The Rennillia Series: Volumes 1-5

by M. Sembera

  Nodding at her, I let go and watched her leave.

  I stood outside for a few minutes before I decided to go back in. Still teary eyed, for many different reasons now, I walked back inside. Sophia had fallen asleep in her playpen so I walked to the kitchen. Wiping my eyes, I saw Jackson getting a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.

  I asked, “Did you take something out for dinner?”

  Turning towards me, he said, “Sorry about that. I asked my mom if she could watch Sophia next Friday, so we could do The Society thing and she got all upset.”

  Looking at the floor, I shook my head, trying not to start crying again.

  Realizing I was upset, Jackson walked closer saying, “She’s just being a mom.”

  Rubbing my eyes, I agreed, “I know but she’s right.”

  “So you want me to leave,” he questioned.

  Shaking my head, I answered, “No, but that doesn’t mean that there’s not something seriously wrong with this. This isn’t the first time your mom’s asked me if there was something going on with us.”

  Appearing confused, Jackson stated, “But we are just friends.”

  Unsure of how it would come out, I took a breath and shared, “I know. But your mom is not the only one that has asked. I’m starting feel like I’m trying to convince more than just other people.”

  After thinking for a moment, he offered, “Alright, it’s a little deeper than friendship. You know I’ve done a lot of things Ren but I’ve never messed with a married woman.”

  Quickly putting an end to that thought, I informed, “I wasn’t talking about doing anything. I’m saying, I shouldn’t feel this way about someone who isn’t my husband and you shouldn’t either.”

  “I thought we were okay,” he said.

  Knowing he was referring to our, ‘you can love someone without being with them,’ conversation several months ago, I replied, “We were, I mean we are. It’s just… Why does everything have to be so complicated?”

  Jackson imparted, “It’s not complicated, you’re making it that way. There is nothing wrong with the way we feel about each other, especially since we already talked about this and we both know where we stand with each other. I think you’re really worried about Salvador and you’re using this to be upset so you don’t have to think about what could happen.”

  Even though what he said made a lot of sense, I argued, “Then how come I feel like I’m holding my breath around you.”

  With a laugh, he replied, “I don’t know, do I stink? I was outside fixing the gutter.”

  Shaking my head, I laughed at him, saying, “You do kinda smell,” as I wrinkled up my nose.

  “Do I really?” he asked.

  With a laugh, I replied, “No,” before I asked, “So did you take something out for dinner?”

  Shaking his head, Jackson placed his arm around my shoulders, saying, “Dinner’s on me tonight.”

  I patted his hand that rested on my shoulder with a smile before walking to the couch.

  Jackson was a happy distraction from all my problems but I was starting to think of how unfair it was to him. My moment of self-pity was short lived as I briefly wondered why the hell someone who was basically a happy person would want to spend time with someone who spent the majority of their life being unhappy. Concluding that, if he spent most of his time around people like himself, who would he cheer up or give advice to? Deciding, I must make him feel useful, I felt better about our friendship. Whatever odd feeling I was having towards him was simply a result of everything else that was going on. After all, he was pretty smart and always found a way to put things in perspective.

  Dinner consisted of hamburgers and french fries for us and a little baby dinner for Sophia. After fussing at Jacks several times for trying to give her a fry, I finally gave up and let her have it. She liked it so much the only appropriate word to use for her eating it was devour and of course Jackson gloated about how much she loved it. When we finished eating and I cleaned up our mess, Sophia’s bath time led right to her bedtime. Not long after she fell asleep, the phone rang.

  Dashing to my room to grab it, I picked it up and quickly answered, “Hello?”

  “Am I interrupting you?” Hert replied.

  Sitting down on my bed, I said, “I just laid Sophia down. I had to run to get the phone. I didn’t want it to wake her up.”

  Slightly changing his tone, Hert offered, “I didn’t realize until a little while ago, I won’t be back for your Society function. Would it be possible for Jackson to take you?”

  “Probably but I wanted you to take me,” I informed before asking, “What about Thursday?”

  Quickly crushing my hopes, he griped, “I already said I’d see.”

  All pleasantness went out the window as I blurted, “Well, I am so sorry for wanting to see you on our anniversary.”

  “Were we going to something if I was home?” he snapped.

  Frustrated, I questioned, “I thought we were but you tell me.”

  After a dead silence, Hert said, “Maybe we both can use this time to think about what is really best for everyone.”

  My voice was shaky as I conceded, “I guess.”

  “Tell Jackson I’ll call him in the morning,” he said before I replied, “Alright,” and hung up the phone.

  Sitting on my bed, I fought the inevitable tears that were going to fall.

  Unable to understand what had happened in the few days Hert had been gone, I knew things were up in the air before he left but I didn’t realize this was the way they were going to fall. Taking a deep breath, I got off my bed and walked to the top of the stairs to let Jackson know he could take me to the Society Event.

  Seeing him sitting on the couch, I informed, “Hey, um… Hert said he was going to call you in the morning and you can take me to that thing next Friday. I’m going to go to bed.”

  “It’s only eight thirty,” he said, appearing confused.

  With a guilty sigh, I offered, “Jacks you’re on vacation. If you wanna go out or something, you should. Sophia and I will be fine.”

  Shaking his head Jackson, said, “That’s okay, I’ll just watch TV.”

  Exhaling loudly, I walked down the stairs and over to the couch.

  Sitting on the opposite end, I apologized, “Sorry, I’m not much fun.”

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  Shrugging, I answered, “I probably won’t get to see Hert on our anniversary and he said we should take this time to think about what’s best for everyone.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked as he scowled at me.

  I shrugged again and rested my head against the back of the couch, saying, “I think it means he’s done trying.”

  “What about you?” he questioned.

  Admitting, “I don’t wanna be,” I shared, “But for as long as I can remember, when Hert makes up his mind there’s no changing it. If he thinks we shouldn’t be together… Look, I begged him to stay when he left me and I’m not going to do it again,” getting a little teary eyed.

  There was no response from Jackson as he sat their looking sympathetic at me.

  “Maybe I don’t belong with anyone, I mean weren’t things better when we were all just friends?” I wondered out loud.

  With an odd expression, Jackson said, “I guess it all depends on how you’re looking at it.”

  Confused, I said, “I don’t understand what you mean.”

  “Honestly, I liked it better when you and I were more than friends but you didn’t,” he explained.

  What was I supposed to say to that?

  It didn’t take long to decide, telling him the feelings behind the reason I broke up with him, was a bad idea. Fresh off of being hurt by my husband, if I told him, it could end badly making an already complex situation worse and possibly ruining our friendship.

  Instead, I offered, “We wanted different things and if we had stayed together we could have ended up not being friends at all.”

 
; He quickly disagreed, “No, it was only one thing and I would have waited.”

  “It was making you unhappy to wait,” I stated.

  Smiling wide, he shared, “Frustrated yes. Not unhappy.”

  Finally, I admitted, “Then I guess it was just me being selfish.”

  Jackson’s smile faded as he said, “As a friend, I think I should tell you not to give up so easily on Hert. He may just need some time to get his priorities back in order,” then with a self-assured grin, he added, “But as a man who happens to care a lot about you, I have to say, if he hurts you like that again, I’m kickin’ his ass all up and down the street.”

  Laughing and shaking my head, I stood up saying, “Okay Jacks, on that note, I’m going to bed. See you in the morning.”

  With a wide smile and a wink, he replied, “Night Ren.”

  Still shaking my head at him, I walked up the stairs and into my room.

  I brushed my teeth, put my pajamas on and climbed into bed. Thinking maybe Emerson could shed some light on what was going on with Hert, I needed to get Amila out of the house so I could talk to him. A call to her was a for sure on the list of to-do’s along with a no doubt terrifying visit to Salvador to find out what he actually wanted from me. More tired than I had realized, I drifted off thinking, I should do something nice for Jackson, who listened to my problems and was willing to spend his entire vacation bored, just to be here with us.

  Chapter 12

  Up early, again, I headed downstairs to get breakfast made and the day started. As I headed into the kitchen, I could hear Jackson talking. Assuming he was on the phone with Hert, I stood right outside the kitchen listening.

  Sounding irritated, I heard Jackson say, “If you don’t you’re gonna lose her,” then, “You have me staying here with her and that makes it my business,” before shouting, “Do you want me to tell her what I really think she should do?” and finally, “I don’t give a damn. You have one more time to make her cry then, I don’t care who you are. You shoulda just told her the truth to begin with now you’re spending all this time hurting her to cover your own ass.”

  My heart was pounding in my chest as my thoughts switched back and forth between Jackson standing up for me and what Hert was hiding from me.

  Jackson stepped into the living room and saw me standing there. I didn’t even try to pretend I wasn’t listening as I stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Also at a loss for words, he stared right back. Overhearing what he said to Hert reminded me of when Jackson stood up to Hert on my behalf after Sophia was born and then when he saved me from HIM and got seriously hurt in the process. It had been awhile since I really noticed his scar, it was more a part of him now like his smile but at the moment, I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. Reaching up, Jackson rubbed his fingers across it and shook his head.

  With a deep breath, Jackson said, “Could ya stop looking at me like that.”

  Quickly glancing down, I walked past him and into the kitchen.

  Pulling out eggs and bacon, setting them on the counter by the stove, I wished Hert would call back and at least say he wanted to see me Thursday. Why did everything always have to happen all at once?

  The second Jackson walked back into the kitchen, I questioned, “We’re still good right?”

  With a quick nod and a smile he replied, “Yea, by the way, do you really think you’ll be okay if I go out?”

  Quickly answering, I stated, “I said I would,” and left to go get Sophia up.

  As I told Sophia good morning and got her dressed, I wondered if Jackson was really going out or if Hert asked him to do something. Both scenarios made me unhappy. I carried Sophia downstairs. Jackson was waiting at the bottom for us.

  Sophia practically jumped out of my arms to Jackson as he took her from me. Giving him a half-hearted smile, I walked to the kitchen to make their breakfast.

  As I cracked the eggs, Jackson walked in, saying, “You know, you don’t have to make me breakfast every morning.”

  “I’d have to fix breakfast anyway, it’s not just for you,” I stated.

  Raising his eyebrows, he questioned, “You make bacon and eggs every morning?”

  I narrowed my eyes and replied, “No, yesterday I made pancakes,” with a sarcastic smile.

  “You know what I’m sayin’ Ren,” he explained.

  Fed up, I snapped, “I’m making breakfast, just like I do every morning. If you don’t want any, then don’t eat.”

  Jackson sat down at the table with Sophia and didn’t say another word.

  After breakfast, Jackson played with Sophia while I cleaned and washed a load of clothes. Lunch was silent also except for when we spoke to Sophia. I laid her down for her nap and walked out of her room to find Jackson standing in the upstairs hallway.

  As I continued to my room, Jackson stopped me, asking, “Can you come downstairs?”

  Shaking my head, I replied, “No, I need to change my sheets and clean my bathroom,” adding, “If you wanna talk to me, then you’ll just have to wait.”

  Without a reply, Jackson turned and walked back downstairs. I continued to my room and pulled the sheets off of my bed. Balling them up, I threw them in the laundry basket. As I cleaned the bathroom, I weighed my options of what I would prefer. On the one hand, Jackson was going out to handle or find information for Hert, no doubt concerning Emerson. On the other hand, he was going out to drink and most likely go home with someone. Neither option made me feel better. After all, it was Sunday and The Bar would be closed at ten. He was either going to sleep with someone or find someone. And again, neither was acceptable to me.

  I managed to take my time cleaning long enough to wait out Sophia’s nap and postpone whatever Jackson had to say to me. Unfortunately, the more I thought about him, ‘going out,’ the more upset I got and the more I tried to distract myself, the faster the day passed. Before I knew it dinner was prepared, eaten, cleaned up and Sophia was down for the night. There was nothing left for me to do, except talk to Jackson before he went out. As I sat on the couch waiting for Jackson to finish getting dressed, I wondered why the thought of him sleeping with someone was bothering me so much. Jackson possibly discovering where Emerson was staying was a problem, especially since I did not want Hert to find Em before I had a chance to really talk to him. But the other was confusing me. Jackson going out and going home with other girls was nothing new. I wanted to think I had such a problem with it because in the last few months, he had stopped messing around.

  Doing my best not to make a big deal about something I had already said I was okay with, I reminded myself Jackson was my friend. A friend that, for the most part, gave me good impartial advice in all areas of my life; but in an instant, friend was the last thought in my head.

  Walking from the downstairs bathroom and into the living room, Jackson said, “I’m fixing to go.”

  Somewhere in between being dressed up and dressed down, Jackson stood in front of me wearing a sweater, jeans and smelling like he did on our first date.

  Trying to appear nonchalant, I said, “Well you’re dressed to impress.”

  Smiling wide, he replied, “Always.”

  “So… are you going to come back tonight or…” I started to ask before I lied, “I mean, I don’t care what it is you’re going out for, I just don’t wanna expect you back and then you not be here and…”

  When I noticed the look of curiosity on his face, I had to stop talking.

  With a slight smile, he shared, “I’m not sure how long I’ll be out but I will be in before morning.”

  “Morning, like one or two? Or morning like dawn?” I asked.

  Smiling wide, he questioned, “Were you planning on waiting up for me?”

  Making a face at him, I said, “No, I was just askin’.”

  Rolling his eyes, Jackson said, “I’ll be back before you get up. Later Ren,” and walked out the back door.

  I spent the next few hours, trying to watch TV and not think about what or who
Jackson was out doing. When I looked at the clock and saw that it was one thirty in the morning, I decided to go upstairs and get some sleep. Before I made it to the stairs, the phone rang.

  Hoping it wasn’t Hert, since I didn’t know if he would be mad at Jacks for going out, I answered, “Hello?”

  The voice on the other end of the line caught me off guard when I heard, “Ren, its Gus.”

  “Gus, hey,” I said before he broke in saying, “Hey, sorry for callin’ so late but… a… Jackson’s tore up and sayin’ he’s staying with you.”

  I blurted, “He’s drunk?”

  With a laugh, Gus informed, “Oh yeah! I was gonna let him sleep it off in The Dog House but he said you’d be worried if he didn’t come back there.”

  “I can’t come get him, Sophia’s asleep,” I said.

  Gus offered, “Me and Lou can run him over there. The Bars’ been closed for a while now.”

  “Thanks Gus,” I said before he replied, “Be there in a few,” and hung up.

  Shaking my head, I thought, maybe I had been wrong and he just wanted to get out of this house for a while.

  There was a knock at the door before it opened wide and Jackson all but skipped in. Gus was right behind him laughing and shaking his head.

  Waltzing past me, Jacks said, “Hey girl,” with a wink and a smile as he made his way to the kitchen.

  “You sure it’s okay?” Gus asked.

  Nodding, I smiled sharing, “Hert’s out of town and he wanted Jacks to stay here while he’s gone.”

  As I watched the expression on Gus’s face, I informed, “I know what you’re gonna say, Mrs. Thomas already fussed at me and nothings gonna happen.”

  Smiling wide, Gus shared, “None of my business girl. Just wanna make sure I’m not an accessory if your man finds out.”

  Laughing, I confirmed, “You’re good! He knows.”

  Hugging me tight, Gus told me Lou had parked Jackson’s car out front and to behave myself before he left. Shaking my head and laughing as I rolled my eyes, I closed the door behind him.

  I walked into the kitchen and saw Jackson rummaging through the refrigerator. With a sigh, I shook my head at him.