Only Me

by Vivian Ward

  “No,” I laugh. “Are you talking about the girl who was with me last week? She just….hangs around. We’re not anything.”

  She suspiciously eyes me like she doesn’t believe what I’m saying, but it’s true. Alicia might stay the night and we fuck or grab a bite to eat occasionally, but that’s all there is to us.

  “So, you want to help?” She asks, changing the subject. “We’re meeting tomorrow at three. Can you make it?”

  “I’ll be there any time you need me to,” I say. “But yeah, that sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

  Chapter Ten

  Toni

  Monica and I carry the last of the supplies into the laundromat so we can get started on a few things, like cleaning up, before everyone else gets here.

  “Holy shit,” she says as we set down the last load. “I think I’m going to die.”

  Laughing, I playfully push her arm, “Get out of here, Mon. You’re in great shape and you’ll be just fine.”

  “Yeah, great shape for a 70-year-old!” She laughs. “What’d we make? Five or six trips in here with all this stuff?”

  I don’t think she realizes that it took us almost forty-five minutes to get everything in here. “No, probably more like eight or nine trips, but look at me.” I wipe the sweat from my brow. “I’m not in good shape either. You’d think we were a couple of stuck pigs with the way we’re sweating.”

  Monica nods as she gulps down the rest of the water from her bottle. “I’ve got an idea. How about a New Year’s resolution that the two of us hit the gym to do some cardio together. We shouldn’t be this out of shape,” she says, slightly wheezing.

  “Deal,” I stick my hand out and we shake on it. “Hey, before the guys get here, how about if we try to clean the place up a little? Just a fast pass with the push broom and we empty the trash because I’m sure they’re going to be filling those cans up all day long.”

  “Okay, I’ll get the trash,” she offers.

  While she drags the heavy trash cans to the back of the building where the alley is, I grab the push broom and get started. Sweeping the dirt into the dustpan with a small hand broom, I hear the bell chime that’s attached to the door and look over, hoping to see Lucas.

  Starting with this dirty work boots, I begin to smile as I think about how he used to come home dirty and sweaty, but still hot as hell. I loved it when he came home smelling and looking manly, but he would never let me touch him until he had a shower—which I totally understood.

  As my eyes continued to scan his body, I noticed his stiff work jeans and remember how cute his ass always looked in them. When I get to his stomach, he doesn’t look quite right—too bloated—so my eyes shoot straight to his face.

  It’s David. Damn it.

  I was so excited when I thought it was Lucas, but that went to shit the minute I saw who it really was.

  “What?” He says, putting his hands on his hips. “How come you were all smiles until you saw it was me? Am I not good enough anymore?”

  “Huh?” I ask, caught off guard by his question. “No, I just thought you were one of the service men who’ve been coming in for the last week or so to give me a quote.” I stand up and wipe my dirty hands on my back pockets. “Thanks for coming.”

  “So, tell me beautiful, where’s the gas line? In the back?”

  I cringe at him calling me beautiful but I decide to let it go because it’s better to play nice, especially since he’s doing me a favor. “Actually, the gas line comes in over here,” I say, taking him to a small closet that’s off of the main laundry room and flip the light on. “The meter is on the other side of this wall but I’m not sure exactly where the leak is because they didn’t tell me.”

  “No problem,” he winks at me. “Let The Man,” he uses his thumbs to point to his chest, “do the job for you, and I’ll figure it out.”

  “Whatever you say,” I sigh and get back to sweeping up my trash pile before anyone else comes in and scatters it all over.

  One by one, everyone from the AA group arrives to help out, but there’s no sign of Lucas anywhere. I’m grateful for the help I have today, but I was really counting on him to help guide everyone so we could get as much work done today as possible.

  It’s okay, though. I’m a big girl and I never counted on him helping out when I bought the place or knew there were repairs to make, so we’ll continue on without him even if it does hurt that he didn’t show up. I just wonder why he’d volunteer to help and then not come, it doesn’t make any sense.

  Armed with a list of repairs, I start assigning tasks and delegating responsibilities. I’ve got the men using sledgehammers to tear down the old walls that need to be replaced while Mon and me get busy busting up the tiles that are stained and cracked beyond repair.

  As we’re working on tearing the place apart, I continue wondering about Lucas. When we were together, he was always so responsible, but I guess people can change. It just seems so unlike him.

  The floor is about half way gone when David pops out of the room where the gas line comes into the building, wiping his hands on a rag. “You’ve probably got the worst gas leak I’ve ever seen,” he says.

  “Yeah,” I laugh. “The gas company said it was pretty bad. Can you fix it?”

  “I can fix it, if you go out with me tonight when we’re done,” David says.

  There is no way that I’m ever getting back into a relationship with him, or anyone like him for that matter. “I can’t, but thanks,” I say.

  “Why not? I could take you out, buy you a nice dinner with a couple of drinks and we can catch up on old times.”

  “I don’t drink anymore.” The thought of dinner and drinks makes me lick my lips. It’s been so long since I’ve had a drop of alcohol that I can practically taste the flavors of a Greek salad with white wine. I close my eyes and try to think of something different.

  “Yeah? Give me time to think of something else. With the way that leak is, I’ll be here forever so I’ve got time,” he winks at me as he heads out to his truck for more tools.

  I roll my eyes at the thought of going out with him. It practically makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. We never belonged together as it was, and when things got violent, I should’ve ended it right away but I didn’t.

  The sun is beginning to set, turning the sky golden hues of pink and orange. It’s absolutely breathtaking how pretty the sky looks. Covered in sweat and dirt, everyone’s starting to complain that they’re hungry when the bell on the door chimes.

  Lucas walks in carrying a case of soda and three giant bags of tacos from Jack-In-The-Box. “I’m sorry that I’m late. Mason called me last minute because his helper fell off a ladder and broke his leg, and he needed someone to help him finish the ceiling before the inspector comes tomorrow.” He holds up the case of soda and the tacos. “These are my peace offerings.”

  A couple of the guys from the meeting make their way past me, heading toward the food. “Forgiven, dude. Thanks man, we were starving.”

  Everyone rushes past me to get to the food, leaving Lucas and I standing by ourselves. “Thanks for the food,” I say. “You didn’t have to bring food for everyone. That was very nice of you.”

  “Well, I said I’d be here,” he looks at his phone for the time. “Almost two and a half hours ago, so it’s the least I could do. I figured with it getting close to dinner time, everyone would be getting hungry and thought maybe we could get them to stay later if they weren’t starving to death. Plus, what else am I suppose to do on a Friday night? I can’t go drinking.”

  “Good thinking,” I smile at him. “Speaking of, I’m going to grab myself a few of those tacos. Are the sodas cold?”

  “Yeah, I got those from Quick Trip; straight from the cooler.”

  The food tastes delicious! I know they’re only cheap tacos, but I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I sat down and started eating. They taste more like gourmet food prepared by Gordon Ramsey himself. Lucas even remembered to b
ring hot sauce for them. He’s always hated hot sauce, but I love it. I can’t believe that he remembers after all this time. While the rest of us are busy stuffing our faces, Lucas is walking around, surveying the mess.

  “You made the right decision to have the guys start knocking out the walls,” he says as I shove the last bite of my taco into my mouth. It’s a huge bite and I can’t talk without spitting food on him, so I nod. “They were pretty bad, and we probably need to take down more than but it’s a start. I’d like to check the wiring before I do anything else, to make sure all of the electrical stuff is good to go. My guess is we might need to redo some of it, but it won’t be too bad.”

  Swallowing my bite of food, I say, “Thank you so much for coming. I thought you’d ditched us, but I’m grateful—no, we’re grateful for dinner. That was really nice of you. Is Mason’s helper okay?”

  He shrugs. “A broken leg, what else can you say? And bringing food for everyone was no problem. It was like $15, it was the least I could do for being late.” He turns to walk out to his truck, “And by the way, I’d never stand you up. Don’t ever think I’d do that.”

  A smile spreads across my face like wildfire and I can feel myself blushing. Returning the smile, he nods and heads out to his truck to get his supplies.

  Chapter Eleven

  Lucas

  It’s just my luck that I get to work on the circuit breaker that’s in this tiny closet with her ex. I’m so sick of hearing him hum his stupid tunes, but I keep my cool and try not to say anything. I wish I had a beer, but I’ve been trying not to drink.

  Lately, I’ve been thinking about what Mark said to me at the meeting. He has a good point, and I realize that if I want to change my life, I need to start with getting things back on track. Seeing that Toni was able to do it and start up a business of her own has inspired me to make my construction business thrive again. The last thing I want to do is disappoint my dad, even if he’s no longer with me physically because I know he’s still looking down on me.

  I’d hate myself forever if I trashed his business and ran it into the ground. We went without for so long while he was making it take off. I remember him scrimping and saving for every tool he bought while he took on any jobs he could get, and I always admired him for what he’d accomplished.

  “Are you guys doing okay?” Toni asks, standing in the doorway looking sexy as fuck with her side-swept bangs and messy ponytail. A few smudges of dirt cover various parts of her face, but it looks good on her.

  I nod, “Yeah, we’re doing just fine,” I say.

  “Have you decided if you’re going to go out with me tonight?” David asks as a loud obnoxious laughter escapes his throat.

  “I did, and I told you no because I don’t drink,” Toni flatly says.

  “Hey, babe,” David says. The tone in his voice is more than enough to piss me off. “Don’t try to act like you don’t want me to take you out tonight. Let’s have a little fun.”

  “I said no, David. I don’t drink anymore and I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  He walks over to her and puts hand on the wall, backing her against it. “I see, you’re playing hard to get but that’s okay because I like it. So, what do you want to do tonight?”

  The look on her face is disgust and I’m two seconds away from beating the shit out of him if he doesn’t back off.

  “I’m not playing hard to get,” she says through gritted teeth. “I said I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  He presses his body against hers, still pinning her to the wall. “You don’t think I’m doing this work out of the kindness of my heart, do you? I expect to be compensated for it.”

  “I told you I’d pay you,” she says, swallowing the lump in her throat. I can tell she’s scared of him, and I’ve had enough of this shit.

  “Hey! She said she’s not going out with you tonight so leave her alone.”

  He turns his attention to me and cocks a sly grin across his face. “Who the fuck do you think you are? I know all about you,” he says.

  If he wants to draw the line in the sand, I’ll gladly cross it because nobody—and I mean nobody—fucks with Toni. “You know who I am?” I step closer to him. “I know who you are, and if she said no, it means no. Just leave her alone,” I growl.

  Standing as tall as he can, he steps to me so that we’re toe-to-toe and gets in my face. “You need to mind your own business, boy.”

  My hands bawl into fists and I try everything in my power not to hit him because I don’t want to be disrespectful toward Toni, but it’s hard.

  “Guys!” She yells. “Stop it. I can take care of myself,” she looks in my direction. “And you,” she looks at David. “Get out. Just get out and leave. I’m not going out with you and I’m sure as hell never having sex with you again.”

  He backs away from me and bends over to pick up his bag. “Yeah, sweetheart,” he hisses. “Try and find someone else to do a job this big because I’m out.”

  Toni looks at me but doesn’t say a word. I can see the worry and frustration on her face by the way her eyebrows are furrowed. He pushes past the two of us and a few seconds later, we hear the chime of the bell on the door.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I just couldn’t let him talk to you like that. He had no right—,”

  “No, it’s okay. Thank you. I know what he’s capable of and have a hard time standing up to him,” she looks at the gas pipe. “But now I’m so fucked.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I know a guy who can come fix it for you.”

  Her face crinkles with worry. “Yeah, but will he do it for next to nothing? I don’t have a lot of money so I can’t—,”

  I hold my hand up, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”

  “No, Lucas, that’s not right,” she insists. “I can’t have you paying for things for me, plus I know that your work hasn’t been exactly steady so it wouldn’t be right to put you in that situation. What will he charge?”

  “Nothing,” I lie. “He owes me a favor, so I’ll have him come in and fix it. It’s no big deal.” I’ve got some money that I’ve been stashing away for a rainy day, and I’d do anything for Toni.

  “Are you sure? I hate for you to need him for something else and have to pay him to help you later. I can pay a little, but not much,” she offers.

  “No, no, it’s fine. He owes me a really big favor, so it won’t be a problem. I’ll give him a call this weekend and see when he can get here.”

  “Thank you so much. That would be great.”

  The expression in her eyes is complete gratitude and I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything will be all right, but I don’t want to overstep my boundaries.

  “It’s nothing,” I play it cool.

  “Do you think he could some tomorrow or Sunday?”

  “I’ll see what I can do, but maybe.”

  We continue working until well after dark when everyone begins to feel exhausted. One by one, everyone begins to drop like flies and leaves. Finally, by the end of the night, it’s just Toni and me.

  I empty the last two trash cans for her and bring them back inside as she gathers up some of her things. “Thank you so much, Lucas. You really saved my ass tonight.”

  “It’s nothing,” I say.

  She drapes her purse around her neck and shoulder, and flashes a smile at me. “So, can I expect to see you here this weekend?”

  “Are you working on the place this weekend?”

  “Yep, I have to get this place up and running ASAP so I can start making some of my money back. I could really use your help if you’re free since I don’t have anyone else to help me.” She looks exhausted, and I can’t leave her working on it alone.

  “What time do I need to be here?” I sigh, teasing her. I don’t mind helping her one bit, but I like giving her a little grief.

  “Hey,” she playfully punches me in the arm. “You don’t have to come, but it’d be super awesome if you could. I’ll be
here around noon tomorrow, so it gives me time to shower and get a goodnight’s sleep before I’m back at it.”

  “Yeah, I can meet you here,” I say.

  “Thanks, Lucas. I appreciate it so much, and you don’t have to show up right at noon. I want to get in here to run the push broom around the floors before I roll up my sleeves and dig in.”

  I want to lean in and kiss her, take her right here on top of one of the washing machine, but I don’t. I can’t. I couldn’t handle it if she rejected me because it would crush me.

  “I’d do anything for you,” I say.

  She leans in and hugs me, and it feels like this might be my last chance to ever hold her again. I remember the last time I held her, it seems like it’s been forever and I miss this.

  Just as I start to wrap my arms around her, she pulls back and looks up at me. “I know things have been awkward with the way we ran into each other and everything, but I’m really glad we did.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I agree with her. “It’s been nice seeing you and hanging out tonight.”

  She grins at me as she takes her keys out of her purse. “Well, lucky for you, you can hang out with me all weekend while I try to get this place back in order.”

  My phone vibrates in my pocket and I know it’s going to be Alicia. She’ll be upset that she hasn’t heard from me all night. I forgot to tell her that I wouldn’t be around.

  “Well, I’ll catch you tomorrow,” I say as we make our way toward the door.

  “Yeah, definitely.”

  I hop in my truck and wait until she’s finished locking up and in her car before I pull my phone out to look at it. I was right, it was Alicia and I have a whole bunch of missed text messages from her. Calling her back, I pull onto the street as I head home for the night.

  “Lucas! Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all night,” she demands.

  “Sorry, I was helping a friend.” It’s not a total lie, I just omit the part about who it was and how much I still love her. “What’s up?”