She ignored my question as she asked, “Are you aware that you’re flying out to a rehab center this weekend for sex addiction treatment?”
I nearly choked, dropping my phone in the process.
“Shit,” I muttered, stumbling to pick it up with my wet hands. “What are you talking about?”
“A resource close to the Lancaster family has confirmed Ms. Hewitt will be enrolling herself into a rehab clinic this weekend to help with her addiction to sex.” I could tell she was reading something by how controlled her voice sounded. “Ms. Hewitt has been struggling with this for the past few months and with her impending nuptials, agreed to get treatment.”
I narrowed my brows, unsure if I should cry or laugh at the ridiculousness of the story. “That is just insane.”
“Any guesses who the mole is yet?” she inquired.
I snorted. “Someone who clearly doesn’t have their facts straight.”
“Well, at least the last one was true.”
“Ha, ha.” I fake laughed. “Well, whoever it is must be making a pretty penny for their ‘impeccable knowledge.’”
“At least they gave you a good addiction this time. I’d rather be addicted to sex than heroine.”
I laughed, remembering the story they had done on me early on, about how I was addicted to drugs and smuggling money from William’s company money to pay for my habit. “Yeah, perhaps I should just move to Antarctica. At least no one would follow me there.” I grinned to myself.
“You never know. They’d probably hound you for having a fake tan and wearing faux fur.”
I stepped into the bedroom area and grabbed some clothes to change into. I planned to walk down the street to the Chinese place on the corner and coming right back. “You always know how to cheer me up.”
“It’s what I do.”
I laughed again, trying to wedge the phone between my shoulder and ear as I dressed. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow morning. I’m going to eat and crash.”
“All right. I’ll call when the movers have loaded up all of your things.”
“Shouldn’t take long. I only have like two pieces of furniture and whatever is left in my closet.”
“I’m not sure your shoe collection is even going to fit into my apartment.”
“We’ll make it fit.” I smiled, knowing she was probably right. I finished getting dressed as we said our goodbyes. I quickly brushed my hair out and put my shoes on. I was ready to eat and crash.
I MADE IT back to the hotel in less than fifteen minutes. I was exhausted and ready for some low-key R&R.
Before the doors to the elevator shut, Alex’s face came into view. What the hell is he doing here? My body became paralyzed and my heart pounded in my chest as he took a step toward me and stopped the doors from sliding shut.
“What are you doing?” I asked after a moment of silence.
“I miss you, Mac.”
I pulled my lower lip in between my teeth to stop myself from telling him I missed him, too. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t allow myself to do it. Not after the way things had ended.
“Sorry…I can’t say the same,” I lied. His eyes burned into mine, hurt and pain mirroring back at me.
“I don’t believe a fucking word of that,” he shot right back, stepping toward me and pinning me to the wall. “You’re scared, Mac. And I don’t blame you for it, but stop pushing me away.”
“I wish it was that easy, Alex.”
I closed my eyes as his hand cupped my face and he brought his lips down to mine. I hesitantly kissed him back, fighting the urge to wrap my arms around him and pull him closer.
“Please, Mac.” I heard the desperation in his voice as he pulled back slightly. “I can’t stop. My heart can’t stop wanting you.” I knew exactly how he felt. My heart and mind have been fighting for weeks over him.
“The heart wants what it wants…” I said, looking up and seeing the pleading look in his eyes. “I just wish it didn’t want you.”
He placed both of his hands flat against the elevator wall on each side of me and leaned his forehead against mine, our heavy pants mimicking each other. “Don’t say that. You can’t mean that.”
I swallowed, my mind spinning a thousand miles a minute. I was constantly fighting myself with how much I wanted him and how much I wished things were different. “You hurt me,” I explained. “Our entire relationship is based on lies.”
He forcefully pushed himself off the wall and took a step back. I could see his internal struggle as he roughly brushed a hand through his hair, contemplating what to do next. He spun around and looked at the doors that had shut, but we hadn’t moved yet.
“She killed herself,” he finally said, his back to me still.
“What?” I gasped.
“That day I came home early, sick from school. The nanny found her. She had hung herself. By the time she got to her, she was already dead. She called 9-1-1 immediately, but it was too late.”
“Oh my god…” I whispered, clasping a hand over my mouth.
He finally spun around and looked at me, his eyes empty as he continued. “Dad paid them off to not file a report. He then claimed she had been battling cancer and they hadn’t made it public before because she was getting better. He then made up some elaborate lie about how it spread quickly and she ended up dying from kidney failure.” I heard the words he was saying, but they weren’t absorbing. I couldn’t believe William would go through all that trouble to keep his wife’s suicide a secret. “He was ashamed,” he added. “He was worried it’d affect him negatively and people would see him as weak or a failure. He made everyone involved sign an NDA and paid them to stay quiet.”
“And now he holds it against you…” I said, connecting it all together finally. “Spill it and there goes your trust fund.”
He nodded. “There’d been other times growing up he had me sign something, ensuring I kept my mouth shut of all the Lancaster family secrets.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “I can’t believe I bought it. He had me completely fooled.” I was pissed—even more than I was before. However, the only thing I could focus on was how grateful I felt toward Alex. Had he not barged his way into my life, I would’ve married a man who was a complete stranger to me. Alex stepped in front of me, sadness in his features and eyes as he rubbed a hand up my cold arm. “Thank you,” I began. “Thank you for telling me.”
“No more secrets, Mac. No more lies. I promise.” I heard the sincerity in his voice. But a nagging part of me just couldn’t let myself give in.
“I need to go…”
“Let me go with you.”
I shook my head and looked down. “I can’t. Not right now.” I swallowed and looked back up at him. “I’m sorry.”
The elevator dinged and started moving. I braced myself against the wall, knowing someone was going to be entering in just a matter of seconds.
He ended up walking me to my door. “I’m moving in with Staci tomorrow.”
“I know.”
I fidgeted with my key, fighting with myself on what to say to him. “The rumors aren’t going to stop, Alex. Whoever is talking will keep going until they destroy us. The press is now obsessed, and it’s just not something I think I can handle on top of everything else. Just to have some privacy, we’d have to keep everything a secret, again.”
“How much time do you need?” he asked, taking me off guard. His tone was deep, gravelly. “Tell me how much time you need to process everything.” He knew I wasn’t comfortable being in the media. And I knew being with him or having any involvement with the Lancaster’s would put me right in the middle of it.
“I don’t know…I don’t know how to get over this pain.” I hated that I couldn’t give him what he was asking, that he was right in front of me begging me to want him, and all I could do was push him away.
He nodded in understanding, taking a step closer and cupping his hand under my jaw. “I’ll wait for you…but if you’d let me, I’ll spend the
rest of my life proving to you how sorry I am.” His eyes burned into mine, making my entire body tense up as a nervous shiver ran down my spine. “Please…don’t make me wait too long.” My eyes closed as he leaned in and brushed his lips gently over mine. And without another word, he turned around and walked away.
As soon as I went inside, I pressed my body against the door and sunk to the floor. I cried into my knees, my appetite completely gone. All I wanted to do was to crawl back into my bed and sleep all the pain and confusion away.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“So tell me again how he showed up at your hotel—all ready and willing—and you didn’t take him back to your room and fuck his brains out?”
I scowled, rolling my eyes at how crass Staci could be. “No…” I grabbed another box of clothes and ripped the top open. I hadn’t told her Alex showed up until a couple days after I moved in and she still hadn’t let it go.
“And he’s left you voicemail messages every night this week just to say goodnight and that he was thinking of you?”
“Yup.”
“And you haven’t called him back?” I felt her scowling at me.
“Nope.” I didn’t doubt that he missed me and a small part of me loved hearing his voice, but I still wasn’t sure I could handle everything the press would throw at us.
“You’ve been moping around here since you moved in, Mac. You miss him.”
“Still doesn’t change anything,” I said blankly.
“Normally, I’d get where you’re coming from, but the engagement is over. The rumors have already been leaked. You weren’t fired. It sounds like a fresh start to me.” She shrugged her shoulders, biting into her pretzel stick as she leaned up against the door frame.
“Even if the entire ‘affair’ was based on lies, secrets, and overall betrayal?”
“That’s why I said a fresh start,” she emphasized, smirking. “The dirty laundry has been aired out. So what’s keeping you from finally admitting you love him?”
I nearly choked on her words. “I do not love him.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “You’re so delusional, you know that?”
“I am not. It was infatuation,” I explained. “He showed me the attention I wasn’t getting from William, making me feel special and needed. But at the end of it all, both men lied to me, and I betrayed the one man I promised to marry. That’s not exactly a love story.” I snorted in protest.
“Listen, Mac,” she said, grabbing a full box of clothes and sitting on top of it. “I know you grew up in a much different and awful circumstance, but your idea of love is so far-fetched it’s laughable. Things aren’t meant to be perfect. Love isn’t perfect. It’s messy and spontaneous and most of the time, you end up wanting to kill each other, but that’s what makes it work. Relationships are all unique. Sometimes they work and sometimes they’re destined to fail from the start, but what you and Alex have…” she paused, her expression genuine as she continued, “Mac, that’s real. He’s continuously there for you. He lied about one tiny detail, which, if you think about it, is pretty reasonable considering the position he was in.”
“He still should’ve told me.”
“Yeah…and you should’ve told William a lot sooner. But you didn’t.”
I knew she was right. I was being a hypocrite. I wasn’t perfect and made mistakes, and I was pushing Alex away for the same exact reasons.
I leaned backed on the bed, my back falling flat against the mattress. “So you’re saying I made a huge mistake by letting him walk away?”
“Yes…” she said genuinely. “But if it’s time you need, then take it. I don’t doubt Alex will wait for you.”
I sighed. I knew she was right, but I was scared. “I just ended a long-term engagement,” I started to explain, “and not exactly on good terms. Clearly, I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to relationships.”
“I don’t think anyone knows what they’re doing, Mac. High divorce rates are proof we all struggle with it, but can you live with yourself if you let the fear keep you away from someone you know you’re meant to be with?”
I turned and narrowed my brows at her. “I’ve known him for like a minute. You haven’t even met him, so how can you be so sure of that?”
She smiled at me, her eyes wide and bright with amusement. “Because in the seven years I’ve known you—and I like to think I know you better than anyone—I’ve never seen you check your phone as much as you have this week. And because during your entire relationship with William, I’ve never seen your face light up when you talked about him the way it does when you talk about Alex.” She paused and her expression fell. “Alex gets under your skin. He pushes your boundaries. He tests your limits. He makes you feel, Mac. You feel things for him you’ve never felt for anyone before and it scares you. Do you really want to let that go?”
I closed my eyes as I let her words sink in. Times like these were when I wished I had a mother the most. I wish we could’ve sat around and talked about guys and love. I wish I would’ve had an idea about relationships before jumping into one. But if being with William taught me anything, it taught me I was stronger than I realized. Being pushed into the spotlight was never something I imagined having, but it helped teach me a lot about myself.
“I’m going to finish unpacking this box and head to bed,” I said, sitting back up. Tomorrow was Thursday, but since Brittainy’s wedding was this weekend, I was taking Friday off. Which meant, I had about two days’ worth of work to get done in one.
She walked over and wrapped her arms around me. “I love you, Mac. I want to see you happy.”
“I know.” I leaned into her. “I love you, too.”
Once she was gone, I changed and slipped into bed. My head was spinning with thoughts of Alex—what we did together—and how much I missed him. But could I just forget all that and move on? Or would I forever live with the regret that I let the best thing that had ever happened to me get away?
WORK KICKED MY ass all day Thursday. I barely had enough time to breathe, but the fact I’d be watching one of my best friends get married this weekend helped get me through it all. Staci and I were both bridesmaids and would be in all the pre-wedding and post-wedding duties.
“Rise and shine, buttercup!” I said, throwing a pillow at Staci’s face. “Sleep is for the weak.”
She tossed the pillow from her face and sat up, scrunching her nose at me. “Who are you and what did you do to my best friend? You might know her…five foot six, long blonde hair, perfect body?”
“Are you trying to get me into bed with you?” I winked. “And she’s right here.”
She threw the covers off her and stood up, stretching and yawning. “You are oddly perky.”
“Because, my lovely friend, this weekend is going to be epic. And I don’t want to miss a minute of it.”
“Hmm…” She squinted at me. “Is this you pretending everything’s fine when deep inside it’s not?”
I pointed a finger at her and scowled. “Do not Dr. Phil me. I’m just determined to have a fun time, that’s all. We have mani and pedi appointments today, then the bridesmaid’s luncheon and the rehearsal dinner. I’m going to forget everything and have a good time for Britt’s sake.”
She grinned. “What?” I asked.
“So basically, you mean…getting drunk.”
“Well, yeah. That’s usually how it works.” I smirked.
“All right…” She shrugged playfully. “I’m game for binge drinking.”
We both hurried to get ready. We were meeting Brittainy and the other girls in the wedding party at nine a.m. sharp. We walked in and were immediately greeted with champagne and bagels.
“Breakfast of champions,” I mocked, giving Brittainy a hug.
“There’re donuts, too.” She smiled wide, giddy as ever, and led us to where we’d be getting our nails done. “This is my Aunt Whitney and my cousin, Gabby,” she introduced. “My mother is somewhere around here…” She leaned in and
whispered, “Probably finding more alcohol.”
The entire morning was filled with laughs, old stories of Brittainy in high school and college and therapeutic girl time. By the time we had finished, most of us were buzzed and starving. Our lunch reservations were for twelve-thirty and luckily, we made it just in time.
“So, Britt…what are you looking forward to the most on your wedding day?” I asked as we dug into our food.
“The wedding night sex,” she blurted out, smiling. Her mother nearly choked on her wine, and I busted out in laughter. “And I plan to have a lot of sex.”
By the time we finished eating, most of us were walking sideways out of the restaurant. Fortunately, none of us had to drive since Brittainy’s parents rented us a limo, and we all rode back to the church together. Since there’s a Thursday night service, we had to wait until today to decorate for the ceremony.
“Wow…” I breathed out as I sat across from her in the limo. “I can’t believe you’re getting married.”
“I know!” she nearly screamed. “I can’t believe it either. It feels surreal.”
“Well, enjoy it,” Staci chimed in. “It’s going to be the best day of your life.”
Alex entered my mind, and I tried to push him out, but no matter how much alcohol I consumed, I couldn’t. His face. His voice. His lips and how they felt on me.
I pulled my phone out and looked again. He hadn’t left me a voicemail last night. It was stupid for caring, especially since I hadn’t called him back from his previous five messages, but the fact that he was leaving them comforted me.
Maybe I was too late.
I BARELY HAD enough time to recover from the Friday wedding events before we had to get up and start prepping for the wedding. We spent most of rehearsal giggling and drinking as we waited for the groom to show up. Apparently, he was having a last-minute bachelor gathering and had to be dragged out of the strip club.
This family drank like a pro.
By the time our makeup and hair were done, it was time to take bridesmaid pictures. Brittainy looked absolutely stunning and I’ve never seen her happier.
Dangerous Temptations Page 24
