Expelled

by Claire Adams

  I finished making my nightly pot of coffee, poured myself a steaming mug, and wandered back to my bedroom just in time to hear the notification sound going off on my phone, signaling a text message. I set my coffee down on top of the small desk and grabbed my phone from its place in the middle of the messy bed, stepping around piles of clothes, papers, notebooks, and nonperishable food items that had mostly been neglected since I’d started eating with Cash each night. My body was thanking me for getting it off the nonstop stream of junk food.

  The message was from Paige, asking me to call her if I wasn’t in the middle of anything too serious. She knew me well enough to know that I would still be awake at just before 10 but that I might be stuck thigh deep in a difficult scene that I needed to reckon with before I did anything else, including sleep.

  I plugged the Bluetooth headset into my ear and dialed her number. She answered right away.

  “Hey, Hale,” she said. “How’s the wild, wild West?”

  I giggled at that. I guess that meant she lived in the civilized West. “It’s great, actually, and getting better.”

  “I take it that means work is going well.”

  “Oh my God, yes. I’ve never seen any place like this, and that’s really saying something.” I sat down on the bed to make myself more comfortable. “Did you see the pictures I’ve posted on Instagram? This place is amazing. I couldn’t have chosen a better location if I tried. Who knew Wyoming was so damned picturesque?”

  “Someone who wasn’t raised in an urban jungle,” Paige fired back.

  “Yeah, well, you were raised in the same place.”

  “I’ve evolved.”

  We both broke up laughing at that, but I had to admit that the more I traveled, the more I felt myself growing and changing as a person. I couldn’t imagine choosing to never leave my home state the way Cash had done—that wasn’t really fair, I supposed, as he’d mentioned one or two trips to Colorado to visit family. But, despite the lack of constant travel, Cash didn’t seem stunted. I chalked that up to all the reading he did, taking hundreds of adventures without the need of stepping one foot outside his house.

  “Are things still strained between you and Clint?” Paige asked.

  That caught me a little off guard, and it actually took me a second before I realized who she meant. Since getting to know Cash a little more each night over dinner, I’d ceased thinking of him as my young, green-eyed Clint Eastwood and started just thinking of him as plain old Cash Ogden.

  “Things between Cash and me have gotten a lot better,” I said. “I thought him a boring stick in the mud at first, but he’s softened up into a really decent guy.”

  “Softened up? What does that mean?” She paused, but not long enough for me to actually come up with an answer. “Are things starting to happen between the two of you? I still haven’t seen a picture of this guy. That’s what needs to be on your Instagram, not tired old pictures of the landscape.”

  Leave it to Paige to cut right to the chase. I’d been pushing back pretty hard on the rising attraction I was feeling every time I was around Cash. He seemed straightforward about our business relationship and didn’t appear to be interested at all in taking things further than the budding friendship we were working on. I was here to do a job, not fall into the tanned, muscly arms of some local cowboy. I had to keep that at the forefront of my mind, or I might get into some trouble out here on the ranch that would be difficult to get out of again.

  “It’s nothing like that,” I replied and was glad Paige couldn’t see how red my cheeks had gotten or how badly my hands were twisting together in my lap. “We’re just friends.”

  Paige made a disappointed noise on her end of the line, and I could see her face pressed into her signature scowl, her thin brows pulled down and blue eyes flashing. “I don’t see why you can’t enjoy the full range of what that man has to offer. I’m glad he’s there to share all the knowledge about riding, roping, and living out in the middle of nowhere, but haven’t you ever wanted to ride a cowboy?”

  Now my whole face was beet red and tingling. I bit my lip to keep from protesting too quickly, which would let Paige know she was right on the money about how much I’d love to find out just how great it would be to ride this particular cowboy. I glanced up at the door, half expecting Cash to be standing there listening to our conversation, an amused smile on his face as he witnessed my complete mortification, but the door was closed, and he was probably busy working on gathering his 40 winks before his alarm went off at some obscenely early hour in the day.

  “Oh my God, Paige. Things aren’t like that. He’s a nice guy who’s been patient enough to walk me through a lot of what goes on here at his ranch. That’s all.”

  “Boring.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m just here to do research.”

  “You are such a nerd. There’s no rule that says you can’t do your job and pursue a quickie relationship with some hot local cowboy at the same time. As much as you used to crush on Clint Eastwood in all those dull movies about the old West that you used to watch with Dad, I can’t believe you aren’t jumping at the chance to get your hands and lips all over a guy who looks just like him.”

  I couldn’t really argue with that. The more time I spent with Cash, the harder it was to keep from imagining how great it would be to feel his lips on mine and his strong, callused hands running all over my body. I routinely had to shove those thoughts all the way into the unused, dark, and dusty parts of my mind so I could keep sitting across from him at dinner every night, but I found myself watching his every move and facial expression, committing it all to memory so I’d be able to take as much of him as possible back to my lonely, cluttered apartment in the city at the end of this adventure out West. I didn’t like to think about that—returning to my ho-hum existence in the city—but I had my life out there, and Cash had his here.

  “And how long has it been since you last dated a guy?” Paige asked, continuing just fine without me. She rarely needed anyone else’s input once she got going. “At least a year, right?”

  I made a grunting noise to indicate that she was correct. Well, close to correct. It had actually been closer to 18 months. I was a busy woman, or so I told myself on lonely nights spent in front of the computer picking through the latest order of takeout.

  “Then what’s stopping you from jumping into this with both feet? You find him attractive, don’t you?”

  “It’s not that I don’t find him good-looking, it’s just that this isn’t that kind of arrangement. I’m paying to live in the man’s house and am here to do research. Shouldn’t I keep it professional?”

  “It’s not like he’s a coworker, Hailey. Or your boss. He’s some cute piece of eye candy that just happens to own the ranch you’re living on. I call that a bonus, not a hindrance.”

  “You know how I am, Paige. I’m not going to go after a guy. I’m just not that aggressive. Right now, I’m happy with the way things are.” That was a lie, but she had no way of knowing how hard it was to keep my hands off of Cash the more I was around him. I’d been sending him signals too, but they were either too subtle for him to notice or he just wasn’t interested. “We started having dinner together every night and talking until he goes to bed. He’s an early to bed, early to rise guy.”

  “Is he cooking? Because, if so, you need to lock that man down now!”

  I laughed at her misplaced excitement. “No, I’m cooking for him. I made him Marie-Laure’s famous bouillabaisse the first night.”

  “Wait, you’re cooking for him?” She squealed excitedly into the phone. “You are definitely going to lock him down, then. No man could resist what you can do in the kitchen. Should I mark off some time in the spring for your wedding?”

  We both busted up laughing again, and it took some time for the giggles to subside. I wasn’t quite ready to commit to being Mrs. Ogden, but I definitely wouldn’t turn down a kiss. I didn’t see why I was hesitating on coming clean with Paige about my fe
elings for Cash. If anyone would understand and not judge me, it was her.

  “Look, I like him, okay? He’s sweet and handsome, and he loves books as much as I do. But despite the fact that I grew up in the middle of one of the fastest towns in America, I’m still just an old-fashioned girl at heart. That means I’m going to let him make the first move. He might not even be interested in me. I haven’t seen any signs that he wants to turn our friendship into something more. I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”

  “That’s ridiculous, Hale. Remember the feminist revolution? I know we’re too young to have burned our bras and marched for the ERA, but women don’t have to sit back twiddling their thumbs anymore while they wait for men to come to them. If you like this guy, let him know it. What if he’s sitting back and waiting on you?”

  I hadn’t considered that possibility. Every relationship I’d ever been in had been the result of a guy approaching me. And none of them had gone very well, had they? Maybe I needed to try something new. I just wish I knew ahead of time if Cash was interested in me. I really couldn’t imagine putting myself out there without knowing that.

  “I think you should go for it,” Paige said like it was just that easy. Maybe it was for her, but I just couldn’t slip out of a lifelong habit that quickly. I was open to deepening the burgeoning friendship between Cash and me, but he’d need to make the first move. I could send more focused hints if I could manage to get it together enough to not simply stare at him with my tongue lolling out of my mouth. He was just so ruggedly handsome, though. And those goddamned freckles made me a little crazy to look at. And his eyes? Forget about it.

  “I’ll see how things go,” I said.

  “That sounds like you aren’t going to do a damned thing.”

  Paige was right. I wasn’t. I couldn’t risk making such a colossal misstep. If he didn’t like me the way I liked him, I’d be so embarrassed I wouldn’t have a choice but to pack my bags and scurry back to New York with my tail between my legs. I had a perfect setup here, and I was glad for the friendship I was forming with Cash. There was no way I’d put that in jeopardy over a stupid crush. Paige didn’t have to agree. It was my life, not hers.

  “It sounds like we’re done beating this dead horse,” I said. “Tell me what’s going on in your life.”

  She sighed but began to talk about the life she was living in California, steering well clear of whatever the hell was going on up here between Cash and me. I had to admit; I was relieved to be discussing something else. Whatever ended up happening with Cash, I just didn’t want to make a fool of myself, even if it meant never going after something that interested me.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Cash

  The Next Morning

  I spent the early morning before the sun rose getting the horses out of their stalls and into the corral to be fed and watered. Then I mucked out the stalls one by one, whistling to keep my mind occupied while the sun began to creep up on the horizon. By the time the sky was fully awake, the stalls were cleaned, and everything else in the barn was in order. I’d worked hard the day before, running the tractor over the far field and fixing some of the fence line along the rear of the property after leaving Eric’s house, so I had the time to run into town and complete some much-needed errands now that the animals were taken care of.

  I jumped into my old dusty pickup and drove into town, heading for the feed store first. I picked up a few things, loading them into the back of my truck, then swung by the grocery store, as it was still too early to go by the last place on my list. I picked up several things I needed, but not as much as usual, since Hailey had taken to shopping and cooking dinner for the both of us. I’d really miss the nights we spent eating and talking together once her research was done and she went back to where she belonged in October. I almost asked her last night if she’d considered staying on a little longer to see winter in Wyoming. For research, of course. But it hadn’t seemed right to say.

  I loaded the groceries into the back of the truck along with the feed and drove over to my last destination in town before I headed back out to the ranch for another seven to ten days or so. I tried to keep my trips into Jackson to once a week, but here I was in town for the second time in two days. It was enough to make a guy itchy. Too many people and too much activity for comfort. So I bought double the feed I usually would, that way I wouldn’t need to come into town at all next week. Eric laughed when I mentioned my preference for being around as few people as possible, but Hailey seemed to understand, which was odd, considering she came from such a big city. I didn’t know how she did it. Being around all those people and the bustle of such a large place would make it impossible for me to ever get comfortable. The world took all kinds, I supposed.

  I pulled into the parking lot of the small bookstore just as the clerk was turning the sign in the window over from Closed to Open. I got out of the truck and left it behind without locking the doors, and strode into the bookshop.

  “Mornin’, Cash,” the clerk called, sending a sunny smile my way. I’d known Lulu for the last few years, since she started in the shop. I came in here often, and everyone who worked here knew me. I always made a point to stop by and grab a few books on my way out of town. If they didn’t have what I was looking for, they were more than happy to order it, which was great, especially since I didn’t have access to a computer or the internet out at the ranch. Hailey had poked fun at me a little over that, telling me I was the youngest elderly man she’d ever met. I smiled and took her ribbing without getting offended—nothing she said could be worse than the constant jokes Eric made at my expense over my dislike of technology. I just didn’t see the need for all that mess. I was happy reading books and living off the land as much as I could. There wasn’t anything available on the World Wide Web that would make me much happier than I already was with the view of the mountains in the distance and the fresh air in my lungs.

  “Howdy, Lulu,” I said as I approached the counter where she was setting up for the day. She was around 20 or so, with strawberry blonde hair she wore cut just above her shoulders and crystal blue eyes that reminded me of Hailey, but she didn’t have cute little glasses that were always sliding down her nose. For a while, she’d seemed awfully interested in Eric, but he at least had the good sense to know to steer clear of robbing cradles. We were nearly in our 30s, for crying out loud. We didn’t belong with anyone in their teens, which Lulu was at the time. Anytime I looked at her, I couldn’t see anything but a little kid.

  “What can I help you find today?” she asked with another smile. She was a sweet girl and one of the few people in town that I didn’t mind having a conversation with. She loved books, which was good enough for me, and she knew when to let me be and when to engage me in a chat. That put her a little ahead of Eric, if I was being honest. That boy didn’t know when to leave me the hell alone sometimes. But Lulu could go about her business while I spent 30 solid minutes wandering the shop, looking for what to buy next.

  “I was wondering if you had any books by a woman named Hailey Young,” I said and noted Lulu’s surprised expression before she remembered to be professional. I knew what she was thinking before she even said it. From everything Hailey’d said about her own writing, I knew it wasn’t my usual cup of tea, but I liked reading and would pick up a book on any subject as long as it was well-written. I was interested to see how well Hailey could put together a story, but didn’t want to put her on the spot by coming right out and asking to see what she’d come up with since arriving at the ranch. The more I thought about it, the harder it was to keep from asking. This seemed like a good way to fully satisfy my curiosity without putting her on the spot.

  Lulu started tapping away on the computer behind the counter, checking the store’s inventory as she lightly chewed on her bottom lip. She sometimes wore makeup, but today wasn’t one of those days. Her face was clean and blemishless. “It looks like we have one of them, her latest. It’s called Far from the Sun and is set in L
os Angeles.” She smiled up at me, her eyes shining with a familiar playful light that never did much of anything for me. When I looked at her, I saw what might as well have been a 5-year-old. She was a sweet kid, and that was all. “That’s a far cry from Jackson, Wyoming.”

  “It is indeed,” I agreed. “You don’t have any of her other books?”

  Lulu shook her head as she continued to tap away on her keyboard. “Not in stock. We can order them if you like. She has three others besides the one we have, which was released last year. I’ve read all of them. She’s a great writer. You really feel like you know the characters and the setting, even if you’ve never been there, which of course I haven’t! Her descriptions are beautifully written, almost poetic. She hasn’t become widely known yet, but she will. It’s only a matter of time. Any fool can see she’s just about to break out. Her writing’s just that good.”

  That was certainly a relief to hear. I didn’t know what I’d do if I read her book and found it terrible. Not that I’d ever say a word about it, but my opinion of her would likely change, and that was the last thing I wanted. I had quite a bit of respect for her and her chosen profession. If I’d been fortunate enough to be born with a few creative bones in my body, I’d have tried my hand at writing as well. But my efforts were better spent running the ranch.