Never Christmas Without You

by Nana Malone

  “Look, I know that the pieces I can substitute in aren’t the ones you wanted to show. I know that it’s not the same as the ones that you specifically selected. But I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that we get them back. Every last one. I promise.”

  Her nose stung and tears pricked her eyes. Oh hell. She was going to cry. “I don’t know what to do. And I don’t know how to thank you.”

  After the first tear spilled, she couldn’t hold the rest of them back. Justin’s face fell. She never cried. Let alone cried in front of people. But as startled as he must have been, all he did was pull her close and hold her tight.

  * * *

  Justin couldn’t take his eyes off Alex. They’d all gone for a mini cruise out on the water before dinner. He’d told Alex to stay behind, so that she could process and so she didn’t have to be on, standing in for him, when she was dealing with all this stress, but she refused. And he had to admit that the fresh air and open water had done something for her complexion. Her eyes were still sad. But she looked steadier.

  Martin handed her a gin and tonic he’d made himself. “Here, Alex, drink this. Feel better. Whatever’s got you blue? I’m betting it’s my idiot cousin. It can’t be that bad. Have a drink.”

  The last thing Alex needed was alcohol. What she needed was sleep, about a week’s worth of it. “Martin, you need to mind your business,” Justin snapped.

  Down at the other end of the table, Grandma Lucy narrowed her eyes at the two of them. And then her gaze softened when she looked at Alex. “You two behave down there.”

  Justin was quick to apologize. “Sorry, my cousin’s getting on my nerves, Grandma Lucy. I’ll try not to hold it against him.”

  His grandmother grinned. “Justin, you always were troublesome.”

  Through the rest of the night, Martin kept catering to Alex, making sure her glass was full, and Justin wanted to smack him. Alex was a lightweight. She usually only ever had one, and even one made her extra loose. Unfortunately, it also made her extra honest. And neither one of them could afford for her to go spilling anything. He made a point to keep a distinct eye on her, and on Martin, as they all adjourned for dessert in the library.

  By the time they were ready for bed, it was clear she’d had more than one too many. She leaned on him, barely able to navigate the stairs. Once they were in the room, he was unsure what to do with her. “Hey, Alex, do you think you can manage brushing your teeth?” He sat her on the bed and studied her closely. She fluttered her beautiful long lashes open. But her eyes were glassy, and she was clearly out of it. “Okay, we’ll skip the brushing for the night.”

  He should help her to change her clothes. But that was going a step too far. Besides, she was in leggings and some kind of soft-cotton-top thing—maybe she’d be comfortable? He hoped so, because neither one of them was going to manage it if he undressed her.

  By the time he crawled into bed, Alex had adopted her favorite position, sprawled out. He only got a little section of the bed, but then she shifted into her other favorite position. Which was draped over him. He gritted his teeth. So much for getting any rest tonight.

  But he couldn’t lie, it felt good to have her this close.

  Chapter 10

  Alex woke surrounded in the cocoon of warmth. This time, she knew exactly where she was. She knew exactly whose arms were around her. She knew exactly whose heart beat steadily against her cheek. And even though she knew who it was, she couldn’t resist lying there for just another second. She didn’t want to face what he’d told her yesterday. Everything she’d worked for. What if it didn’t happen?

  Suddenly she was too hot. With a groan, she rolled over and scooted out of bed. She just needed to get all these clothes off. Why was she still in her leggings? Had someone turned up the furnace? All she wanted to do was go back to bed, snuggle into Justin and stay there.

  She stripped off her leggings and her long-sleeved top. Her head still spun a little. Why did she have so many gin and tonics? Because when you were sipping you weren’t thinking about the gallery. She was certainly more stable now, but still felt a little off-kilter. Wearing just her panties and bra, she crawled back into bed. If she could sleep a little more, she’d feel better. She’d have a plan of attack.

  Justin already had a strategy. He took care of it yesterday. There was no way she was going to examine that any further. That wouldn’t be in her best interests. All she knew was, the moment she slid back into the bed, Justin reached for her and pulled her against him tight, wrapping an arm around her waist, and didn’t let go.

  She might not even be fully awake. He certainly probably wasn’t. But still, for a few brief moments, she wanted to pretend. Imagine that this was real. Fantasize that a family was possible for her. Dream that Justin could love her.

  * * *

  Justin had no idea what time it was; all he knew was that Alex was grinding her ass onto his dick, and he was hard as stone. He settled a hand on her hip to see if he could get her to stop. But when his hand encountered smooth, satin skin, he jerked it back. She was in her underwear. Where were her clothes? He racked his memory. He’d put her to bed. Gotten ready for bed himself. Climbed in. What did he miss? She was dressed when he put her on the mattress.

  He tried to scoot back a few inches, so at least he wouldn’t have that gorgeous behind tempting him. If she kept rubbing up against him like that, he was going to wake her. And she would likely figure out exactly what he’d been thinking about her. Of course, the little devil on his shoulder said, That could be a totally awesome way to wake in the morning?

  But as he tried to get away from Alex without actually leaving the bed, she finally rolled over and then sleepily blinked her lids. “Hey, where are you going?”

  He cleared his throat. “Nowhere. I was just changing positions.”

  She nodded, her eyes drifting shut, and Justin released the breath he’d been holding. She was still drowsy. Maybe now was a good time to grab a T-shirt and head for the couch downstairs.

  Before he could make his final decision, her lashes fluttered again. And this time she blinked dark eyes up at him, and his breath caught. The sliver of moonlight shining in the room made her look like an angel. “Justin? Can I ask you a question?”

  He tried to speak, but found that he was too hoarse, so he cleared his throat and tried again. “Of course. You can ask me anything.”

  Alex pushed herself up onto her elbows. The blanket slipped, showing him that she was at least in a bra. Thank God for small favors. Or too bad, depending if he listened to the little angel or the little devil on his shoulder.

  “Why haven’t we ever...you know?”

  His dick twitched as if to say, Hey, I have the same question.

  “What do you mean?” he asked to stall for time.

  “I mean, why have you never seriously tried to go out with me? Sure, you used to flirt, but you’ve hit on every woman you’ve ever met. What’s wrong with me?”

  Right now, in the middle of the night, when his body was loose and languid, and he didn’t have to pretend at all, the truth came more readily. Which terrified him. “Because you’re too important to me. In the early days, sure, I considered it. But you firmly ensconced me in the friend arena, and that was fine. And honestly, it’s better that way. I know I can be hell on women. And I never want to do that to you. Besides, you don’t really want to be one of those girls to me. I’m not good with relationships. Except this one.”

  He couldn’t be sure, but the moonlight gave him enough light to see that her eyes were glittering. As if she was ready to cry? “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ve always wondered what was wrong with me. Why you didn’t want me. I mean, you’ll sleep with anyone as long as she’s hot. I guess I was wondering if I would’ve made your list. You know, after Brian. I think I just want to feel desira
ble. I find it hard to connect to people. Not you, though. But that’s never happening.”

  Was she insane? He wanted her. He’d always wanted her. He just also had been able to use more of his brains than the little guy downstairs to think things through. “Alex. You’re single-handedly, next to my grandmother, the most important person in my life. And you are sexy as hell. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever known. You don’t even try. Most girls I know, it’s all smoke and mirrors. Hair extensions, nails, makeup. These women look like completely different people when I wake up with them in the morning. You, you wake up like this. Soft and oozing sexiness.”

  She turned to face him, rolling onto her side. “You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend. And you don’t want to make me feel bad.”

  “I promise you I’m not just saying that.” He turned on his side to face her, as well. As they lay staring at each other, she was so close he could brush his lips over hers. And ruin everything. “Alex, do you have any idea of the torture of the last two days? Not to touch you. I’m drowning here. Every time I kiss you, it’s like someone shot a lightning bolt straight to my dick. And that’s—confusing, at the very least.”

  She ducked her head. Justin reached out and traced his fingers over her jaw before tilting up her chin so that their gazes met. “I want you so bad it hurts.”

  Her lips quivered when she asked, “What’s stopping you?”

  Right about now, he had no idea. If he kissed her, maybe that would be enough, just a taste. One that wasn’t orchestrated, one that wasn’t to show anything off, one that was private, between them. And he wanted it. Bad. But that will mess up everything.

  For once, he didn’t listen to the internal doubt. And then he leaned over and swept his lips over hers.

  Chapter 11

  Gently, Justin slid his hands down to her arms and she wound them around his neck. He mumbled something unintelligible against her lips. He licked inside her mouth and she couldn’t help the shiver that rolled through her. He growled low when she rolled her hips up. Alex smiled to herself as she wove her fingers into his hair. At least she wasn’t the only one feeling the heat.

  Justin drew back and stroked a thumb over her cheek.

  “You are so beautiful.”

  In that moment, Alex wanted to believe him. Believe that she was somehow special to him. But a tiny voice in her head reminded her to be careful. This is all pretend. Enjoy him now and get out unscathed. If she believed him, she would get hurt, and she hadn’t signed on for any of that.

  Alex reached for his pajama bottoms, and he groaned. The roar of rushing blood in her skull drowned out all other noise. He was hers. For now, he was truly hers. Slowly, she tugged the knot loose. When she reached inside past the cotton, past his boxer briefs, her hand closed around the heat of him.

  He froze. She swallowed hard. Wow. He was paradoxically hard and satin soft. And hot. So hot. Scorching her hand. But she refused to let go. Ragged breaths tore out from his chest as she palmed him.

  “Alex,” he growled.

  “Justin. I want you to make love to me.”

  He seemed to hesitate a split second and then muttered a curse. Lifting her, he gently removed her bra and panties. He never once took his eyes off her, watching her with the keen hunger of a starving hunter.

  When he finally shed his boxers, Alex grinned. He was beautiful and cocky enough to know it.

  Justin yanked open the bedside drawer and grabbed a handful of condoms from his travel bag. He tossed most of them onto the center of the bed before tearing one open and quickly sheathing himself.

  Alex’s gaze flitted over the strewn condoms, and she grinned. “Justin, will we be needing all of those?”

  He didn’t even crack a smile, just looked at her like he was trying to decide which part of her to devour first.

  When he rolled back over and levered himself above her, Alex parted her thighs to give him room. His gaze was soft on hers, and he caressed her cheek with shaking hands. “Alex.” He swallowed hard. “Put me inside you. I don’t trust myself to go slow.”

  When she reached for him, both of them groaned. She loved how he felt, pulsing and hot in her hand.

  She drew him to her, then circled the stiff length of him at her opening briefly. He cursed, and his arms shook as they steadied him over her. His hips bucked, and she tightened her hold.

  When she finally stopped teasing and positioned him, directing him into her softness, she gasped. He was so sexy and electric and big. She let her eyes flutter closed, but he stopped her.

  “No, Alex. Look at me. Watch me as I take you. Know who’s making love to you right now.”

  A combination of his dirty talk and his slow advance and retreat, and she was hovering somewhere near I’m-going-to-come and I-can-die-happy-now.

  When he started to move, she did the one thing she never let herself do. She finally let go of the stress and the doubt and the guilt and allowed herself to relax.

  “That’s it, Alex. That’s it. Enjoy for me.”

  Her release came on quick, stunning her as the heat and bliss rushed from her spine to the center of her body. He’d just sunk in to the hilt when the tremors started from inside her thighs. She tried to hold it back, but he wouldn’t let her.

  “Don’t you dare rob me of this. I want to see you come, Alex. Let go,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

  And she did. The rolling waves of the orgasm disoriented her, fogging her brain, making it impossible to command her muscles to do anything other than hold on tight to him.

  “Alex, you’re so beautiful, so amazing.” The words flowed from him, unrestrained. And she felt another orgasm build inside her as he slid into her. She started to move her hips again and he chuckled on a retreating stroke.

  “Whoa, you’ll be the death of me.”

  But he kept making love to her. Taking his time. No rush, as if she wasn’t already coiled tight enough that she’d snap. As if he wasn’t pulsing inside her. But his clenched jaw and furrowed brow told her he was working on holding back, waiting for her.

  “Come on, baby, I’m not going without you.”

  Justin slid a hand between their bodies and found her clit. With a series of deft, sure strokes, another wave of bliss bit into her.

  The moment her walls clamped around his length, threatening to hold him inside her forever, he started to come. He scooped his hand under her ass, holding her to him so tight she worried she wouldn’t be able to breathe ever again.

  Finally, he collapsed and rolled to the side, bringing her along. Too limp to do anything else, she went with him. In that moment, she knew she was in trouble.

  Chapter 12

  Justin reached for Alex like he’d done more than once in the middle of the night. He expected her to roll into his warmth. Had he ever felt like this? That desperate, cloying, jump-out-of-his-skin feeling? Making love to Alex was like making love to a live wire. How had he never known? How had they never done this before?

  Yeah, but now what? He still couldn’t believe that they’d made love last night. More than once. Shit. More than twice. The third and the fourth sort of blended together because they just kept going. Who needed sleep? He certainly didn’t, not if it involved losing a second of the cocoon he and Alex were in.

  When he reached for her, her side of the bed was cool. His eyes popped open. What the hell? “Alex?” He listened, but didn’t hear the running water in the bathroom. “Alex?” He sat up and shoved off the sheets and blankets. She’d left him. She’d screwed and dashed? How many times have you done that to others?

  That was different, though. Last night with Alex, that was something else. His brain offered up images of Alex straddling him as he sat up and kissed her while they made love. Sweet and slow, lips touching. Whispered murmurs of Yes, right there. And
Please. More. Don’t stop. His name a whisper on her lips. Her name gritted through clenched teeth of lust and desire, but also something else. That deeper connection he’d never felt with anyone before. And she’d left him? That stung, and he didn’t know what to do with that feeling. The burning in his chest, the pain. Alex was gone.

  If he was using his logical brain, he would remember that Alex was generally not one to examine emotions. That was why he’d been so freaked last night when she’d cried. Maybe she had no idea how to handle the morning after. It was awkward enough the other night when they’d woken up together. Her internal freak-out. His cock was probably going haywire. Just talk to her. The thing that really burned the most was she hadn’t even left a note. What if she’d left the island?

  No. As awkward as this morning might be, as confused as they both might be, she wouldn’t leave. At least he hoped.

  * * *

  After a hot shower put his thoughts in perspective, he went down to the kitchen. Again, his grandmother had cinnamon bread baking. He expected to find Alex in there, but it was just his grandma Lucy. “Morning.”

  “Morning, baby. Want some coffee?”

  “I thought you can’t have coffee. And shouldn’t I be getting you something? Do you want me to make you breakfast?”

  His grandmother sighed and rolled her eyes. “Oh please. I’m going to follow the doctor’s rules. For a while anyway. You know how I get when I think things are exaggerated.”

  “Grandma, please, I want you around for a long time. You can’t be scaring us like that again. The doctor says no coffee. No coffee. Do you understand me?”

  Grandma Lucy’s brows shot up. “Well, this a nice surprise.”

  He poured himself a cup even as he frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, it’s nice to see you taking the lead. I know about the way you handle things with your charm and being able to adapt to any situation. But I have to say, it sure is nice for you to stand for something. It’s good to see. Helps me realize that you’re doing just fine.”