In a Heartbeat

by Janice Kay Johnson

  She wanted to see that chest. Touch.

  He pulled back enough to grasp the hem of her shirt and tug upward. “Let me—”

  “Yes. I want—” She reached for the first button at the same time.

  “Anna.”

  She gave up, lifting her arms until he sent the shirt flying. Then she attacked his buttons. The shirt fell open, exposing dark hair centered on a muscular chest, narrowing over his flat stomach to disappear beneath his trousers. “Oh,” she whispered, flattening her hands on that wall of muscle. Kyle hadn’t really had any chest hair, and she was surprised to find that she liked it.

  Nate liked her touch, too. Muscles jumped beneath her exploring hands, and she looked up to find him watching her with heated eyes.

  “My turn,” he said abruptly, deftly unhooking her bra. The straps slid from her shoulders.

  Her tiny bout of self-consciousness because her breasts weren’t exactly bounteous—not like Sonja’s—ended at the sight of his face.

  “Beautiful,” he murmured with that seductive gravel in his voice.

  Suddenly, he lifted her, carried her to the bed and lowered her onto her back as if she were delicate instead of lean and athletic. He looked his fill, then bent to lick her nipple. Circled it with his tongue, then teased the other one. Anna heard herself whimpering and knew she was arching upward as she grabbed for him. “Please.”

  His mouth closed over her breast and he suckled, the rhythmic pull so exquisitely pleasurable she twined her fingers in his hair to hold him close. If she hurt him, he didn’t say anything, only shifted to her other breast.

  Then he rose to claim her mouth again, his weight on her everything she wanted. Her knees had fallen apart to cradle him in an instinctive act. If only they weren’t still both half-dressed, shoes and all.

  He took the initiative to strip her, then himself. She’d wanted to slide that zipper down herself, but...watching was good enough to complete the meltdown.

  She reared up to touch and he let her, but only for a few seconds.

  “I want to take this slow.” His voice was guttural. “If you do that, I can’t.”

  “Slow? I need you now.”

  He squeezed his eyes shut and backed out of her reach. “Condom.”

  “I’m on the pill. I...never went off.”

  With a harsh exclamation, Nate lowered himself onto her again, his knee nudging her thighs apart. He covered her mouth with his, his tongue thrusting as he found her entrance. Pushed. Slow, until her hips rose and he plunged the rest of the way in. It felt...amazing.

  They found a perfect rhythm immediately, as if their bodies were tuned to each other. Except she wasn’t going to last. Anna heard herself making sounds she didn’t recognize. She dug her fingernails into his back—and her body imploded.

  He said something—her name—and followed her over the precipice. Holding him tight after his big body came down on hers, Anna felt tingling joy from the tips of her toes to the sting in her eyes...and wondered how she’d ever have the courage to leave this man.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  THEY MADE LOVE three times during the night. Nate kept aiming for slow and losing it, but when he awakened to the pearly light of morning and found himself spooning Anna’s long, lithe body, he felt a wash of throat-clenching emotion. He made every touch tender. He prevented her from rolling to face him, giving him control she couldn’t dynamite. Instead, he entered her from behind, loved her with hands and mouth and body.

  Holding her afterward, breathing in the citrus scent of her silky hair, he realized a broad grin had spread on his face. The night had been mind-blowing, and he knew it hadn’t been one-sided. She had to see that they were right together.

  Yeah, but when could they do this again? If he asked her right now to marry him, would she say yes? Otherwise, they’d be lucky to get rid of all three kids at the same time once every few weeks.

  Nate wanted tomorrow—no, tonight—not some possible date in June.

  He sighed and her head lifted. “What was that about?”

  “Realizing two of the three kids will be home today.”

  A phone buzzed somewhere. Down on the floor, he thought. His was...who knew?

  It buzzed again. When she sat up, he groaned and went searching, finally coming up with her chinos. He fished the phone out and handed it to her.

  As she answered, Nate kissed her shoulder and was able to hear Jenna’s high voice. “Mommy? Can you come get me now?”

  “You’ve already had breakfast?”

  Nate looked at the clock and discovered the pale light that suggested dawn was deceptive; it was actually 9:30 a.m. A gray day, then.

  Anna’s gaze followed his, and she wrinkled her nose ruefully. “Yes, okay. But I slept in and haven’t taken my shower yet, so you’ll have to wait.” Pause. “Did you have fun?”

  After ending the call, she sighed. “At least she made it through the night.”

  “I’ll count that a blessing.”

  “I suppose I’d better get moving.”

  He pushed her hair aside to kiss her slender nape, noting the delicacy of her vertebrae. “Can we have breakfast together once you’re back?”

  Anna smiled over her shoulder, the hint of shyness that had returned unintentionally seductive. “That sounds nice. Waffles.”

  He fell back onto his pillow, grinning at her. “With that incentive, I’ll let you go.”

  She scrambled into her clothes a lot faster than he’d have liked, came back to the bed to kiss him and then fled.

  Nate folded his hands behind his head, stared at the ceiling brooding, then finally got up to shower, too.

  Once downstairs, he started the coffee, feeling guilty that he expected her to cook. He could have done something else, but waffles? Not without a mix.

  Twenty minutes later, she let herself and Jenna in the front door instead of going up through the apartment. Nate took a ridiculous amount of satisfaction from that small act. She wouldn’t have done that a few months ago, not when he was home. He hadn’t recognized at the time how many unspoken boundaries Anna had set, but now realized that she’d relaxed most.

  Including the biggest one—he’d had her in his bed.

  He needed to have patience now, but had trouble finding any store of it. He’d worn out what he had in the months of waiting.

  “I promised Jenna I’d make waffles,” she said, as if she hadn’t seen him since yesterday. “Would you like one?”

  “Or two,” he agreed, not liking her smile. It was for effect, not for him.

  But Jenna dumped her small pink pack and rushed to where he sat on the bar stool, one foot hooked on the rung. “I went to a sleepover, just like Josh does all the time. And I wasn’t scared at all!”

  “Nope.” He held up a hand for a high five. “You’re growing up, kid.”

  She giggled. “Uh-huh. And I’m going to be in real school before I know it.”

  The phrase had come from her mother. Did five-year-olds have any conception of how long three or four months were?

  “I wish Mrs. Schaub could be my teacher. Or Mommy.”

  “I don’t think the principal would let you be in your mother’s classroom.” Unless she got a job in a rural district where there was only one class for each grade? No, damn it—that wasn’t happening.

  Already removing ingredients from cupboards, Anna said, “I’m hoping to teach older kids, anyway. Third through fifth grade, maybe.”

  “Josh says he’ll be in third grade.”

  Nate laughed at her dubious tone. “What, you think he’s going to flunk second grade, and they’ll make him take it over again?”

  “I could catch up.” Gleeful, she said, “Maybe they’ll never let him graduate from second grade.”

  Anna’s laughing eyes met his, and he immediately felt better. He�
�d imagined the renewed distance. She hadn’t held anything back last night. Why would she now?

  But uneasiness stirred anyway as he remembered her saying, Let’s not talk about that tonight. Anna had given herself physically, without reserve—but maybe not emotionally.

  * * *

  IT WAS SO hard to behave naturally this morning. Anna kept having to squeeze her thighs together to contain cramps of longing when she focused on Nate’s mouth or his hands or his thighs or... At the same time, she remembered with chagrin the sounds she’d heard come from her throat. She’d never even known what the word mewl meant—until she’d done it.

  On the way to pick up Jenna, her fingers painfully tight on the steering wheel, she’d been sure last night was a mistake. She should have waited until she was certain how she felt about him—and how he felt about her. If he loved her, wouldn’t you think he’d have said so?

  Now she stared blankly at the flour in the ceramic mixing bowl. Had she added the sugar or not? And what about the salt?

  Wonderful. She added both. Who’d notice extra sweet or salty waffles? At least she knew she hadn’t measured out the baking powder yet. Blowing out a breath, she said, “Josh called. He’s going to the soccer game with Jaden.”

  “The cast will be off this week.”

  “The season will be over soon, too.”

  For that matter, school would be out in... Anna had to count. Three weeks. Suddenly, she felt as if she had a chunk of concrete in her stomach. Kyle had drowned on the first field trip of the summer camp. The anniversary was just over four weeks away.

  And she should have been applying for more jobs. So far she’d applied for only two, and both were local. Even though she knew she couldn’t afford to live in the area unless she continued to lean on Nate. And it wasn’t as if they could go on the way they were if Molly ended up going to live with her mother.

  “She won’t be home until tomorrow, will she?”

  Nate and Jenna both looked startled.

  “Molly,” she had to explain.

  “No.” His mouth tightened. “I thought about calling to say hi, but I don’t suppose Sonja would appreciate that.”

  “How come?” Jenna asked.

  At the same moment Anna said, “That’s safe to say.”

  Explanations to Jenna occupied both Anna and Nate until they all sat down to eat the waffles. The two adults had a scoop of blueberries atop theirs, as well as blueberry syrup. Jenna liked only butter.

  “More blueberries for the rest of us,” Nate said.

  After breakfast, he worked for a couple hours while Anna looked again at job openings and Jenna managed to entertain herself.

  Anna produced sandwiches and a fruit salad for lunch, after which all three played Chinese checkers, both adults subtly helping Jenna. Despite their best efforts, Jenna’s delight at having Nate and Anna’s undivided attention had waned and become boredom by midafternoon, when Jaden’s dad dropped off Josh.

  When Anna asked, he said, “Yeah, my team won.” He sounded deeply gloomy. “The guys all claimed they want me back, but I don’t know.”

  Nate gave him a friendly whack between the shoulder blades, said, “Of course they meant it. You’re good,” and excused himself to catch up on emails.

  Watching him go, Anna felt a helpless longing that sharpened her worry. These were her children; the three of them were a family without Nate. Was she really this dependent on his presence, his approval, his sense of humor, his support? Or, God forbid, his money? And it wasn’t only her, was it? Jenna and Josh both had come to count on Nate. He’d become their father in all but name, and she didn’t know how she felt about that.

  Running away seemed safest.

  The kids weren’t happy when she announced that they needed to return to the apartment, but they knew when arguing wouldn’t get them anywhere.

  “I have things I need to do on my computer,” she said firmly. Like apply for more jobs. “And Nate needs to work. You two can entertain yourself with your own stuff.”

  Of course, what they did was squabble once they were all stuck together in the confines of the small apartment, but Jenna was noticeably flagging, and finally fell asleep. Disgusted, Josh flopped onto his bed and began to play a handheld electronic game. Since Jenna didn’t stir, Anna left him to it.

  She sat down with her laptop and began to scan listed openings for elementary schoolteachers. Towns that were too small—no. She rejected some communities on the grounds that they didn’t look all that appealing to live. Too dry. Too hot. Too isolated.

  Gee, had she maybe become a little too picky?

  Living for a year in a waterfront home on Lake Washington had spoiled her rotten, she thought ruefully.

  She returned to her search, finding that, while some districts listed specific openings, others only accepted general applications. They might or might not have a suitable opening. Each required a different route to apply.

  She ignored her conflicted feelings. She could turn down a job she didn’t want. But leaving herself with no options at all...that wasn’t smart.

  She set to work.

  * * *

  SUNDAY EVENING, MOLLY dashed from her mother’s car to fling herself into Nate’s arms with a desperation that instantly raised red flags for him. Sonja stayed on the far side of the car, looking over the roof.

  “Safe and sound,” she said sarcastically before getting behind the wheel. What should have been a three-point turnaround in her car was more like five-point.

  Erasing his frown, he bent to Molly. Was that mint he smelled?

  “Have you had dinner?”

  She shook her head then said, “Kind of.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “Mommy ordered Chinese food. She got mad that I didn’t like it.”

  All those foods mixed together. What was Sonja thinking?

  Resting a hand on her shoulder, he said, “We have leftover spaghetti. I’ll warm some up for you. Leave your bag there, and we’ll take it up when it’s time for bed.”

  “Isn’t Anna here? And Josh and Jenna?”

  “No, they went to the apartment after dinner. Josh had homework waiting.” He glanced at her. “What about you?”

  “I guess.”

  Nate laughed. “Don’t sound so downtrodden. What’ll it take you? Twenty minutes?”

  Eating improved her mood, but she didn’t want to talk about the weekend. They didn’t really do anything that fun. Mom rented movies, but Molly had seen most of them already.

  It was like tiptoeing through a minefield. He didn’t like the idea of Sonja grilling Molly about every minute she spent with him, and Sonja didn’t have an obligation to dazzle her daughter with fun activities every second, either. Maybe she’d wanted to enjoy the feeling of having Molly home again.

  And maybe she was drinking.

  He’d bide his time...except what if she’d had a couple of martinis before driving Molly home tonight? The wondering became a jarring buzz.

  Of course, what he wanted urgently was to talk to Anna, but would she welcome a backstairs visit after the kids were all asleep? Otherwise, he’d have to wait until tomorrow night. Tomorrow, he decided, disturbed by how needy he felt.

  He barely saw Anna in the morning. In the office, he pored over due-diligence reports on two maybe/maybe-not start-ups, then wandered down the hall to talk his decisions over with John, who’d reached about the same place on a plea for money to launch yet another social media site. Their discussion continued through lunch at Andaluca in the Mayflower Park Hotel, walking distance from their office.

  That afternoon, he said a kind no on one project and a provisional yes, let’s talk more on the other. Emails, texts and returning phone calls killed the rest of the afternoon. Even so, more came in during his drive to the Eastside. Think how much more he’d get done if he accide
ntally-on-purpose lost his phone.

  He came in the door at home to catch a harried-looking Anna gazing into the refrigerator. The house wasn’t redolent with the scent of dinner cooking.

  When she heard him, she closed the refrigerator. “I’m sorry. Josh doesn’t feel good and I’m way behind.”

  That explained the quiet. “Where is he?”

  “In his room. I left both doors open.” She sighed. “Since Molly is in the same classroom, I’m sure she’s already been exposed to whatever bug he has, and, well...”

  “Jenna already has been, too. How about if I go pick up a pizza?”

  “Would you?” She looked grateful. “I could make a vegetable to go with it.”

  He smiled, making it into the kitchen to cup her face in his hands and press his lips to her forehead. “Or we could forget it.”

  She gave a funny, choked laugh. “That wouldn’t break my heart.”

  “Okay. You call in our usual order, I’ll head out right now to pick it up.”

  “Bless you.”

  He did pause to say hi to the two girls playing a remarkably silly game, then went back out.

  His talk with Anna didn’t happen that evening. She dashed between apartment and house half-a-dozen times during dinner and cleanup, reporting that poor Josh couldn’t keep anything down, even the ginger ale she’d picked up on the way home.

  Jenna scrunched up her face. “Do I hafta sleep in the bedroom with him?”

  Molly offered to share her bed, and Anna gave her permission. Once she’d brought Jenna her toothbrush, nightgown and clothes for the morning, she offered a distracted good-night and disappeared upstairs.

  Family life did have its drawbacks. Even if they shared a bed, she’d have been leaping up on a regular basis to check on Josh.

  He saw her only long enough in the morning to be able to tell that she hadn’t gotten much sleep. She’d called in to the district office to let them know she couldn’t work today. Since no kid was in sight, he slipped his arms around her and let her lean on him for a precious few minutes.