by Adams, Nancy
“Yeah, well,” he sighed. “Got into a fight with Mark at Greg’s so,” John coughed. “I decided to come home early.”
Tina nodded with fake curiosity. “That’s too bad.” Turning off the water, she began to head towards her purse, then stopped. Her eyes had adjusted more to the dim lighting and she could clearly see John now. He looked terrible, clothes and hair disheveled and bags beneath his eyes. “You look like a mess,” she said with disgust.
John looked down at himself with a disinterested glance. He faced her and shrugged, hands stretched out at his sides. “I’m miserable.”
Tina ran her eyes over him, then shook her head. She turned from him then, choosing to ignore his last remark. She didn’t care how he felt. At that moment, all she could think about was Brett. His smile, and his smooth voice. She thought about the tenderness in his voice as he talked about his previous marriage.
She had never known a man to be capable of sharing emotions and feelings like he had. John was always more of a closed person. She had to dig to draw something out, and even then, it never seemed to be worth what she eventually got.
She had even tried waiting for him to open up to her. That’s what caused this last phase in their marriage. He withdrew and she let him go, waiting for him to come back. Except he never did. Did he even know how many nights she spent crying to herself about how lonely she felt?
In their bedroom, Tina began to undress herself. She unbuttoned her blouse, and paused, catching her reflection in the mirror. Her skin seemed to glow, radiating with warmth. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so satisfied, so complete—and all from a simple conversation.
A full blown smiled cracked her face then. She was such a little school girl at heart, and now totally smitten with the most attractive man she’d been bold enough to acknowledge since getting married. Somewhere she thought she should feel shame for the way she felt now, but if she were being honest, she didn’t feel any guilt or shame anymore. Just joy. Inexplicable joy that she wanted to feel again and again.
She wanted to continue talking with Brett. She would have walked around that track ten times with him that night if it meant she never had to leave his side. She was aware of how creepy and stalker-ish that might seem. So when the café closed, she suggested they meet for lunch soon to finish their conversation.
It was Brett who wouldn’t let them leave without making definite plans. His instance only added to her happiness. They even exchanged numbers! She didn’t even have to worry about playing the game of who would text first because he sent her a goodnight text after walking her to her car.
No games. No fuss. Just honesty. And she liked that. She liked it a lot.
Sealed
Chapter Twelve
“Hold it like this,” Brett instructed her. It was Sunday in the late evening. They sat atop a picnic table underneath a gazebo, the connected benches acting as footstools. They were in the downtown public park, surrounded by a field of green grass sheltering bold daisies and other wild flowers.
Tina laughed nervously as she handled his large guitar. Over the past hour he played soft chords as background music as they talked and chatted away about nothing in particular. They had grown close over the last month, meeting often during the day and sparingly at night.
Tina found herself getting home later and later during the work week and often times staying away from home all day on Saturday and Sunday. She saw less and less of John and preferred it that way.
When she was with Brett, she was alive. They laughed, giggled, and talked. Ate ice cream, watched movies—they were regular old friends, something she couldn’t have said of John in a long time.
“Okay,” Tina laughed, wrapping her right arm around the guitar’s rounded bottom, “I hold it here and then change chords up here.” She was talking more to herself. “Teach me a chord,” she demanded.
Brett sat behind her, moving in close as he obliged her order. She felt his breath on her right side as he leaned towards her to check her fingers on the neck. He took hold of her fingers, positioning them on the steel strings.
“This is E minor,” he said in a hushed voice.
Tina breathed deeply. They had touched sparingly over the course of the past month, being careful to remain respectful of boundaries and borders. She had thought several times about how far she was willing to go as a married woman. Every time that the thought came to her, however, her mind went blank.
The heat on her neck from his mouth caused her heart to race. She glanced towards him, catching his eyes. Smiling, she turned her attention to her fingers pressing down the chord. “This hurts,” she whimpered. He laughed then, moving towards her.
Placing a hand over her left hand, he playfully strummed over her fingers, running his fingers over her knuckles and lacing them with her hand. “Strum with me,” his voice was low.
He continued to strum over her fingers, occasionally letting his fingers lock with Tina’s. Giddy smiles were slowly replaced with seriousness. He showed her another chord, positioning himself behind her so that she essentially sat just in front of his lap. With one leg resting on the bench seat, and the other folder onto the table, she was able to relax and lean back into his chest.
Soon, she forgot about the chords, letting him move and mold her fingers, strumming over her hands. He stopped occasionally to hold her. Her breathing had deepened, heart throbbing within her chest. She was breathless.
Her mind raced with thoughts. She had never felt such a connection with another man before. Is this what she lacked in her own marriage? Is this why she was so unhappy with John?
She couldn’t get past the blankness of the future. Did they even have a future together? Could they?
Tina turned to Brett suddenly, freezing as she came face to face with him. He had been so close to her that his eyes were mere inches away. His lips, barely a breath from her own.
Her eyes ran over his face. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said, swallowing back dry lumps hardening in her throat.
Brett smiled. “Yes, you do.”
“Sometimes,” Tina continued. “Sometimes I don’t know and—”
“Ssshhh,” Brett whispered, silencing her. His eyes swept over her face. With his right hand, he stroked the side of her face, pushing back a tuff of her hair over her shoulders. “We can go as slow as you want. I don’t mind.”
Tina smiled, finding her breath returning to her. Her heart seemed to beat in her throat. Brett stroked her face again, eyes sweeping over her face. They landed on her lips, but he didn’t lean towards her. Instead, with his right hand, he reached for the neck of his guitar, twisting it out of Tina’s loose grip.
Laying the guitar next to him on the table top, he turned his focus to Tina. He closed the distance between her back and his chest, wrapping his arms around Tina’s frame. His hands slid over her arms, squeezing and holding her close. Relaxing into his back, she allowed him to envelope her, breathing out as he kissed her temple.
His lips were soft and warm. He kissed her temple a second time, then her cheek. Tina held on to his arms tightly, unsure of what she might do if she were to turn around and face him again. Instead, she stared out into the open park.
She thought of John then, surprising herself. At the same time, she heard a long buzzing come from inside her purse, along with a short electronic whistle. She sighed. It was probably John with a text.
With his cheek resting against her, Brett continued stroked Tina’s arms. “Is that your husband?” He asked nonchalantly.
Tina cringed at John’s label, but nodded. “Funny how life works,” she said with a chuckle. “I told you though, he’s been trying to talk to me more.”
“About what?”
Tina shrugged, closing her eyes as she let herself fall into Brett’s chest. She nuzzled back into him, smiling as she heard him breathe in the scent of her hair. “I’m not sure, I don’t really listen.” She shrugged her shoulders lazily. “I used to wait for him for ho
urs. He’d come home, say two things to me, take a shower and go to sleep.”
Opening her eyes, Tina idly scanned the emptying park. “I’m pretty sure he’s getting suspicious though,” she continued, “He’s always trying to figure out where I’ve been or when I’m going to be coming home.”
Brett squeezed her arms, running the palms of his hands from the top of her shoulders down to her wrists. He nipped at her ear.
“About a week ago he mentioned therapy or something.”
Pulling away from her ear, Brett spoke softly. “Marriage counseling?”
Tina shrugged. “No, he said therapy. He told me he was miserable and isn’t happy, but he wanted to look into therapy.”
“Hmmm,” Brett let his chin rest on Tina’s shoulder. His cheek was pressed against hers. “Do you still have feelings for him?”
Tina laughed. “No,” she shook her head, thinking of John then. “Absolutely not,” she laughed again, ending in a gentle sigh. “Does that make me a bad wife?”
Brett laughed with her then, hands moving across her skin. They settled into a silence. Tina closed her eyes, tuning out everything but his touch. It was like fire. After a while, she grew rigid, then turned and faced him again.
Their eyes connected in the low light of the early evening. The sun had already set and the street lights had come on, even the fluorescent lights beneath the gazebo. Tina didn’t wait to let her thoughts catch up. She closed her eyes, feeling Brett’s lips against hers a blink later.
She found herself instantly out of breath, tasting him within seconds. He held her face in his hands, seeming to restrain himself as he worked his mouth over hers. She didn’t know how long they sustained that first kiss, stroking each other’s head and breathing in the breath of the other.
When Brett pulled back, she heard nothing but the sound of her heart pulsing in her ears. He trailed light kisses on her cheek and neck, her temple and forehead. When he stopped, Tina heard his breath rattling on the edge of his lips.
“We might need to go soon,” he whispered, voice mostly stuck in his throat. She nodded weakly in agreement. “When can I see you again?” His voice had returned, but barely.
“Maybe Monday evening. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment during lunch tomorrow.”
“That’s good. That’s for the dizzy spells, right?”
Tina nodded. “And other things, the headaches and abdominal pain. My friend Beth keeps swearing up and down it’s just stress.” With a nod, Tina sat up, pulling away from Brett slightly. “She thinks it’d all go away once I serve John with the divorce.”
“She’s probably right,” Brett said softly.
Tina didn’t acknowledge his comment. Instead, she stood and stretched, faking a yawn. “Goodness, I’m tired,” she turned to Brett, giving a flirtatious smile. “Walk me to my car?”
“Always.”
Accusations
Chapter Thirteen
When Tina entered her home, she knew that John had been waiting for her. The kitchen and living room lights were on. He sat on the couch, one leg propped up and the TV tuned into the news channel. By the time she had closed the door, he had the turned off the TV and waited for her at the kitchen island.
“I sent you a text. Did you not get it?” He asked quickly.
Tina avoided his eyes, dropping her purse on the counter top as she headed for the fridge. She didn’t need anything out of it, but she refused to face him. “I think I heard my phone go off at one point. I must have forgotten to check it,” she said carelessly. Opening the refrigerator door, her eyes washed over the contents, seeing nothing in general.
“Where were you?” John questioned from the island.
“At the park,” Tina reached for the jug of orange juice, feeling her body grow hot. She never hounded him with questions like this when he was out all hours of the night.
“You’ve been gone for nearly six hours.”
“I caught a movie matinee at three,” Tina cut him off.
“You think I’m stupid?” John yelled suddenly, causing Tina to freeze. She didn’t dare face him. Instead, she slowly closed the refrigerator door, proceeding to find a glass from the cabinet next. “So you’re going to ignore me now?” John’s voice was closer.
Clenching her teeth, she rushed to pour the orange juice, hands beginning to shake with anger.
“For weeks you’ve been staying out late. Ignoring my texts,” he had moved so close that she could hear his unsteady breathing behind her. “Why do you just cut your crap out and tell me who he is.”
Tina scoffed at his accusation, slamming down the empty glass after she quickly drank its contents. She faced John then, sticking a finger towards his face. “For months you have ignored me, slept over at your friends and taken whole weekends from me being wasted at your friend’s house—wasted!” She yelled back this time, unable to control herself.
“You refused to celebrate the day you proposed to me and you expect me to put up with this?” Tina shook her head, stepping away. “You can forget it. You’re not going to talk to me this way.” Pushing past him, she snatched her purse from the island on her way to the living room. She hurried to the bedroom in the back of the house.
Once inside the room, she let out a breath of air, resting momentarily with her back against the door. With a burst of energy she rushed to the connecting bathroom, splashing her face with a handful of cold water from the sink. She hadn’t expected him to confront her like that, let alone yell. He never yelled.
She tossed another handful of water onto her face, then met her eyes in the mirror. If it’s the truth, why was I so offended just now?
She didn’t have the answer to her own question.
Not Quite Impossible
Chapter Thirteen
“Hopefully you have some good news for me,” Tina said eagerly as the door opened. She sat on an examination table in her doctor’s office, eager to leave, but restraining herself. Earlier that morning, she had actually vomited with no other signs of nausea. The issues were getting worse and nothing she had done to help was making them go away or get better.
She was starting to wonder if Beth was right. If her body just wasn’t responding well to her affair, it would definitely be the push she needed to go ahead and file. She just wasn’t sure if she was ready to go down that path just yet.
The entering doctor was an older male in his fifties. He wore thin, large-rimmed glasses with bifocals. He peered over the frames of his glasses which were connected to string hanging around his neck. Removing the glasses, he carefully lowered them until they were suspended by the string.
“We do have some news,” he said with a kind smile.
Tina grinned eagerly. She had only been there for twenty minutes so far. If she was able to leave within the next five, she’d be able to meet Brett for coffee before making her next meeting. “Tell me what it is!”
“You’re completely healthy. Blood pressure great, iron levels great.”
Tina smiled. “Awesome. So what about everything else?”
The doctor paused before looking down at his clipboard. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve had these dizzy spells. Where I feel very unstable sitting down or lying down. With my eyes closed, the room feelings like it’s shaking or spinning.” The doctor listened patiently. “Also, I threw up this morning. No reason. I got out of bed, got a wave of heat and had to run to the bathroom and puke up bile.” She sighed, annoyed at the doctor’s expressionless face. “I know they’re different things, but I think they might all be connected.”
“Well, the nausea and dizziness are probably just symptoms from your pregnancy.”
Tina looked to the doctor, confusion on her face. “Excuse me?”
The doctor tapped the clipboard. “You’re expecting, aren’t you?”
Tina laughed. “No. Don’t think so.”
“Hmm,” the doctor turned to the computer station in the room then. He pulled out an access card attached to his
belt and inserted it into the machine. After putting in his password, he began typing into the machine notes from his clipboard. “You gave a urine sample today, right?”
Tina nodded. “Yes.”
Saying nothing more, the doctor continued to type into the computer. “So you’re here today about the nausea, and dizziness spells?”
Nodding again, Tina felt herself growing impatient. “Yes. I told the assistant all this earlier.”
“I know, ma’am, this is just standard procedure,” the old man offered her a smile before he returned to the keyboard on the computer station. After more typing and a few clicks with the mouse, he picked up his clipboard and began flipping through the pages.
“When was your last menstrual cycle?”
With a hard sigh, Tina shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I’ve always been irregular. My last one must have ended nearly two months ago.” She paused. “And it’s been longer than that since I’ve had sex so I know I’m not pregnant.”
The doctor looked at her as he lifted his glasses back to his eyes. “Can you wait another twenty minutes for us? I’d like to get you an ultrasound today.”
Scoffing, Tina didn’t bother to hide her irritation. “What do I need an ultrasound for if I’m not pregnant?” The doctor looked as if he was going to say something, but then only smiled. Shaking her head, she threw her hands up in frustration. “Sure. I’ll wait another twenty minutes,” she said in defeat.
“Thank you. A nurse will help you change your room when you’re ready.” He left her then, closing the door behind himself gently.
Popping off the table, Tina fished for her phone, quickly. Brett had already sent her a text.
[What did you find out at the doctor’s?]
She stared at the message, unsure of how to respond. She paced the floor for five minutes before pulling her phone out:
