Saving Us

by Heather D'Agostino

  “Anyway, he thought she was great, me not so much. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but she seemed too concerned about how it was helping her career and not his. He didn’t notice though,” Cole swallowed. “He was falling for her so fast that he pretty much agreed to anything she said. She broke him, not just his heart, but also his reputation. She set him up for a big fall, and when he fell she left him there at the bottom with no chance of getting back up.”

  Cole’s body tensed beside me as he stared out at the lake glistening in the moonlight. “When I finally pulled him out of the hole he’d fallen into, he swore never to go back,” he shook his head and sighed. “Such a waste, but I get it,” he finished off his wine before turning to me. The frown lines that had marred his face moments ago melted away as he shoved the memory away and let a smile take over. “Enough of this depressing shit,” he chuckled. “How about we get back to why we’re here?” his wagged his brows before taking my glass from my hand, standing, and tugging me up with him.

  “And what’s that?” I nibbled my lip as I watched his eyes darken.

  “Swimming,” he rushed out as he wrapped his arms around me, and hoisted me up on his shoulder.

  “Cole! No!” I shouted as he turned and began walking down toward the lake. I bounced along on his shoulder, pounding against his muscled back, fighting against his hold. “Don’t you dare,” I threatened, but I knew it was useless.

  “I’m sorry. Did you say something?” he chuckled as we approached the dock.

  “Please!” I begged. “We can do whatever you want.” I tried to bribe him as he turned and paused.

  “Hmmm,” he tapped his finger with his free hand as I slapped his ass. “I think we’ll go swimming,” he laughed as he tossed me in the water before jumping in after me, completely clothed. When I surfaced, he swam over and banded his arms around me. “You needed to cool off first before I got you too hot.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my neck as he whispered right beside me ear, “Don’t be mad.”

  As he trailed kisses from my neck up to my lips, I melted against him. I couldn’t stay mad at this man, and when his hands trailed under my wet shirt, I moaned into his mouth. “Not mad,” I panted against his lips. “More like shocked.”

  “In a good way, I hope,” he silenced me with another deep kiss before his nimble fingers began stripping our clothes from our bodies.

  I don’t remember much about the night after that. Cole made love to me several times in the water before we moved into the boathouse. At some point, we scrambled through the yard, naked, I might add, and made it into the house where he worked me over to the point of exhaustion. Cole had mastered my body in a few short months, and being here with him gave me a completely new perspective on what my life with him could really be like.

  Chapter 8

  Cole

  My father loomed over me, holding the belt I knew he would use to ‘teach me a lesson’ as he called it.

  Blood dripped from the corner of my mouth, from a sore that had reopened during our scuffle. I’d gotten in a fight at school protecting my sister. Some douche had been spreading rumors that she was easy, and it had gotten back to me. I knew in the back of my mind that I was giving him a reason to be mad, but my duty to my sister was more important.

  “You ever embarrass me like that again, and I’ll make sure you can’t walk! Do you understand?” he bellowed. THWACK! The belt came down across my back as I sucked in a breath to bear it. “I’m tired of you thinking that you get to do whatever you see fit!” THWACK! Another strike. “You will not make me look like I can’t handle my family!” THWACK! I felt it that time. The skin broke. I was going to have another scar on my back. I already had six. They made a crisscross design from my shoulders to my waist.

  “I’m sorry,” I tried to keep my voice steady, but it shook from the pain. “It won’t happen again, Sir,” I swallowed against the bile that always rose when I apologized to him.

  “It better not!” THWACK! “Now clean this shit up!” He tossed the belt onto the kitchen table, and stormed out of the room.

  I stayed there for several minutes, not daring to move. I wanted to make sure he’d left the house. I knew where he’d go. He’d gotten his fill with me, so he’d leave Mom and Angela alone. Now I just had to clean up the mess he’d made, and get myself taken care of.

  “Honey?” My mom stood in the doorway with a scared doe-eyed look.

  “Just don’t,” I scowled and lifted my hand. I didn’t want to hear any of her excuses right now about why this wasn’t his fault, how he didn’t mean it, how he was sick, and we needed to help him not blame him. “Please?” I tipped my head back, and looked at her for the first time today. “Just leave me alone.” I struggled to get to my hands and knees as I began picking up the broken dishes from the floor. “I just…I can’t right now.” She nodded and left the room.

  My mother had been beaten down so many times over the years that she didn’t even think twice about the things my father did to us. It was more about survival than anything else. It took me a while in my battered state, but I managed to clean up enough of the mess that when my father decided to come back home he wouldn’t blow up again.

  I made my way up to my room, carefully slid a clean shirt on, and grabbed my overnight bag. I was not staying at home tonight. One, I wouldn’t be able to sleep until someone tended to my back, and two, if I saw him again tonight, I might say something to set him off again.

  “Where are you going?” Angela stood in my bedroom door chewing on her fingernail as I threw some things in my duffle.

  “Wes’s house,” I muttered. “I can’t stay here tonight.” I turned and gave her a pained expression, “Lock your door, and don’t come out until morning. You should be fine. If he tries to get in, call me, and I’ll come back.” She nodded slowly, and scurried down to the kitchen. I figured she was getting provisions for the night while the coast was clear.

  After getting my things together, I stuffed my cell in my pocket, rushed downstairs, and headed out the door. I unlocked my bike from the porch railing and began peddling as fast as my body would allow toward the only safe haven I had.

  “What the hell man?” Wes held the door open as I shuffled through refusing to look at him. “He do it again?” I nodded as I eased my bag off my back wincing in pain. Small blood droplets soaked through the cotton of my shirt as my breath came out in shallow ragged pants.

  “He said I embarrassed him when I beat up Tommy Flannigan at school today. He acts like it’s ok for guys to treat Ang like that.”

  “Come on; let me get some stuff from my dad’s office, and I’ll meet you in my room.” He motioned to the stairs, and I dragged my feet as I stumbled upward. “He’s away at a medical conference this week, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Just give me a sec to get past my mom.”

  “Thanks, man,” I sighed half way up the stairs.

  After flopping down on my stomach across my best friend’s bed, I slowly peeled my shirt off. By this point, the welts were red and angry. The old scars were inflamed, and the new injuries were weeping. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could deal with this, but the idea of him doing this to Angela helped me firm my resolve to go home the next day.

  “Shit!” I heard Wes hiss as the door opened. “Dude, you have to turn him in. You can’t keep letting him do this to you.”

  “You think I let him?” I lifted my head and frowned as Wes sat down on the edge of the bed with a pile of supplies in his lap. “I’m just trying to survive. If he’s doing this to me, then he’s not hitting Ang or Mom.”

  “This is gonna sting,” Wes warned before he dabbed at one of the open sores.

  “Fuck!” I shouted as I buried my face in the pillow. I didn’t want Mrs. McKay hearing me. She’d turn my dad in for sure if she saw what he’d been doing to me. I knew if that happened, my mom would take his side, and they would make me the problem. I’d lose my family. “Four more years, I’ve only got to do this for four more years.” I l
ooked up at Wes as he was rubbing cream on the angry sore near my waistband. “As soon as I turn eighteen, I’m taking Angela away from all that shit.”

  “If he keeps this up,” Wes sighed, “you might not make it to eighteen.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I groaned as I pushed myself to a sitting position. “Got any ice I can put on this?” I pointed to my busted lip. I’d gotten that courtesy of Tommy, but my dad had taken the chance to reopen it.

  “Give me a minute,” Wes nodded as he stood. “Want some dinner?” He stood at the door watching me as I let my shoulders relax. This was the one place I felt safe.

  “Yeah, that’d be great,” I yawned as the exhaustion from the day finally caught up to me.

  “I’ll be right back.” He stepped away and closed the door behind him.

  As soon as he disappeared, I got up and opened the closet. I reached into the back corner where Wes kept the extra sleeping bag, unrolled it, and spread it out on the floor by the bed. Once I lowered my broken body down on the soft cotton, I couldn’t help but close my eyes. Just knowing that the sound of something breaking, or my mom’s soft cries as my father found something to blame on her wouldn’t wake me up, had me falling into a deep sleep. I said a silent prayer as I slipped into unconsciousness hoping that my mother and Angela were safe for one more night.

  ooooooooo

  “Sick sonofabitch!” I growled as I slammed my fist into the heavy bag. I’d been downstairs in the gym for the last hour working myself into a rage. I’d left Maddie sleeping upstairs after I’d woken from one of the many dreams that plagued me nightly. She didn’t need to see this. I always held back with her, never letting my past darken what we were trying to build. All this talk about Wes tonight had opened up a door I thought I had sealed shut long ago. He’d been a protector of mine, always helping me when no one else would. Guilt filled me as I’d thought about why he’d left fighting. It wasn’t my fault, not by a long shot, but knowing that he’d always been there for me and I couldn’t stop what happened to him had me fighting my demons once again.

  The heavy bag swung back in my direction, and I lifted my leg in a roundhouse kick, “It was not my fault you were that way. Why me? What did I ever do but love you!” I screamed. The sounds coming out of me had been bottled up so long, that I didn’t know how to stop them now. Gone was the strong trainer, and in his place was the scared, weak, fourteen year old boy that had been beaten on a daily basis. I’d always thought it was me…that I was the one at fault. I wasn’t a good enough son. I wasn’t smart enough. I wasn’t tough enough. I wasn’t what he wanted. Now after listening to Maddie ask herself the same questions on a daily basis, I knew that it wasn’t anything I had done; it was him. “All I did was try to love you!” I punched the bag again. “Why? What did I do to deserve this life?” Tears pricked the corners of my eyes and I growled. I was not going to cry over this prick. He didn’t deserve my tears, and I’d learned from him that men didn’t cry. He’d made sure to tell me that every time he whipped me.

  “Cole?” Maddie’s soft voice filtered into the room, causing me to freeze. My shoulders rose and fell in quick succession. I didn’t want to turn and face her in the state I was in.

  “I’m fine,” came out harsher than I intended, and I could sense her clamming up.

  “I woke up, and you were gone,” she whispered. This time I could tell that she was closer. It sounded as if she was standing right behind me by the sound of her voice.

  “I needed to blow off some steam,” I sighed. “I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll be back up in a bit.” I refused to turn, and when she put her hand on my bare shoulder, I couldn’t help but tense.

  “Ok,” she murmured, “if you’re sure.”

  “I’m sure,” I jerked my head in a quick nod.

  “How long do you think you’ll be?” She had paused at the door to the gym. When I looked over at her, my breath caught. She had put on one of my white undershirts, and the glow of the moonlight illuminated her like an angel. Her hair was tousled from sleep, her lips swollen from the deep kisses we’d shared earlier in the night.

  “I don’t know,” I looked back at the bag. It had stopped swinging as it taunted me to hit it again. “Later,” I turned, took my position, and slammed my fist into it as a growl erupted from me. When I turned back around, she was gone. “Fuck!” I hissed. I was letting my demons wreck this. She didn’t deserve this from me. She’d been through so much already, and now I was throwing more on top of her.

  I was going to bury her with all my baggage. She would drown under me, and right now, I was in no shape to save her. I needed to save myself first. Maddie needed a hero, and as I let the past wash over me, I knew I wasn’t up to the task. I wasn’t a hero; I was a coward. A coward who had been running from his past. A coward who was going to have to stand in the line of fire to protect the one person he loved the most. I wasn’t the strong one in this relationship, Maddie was.

  Chapter 9

  Maddie

  After leaving Cole in the gym, I made myself go back to bed. I didn’t really want to, but I didn’t know what else to do. I knew he needed space to deal with whatever was eating away at him, but part of me knew I should be in there…fighting for him.

  Cole had a habit of pushing his dark side deep down in the confines of his consciousness. He didn’t let it out until it forced its way to the surface. I, on the other hand, couldn’t keep the dark hidden. It bubbled up at the most inopportune times, and I’d learned to deal with it. I didn’t always like what it did to me, but Cole had taught me that it was ok not to be strong; there was no way I could always be strong.

  This was the first time I’d ever seen him truly lose it. He’d told me about his past, but I’d never seen him that way. The anger that was radiating off him as he slammed his fist into the heavy bag had me ready to bolt. I’d only seen him spar, and that was nothing compared to what was happening now. My heart knew that Cole loved me, but my brain couldn’t help but remember Richard as I watched Cole punch the bag.

  When the morning sun began to stream into the windows of the master bedroom, I reached out and ran my hands along the rumpled sheets hoping to encounter his body. I felt nothing, and as I blinked my eyes open against the light, I couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped me. I frowned as I sat up and looked around. Had he really stayed out in the gym all night? I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and put on my slippers as I yawned, and stood up. After slipping a robe on, I slowly made my way downstairs in search of him.

  When my feet hit the lower level and I looked around, I saw nothing but emptiness. Cole was nowhere around. The room was exactly how we’d left it the night before. Our dinner dishes were in the sink, the bottle of wine we’d drunk was sitting on the counter, and when I looked out on the deck, I saw our blankets and chairs were still there. Confusion and hurt marred me as I made my way outside. Worry began to seep into the back of my mind as concern for his whereabouts filled me.

  When I rounded the corner of the house, the door to the gym stood open just as I’d left it when I was down there before. I could hear him inside, and anger began to replace the worry. I stepped into the open doorway and let my eyes scan the room, and found Cole on the floor working himself to the bone. His body was covered in sweat as he did pushup after pushup with a medicine ball. His hair was matted to his forehead and sweat dripped down his back. His eyes were glazed over as they bore into the mirrored wall in front of him.

  I stood there for a few minutes just watching. When he didn’t look up, or act like he knew I was there, I cleared my throat. I didn’t want to startle him, and I’d already been down to the gym once.

  “Hey,” my voice was tentative, almost a whisper. Cole’s head jerked up in my direction, and his brow furrowed. He looked around the room as if he was confused. “Would you like some breakfast?” I moved into the room and crossed my arms over my chest. He shook his head, changed positions, hooked his feet under a nearby weight bench, and began doing crunches. �
��You’ve been down here all night,” I began again. “You need to eat, and give your body a break.”

  He seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in and sprung to his feet. He stormed over to where I was standing, causing me stumble back until my shoulders touched the wall. “How do you know what I need?” His voice was low, ominous almost.

  “Cole?” my voice trembled. “What’s wrong with you?” My body began to shake and I fought with myself to remember that this was Cole, my Cole, and that he would never hurt me.

  He shook his head, as if he was clearing it, and took in our positions. He immediately stepped back, ashamed of what he’d done. “Oh god,” he gasped. “I need… I mean…Shit!” He reached up and tugged at his sweaty hair.

  “It’s ok,” I reached up to cup his scruffy jaw. “Come upstairs with me,” I begged. “Talk to me. Let me in.” He stood there for a minute longer, and finally his shoulders dropped as he relented.

  After we’d made our way into the house, I grabbed Cole’s hand and began leading him upstairs. It was odd, but empowering. He’d always been the one to help me, and now I was helping him…I hoped.

  I led us into the bathroom, and only released his hand when I needed to turn on the water to large jetted tub. When I straightened, and turned around, Cole was standing there like a little boy. He looked defeated, and his eyes were downcast.

  “What’s wrong?” I whispered as I tested the water to make sure it was warm.

  He shrugged his shoulders before he mumbled, “I don’t want to drag you into my shit. You’ve got enough of your own.”

  “No,” I shook my head as I moved to stand in front of him. “We’re in this together, remember? You and me? We’re going to heal each other. Let me in.” I placed my palm on his chest right over his heart and felt him release a shuddering sigh.