Just A Kiss

by Elks, Carrie

  “Yeah.” Breck nodded. “I’ll do that.”

  “See you in there.” Griff lifted his hand in a wave as he walked out of the bathroom, the jaunty sounds of All I Want For Christmas filling the air as he made his exit.

  Breck pushed himself off the sink and blew out a mouthful of stale air. Twenty-four hours and this would all be over.

  But right now, that felt like forever.

  25

  Caitie had barely seen Breck all evening. She’d spent most of the time after the rehearsal dinner sorting out last minute problems – rearranging the seating plan for the fifth time to accommodate more out-of-town visitors who had changed their minds about coming, calling the hairdresser and make-up artist to make sure they arrived an hour earlier than planned, to fit in Deenie and Ember’s mom who’d decided they wanted to have their hair professionally styled. Then there were the discussions with the chef, the wedding planner, and the officiant, to make sure they were all on the same page. By the time the music stopped playing in the ballroom, all she wanted to do was slink off to bed.

  As she made her way to the atrium, where Ember and her friends were celebrating her last night of freedom, Caitie glanced at her phone. Breck had finally replied to her text from earlier.

  I’m beat. Might sleep in my own room tonight. I don’t want to disturb you.

  Her chest tightened at his words. She frowned, trying to think of a way to reply that didn’t put any pressure on him.

  “What are you doing out here?” Brooke asked, as she opened the door to the atrium. “Come on in, we’re ordering another round of cocktails. What would you like?”

  She was so happy and friendly, Caitie couldn’t say no. Even though all she wanted to do was find Breck and talk to him.

  “I’ll have a Cosmopolitan,” Caitie said. “But only one. I already had a glass of champagne and I don’t want my head to get fuzzy.”

  Brooke slid her arm inside Caitie’s and walked with her to the table where they were all sitting down. “You’ve worked extremely hard, you deserve to relax. Ember’s so happy at how well everything’s going.”

  Caitie tried to arrange her lips into a smile. “That’s good. I want them to have the perfect day.”

  “Oh, they will,” Brooke said, smiling. “I’m sure of it.”

  When they reached the table, Brooke gave their orders to the waiter and pulled Caitie out a chair next to her mom. Deenie reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Everything was wonderful tonight, Caitie. I’m so proud of you. And I know for a fact Lucas and Ember are, too.”

  Wasn’t that what it was all about? Making the bride and groom happy?

  “Thank you,” she said softly. “Are all the guys in the bar now?”

  Deenie nodded. “Yes. I told your father to limit his whiskeys. You know what he’s like when he’s had too many.”

  “I don’t want him looking green around the gills when he walks Ember down the aisle.” Ember’s own father had died a few years earlier, and she’d asked Wallace to escort her at the wedding.

  “Don’t worry,” Deenie said, winking. “I’ll send him a text in half an hour and demand he comes to bed.”

  Bed. Ah, what she wouldn’t do to be there right now. Preferably in Breck’s arms.

  From the corner of her eye she could see Rachel talking to Ally, the two of them laughing as their heads almost touched. Caitie’s stomach contracted. Why couldn’t she feel that carefree?

  She couldn’t quite put her finger on why she felt so on edge. Everything had been organized to the second. Like Santa, she’d checked her list twice and nothing had been missed. Yet her stomach was churning like it wanted to make butter.

  “Mom?” she asked, her voice wavering. “Do you think Breck’s okay? He seemed a little out of it earlier.”

  Deenie tipped her head to the side. “It would be a big surprise if he wasn’t. It’s almost the anniversary of his mom’s death. Even after all these years those anniversaries can be tough. Especially one on Christmas Eve.”

  The blood drained from Caitie’s face. How could she have forgotten that? Her throat tightened as she thought about the way he’d been shifting in his seat all night. Not meeting her gaze. No wonder he’d been looking so sad. All the memories of his mom must have been overwhelming.

  And she hadn’t given him the support he needed. Too taken up with organizing the wedding to think about the man she loved. She put her cocktail down on the table and stood, her brows knitting together as she looked at her mom.

  “There’s something I need to do,” she said, her voice tight.

  “Can I help?” her mom asked. “Is it for the wedding?”

  Caitie shook her head. “No, I can do it on my own.” She gave her mom a tight smile. “I’ll be back in a while.”

  “Okay, honey. Take it easy.”

  Caitie’s mind was a whirl as she rushed out of the atrium and across the lobby. The bar was on the far side, the double doors closed to keep in the noise of the men as they laughed and talked. She hesitated when she reached the room. Whatever she said, it was going to look suspicious when she walked in to speak with Breck. Her brother wasn’t stupid, he’d know something was wrong.

  Maybe she could tell him Rachel was looking for him. But the thought of that made her feel even worse. She quickly grabbed her phone and typed out a message. Maybe this way she could avoid walking in the room altogether.

  I’m outside the bar. Can you meet me here?

  She waited for a minute. Then two. He was probably too busy talking with somebody to notice his phone buzzing. And she was beginning to look strange, loitering outside the bar. With him not replying she had no choice but to go in.

  Taking a deep breath, she pushed the saloon door open and stepped inside. The room was packed with men. Family, friends, firefighters from Lucas’s job. A few of them laughingly told her she was in the wrong room as she pushed through them, scouting the space for Breck’s face.

  “Caitie?” Lucas said when she reached the far corner. “Are you looking for me? Everything okay?”

  Her father was with him, along with Griff and Jack, plus his retired Captain from the service. They all turned to her, smiling and greeting her. Her mouth turned dry at the thought of them all listening.

  “I… uh…” She took a mouthful of air. “I’m looking for Breck. I have a quick question for him about tomorrow. Is he here?”

  “Breck?” Lucas frowned. “No, he headed up to bed half an hour ago. Said he had a headache.”

  “He’s in his room?” It was getting hard to breathe. “Is he okay?”

  “Yeah. He just can’t take his drink,” Griff said, lifting his own glass. “When I saw him in the bathroom earlier I swear he’d been puking.”

  Breck wasn’t much of a drinker. Caitie knew that. A beer or two as the sun went down was his occasional limit. “I should check on him,” she said. “Make sure he’s okay. He needs to be well for tomorrow.”

  “You don’t need to do everything,” Griff said, putting his arm around her shoulder. “Tell you what, I’ll go check on him. You go back to Ember and the girls.” He hugged her against him in a brotherly way. “You don’t need to clear up after our mess, little sis.”

  She was starting to panic. There was no way she was going to reveal her relationship with Breck now. Not when everybody was merry and it was her brother’s wedding day tomorrow. But she needed to find a way to see him.

  “If he’s ill I have all the details of the local doctor,” she said quickly. “I’ll only be a minute. Stay here and enjoy yourself.” She lifted her lips into a smile. “And keep an eye on Lucas. I need him sober in the morning.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Griff released her shoulder and gave her a mock salute. “But give me a shout if you need me, okay?”

  She nodded quickly. “Sure.”

  It took another few minutes to push her way back through the crowd. Everybody she passed wanted to tell her how well things were going, how pretty the hotel looked, how much they we
re looking forward to the next day. With each conversation she felt her pulse raise. When she managed to exit into the lobby, she took a mouthful of air.

  Breck was on the third floor. She’d assigned his room herself. Next to the elevator so he could sneak out and down to the floor below without anybody noticing. She pressed the button and waited for the elevator to arrive, almost running inside when the doors finally opened.

  The third floor was quiet. Lucas and his groomsmen took up half the rooms, along with his friends from the service. Ember and her bridal party were on the second, along with her friends, leaving the first floor for both of their families. Caitie had taken great care assigning each room, noting the families who had young children and wouldn’t want to be disturbed by rowdiness. She’d learned from experience all these little things counted.

  She tapped at Breck’s door with the tips of her fingers, not wanting to make too much noise. When there was no answer, she leaned forward, trying to look through the peephole. “Breck? It’s me. Are you okay?”

  It was at least thirty seconds before he opened the door. Her heartbeat echoed in her ears as she waited silently, worrying about him. Then he was there, his face as grey as Griff had described, his brows pulled close together, making three vertical lines in the skin between them.

  “Breck?”

  He blinked as though he was trying to work out who she was. He didn’t look like himself at all. Not the happy, easy-going Breck she knew so well. There was a wildness to his eyes that made her want to step back.

  “Are you okay?” she asked. “Griff said you weren’t feeling well.”

  “I’m fine.” He pressed his lips together.

  “Can I come in?” She glanced at the hallway behind her to make sure nobody was there. “I only want to talk for a minute.”

  When she stepped inside there was something strange about his room. It took a moment for her to realize what it was. “Haven’t you unpacked?” she asked him, seeing his bag by the door, his suit still in its plastic case.

  He shook his head but said nothing.

  “Breck?”

  “I need to go.”

  It was her turn to blink. “What? Go where?” she asked. “The bathroom? Are you feeling sick?” She reached for his arm, laying her palm on his bicep. “Is it your mom?” she asked him. “Memories of her?” Caitie licked her lips. “I’m so sorry I didn’t remember earlier. You must have been thinking about her all day. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to be here, when all you want to do is—”

  “Can you give my apologies to Lucas? I’ll call him after the wedding.” It was as though he hadn’t heard her at all.

  “Go where?” she asked again, before realization washed over her like an icy wave. “You’re leaving?”

  “I need to get home.” Breck wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I can’t stay here. Can you tell Rachel, too. She’ll need to walk down the aisle with somebody else.”

  “Breck. Talk to me.” Holding his arm, Caitie took a step forward, raising her face to his. He was still frowning. She reached up to tip his head down, willing him to meet her gaze. “Are you sick? Do you want me to call a doctor?”

  He shook his head.

  “Is it your mom? Do you want to talk?” Her voice softened. “What’s wrong? Let me help you.”

  He shrugged her off, her hand falling to her side. “I need to get out of here,” he muttered. “Please let me go.”

  * * *

  Breck couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt like this. His chest was so tight it was hard to breathe. He sucked in a mouthful of air, but it caught in his throat, making his heart speed up even faster.

  The nausea that had been swirling around his stomach all night was still rising. And his head – oh god, his head. It was pounding in a painful rhythm that made him want to scream.

  He needed to get out of here. If he could get away from this hotel, he might be able to breathe again. Might be able to get this messy, thick pain out of his head and actually be able to think.

  Because right now he couldn’t form a single thought. Nothing beyond the need to escape. Every muscle in his body was tense, like an animal faced with the ultimate danger.

  “Breck, you need to breathe.” He could faintly hear her voice. “Please listen to me.”

  He shook his head, but the shooting pain in his skull made him wince. Christ, was he going to be sick?

  Somewhere in the back of his wooly mind he could hear her voice. Feel her hand as she pressed it against his arm. But it did nothing to soothe away the pain.

  Only distance would. He knew that.

  “I need to go home,” he told her. He reached for his bag, trying not to gasp as the shock of movement made his head protest.

  “You can’t drive like this. Stay here, let me take care of you. I have some painkillers in my room if you need them.” The feeling of her hand stroking his cheek made his spine tense. He couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand being touched. Couldn’t stand thinking about his mom and the way she used to touch him.

  He really was going to be sick.

  “Breck?”

  He swallowed the nausea down at the last minute. “I’ll call the hotel in the morning,” he told her. “Pay for my room.”

  “You can’t go like this. You’re too sick to drive.” She paused, as though she was thinking something through. “I’ll come with you. I’ll take you home.”

  “No.” His voice was rough. What kind of asshole would ask her to do that? She was in the middle of arranging her brother’s wedding for God’s sake. He squeezed his eyes shut. He was like some kind of virus. If he didn’t get out of here soon, he’d infect them all. “Stay here. I need to be alone.”

  “But Breck—”

  “Leave me alone.” It came out louder than he’d planned. Harsher, too. Caitie stepped back, shock on her face as she blinked away the tears. He took another breath, trying to find the right words. But there were none. Because he was an asshole and he needed to stop hurting people to make himself feel better.

  Her expression felt like a knife to his heart, adding to the pain in his stomach and head. Everything he touched was turning to ashes. He couldn’t stand the way she was looking at him.

  He shouldn’t have let this happen. Shouldn’t have let Caitie think he was fine with Christmas. That he was happy to celebrate with her when the thought of it tore him apart.

  This was why he went away every year, keeping his miserable ass away from everybody else. He dealt with it by pretending it wasn’t there. It was the only way to survive.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, curling his hands to stop himself from wiping the tears from her cheeks. “I shouldn’t have come here.” He shook his head. “I never wanted to hurt you…”

  “Then stay,” she pleaded.

  “I can’t. I can’t do this.” His own eyes stung with tears. “I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes rose up to meet his. “And us?” she whispered. “What about us?”

  Even crying, she was beautiful. Her eyes shone, her skin glowed, her lips as pink as berries. Lucas was right, she was perfect. The full enchilada. And he was making her cry like he hadn’t seen in years.

  He was poison. If he wasn’t careful, he’d bring them both down.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice heavy. “There is no us.”

  26

  Caitie’s heart had been hurting all morning, and yet somehow she’d managed to keep it together as she sat with Ember and the other bridesmaids. As she had her hair washed and styled, she kept her facial expression as neutral as she could when the beautician applied her makeup.

  Ember and her friends were in high spirits, laughing and teasing each other as they prepared themselves for the ceremony. Even Rachel had managed to shrug off her grumpiness about Breck being gone, and was sipping the champagne Caitie had ordered for them.

  “Are you okay?” Ember whispered as the hairdresser sprayed her hair. “You look exhausted.”

  “I didn’t s
leep much,” Caitie replied, urging her lips to smile. “But I’m fine, I really am.”

  Lies, all lies. Her stomach was churning, her chest was aching. She needed to get through today, then maybe she could breathe again.

  Because everything hurt. She wanted to call him, to message him, to see if he was okay. But he’d made it clear he wasn’t willing to talk to her. Didn’t want to tell her what was wrong. He preferred to leave her alone than open up and say how he really felt.

  She might have been in love with him, but she had some pride. Even if she wanted to talk to him, now wasn’t the time. If she heard his voice she’d cry, and ruin the beautiful make-up the beautician had applied.

  No, she would get through today and worry about everything tomorrow. Or maybe after Christmas, because right now her body wanted to sleep for a hundred years.

  An hour later, they were standing in the lobby outside the ballroom. Even through her heartache, Caitie couldn’t help but smile at Ember, and tell her how pretty she looked.

  “My brother is a lucky man,” she told her.

  “I’m the lucky one,” Ember said, smiling. “I can’t wait to be his wife.” Her love for him was so easy to read; she glowed with it. Caitie tried to ignore the feeling of loneliness threatening to suffuse her.

  She was going to get through this. She was.

  “Are you ready?” her father asked Ember. The bride nodded. The bridal party formed into a line at the front, with Rachel and Caitie paired together in the absence of Breck. The music began as the ushers opened the double doors leading into the ballroom. And as each of them stepped forward, Lucas turned to watch them, smiling as his eyes met Ember’s.

  For a moment everything seemed to stop. Nobody breathed, nobody walked, because they were all entranced by the emotion in Lucas’s eyes. His lips curled into a smile, and the crowd sighed, as the wedding procession began to make their way toward him.

  Caitie looked around, her cheeks aching from her struggle to smile. The seat covers matched the bridesmaids’ dresses perfectly, the ivory flowers a contrast to the dark burgundy of the fabric. The music was clear, the guests were smiling, and the bride and groom only had eyes for each other.