The Rennillia Series: Volumes 1-5

by M. Sembera

  I slowly walked to the bed, sitting down beside him.

  Smiling, I assured, “There’s never going to be anyone else. From the moment I saw you in the dining room that night, I was yours.”

  Hert pulled back a little, asking, “So you haven’t wanted anyone else at all since then.”

  Truthfully, I answered, “Not even close.”

  Narrowing his eyes, Hert speculated, “There hasn’t been a moment when you thought you made the wrong decision?”

  Shaking my head, I said, “I’ve never thought that, not even once,” before explaining, “There are a lot of things that I wish were different but being with you isn’t one of them.”

  After a minute I scooted closer to Hert. My mind was now filled with all the things I wished were different.

  Feeling as if I might cry, I asked, “Do you think I’m a loyal person?”

  Hert looked confused, raising his eyebrow he asked, “What do you mean?”

  Exhaling loudly, I replied, “Never mind,” and rolled over.

  Hert leaned over me brushing my hair away from my face. Ordinarily I would have been all aflutter; however the situations filling my thoughts seemed to weigh on me all at once.

  Brushing his lips against my cheek, Hert said, “I love you.”

  Nodding with a slight smile, I repeated, “I love you.”

  He pulled back slightly almost scowling, “Are you upset?”

  Shaking my head, I could feel my eyes welling up with tears.

  Clearing my throat, I replied, “I just want to go to sleep.”

  Kissing my cheek one more time, I felt Hert slide back to his side of the bed.

  Not long ago, I was begging to know everything. Now I wished I knew nothing. I wanted to be oblivious. It was awful, knowing our parents secrets and we didn’t seem to be any better. On top of that, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to my own husband about any of it. There was no one I could talk to. I had already decided telling Mrs. Thomas wasn’t a possibility. Ms. Herterand was unstable at best, Erin although direct, wouldn’t want to talk, Mr. Roberts and my parents were gone and my only two friends, Jackson and Amila, could not be told. I couldn’t help blaming The Office for everyone’s problems.

  Starting with Mr. Roberts, it occurred to me, it had been connected to everyone’s problems. Every single person, including myself, had been affected by it. Now even Jackson, who before was exempt from its effects, was caught up. His father was still unhappy with him leaving their firm to work for Hert. It had a way of sucking everyone in and altering their lives. I needed to carefully plan out a strategy. Present it to Hert in a way that would make him see how much happier we could all be without it. Maybe, it would make things better for everyone.

  It was a wonderful promising idea that filled me with hope, until I remembered what I promised. All my obligations flooded my brain as I realized, I had to tolerate this life ruining abomination that my husband couldn’t seem to live without. Lying in bed, I realized, there would be no sleep for me tonight. Hert was already fast asleep so I got up. Heading downstairs, I was struck by an uneasy feeling. It had been a while since the thought of HIM had even crossed my mind. Now, it seemed HE was creeping back in. Sitting on the living room couch, I leaned my head back and wondered why, allowing thoughts of HIM to fill my mind. It was strange as I recalled the first time I met HIM. I wasn’t particularly interested in HIM. In the beginning, it was more of a ‘persistence pays off’ situation.

  Emerson and I were at The Store. I was standing at the checkout counter waiting for him to finish checking out when I was tapped on the shoulder.

  Turning, I questioned, “Yes?” looking up at an unfamiliar face.

  With a slight head nod HE stated, “Hey.”

  Giving HIM a look, I snapped, “Hey,” and turned back around.

  Tapped on the shoulder again, I quickly turned saying, “What?”

  “You should go out with me,” HE suggested.

  Shocked at how bold HE was, I replied, “Yea, I don’t think so.”

  Emerson was finished and grabbed his bag. He placed his arm around my shoulders as we headed for the door.

  “Who was that?” he asked.

  I shrugged, shaking my head.

  After that day, HE seemed to show up everywhere I was. Each time saying, ‘You should go out with me’ and each time I rolled my eyes and walked away. One day after about a month of annoyance, I was out with Hert. Walking down the street, I saw HIM heading our way.

  “Uhhh!” I complained turning to walk the other way.

  Hert asked, “What are you doing?”

  Sighing, I explained, “That guy over there keeps asking me out. HE shows up everywhere I go saying, ‘you should go out with me’.”

  Scowling as he looked around, Hert questioned, “What guy?”

  “Over there,” I replied, motioning in HIS direction.

  Hert looked furious, ordering, “You are not going out with HIM.”

  As usual we started to argue. I was instantly offended that he was forbidding me to do something.

  Before I spoke, I took a moment to stare at him as if he had lost his mind, “Did you just try and tell me what to do?”

  “I wasn’t trying, I’m telling you!” he confirmed.

  Nodding with a slight laugh, I informed, “Okay, let’s just see how well that works out for ya’.”

  Hert blurted, “Damn it Renni!” as I walked away, heading straight for HIM.

  Walking right up to HIM, I smiled.

  “Do you still wanna take me out?” I asked.

  Narrowing HIS eyes, HE glanced at Hert before saying, “Yea.”

  Nodding, I said, “Well, let’s go.”

  I looked back at Hert giving him a little wave and a sarcastic smile, then walked away with HIM.

  Before I realized it, I was caught up. Things went from strained to bad then worse, always repeating the same situation, over and over. HE would do something unforgivable then be the nicest person to make up for it. Honestly towards the end, I would intentionally pick fights, just so HE would lash out and then try to make up for it. The entire relationship was sickening. Starting to feel the way Ms. Herterand described it, I agreed. To this day I’ll never understand why I was so invested in HIM. I never really understood why HE treated me the way HE did or why I let it go on. For me it would always be an unsettling question.

  Dwelling more on the positive, my husband kept his word, making sure things like what happened to Jackson didn’t happen again. Regardless of how hard I tried, HE was always in the back of my mind. I started to get up thinking I should get back to bed before Hert woke for work. Not realizing how long I was downstairs, I looked over and saw Hert coming down the stairs.

  Concerned, he asked, “Are you alright?”

  Nodding, I smiled slightly.

  Walking to the couch he sat down and offered, “Renni, if something’s bothering you, I wish you would tell me.”

  Deciding I would just go ahead and ask, I questioned, “When you left after what happened to Jackson and I at the doctor’s office, what did you do?” thinking the worst that would happen was he wouldn’t answer.

  I was wrong. The worst thing that could happen was I got an answer.

  Hert informed me, “I went to see HIS uncle and because I had dealt with him before, we reached an understanding and he assured me that HE would be kept in line.”

  Slightly confused, I asked, “HIS uncle? How do you know him and when had you dealt with him before?”

  Exhaling, Hert explained, “You know the people your father took money from?”

  Shocked I choked out, “HIS uncle killed my parents?”

  Calmer than I felt the situation called for he said, “Well not personally.”

  Horrified, I questioned, “You knew HIS family killed my parents and you never told me?”

  Getting defensive, he stated, “At the time I didn’t know they were related but when I found out I tried to tell you and you said for me to mind my own
business and stay out of your personal life.”

  “Oh, that’s right, when I disgusted you,” I recalled.

  Hert looked at me sympathetically saying, “That was a long time ago, Renni. Knowing isn’t going to change things or bring anybody back. You should let it go.”

  Doing my best not to pick up a large object and bludgeon him with it, I exclaimed, “They were my parents, Hert!”

  “I have had bad things happen to me too,” he replied.

  Using every ounce of restraint I had, I made sure my words came out as a statement and not a violent rant.

  “Not everybody’s like you Hert. Ya’ know most of us get scared, worried or even frustrated with things that happen. It must be nice to never need anyone,” I stated.

  Suddenly Hert was angry and yelling, “I have needed people plenty! I needed a father that wasn’t an abusive alcoholic and it would have been nice to have a mother that didn’t lose her mind. When it came right down to it I didn’t have anybody except me.”

  With disbelief I questioned, “Are you serious?”

  “Who was there? I take care of things myself,” he answered.

  Angry too at this point, I decided to go back to bed sharing, “We don’t all have an overwhelming compulsion to selflessly set things right. What are you gonna do when one day you can’t make things right? When there’s no going back and you can’t move forward? Huh? What’s gonna happen then?” before I walked up the stairs.

  On my way up, I stopped squeezing the banister tight as I heard him sarcastically snap, “Oh, look who’s walkin’ away now.”

  Keeping a promise to myself, I fought the urge to fly back downstairs and fight with him.

  I had a few hours before Sophia would wake up and sleep sounded like a great idea so I climbed back into bed. Reminding myself how I thought a good wife should behave, I thought about how little I wanted to be a good wife. Taking a key element from everyone I knew, I worked hard applying them to married life. Again, I thought, it wasn’t as great as I assumed it would be. I actually wished Hert and I could go back to being friends. Intimacy with him was sporadic at best. At least then, I wouldn’t feel obligated to be so accommodating.

  Laying there I felt Hert slide into bed. I scooted a little closer to the edge, intentionally keeping my distance.

  His hand rested on my shoulder as he stated, “I guess I wasn’t as understanding as I could have been, sorry.”

  Not reacting to his apology, I said, “It’s fine. I’ll get over it.”

  “I just don’t want to go back to you being sad or not talking to me,” he informed.

  Highly insulted that the man that just ignored me for the last few days would prefer if I didn’t treat him that way, I gave up.

  Taking a deep breath, I assured, “I’m not going to. Guess you were right. It is better not to know. I have all these things I was desperate to figure out and now I wish I didn’t know any of it.”

  “So are we okay?” he asked.

  I answered, “Yea, Goodnight,” as I pulled the covers tight around myself.

  Falling asleep, as far from him as the bed would allow, I thought ‘rest assured Mr. Herterand, after tonight, if I’m sad or upset, you’ll never know’.

  Chapter 13

  Waking with the realization that Hert wanted me to be what he wanted me to be, I had a new plan. Simply put, I was going to give him exactly the kind of wife he thought he wanted, in hopes that he would miss the woman he supposedly spent his whole life in love with. Sure it would work, I just knew he would get bored with having me smile and give an Erin-esk ‘yes dear’ to every situation.

  With breakfast on the table before Hert left for work, I smiled wide while he ate.

  “You alright this morning?” he asked, appearing confused.

  Nodding and smiling, I assured, “Yep. I’m great. In fact, I think I’m going to call a service and have that room packed up.”

  Shocked he questioned, “You’re moving Roberts’ stuff out of his room?”

  Cheerfully I replied, “Well technically, it’s not his room anymore. Anyway, I thought I would redo it.”

  Changing his disposition, Hert said, “Humh, what are you going to do with it?”

  “Make an office for you,” I answered, patting him on the shoulder as I explained, “You know, a home away from home office.”

  Nodding, he agreed, “Sounds good.”

  Kissing him on the cheek, I told him to have a good day and walked to grab the phone book. I found the number to a moving service and immediately dialed it. As Hert told Sophia goodbye, I looked over giving him a little wave.

  It couldn’t have been more perfect. There was no way he would enjoy this. I would be so busy with my own projects, I wouldn’t mind if he was at work all the time. Let’s see how much he enjoys Renni cheerfully not needing attention. Energized, I lifted Sophia out of her high chair taking her upstairs to get dressed. After dressing her, I carried her back downstairs.

  The moving service arrived, boxed up Emerson’s belongings and moved them to the far corner of the garage. Placing Sophia and some of her toys in her playpen, I sat down on the couch to make a list. It occurred to me it might be a good idea for me to visit Hert’s office. Picking up the phone, I called The Office.

  I laughed slightly when Hert answered, saying, “Scott Herterand’s Office.”

  “Hey,” I responded.

  His tone rung with surprise as he replied, “Renni, hey.”

  I continued, saying, “The moving service came and cleaned out that room. I was wondering if I could come by The Office and see how yours is setup so I can make a list.”

  “Sure,” he replied, informing, “I have a meeting in a few minutes, but I should be done by the time you get here.”

  I asked, “Can you send a driver to pick Sophia and me up?”

  He agreed and I hung up.

  The driver arrived and drove us to The Office. As I got out I thanked him, and got Sophia out of the car. Carrying her, I walked into M.R. Industries. A man standing at the front desk greeted me.

  “Good afternoon, Mrs. Herterand!” he exclaimed.

  Still not used to strangers being aware of who I was, I said, “Oh, Hello.”

  He then informed, “Mr. Herterand is still in a meeting. If you like you may wait here.”

  “That’s okay. Can you tell me where Jackson’s office is and I’ll wait there?” I stated.

  With a non-comprehending smile he said, “I’m sorry, who?”

  Lightly smiling, I clarified, “Jackson Thomas.”

  “Yes, Mrs. Herterand, Mr. Thomas is on the second floor,” he informed.

  Thanking him, I walked to the elevator and stepped in. I laughed to myself as the doors closed, ‘Mr. Thomas’.

  The elevator doors opened revealing, rows of desks, surprised looks and several nods followed by ‘Mrs. Herterand’. Politely smiling, I made my way to the large office at the back of the room. I had not seen or heard from Jacks since I told him to mind his own business and I was hoping to apologize.

  Leaning slightly towards Sophia, I whispered, “Wanna visit Uncle Jacks?”

  Knocking on the door, I heard a voice from the other side answer, “Come in.”

  Opening the door, I used my best serious face, stating, “Mr. Thomas.”

  Smiling wide, Jackson stated, “Mrs. Herterand,” as I closed the door behind Sophia and me.

  Walking towards his desk, I took the seat positioned in front of it holding Sophia on my lap.

  Jackson stood up and walked around the side of his desk, holding his arms out to Sophia.

  “Wanna come with me?” he asked her.

  Squealing she bounced up and down clapping her hands together.

  Jackson cheered, “Hey there lil’ mama!” as he picked her up.

  With a slight smirk, I asked, “We aren’t interrupting you, are we Mr. Thomas?”

  “Nah, I always have time for ya’ll. What brings you by?” he answered.

  Sighing a littl
e, I informed, “Well, I cleaned out one of the extra rooms to make an office at home for Hert and I wanted to look at his so I can set it up right. He’s still in a meeting so I thought I’d hang out in here with you until he’s done.”

  Watching Jackson rummage through his desk looking for something to hand Sophia to play with, I decided not to bring up our last conversation.

  Smiling, I said, “Sophia, do your fishy face.”

  Lifting her high, Jackson said, “You have a fishy face? Let me see.”

  Puckering up her lips Sophia opened and closed them.

  “You are the cutest little fishy!” Jackson cheered before looking at me and saying, “She’s getting so big.”

  I said, “Yea, your mom taught her that. Oh, and she has two teeth now.”

  Smiling wide, Jackson informed, “It won’t be long and she’ll be eating steak.”

  We both laughed as his office door opened.

  Hert walked in seemingly in a good mood. Walking towards me he leaned down and kissed the side of my head before walking to Jacks.

  Sophia spotted him and without warning we heard her blurt, “Dada!”

  The three of us stared at her in amazement.

  Jackson held her out to Hert saying, “I think that means she wants you there dad.”

  Hert’s smile beamed as he took her saying, “That’s right and you are daddy’s little pumpkin.”

  After a minute more of ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ over her, the four of us headed to Hert’s office.

  Completely overwhelmed as I walked into Hert’s office, I could feel goose bumps rising on my arms. His desk was massive to say the least and the entire back wall was devoted to twenty six file cabinets. Feeling a twinge of realization, I had to catch my breath. My husband truly was Mr. Herterand head of M.R. Industries. A sudden thrill ran through me as I thought the old Renni would have figured out away to be alone with Hert in here and personally congratulate him on his achievement.