by A M Russell
‘A what?’
‘Someone was planted to make sure that Aiden didn’t succeed. Someone on his team betrayed him. They were stranded in the snow. And the whole lot disappeared. But it’s not that easy to get rid of someone. You have to keep going back to get rid of all the possible escape routes that a person might take to get out of the situation.’
‘But, what the Hell? Does that mean I’m not really here?’
‘Of course you are! Do you want me to pinch you? Listen to what I’m saying.’
‘So what might seem like an amazing run of bad luck might in fact be interference.’
‘Yes. And no. There are other factors.’
‘Like what?’
‘The weather;’ she pointed towards the outer door, ‘and personality clashes, anything that focuses the mind. Like a very strong memory, or an attachment to something before you came out here.’
‘I keep thinking of my mother’s cat.’ I said suddenly, ‘Jules looks like her.’
Janey laughed unexpectedly, ‘Well that would be fun to tell him.’
‘Please don’t.’
‘It’s ok,’ she said still smiling, ‘but that’s a good image. A good strong image of something you love.’
‘Yes.’
‘But back to Aiden. He did overcome it all. He did get back. Both versions of him. He one who was murdered and the one who wasn’t.’
‘Two versions?’ I was completely out of the ring now, ‘but how… one murdered?’
‘They had a body. Of Aiden. It went back to Base. Then Aiden showed up.’
‘Huh? It’s impossible.’
‘Not at all. It’s a very warped version of physics and relativistic laws. Aiden couldn’t be dead. But there he was…. Habeas corpus. And George verified it. George also got the transmission from him went he came back.’
‘Did the University know about his? Aiden being err alive and not…’
‘No. I think someone might have told them later but by then it was too late. The time line had resolved itself.’
‘Pardon me for being thick. But how… if this thing is still happening could that be possible.’
‘Simple. Aiden went home. They wanted to stop him. Keep him at Base for debriefing. But Aiden told George he was going and went.’
‘And what about the body?’
‘What body?’
‘You said there was a body.’
‘Erm… yes,’ she shook her head, ‘I’m finding it hard to concentrate… the body yes…’
‘Janey? Is it happening again? Do you feel a bit odd? A lot odd. Janey?’ I caught her under her chin with my hand. She smiled at me. Her brow uncreased. ‘Janey? Come on. Tell me. I have to know. I understand that the more part of it we become, the harder it is to escape. I see that getting angry helps. I see that being pissed off at Hanson helps. But there has to be more. These are just the symptoms you’re dealing with. Aiden found the cure didn’t he? And that’s what he’s doing. Trying to tell us. He’s still out here isn’t he?’
Janey looked at me so sadly. ‘Yes.’
I turned round looking for something, anything to jog her memory before the moment faded from my mind and hers. What would do it? What was stronger than anything?
‘Drink up Janey. All of it. Please. Tell me the rest.’
‘Sorry, Yes.’ she swigged from the cup, ‘Yuk! Sugar.’
‘Yes. That’s good. Is it disgusting?’
‘Totally. And in answer to your question: George went to look at the corpse again and it simply wasn’t there. His own notebook that he kept on himself had changed too. No one could have altered it. He wrote it down longhand. No electronics to fry.’ she hiccupped, ‘This is gloriously foul.’ she added.
‘Then..?’
‘Well George is a very clever man. He wrote down everything. It’s what he does. He’s an information hound. Brilliant memory too, very detailed. So he sent it to himself. In the post. A brilliant and simple thing. A bloody brilliant thing. George was at Base. He saw the visions like we did. But he worked out that in order to help us he had to stay put. All he had to do when we made progress in the right direction was to go home for the weekend. He also sends himself lots of mail hidden inside letters to his sister. She’s very sweet. Hates cold weather, and has horrible children.’
‘A perfect remedy to our predicament.’
‘Indeed. George is our connection with the real world. He remembers everything people tell him. Even the things we’ve forgotten ourselves.’
‘So just one really stupid question I need to ask. Why?’
‘Why is the science dept. at the University doing this? It’s obvious isn’t it?’
‘No. Not really.’
‘To undo what has been done. To extract the power of God from out of the ground. It’s beyond the dreams of any of them. To undo what has been done. Why wouldn’t those influential Men want that?’
‘But?’
‘But! Of course there’s a catch. What you come out to control, ends up controlling you. Only someone who has been out here really understands that. We are now trying to undo what we have become. We are trying to cancel it out. Like Aiden. We just want to go home.’
‘Why can’t you just go home?’
‘Haven’t you heard a word of what I’ve said? Someone is manipulating this. Someone is the puppet master. Someone wants all the power for themselves. And next to that Platinum knives are worthless.’
‘But can Aiden still help us?’
‘Yes. I believe so. He was telling us he’s still here, somewhere nearby.’
‘The knot?’
‘Yes. The knot. Aiden always said that rope would come in handy one day.’
‘The question is,’ I said suddenly getting the idea, ‘is to work out if it’s a warning; or if it’s a sign to stay.’
‘Yes… You could be on to something. I was thinking it was just a general “I’m still here” thing. But maybe it’s more specific than that. What sort of knot is it?’
‘Umm… a surgeon’s knot I think. Jared and Joe are the ones who know their rope… as it were.’
‘Ok. So we wait to see if there’s any more and what it is.’
‘Just one thing. Who is it using ceremonial knives?’
‘Not sure but it’s not us.’ Janey got out a pen, ‘I just hope we don’t stumble onto the past, present, future, or possible owners.’
‘You never know it might be fun. I could do with some genuine peril after all this weird stuff.’
‘Davey, you obviously know very little about would be considered perilous.’ she leaned over, dragged me towards her and kissed me. It lasted long enough for me to want to inhale. I pulled back slightly to breathe, and then slowly, deliberately kissed her back. Soft, lingering, and like summer. I was warm inside like the liquid Amber of a Talisker. But lighter to the touch. She tasted of roses and a hint of mint. We looked at each other nose to nose. We sat for maybe five minutes without saying a word. Quietly, reluctantly she detached herself. She went to put her book away. I wanted to rub my face in the snow. But I stood up and composed myself by thinking of that moggy looking at me with snobbish superiority. In two minutes I could go and sit down to dinner and chat with the others without a hint of joyousness overwhelming me.
*****
Eight
Hanson sat me down in the little curtained off area that served as our radio room. His eyes narrowed a little and he lowered himself into the other chair like a great bear ready to consume its kill. It thought perhaps he was going to remonstrate me for being late helping Jules. Instead he regarded me solidly and got out the cigarillo. I knew it was forbidden to smoke inside but I didn't say anything. Hanson watched me for a moment. He didn't light it, but instead rolled it between finger and thumb in a slow deliberate way.
'Davey? Do you think we can get home?'
The question was so unlike any that Hanson was normally likely to ask that I was momentarily stunned.
'I think Sir... That there is e
very reason to indicate a good journey back.'
'Ahh!' he gazed beyond me, still moving the little black stick between his fingertips.
'And I think what happened to our science compound... Even though that's terrible; we should remember all the good data we have collected. We've had reams of continuous readings. And we have excellent pictures.'
'Yes. Well let's just stick with what you personally see.'
'I saw...' I was thinking hard on whether or not this was designed to catch me out. I breathed and straightened myself. 'I saw the knot and the empty spikes where the missing string had been. And the metal knife that Curly Pete and I found.'
'And that's all?'
'Yes Sir.'
'Did you see evidence of any other person who may have been here?'
'No Sir.'
Hanson smiled then in the friendly engaging way I remembered from when I first met him.
'That's all Mr Milnes!' he said and laughed
I laughed too; perhaps more with relief.
'Just call me Hanson. "Sir" I'm not really worthy of.'
'Yes. Alright.' I stood up, 'Shall I.?' I pointed through the curtain.
'Yes. And tell Peter I'll have a word with him straight away.'
Just as we turned in for the night, Jared passed me;
'Prep room, five minutes.' He breathed in my ear, and carried on as if nothing had been said.
I took my sweater off and yawned hugely. I padded into the kitchen area and made instant chocolate. I added some dark sugar until it was disgustingly sweet. I thought about booting up and taking the tool bag... Maybe the sample bag too. Was it premature? I took a quick visit to our earth toilet just in case.
Janey was in her dark blue under suit. She was stepping into Jules bottle green outer. Jared was already putting boots on. The other on the space was Curly Pete. I offered him some hot chocolate before he put his gloves on. He blew on it and took a sip.
'Won't Hanson find out?' I asked quietly.
Janey looked up at me and adjusted a wrist closure.
'You really need to see how this works Davey. There is no way we can go back this time without some answers. There aren't going to be anymore expeditions by us lot. They will have what they wanted and we are just expendable.'
'We have to see where knife came out.' It was Jared this time.
'We scored Davey!' said Curly Pete, 'We found it!'
'What? The knife?' I knew that wasn't it. I was being slow. I hoped the amount of sugar in the drink might fend off the relaxation of two lots of berry pie and golden custard.
'No.' said Janey patiently, 'It's what was on the knife. The sample we need. We have to find out if that is where it originates, on that bit of ground or not.'
Suddenly I felt really scared as if all my life had flashed before me. I wasn't really ready. Not like this. Not this way. I wanted to be prepared; to sit and think about this for some time.
'Come on Davey. Get the suit on.' Curly Pete was grinning wildly, 'It will be a breeze! We're going crack it man!'
I'd always hated that over familiar buddy-buddy thing. I winced and sat down.
'I can't.'
'Why not?' said Pete. And now I hated him. I was tired and I wasn't in the mood for being forced into anything.
'Alright.' Janey checked the level on her oxygen bottle. 'We'll maybe see you later.' she ignored the others who were saying so many different versions of "What the hell".
I sat for the longest time afterwards. I had given up on getting back at all. I had lost all sense of ever making things right with my Dad, my mother's cat or anything else. I sat in the prep room and thought about all my life before this point: about the summer in the garden on a Sunday afternoon; about getting letters from my Mum; about hot chocolate when I couldn't sleep; about my crappy job; and about my complete failure with the opposite sex. I felt then that the kiss with Janey didn't count, as it was made under false pretences on the supposed nature of my immanent involvement (however inadvertently) in something possibly criminal. I trusted no one, I believed nothing. And I felt that however idiotic it might be, I'd rather stick with Hanson. He was an egotist, sure. But I'd been used to that type for a while now.... It didn't rate as high on the "Things I didn’t understand" scale. I drew my knees up to my chest. I felt quite depressed. Usual for me. Familiar. In some twisted way, completely comforting. They had been gone ten minutes; long enough to walk the distance to the edge of the egg lands. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to sleep, to forget. I wanted so badly to wake up; for everything to be a bad dream. Even that snotty cat would get a present of prime haddock.
Eventually, I felt really cold so I went to the pod; and after shaking my sleeping bag for maximum fluffing I climbed in. I ignored the absence of the others. Nikolas stared at me and said nothing. He rolled away from me. Fracture. And deceit. I thought that of all of us, Nikolas was the one who could make it back. He only saw what could be seen through a lens. What did I see? Only confusion. I shut my eyes. It was swirling round and round in the dark. I lay there for the longest time. I couldn't sleep. Eventually, I gave up. I took my journal and went to our kitchen area and made a cup of tea. I sat in the corner of our main area, with a small lamp illuminating this little circle of my tiny, quiet world. I did want to go home. In fact I wished I'd never come. Janey was the ice queen, and I was a bloody fool to be impressed by her. I was not immune to her, and that is what made me angry. I promised myself I would take the only road I knew. The safe one. I'd keep my head down and not listen to any more mad musings. It was over. I ranted a bit in the journal. Gradually, imperceptibly, I began to feel better. I reminded myself that I was only a trainee and all I could do was what I had been assigned to do. My head began to droop. I went and climbed back into my sleeping bag. There was nothing left but a need to go home. That was all; while every wild goose chase, everything else that captured my imagination so consistently, I choose to ignore.
By One am they were not back. I made a mental note of the fact as I squinted at the glowing dial on my wrist, and that was the last thing I thought until morning.
I woke but didn't open my eyes. I thought of the possible options. Then the possible consequences, for myself that is: One, they were back and I didn't say anything. Two, they weren't back and again I didn't say anything (or rather lied through my teeth). The other two: ditto the first two but I sang like the proverbial canary. What a choice! I rolled over away from the others (?) and opened my eyes. I listened. Someone was moving around, from my judgement it was in the kitchen area. I was going to play dead until someone prodded me. It wasn't long in coming.
'You like it without sugar right?' Jared handed me a tea in one our unbreakable mugs. I rolled over. Jared slid back into his sleeping bag. I saw the other two like cosy centipedes. Curly snuggled down in a curved relaxed shape as if he'd been there all night.
'Oh err ta.' I sat up blinking. Jared made sure I'd got a firm grip on the cup before he sipped from his own. He regarded me evenly. I could see there was no challenge in it. He looked craggy, like a weather worn rock by the beach. His eyes were alive and full of good humour. I saw there was a scar on his right hand near the first knuckle. I’d never noticed it before.
'Drink up Davey; you're on breakfasts with me.'
'I am.'
'Yea. Jules was not happy because he got Hanson helping him last night.'
'He did?'
'Yeah, who'd want that right? Hanson doesn't like the way Jules makes custard.'
'He doesn't?' I swigged the tea. What about last night? Was it one of those things that one quietly "forgot" to mention? And how many different ways could custard be made? I rubbed my eyes. Jared wasn't going to say what they'd got up to. But he didn't look like someone who was keeping a secret either. The others had started to stir, so I got up.
We were walking away from the last camp. I gritted my teeth. Regret. I hadn’t gone out there. And now I wished I had. The others had not said a word. Not one word. I didn’t dare ask.
It was as if last night had been wiped out. I felt, now on this patchy misted morning, awake from an insane dream. But the settled disappointment with which I was familiar made my pack feel a lot heavier.
We wouldn’t have to travel for too long until we met the sled coming back. Jared had the small tent for tonight if the weather wasn’t helpful. It all seemed like one cold, hard slog. The mist stayed at an average level of annoying. No one spoke much. Jared was leading, followed by Curly, then me, and lastly Adam. Without Nikolas’ repeated stops for photos we made good time. We had made it back as far as the cave (from our trip down) by noon. We stopped and brewed up. The mist lifted a little and Adam again looked down towards the Cloud Field through the binoculars. I thought he was checking for signs we were being followed. The argument with Hanson yesterday seemed to be along the lines that there was actually another expedition out here, but we hadn’t been told.
‘See anything?’ I asked Adam. He turned and seemed surprised that someone had spoken.
‘I never see anything. You know that. Just lots of snow drifts, black twigs, and our own boot prints. Do you want to take a look?’ he offered them to me.
‘No, thanks?’ I shook my head. I didn’t want to be reminded yet again of my failure to secure my place in Janey’s one last wild adventure.
Jared gave me a cup of very strong tea, ‘Drink up. It’ll put more hair on your chest.’
‘Keep some of this bloody cold out!’ said Curly Pete, slurping his own cup as fast as he could manage.
