“Yeah, they will.” She shrugged her shoulders. “But who cares? At the end of the day, it’s your life. More stories will be written; more gossip and rumors will be said. In five years, it won’t even matter.”
I wrapped my arms around my knees and bowed my head. “Well, it matters now though. I hate how people know who I am, and think they can write stories about me and my life, and how they even pretend to care just to make money off me.”
“You never wanted to be in the spotlight anyway, Mac.” She soothingly rubbed her hand across my back. “This is a good thing. They’ll see that the engagement is off and it’ll be the end of their cash cow.”
“Are you calling me a cow?” I smirked, curling my lip in amusement.
“I’ll call you whatever it takes to make you smile.” She grinned.
“You’re such a bitch.”
“But I’m your favorite bitch.”
We laughed and she leaned in to hug me. Laughter felt good. It was the first time in two days that I’d been able to and having Staci by my side was the best comfort I could’ve asked for.
“Any chance you’re looking for a new roommate?”
“Well…I was thinking of finding someone to sleep on my couch and dirty up my dishes. So, I guess you’re in luck!” She smirked, and I wrinkled my nose at her. “Of course,” she said genuinely, then added, “Stay as long as you need, okay?”
“Thanks, Stace. I appreciate that.”
We hung out and watched TV together, doing nothing much at all. It was perfect. It helped distract me and for a while, I forgot about everything.
I DIDN’T FORGET long though. As I walked out of the hotel Monday morning, I was swarmed with cameras and paparazzi bombarding me with questions and comments. I called ahead of time for a cab so I could escape them as fast as possible. A couple of the hotel employees pushed them away and yelled at them to leave, but they followed me until I was in the cab and finally took off.
“That’s something I could never get used to,” the cab driver surprised me by saying when we finally made it a safe distance away.
I breathed out and sunk deeper into the seat. “Yeah…you and me both.” I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. I can do this…I can do this…
I had no idea what to expect once I arrived to work. I hadn’t spoken to my boss or assistant or even checked my email. I had every intention of walking in and not letting my personal life affect my professional life.
I paid the driver and let myself out. The sidewalk was crowded with people walking to work, the sun was shining brightly over me, and the air had a nice warm breeze to it. Yes, I can do this.
I walked into my office confidently with my head held high. I knew the glances and whispers were about me, but I wasn’t going to let them get to me. I was here to focus on work.
“Mackenzie!” I cringed the second I heard Laura’s high-pitched nail-scraping voice. “My office. Now!”
I dropped my purse on the desk and adjusted my shirt before walking through the glass doors. Her office was stunning, always bright and welcoming—the complete opposite of her.
“Yes?” I slowly shut the door behind me and stood in front of her, waiting for her to lecture and probably fire me.
She slammed a newspaper down on her desk, facing it toward me. It was a new article I hadn’t even seen yet. I read the headline. ‘New York’s Fashionista, Mackenzie Hewitt from Boxy Magazine, caught in a cheating scandal!’ Underneath it was the same pictures from the initial article and more gossip written below that.
I wanted to die.
Just kill me. Anything, I pleaded with God. My cheeks heated, embarrassed and ashamed of having to stand in front of my boss—someone I looked up to immensely—with my dirty laundry airing for all to see.
“Now…usually I say there’s no such thing as bad press—” She stood tall with her arms crossed and her legs parted. “—but this may be my exception.”
“Laura, I am so sorry!” I cried. “I had no idea they were running that story, no idea why they ran that story, and I swear—I’d never jeopardize the magazine’s reputation.”
“Is it true?” Her question startled me. My eyes went wide as I looked at her intense glare.
“Partially,” I stated. “At the time they took those pictures, no.”
She swallowed. “I see.”
“Laura, please…I swear I won’t let this affect my work. I’ll be focused one hundred percent.” I was beginning to panic. My palms were sweating and my heart was pounding in my chest at the thought of getting fired.
“Mackenzie, relax.” Her voice turned soft, but her eyes remained tense. “I just wanted to know what we were getting into. I will make sure all employees sign a waiver to protect your privacy.”
“Really?” I gasped, on the verge of tears at her reassuring words. “Oh my god. Thank you!” I clasped my hands over my mouth, surprised she didn’t tell me to leave and never come back.
“But the minute this affects the quality of your work, we’ll be re-analyzing your position.” She was back to her stern, don’t-mess-with-me tone.
I nodded frantically in complete understanding. “Yes, of course. You won’t have to worry, I promise.” I gave a small smile in return, confident and reassuring, as she dismissed me from her office.
I could barely wait to get back to my desk and get to work. I needed the distraction.
“Good morning,” Chelsea greeted over-enthusiastically. I watched as she set her things down and walked toward me.
“Morning,” I said back, wondering if she was going to ask me about the rumors, too.
“How was your weekend?” she asked, setting a cup of coffee down in front of me and smiled.
I narrowed my brows at her. She wasn’t that dense, but perhaps she was waiting to see if I brought it up first.
“I’ve had better,” was all I offered in return. I grabbed the coffee and took a sip. “How was yours?”
“Busy.” She smiled. “I emailed you all of your phone messages from last week, including the ones from the New York Post.” I swallowed in return. I hadn’t even glanced at my email or checked my voicemails since last Wednesday. “Also, the assignments I worked on and the ones due this week.” She smiled one last time before turning around and returning to her desk.
“Thanks,” was all I said. I was behind on returning blog comments, setting up blog posts, and checking emails. I wasn’t going to waste my time worrying about the newspaper or what people in my office were probably saying about me.
I plugged my headphones in and went to work. The voice of Adam Levine helped keep me calm and distracted most of the day. By the time it was ready to go, I hadn’t even realized eight hours had flown by.
“Mackenzie?” I heard Chelsea call out right before I was about to walk to the elevator.
“Yeah?”
“You have a call.”
“From who?” I asked, guarded.
“Mr. Lancaster.”
I swallowed nervously, knowing I had to get it over with eventually. “Okay, put him through on my line, please.”
I sat back down at my desk and answered, “William…”
“Mackenzie, finally,” he breathed out in relief.
“What is it?”
“You need to come home. We need to talk.”
“We’ll talk,” I reassured him. “Just not now. I need some time.”
“All right. I’m flying out Tuesday. Can we meet up Friday night?”
Of course he is. “Sure. I’ll come around seven.”
“Great. It’s been quite quiet without you here.”
I forced the tears back as I heard the pain in his voice. I still loved him. I would always love him, but I knew it wasn’t enough. “I imagine it has,” was all I could say back. We said our goodbyes and I walked away feeling sad and lonely.
As I walked into the office, I noticed people hushing every time I went past them. They quietly looked at me—watching me—as I exited the building. It
was bad enough it felt as if my life were crumbling before me, but now it was on full display for everyone to watch.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I spent the rest of the week feeling numb, moving through the motions of my routine—going to work, returning to the hotel, eating dinner, and falling asleep to the TV. I emailed Staci throughout the day and texted her at night. She kept in touch with me, taking my mind off everything, but I really knew she was just keeping tabs on me. I told her about meeting William on Friday and then we made plans to move me in with her over the weekend.
“Mackenzie, line one for you,” Chelsea called out, pressing the hold button.
I was screening my calls and being extra careful of who I spoke with. “Who is it?”
“It’s Alexander Lancaster,” she replied and then continued, “again.” My heart dropped into my stomach for the fourth time this week. He’s called me every day at work since Tuesday and every time, I’ve avoided it.
“Tell him I’m in a meeting.”
“Sure thing.” She smacked her gum and grabbed the phone, telling him exactly what I had said.
I could feel her looking at me after she hung up. “What?”
“He’s worried about you.” He emailed me once yesterday and then texted me this morning. I’ve ignored them all. I wasn’t sure how to deal with him just yet.
My throat swelled up at the thought of hearing his voice again. “Well, if he calls again, you can let him know I’m just fine. I’m breathing, eating, and sleeping. There’s nothing to worry about.” I stood up and grabbed my things.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked sincerely. She hadn’t mentioned it all week to me, but I knew she knew.
“No, but thanks. I’m all right,” I tried to say convincingly. “I’ll be fine,” I said again.
“Okay, well, if you ever do, I’m a really good listener.” She smiled sincerely at me, and I smiled back.
I finished everything from missing work last week and everything for this week. I’d worked nonstop to make sure I could catch up before the weekend. I knew saying goodbye to William was going to be hard, but I was ready. I was ready to take my things and start over again. I’ve done it once before and I knew I could do it again.
I WALKED THE familiar steps to the apartment, feeling both misplaced and comforted at the same time. I’ve lived here for the past year and now I was saying goodbye to another constant I had built for myself. I thought William was the one, my forever, and now it was all coming to an end.
I knocked on the door and anxiously waited. I wasn’t sure I was ready to see William again. However, I didn’t think I’d ever be ready after seeing his face when he overheard Alex and me.
I just needed to get this over with.
“You don’t have to knock,” William said as he answered the door.
I swallowed at the sight of him. He was well dressed and groomed as usual. He wore a tailored gray suit with a turquoise tie and white shirt. He was always put together, even alone at home.
“I didn’t want to just assume I could let myself in,” I explained quietly, standing awkwardly in front of him.
“Of course you can. This is your home.” He stepped back and waved me in. I stayed quiet as he guided us to the kitchen. “Would you like a drink?”
“Sure, water is fine.” I took a seat on the stool by the breakfast bar. I needed space between us.
He handed me a bottle of water and grabbed one for himself. “Did you have dinner? I could call for something.”
“Oh, I’m fine.” This was so awkward.
“Mackenzie…you’re looking at me like I’m a criminal or something. You’re tense.”
“I’m just a little uncomfortable. A lot has happened in a short amount of time. I just want to get this over with,” I said honestly. Better he knew upfront anyway.
“You don’t have to leave. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t.”
I unscrewed the top to my water and took a sip. “That’s not an option. I’m moving in with Staci.”
“So just like that? You’re going to move out?”
“You lied to me. You aren’t who I thought you were, and I can’t be who you want me to be. It’s for the better.”
“If this is about my late wife, I can explain that.”
It wouldn’t change anything for me now, but it wouldn’t hurt to know the truth at least. “Okay, tell me.”
I watched as he leaned against the fridge and faced me. “You’ll need to sign a non-disclosure agreement first.”
“What?” I gasped.
“It’s the only way, Mackenzie.”
“I was your fiancée and you expect me to sign a form?”
“If you want to know, then, yes,” he responded firmly.
I couldn’t believe this. I was going to marry this man and he was expecting me to sign some stupid paper saying I wouldn’t leak it to the press? “So you didn’t trust me. Is that it? That’s why you wouldn’t tell me.”
He swallowed and kept eye contact with me. Harshly, he replied, “I don’t trust anyone, Mackenzie. It’s nothing personal.”
I burst out in laughter. “I can’t believe you’re serious.”
“It’s how the business goes. I keep my private life private for obvious reasons. Look what happens when you don’t…”
I scowled. “I may have been the one to break up our relationship, but you’re the reason I’m not fighting for it. I can’t be in a relationship that’s filled with secrets, lies, and signing NDAs. It’s just not for me.”
“Nothing’s changed.”
“You’re right. I did. I changed. I saw past the blinders finally and realized I could never be happy in this lifestyle. Your shell is impossibly hard to break. I can’t know about your late wife or why your and Alex’s relationship was rocky to start with. I barely knew you at all. So if you aren’t going to tell me, then there’s not much else really to say. We just need to call the wedding planner and cancel everything. I’ll send movers here tomorrow to grab the rest of my things, and we’ll have nothing else tying us together,” I said blankly.
“If that’s what you want.”
“It’s the only option, William.” I could see the emotion pouring from his eyes even though he was trying to hide it. “For what it’s worth, I’m truly sorry things ended this way. I’m sorry for betraying you. I’m sorry it was made public. I wish things had gone a different way, but I think this is what’s best for both of us.”
He only nodded in response. I took that as my cue to leave, so I placed my bottle on the counter and slid out of the chair. “Bye, William.”
“Goodbye, Mackenzie.” He started walking out of the kitchen toward his office when he paused and said over his shoulder, “I hope you find true happiness.” A small, genuine smile played on his lips before stepping out.
I swallowed at the genuineness of his voice before seeing myself out for the very last time. I didn’t plan to come back. Staci was meeting the movers here in the morning and directing them to everything they needed to take. It’d be easier that way. Just say my final goodbye and start over.
I walked down to the elevator and pressed the call button. Once the doors slid open, I stepped in and hit the lobby button. The realization my life here was over finally hit me. Tears slowly escaped and ran down my cheeks. William and I shared some great memories and a part of me was sad we’d never have them again. There’d been times we couldn’t wait to get back into the apartment and started making out right here in the elevator. Those were some of the best times we had shared together when he couldn’t get enough of me. But that part of my life was over.
And it was time to move forward.
I THOUGHT ABOUT Alex the entire cab ride back to the hotel. He hadn’t left my mind since everything blew up in our faces. As much as I wanted to forget him, leave it all behind, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. There were still a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of bitterness built up inside...and regret.
Once we arr
ived at the hotel, I paid the driver and stepped out. I took a look around—the gorgeous building in front of me, the sun already setting, and the tapping of people’s shoes on the sidewalk. This was what a fresh start looked like. Tomorrow, I’d be moving in with Staci and starting over.
As I walked to the elevator, I thought about what food I wanted to order for dinner. I had one more night here, and I wanted to spend it eating take out and soaking in a hot bubble bath. I decided on Chinese as I rode the elevator back up to my room. I sent a quick text to Staci letting her know how not well my meeting with William went. I knew it was for the best. A part of me felt relieved it ended the way it did. I wasn’t proud of the mistakes I had made, but I was glad I had found out the truth about him before it was too late.
My body sunk into the lavender scented oils as it made me feel completely relaxed from the hot water covering my skin. I closed my eyes and let my mind wonder. I thought about my mom. About things we had gone through together and how growing up the way I did had made me a stronger person. I thought about how I met Staci at a bar my first week moving to the city. She intrigued me with her spunky hairstyle and energetic personality. She became my rock and helped me make the transition to being on my own. She was a good five years older than I was, but you wouldn’t know by looking at her.
I thought about Alex and how I still missed him. Memories of him flashed through my mind—waking up next to him, kissing him in the kitchen, screaming and pushing him away. He never once doubted his feelings for me when I doubted all of mine.
There were still a lot of things I needed to get off my chest, many things that needed to be said, but I was sure, once things calmed down, we’d be able to talk them out.
That was if he was still willing to talk them out with me. I’ve been pushing him away all week long, and I wasn’t even sure I was ready for that yet.
As soon as I stepped out of the bath, my phone starting ringing with Staci’s name flashing on top. “Yes?” I answered, wrapping my body in a towel. “Didn’t you get my text?”
Dangerous Temptations Page 23
