Mind Over Easy

by Bryan Cohen

  "Hal was the son of King Henry IV, so he could have had any friends he wanted in the entire kingdom." Mr. Redican took a few paces before stopping just ahead of the front row of desks. "Why on Earth would he hang out with Falstaff?"

  A confident jock voice piped up from the back of the room.

  "Because he was his dealer?" Travis asked.

  Even Erica laughed at that one. Ted got her attention with an exaggerated frown. As Travis high-fived the person at the desk next to him, Erica shrugged her shoulders and mouthed the words, "What? It was funny."

  Travis had been friends with the Torello twins before they died, turned evil and were killed again by Ted. While most of the town was on the hero's side in the conflict, Travis was firmly part of the opposition. Travis was part of the popular crowd now, but Ted remembered a time when he would stand next to him at science fair competitions.

  Mr. Redican cleared his throat, and most of the students turned their attention back to the front.

  Redican was younger than most of the other teachers, which made Ted feel like he could relate to him more. As a sub, he'd gotten stuck with one of the oldest rooms in their school. The tiles on the floor needed to be replaced. Unlike most of the rooms, it still had a dark, green blackboard instead of a whiteboard. A square of the ceiling right above the instructor was missing, which allowed Ted to see a copper pipe and a thick, black cord.

  Redican took the beat-up room in stride, using his energy and enthusiasm to keep Ted and the others invested. At least, Ted was engaged whenever he didn't have the urge to stare at Erica, which he continued to do after a few moments of paying attention.

  "For all we know, he may have been Prince Hal's dealer," Redican said. "They were drinking buddies. But how would it make you feel if you saw the Vice President, the next person in line, getting drunk at a bar down the street from your house? Ted?"

  Ted turned his glance away from Erica for just the second time in at least five minutes. Mr. Redican may have been one of the cool teachers, but his patience for ogling could only be stretched so thin.

  "I might worry he'd suck at his job, but at least I'd think he was a cool guy."

  Several students laughed politely, though it wasn't quite the ovation Travis had gotten for his joke. Ted didn't mind. After all, the slight chuckling beat the usual silence his comments received before he became a celebrity.

  "Great point, Ted," Redican marched the length of his desk. "The people who see Hal drinking with his buddies think he's a cool guy. He's out with the commoners. He's not sitting on some throne somewhere. He's with the people." Redican came to a stop. "Now here's the big question. Is he doing this as a political tactic or because it's fun?"

  Erica raised her hand. Ted admired her slender arm and the fact that such a skinny biceps could deliver one hell of a punch.

  "Ms. LaPlante?"

  She turned her head to the side and pursed her lips together. "A little from column A and a little from column B."

  The class really got behind that one. Even though Erica was dating a former loser, her popularity stock couldn't be higher. The bell rang and Mr. Redican called out the assignment to read through the end of Act IV.

  Before Ted could pack up his things, Erica's buxom friend Beth had reached his girlfriend's side. While he had every morning to train with Erica and most evenings to talk hero business, he was still jealous to cede any of his Erica time.

  "I can't handle it." Beth tucked her long, red curls behind one ear. "Mr. Redican is too hot for words."

  Beth wasn't a quiet girl. Ted figured that Mr. Redican heard every word she'd ever said about his body and his mind, but he appeared to ignore every last one.

  As Beth and Erica walked out of class, Ted followed closely behind.

  "I see the goods." Erica tossed her hair. "I'm mostly in agreement."

  Beth rolled her eyes. "Would you be 100% in agreement if you weren't in love with Captain Eavesdrop?"

  Ted cleared his throat. "I'm not eavesdropping."

  Beth and Erica stopped and turned around. Ted's girlfriend and protector put her arms around his neck and pulled him toward her. The combination of the sweet smell of her shampoo and the spritz of rich perfume she wore made his heart pump just a little bit faster. He loved that half his clothes took that scent home with him at the end of the day. Ted kissed Erica's glossy lips and took a moment to look into her eyes again, this time with a much better view than from two desks away. She only met his eyes for a second before she looked back at her friend.

  "He can listen in on whatever conversations he wants to, as long as I get to kiss him at the end of it."

  The words rang true enough, but ever since Erica returned from the dead with a whole new bag of personality, Ted wondered if lines like these were more theatre than reality.

  Beth made a gagging sound. "I've officially choked on my own vomit and died." She imitated a corpse. "Can you see if Mr. Redican will come to my funeral and weep over my grave?"

  "I'm sure everyone will, Beth." Ted tightened the grip around his girlfriend.

  Beth gave Ted a minor death glare and turned back to Erica. "I'll see you in sixth period." Beth gestured at Ted. "Maybe you'll have this out of your system by then."

  Beth gave a strained smile and left.

  "It's not likely." Erica pulled Ted toward her once again and kissed him on the cheek. She lingered there for a moment. "You need to stop staring at me in class."

  Ted's mouth opened wide. "Staring? I would never stare. There's a very interesting poster about Charles Dickens right over your shoulder. I'm sure you just saw me reading that."

  Erica took her hands off of Ted's neck and let one hand brush the side of his arm before grasping his hand. Ted interlocked his fingers with hers.

  "I'm sure that's the explanation," she said. "You're making it hard for me to concentrate. You've been in school for the last 12 years. I'm trying to get the hang of it again."

  Erica looked 17 years old, but Ted needed to remind himself from time to time that she'd been around a lot closer to 17 generations.

  "I figured you'd have this stuff down pat." Ted grinned. "Didn't you pal around with Willy Shakes?"

  Erica dug her nails into Ted's palm. "You see one play in the 1590s and everybody thinks you're some kind of expert."

  Ted knew there was a lot about Erica he'd never know. When would there be time to go over several hundred years of history? But he had a strange feeling about the morning's training session.

  "So, where did you have to go today?"

  Erica stopped to get a drink at the water fountain and pretended not to hear. "Hmm?"

  "Where'd you drive off to? Does it have something to do with the sword?"

  After Ted had taken out Nigel and the Torello twins with the otherworldly sword, he suggested that he should walk around with it at all times. Erica had said it was too dangerous and she needed to put it somewhere safe. Not even Dhiraj knew where Erica's secret hiding space was.

  "Ted, you need to trust me." She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "I only hide things when it's for your own good." Erica took Ted's hand and continued to lead him toward her locker.

  Ted trusted Erica, but there was something strange about the way she said "your own good" that gave him pause. He made a mental note to run the conversation past Dhiraj and moved forward.

  Comparing the hallway of Treasure High to Redican's classroom was like comparing a fresh apple off the tree to a moldy, shriveled orange. Ted had been at the school for close to three years, and it had already been remodeled twice. The ceilings were high, the walls smelled of fresh paint and the lockers were shiny and absent of any trace of gum. Even though Ted and his family didn't live on the rich side of town, he got to experience how the other half lived every day he walked into the squeaky-clean school.

  As they got close to Erica's locker, Ted felt his free hand dig into his pocket. He looked over at the large poster on the wall. It read:

  "I Can Be Your Hero, Baby.r />
  Get Your Tickets for Junior Prom."

  They were dating, but aside from occasional hangouts with Beth, Winny, Jennifer and Dhiraj, it'd been mostly a private affair. He wasn't sure how Erica would react to being asked out to prom, so he'd put it off. After weeks of being dogged by Dhiraj, he broke into Erica's locker using his powers and placed a "Will You Go to Prom with Me" sign inside. Even though Erica wasn't the same person he'd grown up with, it would still fulfill a lifetime goal if she said yes.

  When Erica reached her locker, she gave him a probing glance. "What is it?"

  Ted looked up at the ceiling and then the walls. "Oh, nothing. Nothing."

  Erica laughed. "You are too strange."

  When she reached for her lock, both of their phones buzzed at the exact same time. Ted's heart sank when she put down the lock to check the message.

  "It's Sheriff Norris." Erica's popular girl grin was gone. She'd gone right into game face mode. "There's a robbery and hostage situation downtown."

  Ted felt like he'd just heard Erica speak Greek. "In Treasure?"

  She nodded. "We better go."

  As Erica turned, Ted grabbed her hand. "But, what about sixth and seventh period?"

  "Sheriff Norris'll write you a note."

  She tried to leave again, but Ted held her firm. He looked back at the locker and wondered if he should just ask her right then and there. "Wait!"

  Erica rolled her eyes. "What is it, Ted?"

  For a moment, Ted couldn't help but see the old Erica in his girlfriend. The one who'd be willing to end their relationship in a heartbeat. "I... I was wondering if–"

  "Whatever it is, we'll talk about it after. Duty calls."

  Erica took Ted's hand again and began leading him in a fast-paced walk toward the parking lot. He looked at Erica's locker.

  Then Ted used his powers to move the card under a stack of books inside. "You know, sometimes I kind of hate duty."

  Chapter 4

  Dhiraj knew he had checked the PayPal balance of Super Ted Finley LLC about 20 minutes ago, but he felt the need to check it again. The numbers were clear: Ted's superhero practice was a million-dollar enterprise. The crowdfunding campaigns came fast and furiously after Ted's heroics at the diner. There were endeavors to create a costume for Ted, a lair for him to plot against villains, and a sort of heroic tour in which he'd go city by city for a one-night-only action/adventure show. Dhiraj corralled every single one, and the end result was seven figures in the account, even after the construction of the lair.

  As Dhiraj leaned back in the white, plastic chair, he remembered how he'd dreamed of the day he could manage a million bucks. Soon enough, he'd be able to do his thinking in a high-rent office with glass walls like his father's practice. He figured it would make the study hall room with its boring, taupe paint and its short, green carpet to shame. As the daydream continued, Dhiraj tapped his pencil against his desk so loudly, his neighbor had to catch the pencil in mid-air to stop him. Dhiraj nodded and moved his thought process back to the inside.

  What the hell am I going to do with this money?

  Ted would have to fulfill a few milestones between now and the end of the summer, and the tour was already shaping up. In three attempts to approve costume design ideas, Dhiraj had struck out with Ted.

  "I'm not wearing any of those... things." Ted looked like he was about to pull his hair out.

  Dhiraj sat on the edge of Ted's bed. His room was as clean as he'd ever seen it. Mrs. Finley blamed it on the fact that Erica tended to visit multiple times per week for study sessions.

  "Ted, you have an obligation." Dhiraj affected his best CEO voice. "These people dropped a hundred grand on this design. You have to at least pose for pictures in it."

  Ted launched two green stress balls into his hands. The second they arrived in his palms, he started to squeeze the life out of them.

  "You seem calm."

  "I'm not a brand, Dhiraj. I'm not a corporation. I'm a person."

  Dhiraj was about to chime in when Ted chucked a stress ball at his sternum. Dhiraj caught it before it could do any damage.

  "I know." Ted groaned. "Corporations are people, blah blah blah. Between school, training and all this business stuff, I haven't exactly had a lot of time for friends." Ted floated a soda his way and slurped through the straw. "When's the last time we met where we didn't talk about hero business? Heck, when's the last time we saw Natalie outside of school?"

  Dhiraj knew the answer to the last question. They saw Natalie at the mall over a month ago, but it was only because they ran into her by chance. Dhiraj knew Ted was right. The social encounters had been scarce.

  "I promise if you pick one of these costumes, we can go get a smoothie after."

  Ted let out a small sigh. "Just go with the least spandexy one."

  Dhiraj had hoped that after basketball season, which Natalie missed half of after recovering from her stab wound, the three of them would once again be thick as thieves. Since the season ended, however, Natalie had been missing in action and took days to respond to most texts.

  Natalie wasn't the only woman missing from Dhiraj's life. Dhiraj switched from his email to social media and took a glance at Jennifer Norris' profile. He'd planned on waiting just a few days after the dark souls incident to ask Jennifer out. But when she returned to school after a week off, the typical carefree smiles he'd come to expect from his golden girl had evaporated. When he attempted to start up conversations with her in school, her responses were curt at best. He opted to wait to ask her out until she'd emotionally recovered from the incident. Three months had passed, but the old Jennifer had never returned.

  When the study hall proctor came around to check on computer screens, Dhiraj quickly switched to a decoy paper in a writing program. He sighed as the beep from a text caught his attention. The proctor was about to admonish him when he showed her the text.

  "Official hero business." Dhiraj puffed out his chest. "Check the five o'clock news for more info."

  Less than a minute later, Dhiraj had packed up and spun his blue subcompact car around to pick up Ted and Erica. He laughed at the rows of luxury vehicles that would need to remain in the lot past three o'clock.

  "Suckers."

  His passengers were waiting under a red metal awning just outside of Hall B. The three of them had run multiple drills to exit school in an orderly fashion, but this would be the first one with real crime on the other end. Erica sat shotgun while Ted took the back.

  "Everybody buckle up." Dhiraj clicked his belt into place. "It's going to be a bumpy ride."

  "Why?" Erica followed his advice. "Do you need to get your shocks fixed?"

  Ted did the same. "Are we going off-roading?"

  Dhiraj glowered. "I just wanted to say something cool." Dhiraj pulled out of the Lexus showroom-like parking lot and gave the gas pedal a push. "Let's be the superhero team that has fun."

  Dhiraj merged onto the highway and got into the fast lane. He wondered if he'd be able to employ any of the skills he'd learned from using a stunt driving Groupon.

  "Actually, Ted and I are the superhero team." Erica typed a few words into her phone.

  "What does that make me?"

  Ted chuckled. "The superhero team's driver?"

  Dhiraj knew he wasn't supposed to pass on the right, but seeing as innocent people were in danger, he did so with gusto. "I don't know what you guys are talking about. I bring you gadgets. I take care of all the back end. I'm like Q and M rolled into one."

  Dhiraj caught Erica's puzzled look in his peripheral.

  "Why does everything have to connect back to movies for you?"

  "Everything I know, I've learned from pop culture."

  Ted laughed and squeezed Erica's shoulder. "Same here."

  Erica let out a groan. "Why even try to save the world?"

  Dhiraj changed lanes and took the curve of an exit a lot faster than he should have. The tires made a skidding sound. The car was about to spin out of cont
rol when Ted steadied it with his powers. Dhiraj could feel the tires moving into the right position without his steering command.

  When they'd stopped skidding, Ted returned control to the driver. "Careful there, buddy."

  "Just warming you up." Dhiraj put on a fake smile. "Nobody should superhero cold."

  "Uh huh." Erica pointed toward the sign outside the shopping complex. "Pull in over here."

  Dhiraj parked and scampered around the car to open the door for Erica. She stuck out her tongue at him and exited. Ted followed, and the they were about to dash away before Dhiraj held up his hand.

  "Guys! Don't forget the gear."

  "Oh yeah." Ted rubbed his hands together. "All the secret agent stuff. Did you ever have this as a kid?"

  Erica raised her eyebrows. "Sorry, we didn't have plastic yet when I was growing up."

  Dhiraj opened the trunk to reveal some of their crowdfunded goodies, including night vision goggles, bulletproof vests and fiberoptic cameras. When the equipment had arrived, Sheriff Norris said it was better than anything they had in the office. Dhiraj grabbed the cameras and locked the car.

  Sheriff Norris and the rest of his squad were camped outside the jewelry store where the situation was taking place. The shopping center consisted of a chain Thai restaurant, an ice cream parlor, the jewelry store and a couple of knick-knack shops Dhiraj had never entered. The jeweler was the smallest store on the strip, and it looked unremarkable from the outside. Dhiraj tried to picture how they'd shoot the movie version of the scene. It wasn't as glorious a location as he would've wanted for their first organized team outing, but it would have to do. Besides, Dhiraj assumed they'd make the store look way bigger and cooler when Hollywood put it on the big screen.

  When the three of them walked in, Sheriff Norris and the rest of the department parted like the Red Sea. Ted was in front, with Erica and Dhiraj flanking him. Dhiraj imagined the trio looked pretty awesome; that is, until Ted tripped on a power cord that led into one of the department's vans. He fell forward so quickly that the hero didn't even have time to deploy his powers, landing face-first on the ground. There was a gasp from the onlookers. Dhiraj saw Erica shake her head as the sheriff ran over to help Ted to his feet.