Sacred Desires (Samuel #1)

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  His deep eyes are kicking the hidden anxiety in, and for a split second I wonder if he can read my thoughts. He has large hands with chunky fingers, and there is a gold ring on his left hand. I wonder if it's real gold. Only an hour ago I didn’t have time to wonder if heaven or hell actually existed. Only an hour ago I was happy. God let me starve when I was a child, so I didn't bother to believe that there was someone out there.

  "I don't question the Divine One’s choices. You showed up on my list, so it was time for you to die. I'm only fulfilling his wishes."

  "Well, you haven’t killed me yet, so you must know I can be useful," I say. His eyes narrow and he moves a little towards me, invading every part of me with crushing fear. There is a light scar that runs across his forehead. Now his face is close and I see it, but I'm too scared to move or say anymore, in case he changes his mind and we go back on the roof.

  "Poppy Kowalsky, you're selfish, spoiled and inconsiderate. You have met good people around you, but you used them for your own personal gain. You have never loved anyone and never cared for anyone. You deserve to die, but you're right—I can use you, because taking souls takes time and skill. So from now on you're going to work for me," he says in that indifferent tone of voice, like he doesn’t care if I'm going to stay in this world or not. "But there will be some compromises that you have to consider if you want to live. First, you obviously won’t be able to get married to John. That part of your life is over. Jennifer Harrison is now Poppy Kowalsky, the real Poppy Kowalsky. Second of all, you're going to give up all your fortune, which you had taken unfairly, and move to London. I’ll give you an amount sufficient to live on and a small apartment in the city. I have a clear vision of what I need and want from you, so listen to me carefully. There have been angels that rebelled against the Divine One, so they were thrown away from heaven, down to hell. The darkness came and while they waited for Judgment Day, some of them escaped to earth and killed humans, and have been sinning ever since. The Divine One has been tracking them down since then. He uses Watchers like me to find and kill them, as they create unbalance, but it's never easy. That’s where you, my dear Poppy, come in. You’re going to seduce them, and when they are the most vulnerable, I’ll step in. So now decide: die or live, the choice is yours.”

  Two

  After his long and nerve-wracking speech I can’t seem to bring oxygen down to my lungs, and I'm losing the feeling in my limbs. Dimitrious’s smooth voice brings me to the edge. I already know that I want to live, but he is playing a game with me, showing me that he is on the top and I’m always going to be on the bottom.

  Now that I'm so close to him, I see the pupils of his eyes and they are truly black. He doesn’t let me see anything about him, shielding all the emotions away. For him I'm just another soul. I'm part of his special collection, a common human woman. I detest being common. All my life I fought to separate myself out of those poor people.

  "I will do whatever you want," I say in a smooth voice. Then with a bit more courage I add, "But what about my fiancé, John? He will search for me."

  Dimitrious folds his hands over his chest, but his expression remains stoic. John and I are in love and I can’t imagine what he is going through right now. Dimitrious is taking away the only man that I ever loved. I don't deserve being treated like some sort of criminal. I just fought for survival.

  Death raises his bulky eyebrows, moving his gaze to my lips. There is that strange superior power that radiates from him, making me feel small and worthless. I refuse to believe that I can find him attractive. He might be half human, but for me he is a holy creature sent from heaven.

  "That part of your life is over. John will find someone else and, to be honest, he is better off without you. You never loved him; he didn't make you happy. Humans like you don't understand what love is."

  "You are wrong. I do love him and I want to see him again."

  Death laughs, revealing white pearly teeth.

  "Love is a worthless emotion and you are a worthless person, Poppy," he says. "The work that you will do for me will take all your free time. John will soon forget that you ever existed. Remember, you belong to me now."

  My face heats up and I want to say something really mean and hurtful, but deep down I'm scared to open my mouth. Death wants me in London, away from my old life. I have to find out what I can gain from him. What is my new life going to look like?

  "Tell me what you expect me to do," I say, looking away, trying to push the fear away, pretending that I’m immune. "Where am I going to live? I have standards; some shabby apartment won’t be acceptable."

  "I don't think you’re in any position to make demands. Your attitude really makes me wonder if I'm making the right decision."

  "Dimitrious, I appreciate that you're giving me this chance but—”

  "Stop lying, Poppy," he cuts me off. "You want me dead."

  Shit, he knows everything, so I guess I can quit faking remorse.

  "All right, fine. I'm listening," I say, folding my arms together.

  "Some of the angels escaped to earth and blended in by killing humans just because they could, turning into monsters. Watchers like me have been sent to hunt them down. I also take care of the souls of unbalanced humans—sinners like you, Poppy. The guy downstairs expects a certain amount of souls once in a while and we supply them to him, just to keep peace between us.”

  “The guy downstairs? As in Satan?" I ask, curious to know why I have been chosen; my sins aren’t even that bad in comparison to others. I killed two old men. Neither of them changed the world; no one misses them.

  “Satan, devil, whatever you want to call him. It doesn’t matter. The Divine One is an enigma that creates life and makes decisions. I have a list, an instruction that I have to follow. You were just a name on the list that I was supposed to cross off, Poppy."

  "So you have been doing this how long? Actually, don't ... I don't need to know anything. I'm not interested. Just tell me how long I have to keep working for you. Am I ever going to be free?"

  My heart is pounding now. I want to know if I can ever get my old life back. I can’t work for him forever. There has to be a limit, a line that I have to cross in order to redeem myself.

  He puts his large hands together, inhaling, enjoying making me feel like my decisions don't matter because my life is in his deadly hands. "Maybe one day, if you help me find the soul that I have been searching for over fifteen years."

  "A soul?"

  He straightens his posture, his eyes flicker with hope, and I think I've hit his soft spot. There is something that he desires, something that he is searching for.

  "A Fallen that may have the answers I need.”

  “Okay, fine. I'm ready. Tell me, what do you want me to do?" I ask, confident that I can do anything. All my life I worked hard to get where I am now—or was before he came for me—so I’m not lazy. The person in front of me holds the power in my new life. I have to keep him happy.

  His smile seems genuine, but I can’t be sure. Maybe this is another trick.

  "Are you sure that you're ready for this? Dying would be so much easier," he asks with a hint of amusement in his tone.

  "Yes, I'm ready. Seduction is what I know best, so I don't think I’ll have a problem."

  He laughs then, and this is not what I expect. Dimitrious has a very cheerful laugh, making me want to get to know him. I push this small thought away as far as I can. He has an advantage over me and I can’t think about him as my next pet project. I need to stay focused, do my job, and get my life back.

  “I’ll give you some abilities. Your job won’t be easy. Fallen are clever, beautiful and powerful. Most of them are killers, using their abilities to take advantage of humans. They can read your emotions, take away your free will and your soul. They act like humans, but they’re not like them. You would have to commit to using your body, mind and soul. Any small hesitation and you will be lost."

  “So how am I going to do this if they can re
ad me so well?"

  "Love, Poppy. You need to make them fall in love with you. This is the only thing that makes them human and weak. I have been killing them for centuries and it has never been easy. If you follow my instructions, everything will go smoothly."

  I want to swear or scream; either way he is joking, right? I can seduce anyone, but I don't know how I can make them fall in love with me. Dimitrious wants them dead and I want to live, so I have to agree. There isn’t any other option.

  "You will hear people’s thoughts, so you will recognise if the Fallen are near. They can wake your deepest desires and use their abilities to make you do things that you don’t want to do, so you have to be careful. Be focused and obedient.”

  It seems that Dimitrious is giving me an impossible task. It's a suicide mission, so either way I’ll die. The question is, when?

  “I'll teach you control, but first I need to introduce you to Rhonda, my assistant. She’s going to take you to your new place and give you a small briefing,” he says with a soft chuckle. Even that tone of voice creeps me out. He takes out his mobile phone and says something in Latin.

  Fallen Angels, the Divine One and the Watchers—this all seems so surreal, but I have to start believing that there are other forces in this world and I have no control over them.

  Rhonda is some teenager wearing jeans and a grey T-shirt. She has piercings in her eyebrow and lip, and black roots. It looks like she has forgotten to dye her hair. Next to Dimitrious she looks completely out of place. It's disgusting that he works with someone so young and probably shallow.

  "Hey, don't bloody call me shallow or I’ll kick your arse," she shouts with chewing gum in her mouth. Dimitrious lifts his hand, not letting her get to me.

  "Rhonda, calm down. Poppy is rude, spoiled, and doesn’t care about anyone or anything apart from herself, but we need her," he says by way of introduction, a mocking tone in his voice. Yeah, he is right, but I'm not planning to change merely because I'm not in control anymore. That girl just has to get used to me. "You are to show her everything we discussed earlier."

  Rhonda snarls, saying something in Latin. Looking back at Dimitrious, she shakes her head in disbelief that he chose to save me. I don’t want to question why he is not coming with us.

  "Poppy, I’ll see you in the evening at your place. Be ready," he adds, winks at me and then disappears behind chunky wooden doors. I'm left alone with the girl, feeling suddenly exhausted.

  "So, Rhonda, right?" I ask, trying to sound like I really give a shit.

  "Right. First of all, strip. I have some other clothes for you. You can’t parade around central London in something like that," she orders with that annoying sound of chewing gum. I frown, placing my hands on my hips. Dimitrious is no longer in the room, so my anxiety vanishes and my confidence is back.

  "Where are these clothes?" I ask. She sighs and takes off her backpack. After a moment she throws me some ugly-looking jeans and a hoody, brands that I don't even recognise.

  "Here, come on. I don't have time. I have a lot to show you," she says, focusing all her attention on her BlackBerry. The jeans are a size too big and the hoody stinks. "Come on, chop, chop. Otherwise, you will be walking naked."

  "Who the hell are you? I thought a man like Dimitrious would hire someone more professional," I ask, struggling to unzip my dress.

  Rhonda looks at me with a bored expression. "I'm Dimitrious’s assistant and I can turn your fortune around with a snap of my fingers if you don’t shut up. If you don't want to be dead, just do what I say. Otherwise, piss off."

  I stare at her for a few more seconds, knowing that I need to obey, but that doesn’t mean that I have to be polite. Rhonda snarls to herself, probably hearing my thoughts. Swallowing my pride, I manage to take off my lovely dress and put on the clothes that she has given me. I wonder if John is going to look for me. It's been only a few hours, but he is probably going crazy.

  "How old are you anyway? You look like you barely finished high school," I ask once I have folded up my wedding dress. Rhonda has way too much makeup on her face.

  "If you want to get closer to any Fallen, then you have to drop that bitchy attitude. Leave that trash here and follow me," she says, taking her backpack and walking towards the door where Dimitrious disappeared.

  She takes me into a room filled with books. There is a large table in the middle with one glass and a bottle filled with some strange blue liquid. She flops on the chair and puts her feet on the table.

  "Pour a glass for yourself and drink it. You need to hear other people’s thoughts; otherwise, you won’t have a chance of recognising any Fallen,” she says, ordering me around like I'm a child.

  I approach the table and something inside my stomach churns. This is one of those things that I don’t desire to experience, hearing people’s thoughts. It doesn’t matter that no one asked me if I need this special ability; Dimitrious has decided and I just have to obey. I’m sure that I could detect Fallen without this.

  "Seriously, girl, just get on with it. You either follow the rules or I call Mr. Handsome to finish you."

  Could Dimitrious possibly have gotten anyone more annoying than her?

  "No. He asked me to work with you, a whiny, ungrateful bitch who doesn’t appreciate that someone spared her soul. If you ever want to have yourself back, then you’ve got to change. It's good advice, just take it."

  With gritted teeth, I open the bottle and pour the blue thick liquid into a glass. My throat tightens. Rhonda doesn’t know who I am, but she is right. I have to do whatever they are telling me. I decide to drink it in one go. Whatever it is, it doesn’t taste too bad. Nothing at all happens, until the rest of the liquid changes into a red colour.

  Now, another glass of red. Come on, hurry up.

  I widen my eyes in amazement at her. A small smile appears on her lips as she points at the red liquid.

  It turns out that after drinking it I can put people in a trance, but Rhonda doesn’t let me try it on her, which is a shame because I would really like to punch her right now. Shortly after, we leave the room, going down a flight of wooden stairs. Slowly I feel the changes taking place in my body. My fake boobs are gone and my hair is back to the old ugly red colour. The blue liquid erased all my operations and Botox to make me my old self from the past. I'm back to being ordinary Poppy Kowalsky.

  I have been in London plenty of times but never this way. I hadn’t made any effort to find my parents. In the end, they didn't want me, so there was no point. Rhonda walks with me through a busy street somewhere near the Parliament, throwing us straight into a crowd of people. Then I realise how much I hate my new ability. All of a sudden I'm hit with waves of thoughts, like everyone is trying to talk to me at the same time, screaming and shouting. Rhonda grabs my hand, and fifteen minutes later, we are in the tube. I feel unable to gain control of this new reality.

  Rhonda attempts to talk to me on the train, but she gives up in the end, realising that my eyes are closed. It seems as though people don't even stop thinking in their sleep; images and thoughts are rolling through me and I can’t stand it. It gets a bit better when I get off the train.

  When I feel lost, my anxiety from the past kicks in. This whole thing seems like a bad dream. Maybe I should have chosen death, knowing now that I’m going to find this whole redemption thing difficult.

  The area that Rhonda takes me to is Clapton Junction. I don't recognise any of the buildings, but I already know that this area is going to be full of immigrants. It’s not my ideal place to start a new life, but I guess I have nothing to say.

  We follow the street for the next ten minutes, and then Dimitrious’s assistant stops in front of a tall Victorian building. Maybe this won’t be that bad after all.

  "Right, your flat is on the second floor and it has everything you need," she says with a smile, blowing a chewing-gum bubble. Two guys in their thirties walk past us and Rhonda sends them a wink. One of them thinks she is hot, but he is scared to approach he
r.

  “See? Reading people can be useful. Now come on, let me show you paradise."

  I roll my eyes, choosing not to say anything. Inside it looks much worse than on the outside. It’s just a stairwell with bare walls leading to other apartments. When Rhonda finally finds the key and lets me in, I can’t catch my breath.

  In the past few years I’ve been living in the most beautiful apartments, worth a small fortune, with at least two bathrooms, large open living space and walk-in wardrobes. John had a housekeeper and his own driver.

  Now I'm back to the life of my twenties, in a small apartment with a tiny kitchen and one bedroom where I can barely fit any clothes. On top of that, all the rooms need tidying and decluttering. Seeing this, I want to start crying.

  Rhonda is scrolling through her BlackBerry, laughing to herself. "Dimitrious asked me to transfer some of your stuff from Bristol. You know, so you can start somewhere. Here is your credit card. Don't blow it all at once. Treat this as a job; Dimitrious will pay you a wage every month to your account."

  I don't even want to ask how much I'm going to get. The flat is in a shocking state and I don’t want to stay here. I flop on the old leather sofa, clenching my fists. In the space of an hour I’ve lost my whole life and the man that I love, only to gain this.

  "Cheer up, Poppy; as always, it can be worse. Here is your new passport. The hottie Dimitrious should be here in a few hours to discuss further details with you.”

  I look through my new identity. Poppy Kowalsky. I'm back to my old self, to the most common name with that surname that I hate.

  "This is it, then? That’s my life?" I ask Rhonda, who is standing by the kitchen. I swallow my tears. No, I won’t show anyone that I'm weak. I got so far, maybe crossing the line a few times, but in the end I became someone.

  "Sort of. Wait until you see the angel that you have to seduce. They are all hot and rich but they are dangerous too. Right up your street. Things will pick up then. Once you taste the forbidden, you won’t want to do anything else.”