by M. Sembera
I continued into the room, asking, “Hey, would you ‘like’ some help?”
Deciding against using the words ‘want’ or ‘need’ would make things easier too.
Hert turned a little and answered, “There’s really nothing for you to do but you can sit in here while I finish if you w… uh, don’t have anything else to do,” seeming to have the same revelation.
Smiling, I sat down on the end of his bed.
Eyeing the only unopened box in his room, I asked, “What’s in that one?”
Hert appeared startled, saying, “Oh, that’s just some old stuff. It’s going in the closet.”
Curious, I questioned, “What kind of old stuff? Can I look through it?”
Looking as if he couldn’t think of a right way to say no, he said, “I guess but it’s just old pictures and stuff, nothing exciting.”
I gave him a sly smile and chirped, “Okay,” as I opened the box.
Sitting right on top were his diploma and senior year book. I took them out and set them down beside the box. Underneath there were two big envelopes marked pictures. I set them down on the other side of the box unconsciously making a to-go through pile. Fumbling through cards and letters I found one that said To: Renni.
Holding the letter up, I looked over at Hert and asked, “Is this for me?”
He didn’t give me a chance to open it.
Grabbing it out of my hand, he yelled, “No!” with a panicked look.
I stood up, giving him a disappointed glare.
“It says To Renni. Why can’t I?” I argued before Hert cut me off, shouting, “Because I said No!”
Trying to conceal my wild curiosity, I shouted back, “Fine! I didn’t want to read your stupid letter anyway!”
I watched Hert slide the letter in between some folded clothes in his drawer before slamming it shut. Making a mental promise ‘I’ll be reading you later’ to the letter, I sat back down.
“Can I look at these pictures or are they forbidden too?” I asked in a sarcastic tone.
He looked down at me and snapped, “I don’t care they’re just old pictures.”
Opening the first envelope, I was overcome with nostalgia.
Looking up at Hert, I exclaimed, “I remember this!”
He glanced at the picture and said, “Yea, that was just before you pushed me in.”
Laughing to myself, I looked at the little girl with a big smile on her face and the boy who looked forced to take the picture. We were standing in front of a pond with fishing poles in hand. Remembering him telling me, I wasn’t going to catch any fish because I was a girl just before I pushed him in.
“I got in so much trouble for that,” I laughed.
Hert started laughing too.
He picked up the second envelope and sat down on the bed, saying, “I haven’t looked at these in years.”
Grabbing my stack of pictures, I got up and laid down on the bed next to him.
Reminiscing, we went through both envelopes. Every picture ended with someone in trouble or getting hurt.
I smiled at Hert, “Man, we were bad,” before reaching over him and saying, “Wait, I didn’t see this one,” grabbing a picture just before he put it back in with the others.
I couldn’t tell where we were. We looked about seventeen years old. I had my arms around his neck holding on from behind, our smiling faces were turned toward each other.
My heart melted and with butterflies in my stomach, I asked, “Can I have this?”
He didn’t answer.
Sitting up, I asked again, “Can I have this one?”
He turned to me, placing his hand on the side of my neck. Instant excitement rushed through me. His eyes were clear and direct. Leaning closer, he rested his forehead against mine. Still holding the picture, I couldn’t move. I wanted to move my chin up and press my lips against his but I was frozen. Placing his other hand on my cheek he moved back slightly shaking his head.
“Renni…I…” he started softly, before his eyes changed to frustration as he warned, “I think Jackson’s here.”
Confused, I stared back, until I heard Jacks’ voice calling, “Are ya’ll up here?”
Hert quickly stood up, tossing the rest of the pictures in the box.
He glanced back at me and gave a short, “Yes,” before sticking the box in the closet.
I slid the picture under his pillow and attempted to look busy.
Forcing a smile at Jackson, I greeted, “Hey, what are you doing?”
Giving me a cheery smile, he replied, “I came by to see if Hert wanted to go to The Bar tonight.”
Without thinking, I looked at Hert, exclaiming, “Oh, that sounds fun!”
Hert gave me a shocked expression as he told Jackson, “No, Roberts said to stay here with Renni while he was gone.”
Giving Hert a nasty look, I snapped, “I don’t need a babysitter if that’s why you’re not going.”
Jackson interjected, “See man, you can go,” before he left the room and went downstairs.
Looking at Hert, I snapped, “Have a good time.”
As I got up to walk out, Hert stopped me, saying, “If you don’t want me to go…”
I brushed him off, saying, “I don’t care what you do,” and walked out of the room.
Downstairs, I sat on the couch with Jackson.
He smiled at me, saying, “I would have asked you to go to but…”
I smiled back and assured, “That’s okay.”
Still smiling, he asked, “Are you mad at me for asking Hert to go? I didn’t think you would care.”
I quickly lied, saying “I don’t care. I just don’t like being treated like I have to be watched all the time.”
I was mad at Jacks for wanting to take him out but I was more upset at Hert’s reason for not wanting to go.
Giving me a suspicious look, Jackson said, “So Hert’s going to play daddy for you. I thought you would have picked Roberts.”
Surprised by his comment, I explained, “I didn’t pick anything, they decided. Em thought it was a good idea and you know he always gets his way. He even told his parents before I had the chance to agree.”
Moving in closer to me, he asked, “Who did you want it to be?”
Feeling like I knew what was coming, I replied, “It doesn’t really matter to me. Like I said before, as long as whoever it is will be totally committed.”
Feeling a little uncomfortable as Jacks leaned in closer, putting his arm around me, offering, “So then you are available, you wanna…”
Hert’s voice quickly cut him off, “Let’s go” using a stern tone.
With a sigh of relief, my eyes silently thanked Hert, as I said, “Okay, bye”
Jackson stood up and smiled, saying, “Maybe later,” as he winked at me.
I looked at Hert giving him a 'what was he thinking' look and noticed how good he looked. He wasn’t dressed nice, just jeans and a t-shirt but still, he looked good.
Hert walked out with Jacks, informing, “I’ll be back later.”
Wishing now, I had told Hert I wanted him to stay, I felt sad. Then, I smiled to myself, thinking, ‘well you should have stayed if you didn’t want me to read the letter’. I darted upstairs and into Hert’s room. Looking around thinking maybe I shouldn’t, curiosity won out and I opened the dresser. Digging around, I didn’t find it. Realizing, he knew me well enough to know I would look for it when he left, he must have moved it. I sat down on his bed trying to decide where to start my search, when I remembered the picture I stuck under his pillow. I stretched out across the bed, reached under his pillow and got my picture. Smiling, I stared at the people smiling at each other. They looked so happy. Lying there, I wished I could have seen then what I now saw in that picture.
I woke to a quiet voice and a nudge. Realizing, I fell asleep in Hert’s room and that he had caught me, I had to think quickly.
“What time is it? I was getting the picture and I guess I fell asleep,” I fibbed.
&
nbsp; Hert laughed and said, “Oh really, or were you looking for this?” as he took the letter out of his back pocket waved it around and stuck it on the closet shelf before sharing, “I didn’t just meet you yesterday, Renni.”
Knowing I had been caught, I shrugged and rolled my eyes.
“And it’s eleven, why?” he asked.
“I was just wondering,” I answered.
He was laughing again as he sat on the bed next to me taking his shoes off. Suddenly, I felt sick.
I looked at Hert and shouted, “Ugh, what is that smell?”
He jumped up and asked, “What? What smell?”
Leaning toward him, I shouted,” It’s you! Ugh! You smell horrible!”
Confused, he asked, “What do I smell like?”
Putting my hands across my face, I shouted, “The Bar!”
Hert pulled his shirt off and said, “I’m sorry, I’ll jump in the shower. Stay there it won’t take long. Sorry.”
Still covering my mouth, I nodded as he closed the bathroom door. It must have been a pregnant thing. I loved The Bar. Some of my best memories were from there and I couldn’t remember ever being bothered by the smell before.
Thinking quickly, when I heard the shower come on, I ran to my room and brushed my teeth. Making it back where I was just in time to hear the shower turn off.
He cracked the door, peeking out, he shared, “Umm, I forgot to grab my clothes. I’m coming out in a towel. Okay?”
My heart stopped when I saw him walk out with a towel wrapped around his waist. I stared at him while he got his clothes out of the drawer and went back into the bathroom. If I wasn’t still slightly nauseas from The Bar smell, I might have hurled myself at him. Hert looked better than anything I had ever seen before. The image of him standing there in just his towel was burned into my brain and the thought of nothing but that towel standing in my way, consumed the rest of me.
Hert came out of the bathroom, dressed this time and said, “Sorry, I didn’t know the smell would make you sick. Is it because you’re pregnant?”
I looked at him, still thinking of his towel and said, “Oh, a…Yea it must be. It’s okay. I wouldn’t have known it was going to make me sick either.”
Lying on my back, I watched him walk around the bed and sit right next to me.
“Are you sleepy?” he asked.
Thinking there was no way I could sleep after the towel situation, I answered, “No not really.”
Hert had an unfamiliar look on his face as he questioned, “Can I ask you something?”
Curious, I nodded.
“Okay if you don’t want me to, I won’t. I mean if you think it’s weird or something,” he rambled.
Rolling onto my side, I asked, “What?”
He appeared unsure as he asked, “Can I touch your stomach?”
I was a little disappointed he wasn’t asking permission for something else but strangely excited in a whole new way. If Hert were really the father, I was sure that’s what he would want to do.
I rolled onto my back and said, “You can’t feel anything yet but yes you can.”
Looking into his eyes, I reached out and wrapped my hand around his wrist. I placed his hand on my stomach just under my belly button. Spreading his fingers, he pressed the ends of them down.
With his hand still resting on my stomach, he asked, “Do you feel different? I mean being pregnant.”
Pleased with his interest, I replied, “Not really, except everything smells stronger and I want to sleep a lot. Other than that, things feel pretty much the same.”
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath.
Taking my turn, I asked, “Do you feel different? Me being pregnant.”
He was staring at his hand, still rested in place as he replied, “No, why?”
With a suspicious smile, I questioned, “So then what brought all this on? I mean, I don’t have a problem with it. I’m just curious.”
Hert’s eyes were softer than I had ever seen them as he shared, “We were at The Bar and Jackson was telling Gus drinks were on him because we were celebrating that I was going to be a dad. It got me thinking. I know our circumstances are, well different but I realized something. I’m going to be a dad, Renni. It doesn’t matter to me how it happened or what we decided. We are going to be parents.”
I held up my hand and said, “Wait, then you do feel different.”
With a confused look, Hert said, “Not about you. I feel the same way about you I always have,” before moving his hand away slowly to say, “This is something else. I don’t know how to explain it.”
Without thinking, I threw my arms around his neck.
Overwhelmed with emotion, I started to cry. Hert unwrapped my arms from around him. Trying to hold on, for fear of his reaction, I sat there crying while he held my arms in front of me.
“Why are you crying? Did you change your mind?” he asked.
Shaking my head, I clarified, “No, I’m happy.”
Slightly grinning, he asked, “And that makes you cry?”
Still crying, I nodded.
“Oh, Renni,” he said, pulling me into his chest.
Amazed that he was not only willing but was pleased to be the father; I started to feel something more than desire for Hert. While Hert held me, I wondered about his ‘I feel the same way about you I always have’ statement. Had he always felt this way? Remembering him saying he had always wanted me, how had I overlooked his feelings? Realizing my feelings went far beyond physical, I questioned how long I had truly felt this way. Was it really a recent development or was our mutual obstinate outlook the stumbling block that kept me in the dark.
Deciding the past was in the past and the future was worthy of concern, I let go of all my preconceived notions.
Hert loosened his hold, suggesting, “You’d better get to bed, we have a lot to do tomorrow.”
I smiled and asked, “Will you make sure I get up early?”
He nodded as I stood up and grabbed my picture off the bed.
“See you in the morning,” I added as I started to walk out of the room.
“Hey Renni,” he called stopping me.
Turning around, I looked at him, still sitting on the bed.
“How did you and Roberts sleep together all those times and nothing ever happened?” he questioned.
I knew what he was really asking.
Choosing my words carefully, I stated, “I love Em but not like... It’s just not the same.”
My explanation seemed to satisfy his curiosity as he said, “Goodnight.”
Not letting him off the hook so easily for questioning my integrity, I walked back over to the bed.
Leaning close to him with my hands placed on his shoulders, I put my lips to his ear and whispered, “Do you want me to stay in here? With you… and see if anything...happens?”
Making sure my cheek lightly brushed his as I slowly pulled away, I could feel his jaw tighten.
I stared into his eyes and gave a smile, cheering, “'Night,” before leaving his room.
Mentally shouting ‘pay backs hell isn’t it’ as I skipped across the hall to my room. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Chapter 9
Awakened by a loud noise, I sat straight up in bed. Sitting there for a minute trying to figure out what the noise was I saw Hert standing in the doorway.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
With a wide smile he answered, “You said to wake you up early.”
Still startled, I shouted, “What time is it?”
“Six,” he said, “Now get up,” as he walked out.
Thinking he might be angry with me over my 'goodnight', I decided to do as I was told. After quickly showering, I got dressed and headed downstairs.
In the kitchen, there was a bowl of cereal waiting on the table for me. I sat down and started eating when I felt Hert behind me.
Placing his hands on my shoulders, he leaned in from behind, whispering in my ear, “Morning Renni.
”
The low rumble of his voice made me drop my spoon.
He stood back up patted my shoulder and with a snicker informed, “Delivery guys will be here in about an hour.”
Recovering from his sultry whisper, I made a personal vow to win this game I had unknowingly started last night. Finished with my cereal, I set the bowl in the sink and raced back upstairs. Digging through the clothes, Emerson had for me, I found a very snug t-shirt and a pair of very short knit shorts, clearly meant for sleeping in. Taking a quick look in the mirror with an ‘I play to win’ thought, I noticed certain pregnancy related developments. Pleased with my appearance, I pranced off to Hert’s room.
Standing in his doorway, I purposely stretched my arms over my head.
“Ok, I’m ready to get started,” I shared, adding a fake yawn.
The look in his eyes was exactly the response I had hoped to achieve. Smiling, I bounced over to his bed and laid across it.
Trying to be sly, I rolled onto my side, facing him and asked, “Are you? Ready?”
I was definitely getting to him. It took him a long moment to respond.
When he finally did, his voice was shaky, “Uh yea, I am. I think you should stay in here until they leave. Then you can… uh, show me where you want everything. Okay?”
I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering if he would have suggested the same thing if I were dressed more appropriately.
Rolling onto my back, I agreed, “Okay, just let me know when they leave.”
Hert nodded and walked out, closing the door behind him.
It wasn’t long before I could hear people going up and down the stairs and in and out of my room. Wishing they would hurry up so I could resume my torture methods, I grabbed Hert's laptop off the dresser and started looking online for new underthings. After ordering several new little items, I had them overnighted so I could open them in front of Hert tomorrow. I closed the laptop and set it back on his dresser. Listening at the door, I couldn’t hear anyone. Barely cracking the door open, I peeked out to see if they were done. I could see Hert standing at the top of the stairs. He looked excited about something. Running over to the bed, I pretended to be bored as he walked into the room.
“Well it’s all here. Come on, you can tell me where it all goes,” he said, motioning for me to lead the way.
