Sacred Desires (Samuel #1)

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  "In that case I have to step up my game. What do you think, Tarryn, fancy some cannoning in North Wales?"

  She pulls a face and starts laughing, spilling the wine everywhere. "Are you having a laugh? I can only watch. I’m not into dangerous sports.”

  "I'm sure you're going to change your mind when I fuck you on the top of some mountain, right, Tarryn?" chuckles Angelo, who is now completely drunk, barely holding a glass of whiskey in his hand. She says something that I don’t get and they both laugh.#

  I excuse myself to the bathroom, remembering that I need to take another pill. Tarryn is not a threat. She seems hung on Chris. I don’t know why I'm nervous, but this might have something to do with Dimitrious. I hate that he brought dangerous sports into the conversation. Now I have to pretend that I like them.

  He also kept staring at the sword, and somehow Samuel noticed it. Dimitrious asked if the sword was for sale, which didn’t go too well with Samuel and his sudden outburst of anger. It looks like he’s had way too many as well.

  In the bathroom I fix my makeup and brush my ugly hair. Dizziness hits me and I don’t know what is happening to me. Sex with Samuel seems meaningless. It looks like I've had way too much wine tonight. I pass through Samuel’s corridor and am just about walk into the kitchen when I hear Tarryn’s squeaky voice.

  "Sammy, I like Chris and that new 'girlfriend' of yours. Do you think he’s interested in me?" she asks. I stop, frozen on the step, hearing laughs in the living room. It looks like Dimitrious is having fun with Vincent and Angelo, so he wouldn’t mind me listening to this private conversation between Tarryn and Samuel. I lean closer and hear a gasp. When I peer through the door I see Samuel. He is looking at Tarryn. Her eyes are so hazy and strange, like she isn’t even aware of what’s going on. My own heart kicks me in the chest when Samuel picks up a knife and runs it between her breasts. She doesn’t react, staring blankly at the wall.

  “Listen to me carefully, you stupid bitch. I don’t give a fuck if he’s interested in you or not but I want you to fuck him tonight!”

  Tarryn nods but I can’t move, standing frozen and scared. Is he using a trance to get what he wants? Am I that important to him that he is prepared to hurt Tarryn? His knife digs into her skin.

  “I’ll sleep with Chris,” she responds like a robot.

  “Good. Now be flirtatious and behave; otherwise I’ll cut off your lovely tits,” he whispers and puts the knife on the kitchen surface.

  All of a sudden Tarryn wakes up from this odd trance, staring at Samuel. “Oh, I don’t know what’s going on with me today. I think I had too much wine,” she laughs, not remembering a thing. Fear creeps over my shoulder and I don’t know what to do. I should tell Dimitrious that this is too much, that I can’t risk being so close to a monster like Samuel.

  “So you’re really interested in her then?" asks Tarryn. "I just didn’t expect you to fall for someone like her. She seems nice but not that into you.”

  The alcohol is messing with my head but this is my life, so I have to carry on playing this game. Tarryn likes sleeping around and now Samuel is forcing her to seduce Dimitrious. I need to know if Samuel is slowly falling for me, so I force myself to listen in, see what other plans he has.

  "There is something about her that pulls me further and further into wanting a relationship. Maybe you should take that idiot traveller to your apartment and show him a good time. I want him away from Poppy. He’s doing my head in but I don’t want to upset Poppy.”

  Samuel is jealous over Dimitrious, but is he going to kill Tarryn if she won’t do what he says? I’m petrified to think what he is capable of doing to me.

  "Come on, Sammy. I can see that you're smitten with her, but she isn’t wife material."

  Samuel laughs. "Wife? Who said anything about marriage? I like to fuck, darling, and Poppy plays hard to get. A relationship doesn’t tie you in to anything.”

  Okay, so this comment might complicate things. A great idea pops into my head, so I clear my throat and walk into the kitchen a few seconds later.

  "I need to go back with Chris to town tonight. I have an early meeting tomorrow with one of the clients. I completely forgot about it,” I say, a little angry to sound believable. I have to let him know that he hasn’t won me over yet. Tonight this whole thing has gone too far. It amazes me how quickly he can transform into a charming, loving man. Right now I want to stay away from him, for my own good.

  Tarryn raises her left eyebrow and looks at Samuel, who doesn’t appear to be particularly happy with this sudden news. His dark eyes flash with fury.

  “I’ll see why the boys are laughing so much,” Tarryn mutters and leaves the kitchen, swaying her hips provocatively.

  I walk up to Samuel hoping to explain a bit further my plans for tomorrow, but he scoops me into his arms unexpectedly and spins me around. Within a moment I'm locked in his arms and then his lips are one mine, kissing me passionately. My pulse picks up and I return the favour, exploring his mouth. I have no choice; I still want to live. This way he won’t suspect anything.

  His hands are on my buttocks and heat crackles between us both until I'm out of breath, lips swollen.

  "I thought you wanted to get back to the living room? What if Chris steals all the best jokes this evening?"

  His eyes darken and for a split second I see him bloody and with the hollow darkness of black wings. Dimitrious and Rhonda, they both were right. Fallen aren’t humans, they are cruel monsters.

  "Poppy, I'm the man of this house. Trust me, no one can overshadow me and I'm a little disappointed that you're leaving me so early. I planned a whole session of fucking you tonight. I can’t wait to have you in my bed again.”

  He feels a little threatened by Dimitrious and that’s all right. I just have to be distant. "Well, we are taking this slow, and this meeting is very important."

  “Has there ever been anything between you and Chris? Something more than friendship? I don’t want him to take you away from me."

  I smooth my damp palms over my dress, giving him one of my sharp looks. “Don’t be absurd. We have been friends for years. Chris cares for me, but there is nothing else going on. We will see each other in a few days. I promise.”

  He agrees reluctantly and we get back to the table. Later on I notice that Samuel was right. Dimitrious has taken over his evening. I didn’t even realise that he had such a wicked sense of humour. Everyone is having a great time. His eyes sparkle when he laughs and my thoughts wander to that attraction I felt towards him. It petrifies me that I might have feelings for him. Maybe Dimitrious was right all along; maybe I was never in love with John. This can never happen.

  Slowly the evening comes to a close and by midnight Samuel is in a bad mood. He tries to convince me yet again to stay, but Dimitrious is in my head reminding me that I have to leave with him, to spark the jealousy further.

  Outside, Samuel’s friends are waiting for their ride but before I get to Dimitrious’s car, Samuel takes me into his arms and plunges his lips into mine, like he is reminding me that I belong to him and no one else.

  "Take care of my girl," he reminds Dimitrious when I manage to situate myself next to him.

  "Don't worry, I won’t let her out of my sight."

  Then we are off and Dimitrious puts his foot down. For a long awkward moment no one says anything. It’s strange seeing him in such a normal situation, driving and being so human. I think I have done well this evening. In my mind I only see him as this dangerous angel that can take my life away if I won’t do what he says.

  Slowly his face begins to change. His blond hair goes back to black, even his posture is more defined, and the strong and broad arms are back. My breathing speeds up and I look away, pretending that I'm all right.

  “Well, Poppy, I think you have done well.”

  Fifteen

  I blink a few times, trying to keep up with my breathing. I didn’t expect to be in the same car with Dimitrious, but at least I’m safer with him th
an with Samuel.

  "Of course. What did you expect?" I snap, quitting being nice anymore. He needs to start appreciating what I’m doing. I'm not in the act anymore and Dimitrious can kiss my pretty arse. This whole game is dangerous.

  If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn't even know about the sword and he wouldn’t have been able to get close to Samuel. "You had to get involved, didn’t you? I was doing perfectly fine on my own. Thank you very much."

  He glances at me. Amusement flickers in his dark eyes and my hand is itching to slap him. “You’re anxious and I smell fear. Do I scare you that much?” he asks, leaning over.

  “No, I just saw some things when I was with Samuel. He has a dark side, a demonic one. What if he finds out who we are? What if he wants to kill me?”

  Dimitrious turns sharply to the right, heading straight into a truck that is coming on the opposite side of the road. I scream, knowing that I pissed him off too much and this is my end. Bits and pieces from tonight’s dinner flash in front of my eyes. Just when I think we are going to crash, Dimitrious takes another turn and the car drives over the curb onto grass.

  My hands are trembling when I check my face and the rest of my body, breathing like an asthmatic. It looks like I'm alive. My bones aren’t broken.

  Dimitrious has his hands on the steering wheel and he is looking straight at me. “I’ll never let anything happen to you, Poppy. You’re valuable and I'm kind of beginning to like you.”

  “Fuck you and your stupid games. I can’t believe that you scared me like that!” I shout and start beating him with my fists, feeling hopeless.

  He doesn’t move but keeps staring at me with those penetrating eyes until my fists are too numb to continue hitting him. For a long moment we both sit in the car and I hide my head in my hands, taking long wheezy breaths.

  “Are you done now?” he asks softly.

  “Why are you doing this to me? Samuel … he’s a killer. He wanted to stab Tarryn in the kitchen. He put her into a trance, ordering her to sleep with you.”

  “I’ll deal with it. Don’t worry, he won’t hurt you.”

  I want to tell him that this is not enough but I’m too scared.

  "You might have used a different face, but he probably sensed that you aren’t a human. Samuel is an intelligent guy and I really don’t want to piss him off,” I say. Maybe I'm changing my mind about this whole thing, denying that deep down I might feel safe around Dimitrious. Maybe I like the new life that he had created for me. At least in this skin I’m the real me.

  “He adores you too much, so stay clam and do what you are paid to. I want Samuel alive for a bit. Once you do your job and he can’t get away from love, I need him to tell me everything about my past."

  "So you won’t kill him then?" I ask, still pretty shaken up about what I happened earlier on. My heart is all over my chest, beating like crazy and unsteady.

  Dimitrious laughs and then slams his fists into the dashboard. I yank myself away, paralysed with sudden fear. One minute he is calm and controlled; the next he plays a psycho. Maybe living like this, without knowing who he really is, is slowly getting to him.

  His face contracts with anger, muscles in his jaw pulsing, and I don’t dare make a move, watching him from the corner of my eye.

  "Oh yes, Poppy. I’ll kill him, but first I'm planning to torture him if he won’t tell me everything that I need to know. In the past ten years I've gathered some bits and pieces of my previous life. I went to other Watchers, but no one wants to talk. The Divine One doesn’t want to see me—well, that’s what the archangels are saying. There is a possibility that they are getting paid to keep me away from him."

  I know that I shouldn't feel sorry for him, but for some reason I want to help him. God, what is happening to me? I have never thought about anyone else but myself.

  "Then we have an understanding. I’ll seduce him and he will fall in love with me. I guarantee you that, but I’m not sure what happened tonight."

  "He feels threatened by me and he doesn’t like that we are friends. I don’t want to tell you what to do, Poppy, but you have to continue to be distant, cold. He must think that you're slipping away from him. Fallen like to think that they are desired."

  "Fine, I get it. Come on, get back to your human form and drive me back to London. I'm exhausted."

  "Sex can be exhausting, especially with a Fallen."

  I think about his memories and the way he was looking at that human woman. The way he was moving inside her.

  We are both silent for the rest of the drive. Neither of us picks up another subject. I really want to ask him about The Divine One and other angels. I still can’t figure out the real Dimitrious. At times he comes across arrogant and cocky, but the other day he showed some real sensitivity. I want to know what is happening in his head.

  The drive to London is long and by the time we arrive outside my apartment, exhaustion hits me and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. The traffic got worse as we approached London.

  “What are you going to do about Tarryn?" I ask as I get out of the car. Within a moment Dimitrious is next to me, walking me back to my apartment. I didn’t expect this. I thought that he would just drive away after telling me off again.

  Dimitrious raises his eyebrow, looking at the sky just before I’m about to slip inside. “She doesn’t need to concern you. Focus on your task."

  “All right, but she will do what he says, she doesn’t have a choice.” I force myself to look at him, adding, “And you, Dimitrious … you must have your needs. After all, you are half human, right?”

  "You're right. Maybe I’ll play his game and let her use me, just to make sure he won’t hurt her.”

  There is something stuck in my throat and I can’t seem to respond. Dimitrious smiles and then walks away without another word. I quickly find my key and disappear inside my apartment building, thinking about what he said.

  Is it possible that he really meant it? Will he sleep with Tarryn?

  I don't know why I'm asking myself all these questions. Jealousy—there is a small pinch in my heart when I think about him and her together. Upstairs I start to wonder why I care about him. At the end of the day he is my boss. We don’t even like each other but I'm confused. These new emotions are frightening.

  I strip off my clothes and go to bed, feeling a little dizzy from the wine and conversation with Dimitrious. My attraction to him could cause me problems. He is obviously not interested in me at all. His only goal is to catch the Fallen, kill them and regain his memories. I want him more when he is so confusing. It’s strange, but his hot-and-cold attitude turns me on.

  I close my eyes and shake my head, knowing that I should be thinking about Samuel, not Dimitrious. He is my ticket to freedom. Dimitrious has his own demons that he has to deal with. I don’t want to be involved with his life.

  When the morning comes, I wake up with a hangover, automatically reaching for my phone and finding a basket on the floor.

  “What the—”

  I have to rub my eyes for about a minute to make sure that I’m really seeing a white kitten in the basket. I get up quickly and pick it up. It cries, so I cradle it to my chest. I have never had pet but somehow I’m instantly in love with this creature. My pulse speeds up because I’m afraid that it’s a mistake, that someone will walk in at any moment and take this kitten away.

  Then I notice a card and my heart warms up again.

  Poppy, the kitten is yours, so you don’t have to be lonely and scared anymore. Take care of it.

  Dimitrious.

  I lift the kitten and look at its blue eyes for a long moment. Dimitrious came back last night after I went to bed. I know I shouldn’t care, but this is the nicest thing that he ever done for me since we met. Deep down he cares that I was scared and felt so lonely, so he got me this kitten.

  I have never looked after any animal, but this should be pretty easy and somehow I want to take care of it, love it like my own child. I dress quickly and leave my
flat to find a pet shop. There I ask about everything I need to know about baby cats. The guy up there seems switched on and he tells me that the kitten can be left alone for a few hours. He helps me pick up all the stuff that is necessary. I get back to the flat by midday, feeling happy and somehow convinced that Dimitrious is more human than angel.

  I text Rhonda to meet me for lunch. I want to see her face when I tell her about the kitten. I bet Dimitrious has never given her anything. She is useless and probably has no idea how to move my whole relationship with Samuel to the next level, but I’m using last night as a pretext to find out more about Dimitrious from her. She has been with him for much longer than me, so she must know him well enough.

  Rhonda can be useful, but in order to get anything from her I need to pretend that she is the one in charge, to make her feel special and useful. I take care of my kitten, still thinking about the name. It cries a bit, but the guy in the shop said that its only a few weeks old and is missing its mum.

  Samuel calls a few hours later but I don’t pick up, intentionally hoping to ignore him for a bit.

  He calls three times and in the end he leaves me a voicemail, saying how much he wants to bend me over his desk in his office and fuck me. There are always two sides to him.

  After I shower and make myself look pretty, I head out to the tube. The kitten is asleep. Now I have something to look forward to when I get home.

  I meet Rhonda in one of the Spanish tapas restaurants in North London. It looks like Rhonda finally decided to dye her hair, but someone screwed even this simple job. Her roots are a bit darker than the rest of her hair, which is embarrassing. She is wearing a green jacket and worn-out jeans. It’s a complete mess.

  "Always polite and happy to see me," she snaps when I take a seat on the opposite side of the table. A handsome waiter arrives quickly and we both order orange juice.