyes and tried to calm down.
"What's going on, Natalie?" I knew he was really worried since he used my full name. He hadn't seen me like this in a long time, not since I had my heart broken by a boy in high school. Ford had given that guy the fear of God as payback, unfortunately the solution to my problems weren't that simple now.
"I'm...I'm..." I was having trouble even saying the word out loud, like I didn't want to admit it was real yet. "I'm p...pregnant." I forced the word out with an effort of will. Ford gasped with widened eyes. I started crying hysterically, my body practically convulsing with hard sobs. Ford sat down on the couch next to me and wrapped me up in his arms again, pulling me into his lap where I curled up into a ball against his broad chest. He held me for a long time, murmuring comforting words and letting me cry it out. It was such a relief to tell someone, and to be comforted.
"Natie," Ford whispered when I finally calmed a little. "Are you sure?"
"Th...the doctor told me at the hospital yesterday." My voice came out thick and shaky. I shifted off his lap to sit next to him, but he kept an arm around my shoulders and tucked me in close to his side. His warm solid presence made me feel safe.
"What did David say?" Ford asked with a grave expression.
"I...I didn't tell him." I looked away in shame.
"Natie," he said in a scolding yet gentle tone. "You have to tell him."
"I...I don't know how." I felt the tears welling up again.
"He needs to know."
"I...I'm scared, Ford," I whimpered out softly as I buried my face against his chest and started sobbing again.
"Why?" he asked in confusion.
"I'm afraid he'll be angry and leave me," I whispered pathetically.
"Why on earth would he do that because you're pregnant with his baby?" Ford asked in confusion. "David loves you."
"I don't even know if he wants kids after what he went through," I said dejectedly.
"What are you talking about?"
"He...he was engaged over a year and a half ago, and she dumped him right before their wedding," I explained. "She...she was pregnant and had an abortion behind David's back. She ripped his heart out, and...and...what if he doesn't want a baby? What if he doesn't want me anymore if I'm pregnant?"
"Did he say he didn't want kids?" Ford asked gently as he leaned back and looked at me with confusion.
"No," I answered him softly.
"Then why do you think he'll be angry and leave you?"
"I...I don't know."
Ford let out a deep heavy sigh then gave me a stern look. "Natie, what's really going on inside that head of yours? There's more to this freak out and we both know it, so you might as well spill it."
I averted my eyes from my brother's serious expression and stared down unseeing at my wringing hands. What was going on in my head? What had David ever done to make me think he'd break up with me over this? Would Paige's actions have upset him so much if he didn't want a child? What was I really afraid of? I knew the answer. I just didn't want to admit it.
"Natalie," Ford said my name firmly. "Tell me."
"I'm afraid I'll mess up my kid, like our parents messed us up," I blurted out. "I thought their divorce was my fault for years, Ford. I think it's kept me from really letting myself love anyone until now. I'm afraid that I'll fuck up everything with David, just like I fucked up our parent's relationship. I'm scared that David and I will end up hating each other like Mom and Dad did. I don't want to hate him, Ford. It would destroy me."
"Natalie, listen to me," Ford turned and took my face between his broad calloused hands, his eyes fixed on mine and filled with sympathy. "Mom and Dad tried to protect us from how bad things were between them. They shielded you from most it, but I was old enough to understand how toxic our parents were together. They were like oil and water, yet they tried to stay together for us, but it took so much of their time and energy that it backfired.
"When they finally decided to split up, the damage had already been done. I ran wild, fighting and getting into trouble constantly, desperate for any of their attention. I'm still surprised that I didn't end up in prison, or worse." He shook his head as his eyes softened. "And you, Natie, I watched you disappear inside yourself for a long time afterwords. I didn't know you blamed yourself, or I would have set you straight a long time ago. They should have never gotten married in the first place. It had nothing to do with either of us.
"You and David are the complete opposite of that. I see two people who honestly love each other and are good together. He adores you." He smiled wryly. "Hell, he got his ass beat for you yesterday, but all he cared about was that you were safe and okay. Is that really the kind of man who would be angry and abandon you because you're pregnant, or someone you could ever hate?"
I stared at my brother in astonishment. This was the most he had ever talked about our parent's divorce, and the only time he had voiced any kind of approval of someone I was dating.
"Well?" he prompted when I didn't answer him right away. "Is he?"
"No," I whispered with a shake of my head.
"You need to tell him, Natalie," Ford said pointedly. "Sooner than later."
"I know." My voice was quiet and subdued as I reluctantly admitted he was right.
"But not right this second." A smile twisted up a corner of his lips. "Are you hungry?"
"I'm starving," I told him with a deep sigh.
"I have leftover pizza, or I can take you out for lunch."
"Can we do both?" I asked sheepishly.
"I guess they're serious when they call it eating for two," he shook his head in amusement. "Come on."
He stood and gave me a hand up off the couch. I followed him to his small kitchen, and I snarfed down the three pieces of cold pizza he got out of the fridge for me. Then he took me out to eat at a nearby diner, and I ordered a burger and fries. He sat and watched me in astonishment as I began inhaling my food like a starving prisoner.
"What?" I asked in annoyance. "I didn't eat breakfast."
"Apparently." He smirked at me and started working on his own burger.
By the time we were done eating, I was feeling much better emotionally. When we got back to Ford's apartment, I was feeling more confident and less afraid, so I decided to go to David's house. The sooner I told him, the sooner I could let this fear and panic go. Ford gave me a sympathetic nod when I told him where I was going.
"Everything will be okay, Natie," Ford said as he hugged me tightly before I left. "You'll see."
I nodded and hoped he was right, because as soon as I was alone again, the fear and doubt crept back into my heart. The confidence I felt when I was with my brother faded away, leaving me feeling sad and alone as I drove to David's house wondering if this was the last time I would ever drive there.
***********
I pulled into David's empty driveway with a flash of equal parts disappointment and relief. I sat in the car staring at his house as I pursed my lips in indecision. I could just leave and go back to my apartment since he wasn't home. He would never know that I was here. Telling him about my pregnancy was slowly becoming something that I didn't think I could do today. I kept thinking about my nightmare last night, and the horrible things he said. What if his reaction was like that? I didn't think my heart could survive it. With a surge of panic, I put the car into reverse and started backing out of the driveway.
My phone started ringing. I glanced over to the passenger seat where my phone was lying. David's name was on the screen. I put the car back into park and snatched up my phone. No matter how scared or upset I was, I needed to hear his voice desperately.
"Hello?" I said after answering the call and pressing the phone to my ear.
"Natalie," David said in a desperate sounding voice. "I just left your apartment, and you weren't there. Where are you?"
"I...I..." Did I tell him where I really was, or did I lie to avoid facing the truth yet? I closed my eyes and pictured the pain in his eyes when I left last night. I couldn't do it again. "I just pulled into your driveway."
"Oh thank God," he blurted out with relief. "Use your key and let yourself in."
"Okay," I said in a subdued voice.
"I'll be there soon. I love you, sweetheart." He sounded unsure, and it broke my heart. He knew something was wrong, and I could hear the doubt in his voice. He was worried about us, and it made me feel horrible about myself. I fought down the tears that threatened to spill.
"I love you, too." I somehow managed to keep my voice even this time, and he sounded more like himself when he said good-bye and ended the call.
I got out of my car and walked up to the front door. I felt tears start falling down my face as I unlocked the door. George greeted me immediately as I walked in, yowling and chirping and rubbing up against my legs. I scooped him up and carried him to the couch, then curled up in a ball with him and let the tears go for a while.
I had myself back under control by the time that David burst in twenty minutes later. I stood up from the couch as he came to me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight for a moment, his relief a palpable thing. He let me go and cradled my face in his hands as his eyes traveled around my face.
"Are you alright, sweetheart?" he asked with deep concern in his gorgeous eyes. Here was my chance to tell him, to let go of my fear and hope for the best. However, the words wouldn't come when I tried. The fear turned to terror, and I just couldn't do it.
"I'm okay," I lied, and it burned inside me painfully.
"Where were you?" he asked softly. "You said you'd call me this morning, and I was worried about you."
You Are My Life: Breathless Book 3 Page 1
