She made a pained face for a few moments, then let out a deep resigned sigh. "Okay, but if I don't like her, I'm going to my own doctor instead."
"You'll like her. I promise," I told her as relief swept through me. I hoped that knowing that she and the baby were doing okay would help me stop worrying about them. I didn't want another nightmare like last night ever again.
She didn't say anything else, but I could tell that she wasn't very happy with me by the tension around her eyes and mouth. I didn't understand why. I was just looking out for my new family. Isn't that what a good father did? Wasn't I supposed to take care of them? I started feeling annoyed with her, but I didn't want to start a fight, so I kept my mouth shut. The silent tension between us continued for several minutes before Natalie finally spoke.
"Thursday is Thanksgiving," she said softly. "Would you go to my mother's house for dinner with me?" There was an apologetic undertone in her voice that I picked up on.
"I'd love to, Natalie," I answered her warmly. I was more than happy to forget the tension and the uncomfortable last few minutes we just shared. "Will you go with me to my mom's place too? It will be at noon, so we can do both."
"Okay." She gave me a small smile that quickly turned into a frown. "I'm not ready to tell everyone that I'm pregnant yet. Ford knows, but he won't tell anyone. I have to work up to telling my mother. God only knows how she'll react, and I don't want her finding out from anyone else."
"I don't think I'm ready to tell my family yet either, sweetheart. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it." At least, we agreed about this. I reached across the table toward her, and she put her hand in mine. "We'll wait until you're ready, sweetheart."
"Thank you, David."
She gazed at me affectionately as I held her hand for a few moments. She looked so beautiful, this woman whom I loved. Even more so, since she was carrying my baby and this time I'd get to see it to the end. This time I'd get to hold and take care of my child without someone stealing that away from me. I felt an overwhelming sensation of bittersweet joy surge up inside me, equal parts sadness over the baby I lost and happiness over this new life inside Natalie that was my second chance. Tears flowed freely down my face, trickling through my beard to drip off my chin.
"What's wrong, my love?" she asked as she rubbed her thumb across the back of my hand. Her eyes were filled with concern.
"I'm just thinking about what I've lost and what I've gained." I squeezed her hand tightly. "I'm so happy you want to keep this baby, even though we didn't plan it."
"David, I'm happy that you're the one who got me pregnant. I couldn't imagine going through this with anyone but you." Her eyes welled up with tears as she smiled at me. "I love you."
"I love you too, Natalie." I reached up and wiped the tears off my face with my free hand then smiled back at her.
"Good," she said with a firm nod as she released my hand. "Now be a good boy and eat your eggs," she said sternly as she pointed at my plate.
I arched a brow as I leaned back in my chair and leveled a hard stare at her.
"What?" she asked in mock innocence. "I'm practicing being a mom."
A slow smile spread across my face. "Well, as long as it's just practice." I paused for a beat then picked up my fork. "Yes, mother," I grumbled as I rolled my eyes and started eating my eggs again.
"Don't you roll your eyes at me, young man." She glared and pointed her fork at me. "I'll ground you for a year."
"That seems a bit harsh for an eye roll, don't you think?" I asked with a smirk.
"How about another year for your attitude problem?"
"I thought I was going to be the bad cop with our kid." My smile widened as her eyes glittered mischievously.
"Oh, no. You'll be a pushover compared to me."
"I am so sorry," I said with as much sincerity as I could muster.
"For what?" she asked in bemusement.
'I'm not talking to you, sweetheart." I winked at her. "I'm apologizing to the baby. They're going to end up spending most of they're teenage years stuck at home."
"Then maybe they'll learn not to cop an attitude with their mother." She lifted her chin in a haughty manner that made me laugh. "You'd do well to remember that yourself."
"Why do I suddenly get the feeling that I'm going to be spending a lot of time sleeping on the couch?"
"I wouldn't do that to you." A warm smile spread across her lips.
"Good, because I would be lost without you next to me every night." She laughed like I was joking, but the truth was that I'd be lost without her, period. I couldn't wait for her to be here every night. I was going to spend the rest of my life taking care of her and our family, and I would always be here for them. Always.
Chapter Three
Natalie
"Relax, Natalie," David said in a soothing voice from the nearby chair he was sitting in. I was perched on the end of an exam table, dressed in a green hospital gown. I was wringing my hands, and fidgeting nervously. I finished changing out of my street clothes a few minutes ago, and we were waiting for Dr. Evans to come in to do my physical exam.
"I can't," I said in a pleading tone as he met my eyes. I was a nervous wreck, and I wasn't really sure why. It was just a pelvic exam, and I'd had plenty of them before, but since I was pregnant, everything just seemed scarier to me. I was so freaked out that I asked David to stay in here with me when I changed clothes and for the exam too.
David stood and approached, stopping right in front of me. He cradled my face in his hands and gazed at me with a calm expression. "Sweetheart," he murmured soothingly as one of his thumbs caressed my lower lip. "You'll be fine."
"I don't know why I'm so nervous." I leaned my cheek into his touch, finding comfort from his calm demeanor like I always did. David was my rock so far today, staying with me the whole time. After I told him that I had a problem with needles, he held my hand during the blood work without me even asking.
"Natalie, you're pregnant," he said in a comforting tone. "This appointment is different and it makes it feel real."
"Aren't you nervous?"
"I am, sweetheart," he leaned down and kissed my cheek. "I'm trying to stay calm for you."
"Thank God," I breathed out in relief. "I thought I was the only one freaking out here."
"How many times do I have to tell you that you're not alone in this?" He smiled affectionately. "I'm scared too, but you need me to be calm, so that's what I'm doing."
"I love you," I told him gratefully.
"And I love you, Natalie," he whispered with warm eyes. "Ty moe povitrya."
There was a gentle knock on the closed exam room door, and it eased open as a petite middle-aged woman let herself into the room. She had warm brown curls that brushed her shoulders and kind dark eyes that looked startled as she noticed the darkening bruises on David's face from our assault a few days ago.
"What happened to you?" she asked him with a smirk. "Did she beat you up already?"
"Well, he did knock me up," I interjected. I was in desperate need of some levity to distract my whirring mind. "So he had it coming."
She laughed as she approached me. "Hi, Natalie. I'm Dr. Evans." She reached out a hand toward me. "It's nice to meet you." I shook her hand, and her grip was warm yet firm.
"And you must be David," she turned and shook his hand as well. "You look like your sister, especially around the eyes."
"I'll take that as a compliment since she's far better looking than me." David gave her an easy smile.
"What did happen to you?" Dr. Evans asked as her face became more serious. "You look like you took a beating."
"I did actually." David ran his fingers gingerly over his bruised cheek. "Natalie got assaulted a couple of days ago, and I was trying to protect her. That's part of the reason I needed this appointment today. I want to make sure that she and the baby are okay."
She turned toward me with concerned eyes. "Did you get hurt anywhere?"
"I was slapped in th
e face," I replied. "Then I got thrown into David's couch and hit my back. I'm pretty bruised there, but they said I was fine in the ER."
"Good," she answered with a relieved nod. "I'll check everything thoroughly just to be safe though."
"Okay." I nodded, ready to get this over with.
Dr. Evans began her physical exam. She checked me over from head to toe, listening to my heart and palpating my belly. She examined the bruises on my back and told me she didn't think my injury was anything to worry about. When she did my pelvic exam, she got it over with quickly as David stood by my head and held my hand. It was uncomfortable, but nothing I couldn't handle. She asked a lot of questions about my medical history and any medical problems in my family. She also asked when my last period had been.
After that, she left for a few minutes, so I could get cleaned up and dressed. She came back in with my chart and took a seat in a chair across from where David and I were sitting side by side.
"Well, guys," she announced with a smile. "Everything looks normal with your blood and urine tests. You and your baby are doing well, and it looks like your due date is the third of July next summer. Do either of you have any questions?"
My mind went blank. All I could focus on was the due date. Oh my God, I'm pregnant, and I have a due date. It was real now. I was having a baby. David started asking her questions, but I had no idea what he was saying. I was too busy trying not to panic or throw up. After a while, I suddenly realized they both were looking at me expectantly.
"Natalie?" Dr. Evans asked with a concerned expression. "Do you have any questions?"
"No," I answered. My brain couldn't string a thought together right now, let alone form a question.
"Okay," she said with sympathy. "You can call the office anytime if you think of any. Take a few minutes in here if you need to. The front desk will schedule your next appointment and get you your prenatal vitamins on the way out. Congratulations." She rose and nodded at David as she left the room. As soon as David and I were alone, my eyes started stinging with tears. My breathing quickened as panic streaked through me.
"Natalie, are you okay?" David asked as he began rubbing gentle circles on my back.
I shook my head violently as I started sobbing and wringing my hands again. I'd never been so terrified in my life.
"Come here, sweetheart," David whispered as he opened his arms. I fell into his embrace and let myself go for a while, my fear of being pregnant and giving birth, and my worry over whether I would be a good mother overwhelming me. He held me and comforted me with soft whispers and gentle touches.
"I'm so sorry, David," I whimpered. "This is all my fault, and now you're stuck with a hot mess that you barely know as the mother of your child."
"Natalie," he said in a chiding tone. "I'm not stuck with you. I love you. You're not a hot mess. You're just scared, and it's okay. And I do know you Natalie. You are loving and passionate and kind, though you are a little scary when you're angry."
I returned his affectionate smile.
"Do you remember that day at Diana's when you held Maria for the first time?"
I nodded. Maria, David's newborn niece, was adorable, and I loved holding her.
"All I could think about while you were holding her that day, was putting a baby inside you." His smile widened. "Of course, I didn't know that I had already gotten you pregnant at the time. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to scare you away. So when you start freaking out, remember that I love you and our baby. I want both of you, and I'm not going anywhere. How many times do I have to tell you that you're not alone?"
"I'm just not coping well, right now. I keep crying all the time. I feel like a blubbering mess," I said in a wavering voice.
"Sweetheart, your hormones are out of control right now. It's no wonder that you're emotional. I'd be worried about you if you weren't." He pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.
I felt a little better, but I was still pretty freaked out. I kept thinking about my parents and their horrible marriage, and what it had done to Ford and me. I wanted to tell David about my insecurities about being a parent, but he seemed so sure and unperturbed about having this baby, that I kept it to myself. I didn't want him to doubt my ability to be a mother to his baby or think less of me, because I was already thinking that way about myself. I was starting to wonder how I was going to get through the rest of this pregnancy without losing my mind.
***********
"Why the hell are you drinking decaf?" Maggie asked as she came up behind me in the break room at work Tuesday morning. I was pouring coffee into my mug, lost in my own thoughts and didn't notice her walk up behind me.
"Why do you care?" I snapped out without thinking, then winced inwardly with guilt. I was tired and irritable. I woke up with David at five this morning to run to the bathroom and throw up again. He immediately got me crackers and ginger ale without me saying a word. It took a good hour before my stomach was settled enough for me to move around and get cleaned up for the day. Needless to say, I was exhausted.
"Damn, girl," Maggie said in an offended tone. "I was just curious."
"Sorry, Maggie," I apologized with a pained expression. "I'm a little out of sorts today."
"What, are you pregnant or something?" she asked jokingly as she tried to lighten the mood.
"Uh..." I glanced around the room to make sure we were alone, then stared at Maggie with a serious expression. "Yeah," I whispered. This wasn't how I planned on telling her, but she was my best friend and I couldn't lie to her.
Maggie's face went blank for a moment, her eyes wide with shock. "Y...you're serious, aren't you?"
"Very," I answered succinctly, feeling overwhelmed by my pregnancy yet again. It was getting old feeling this way.
"I thought you were on the pill," Maggie said in confusion. "How did this happen?"
"Well," I answered her in exasperation as an urge to cry came over me yet again. "Apparently, when you miss taking some of your pills like an idiot, it's not an effective form of birth control. Who knew?" My voice broke, and my stomach felt tight as I fought the tears. I was so sick of crying.
"Oh, Nat," Maggie's eyes misted over as sympathy filled her hazel eyes. She opened her arms, and I fell into them gratefully. My control slipped, and I ended up crying anyway. "Does David know?" she asked as I wept quietly in her arms.
I nodded jerkily in reply.
"He didn't break up with you over this, did he?" she asked in an angry tone that was pretty intense and scary. No one did righteous anger like Maggie.
"No," I reassured her as I leaned back to meet her flashing eyes. "He's actually pretty excited about it, but I'm totally freaking out here. I'm absolutely terrified."
"Well, duh," she blurted out. "You're the one who has to push a whole baby out through your vagina."
"Good Lord, Maggie." I shuddered at her blunt words. "Why do you have to say it like that?"
"Sorry, Nat," she said apologetically. "I'm kind of freaking out for you."
"Well, thank God someone is freaking out with me." I shook my head in annoyance. "David says he's scared, but he's been so damn calm about all of this that I kind of want to slap him."
"Count yourself lucky, Natalie," she said with a wan smile. "A lot of guys would have run for the hills if they got their girlfriend pregnant this soon in a relationship."
"I know," I grumbled reluctantly. I was afraid he'd do that very thing before I told him.
"What's really bothering you, Nat?" She cocked her head as she studied me closely.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled as I avoided her eyes. Telling Ford about my insecurities was one thing. Telling someone who hadn't gone through the things that my brother and I had gone through with our family, just wasn't the same. Her eyes glittered with anger since she knew I was full of shit right now.
Fortunately, we were interrupted by a co-worker peeking their head into the break room. "Are you guys coming? You're late for the staff meeting." Jamie
said snidely with an annoyed look on his face. "Everybody is waiting on you two."
"We'll be right there," Maggie said with irritation that I think was more directed at me than Jamie's attitude, since she was still glaring at me.
"We should go," I told Maggie firmly, letting her know that I wasn't continuing this conversation.
"Fine," she said tersely as she grabbed her coffee mug and strode out of the break room without waiting for me.
I watched her leave with a sigh. "Great," I mumbled under my breath. I had pissed off my best friend and felt like an ass, but I didn't know how to fix it since I wasn't willing to share with her what was going on in my head. I sighed yet again, and followed her into the meeting.
Halfway through the boring meeting, my phone vibrated with a text on the table in front of me. I glanced down at the screen and saw it was from David, but ignored it since I was busy. Five minutes later, it buzzed again and yet another time a few minutes after that. Every one of them was from David. What the hell? My nearby co-workers glared at me after the third time my phone vibrated on the table. I muttered an apology as I swiftly picked it up and put it on mute, then set it face down in front of me.
When the meeting finally ended, Maggie rushed out of the room before I could talk to her. I saw her shut herself in her office as I walked out into the hall to go to mine. My guilt intensified as I went into my office and closed my door. I was a shitty friend and a shitty girlfriend. I was fairly certain I'd be a shitty Mom too.
I slumped down in my desk chair and put my phone on my desk. I opened the screen to see that I had seven messages from David now. The first one was a reminder to watch my caffeine intake and to take my prenatal vitamin after work since I had forgotten this morning. The rest were different versions of him wondering if I was okay and to please answer him soon. I rolled my eyes as I picked up my phone and called him.
You Are My Life: Breathless Book 3 Page 4
