Never Christmas Without You

by Nana Malone

  “You volunteered?” Dash raised an eyebrow. “Or were you shanghaied?”

  “Maybe a little of both.” Mikayla smiled. “You know Jess.”

  Her stepsister had had a gift for manipulating the people who loved her into doing what she wanted while making them believe it was their idea.

  He nodded, sadness in his expression. “You stayed, even after...”

  “The house is Maddie’s only connection to Jess.”

  “Maddie would’ve been about three when she lost her mom. Does she remember her at all?”

  “I don’t know if it’s actual memories or just what I’ve told her about Jess.” Mikayla had never hidden the fact that Maddie was adopted, but they rarely talked about it.

  “Was that your only reason for staying?”

  “She left us her grandmother’s house. With a start-up business, it’s been nice living mortgage-free.”

  “Whatever Maddie needs—”

  “We’re fine.” She forced a smile, countering her abrupt response. “My web design firm is doing quite well. I just hired an assistant and a second web designer. We’re booked through the first quarter of next year.”

  “There has to be something I can—”

  “Dash Williams? Oh, my gosh. Is that you?”

  They turned toward the voice that interrupted Dash midsentence.

  “Harper Hazelton?” Dash’s mouth pulled to one side in a slow grin. “Damn, girl, it’s been a while. Good to see you.” He stood and hugged his old high school flame.

  Mikayla’s high school nemesis.

  “You, too.” Harper batted her thick eyelashes, her Southern drawl more pronounced. “This your family?”

  There was that damned word again. Poor Maddie was going to be more confused than ever.

  “This is my little girl, Madison.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And you remember—”

  “Mikayla Mitchell?” Harper laughed, as if it were the most absurd thing in the world to see her. “Still thick as thieves, I see.”

  “Not really.” Mikayla tamped down the aggravation riding up her spine. “Until a couple weeks ago, we hadn’t seen each other in years.”

  “Oh.” Harper flipped her hair and pushed her chest forward. “And you’re not with Madison’s mother?”

  Dash nodded toward Mikayla. “Actually, Mikayla is her mother. It’s a long story.”

  Dash’s phone buzzed. He pulled it from his pocket, his brows knitting. “I have to take this call. Excuse me for a moment.” He hurried outside.

  “So I was right,” Harper said. “There was something between you two.”

  Mikayla didn’t have the patience to deal with Harper’s Southern belle bullshit. “Is there a question in there, Harper?”

  She huffed, one hand on her hip. “You two together or not?”

  “Look! I drew our family. Daddy, Mommy, Nana and me.” Maddie held up her drawing.

  “How lovely.” Harper’s syrupy-sweet words indicated it was anything but. “Y’all are just one big, happy family.”

  Maddie nodded enthusiastically, flipped the place mat over and went back to coloring.

  “Guess that answers my question,” Harper seethed through a painted-on smile. “Just came by to drop something off to Mama before I run my last-minute holiday errands. Tell Dash it was good seeing him again.”

  Maddie for the win.

  It was ridiculous to be jealous of Harper Hazelton or whomever Dash was embroiled in a heated conversation with outside.

  They weren’t lovers. They weren’t even friends.

  Dash was going to be in their lives, so she’d better get used to seeing him with someone else.

  Someone who’ll never be me.

  Mikayla sipped the sickeningly sweet tea. She was delusional to think things would be different. That he’d finally see her as a desirable woman—not one of the guys.

  His heated gaze had made her hopeful. Or maybe she’d projected her desires on him.

  A night in Dash Williams’s bed was tempting and about as dangerous as a moonlight stroll through a minefield.

  Dash returned, apologizing for the interruption, but his easy expression was gone. He was more reserved.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Everything is fine.” He seemed annoyed. “You wouldn’t happen to have a copy of Maddie’s birth certificate?”

  “Not with me.” Uneasiness bloomed in her chest and spread through her limbs. “There a reason you need it right now?”

  He shrugged. “Just wondered if Jess listed me as Maddie’s father.”

  “She didn’t.”

  God help her, for the briefest moment she was glad Jess hadn’t.

  * * *

  Dash lifted his sleeping daughter and carried her inside. Maddie was exhausted and so was he.

  All day he’d battled the feelings warring within. Anger with Jess. Love for Maddie. Frustration with himself. Conflicting feelings for Mikayla.

  He was furious over her betrayal, grateful for how lovingly she’d cared for his daughter, glad to have her in his life again and decidedly attracted to her.

  Mikayla was gorgeous, with an incredible body that made him weak. But it was more than that. She was the same girl he’d always known. The girl who’d made him feel like he belonged.

  Mikayla removed Maddie’s coat then pulled back the covers. Her nearness filled him with warmth. Made him wish they were the happy family Maddie had drawn.

  Dash laid Maddie down. A smile spread across his face as he watched his little angel sleeping.

  He’d been shocked to learn he was a father, but now he couldn’t imagine not being Maddie’s dad.

  Nothing he’d done thus far had made him feel as significant as he had when Maddie had asked if he was her father.

  He doubted anything ever would.

  “It’s remarkable, isn’t it? Loving someone so instantly, so completely.” Mikayla’s soft voice stirred him from his thoughts. “Jess left us an extraordinary gift. Every day, I’m grateful to be part of her life.”

  Mikayla was an incredible mother, and he believed she loved Maddie more than anything, but he was Maddie’s father.

  She belongs with me.

  He’d already missed so much of her life. Why should he feel guilty for wanting full custody of his daughter?

  Mikayla will be devastated.

  Guilt tightened his chest as he recalled his earlier conversation with Rod. Dash was determined to pursue full custody, despite Rod’s attempts to dissuade him.

  What if you lose? What happens then?

  Rod’s words replayed in his head. It would be the gamble of his life. If he lost, visitation with his daughter would be at Mikayla’s sole discretion. A bridge he’d torch with a flamethrower if he pursued legal custody.

  His friend had convinced him to try to work out an equitable solution with Mikayla first. Dash had agreed, but insisted Rod send him everything he could find on similar court cases.

  Until then, he was at Mikayla’s mercy.

  Chapter 13

  Mikayla tipped down the stairs for a bottle of water. Light glowed from the living room.

  “Did I wake you?” Dash lowered the television volume.

  “No, I couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d grab a bottle of water.”

  He followed her into the kitchen and grabbed one, too. “Going back to bed? If not, I wouldn’t mind the company. I couldn’t sleep, either.”

  Mikayla sipped her water. “What’re you watching?”

  “The Matrix.” He grinned.

  “You are not.” She’d been obsessed with the franchise. Dash had jokingly called her Trinity for the year she’d worn slicked-back hair and sunglasses.

  “Came on five min
utes ago.”

  “Sounds fun.” And like a really bad idea. “But I should probably go back to bed.”

  “You could lie awake for two hours while Maddie pokes those bony little knees in your back or you could spend them watching sci-fi brilliance.” He shrugged. “Your choice.”

  When he put it that way...

  “Only until I start dozing off.” She sat at the opposite end of the sofa.

  She rubbed her arms. Despite the blaze of the fireplace, a chill ran through her.

  Dash lifted the edge of the throw draped over his lap without looking in her direction. “Not very big, but it’s warm.”

  Definitely not a good idea.

  Mikayla slid over beside him, sharing the throw as they watched the movie.

  “You and Maddie get to New York much?”

  “Not often, but before we decided to come here, I’d planned to take her to see a Broadway play for her birthday.”

  “When is it?”

  “Couple days after Christmas.”

  His pained expression was illuminated by the flickering television lights. “I’ve already missed so many birthdays. I won’t miss this one. Do you already have plans?”

  “Nothing formal. Thought I’d invite a few of the neighborhood kids over.”

  “Stay.” The word hung in the air between them, his eyes insistent. “Got a ton of vacation time I haven’t used. We could have a party for her here with her cousins.”

  She’d planned to return home the day after Christmas. Staying longer would only make Maddie more attached to Dash. But the eager expectation in his eyes squeezed her heart.

  She couldn’t deny him this.

  “Sure. Maddie would like that.”

  “Thanks.” He stretched out, his arm on the back of the sofa. “I miss us hanging out like this.”

  “Why?” She hadn’t intended to ask the question, but now that it was out there... Maybe knowing the truth would help her move on. “You obviously preferred girls like Harper and Jess.”

  “You were my escape from the rest of the world. You were passionate about everything. Gaming. Sports. Sci-fi. With you, it was just...fun. No judgment. No expectations. Just us, lost in our own little world.”

  Then why did you choose them?

  She swallowed hard, unable to force the words from her parched throat. “Too bad no one else found me so fascinating.”

  “Who cares what they thought?”

  “I did.” After all these years, it still hurt. “I wanted to fit in. I just wasn’t willing to become a soulless drone to make it happen.”

  His lips curved into a soft smile. “You knew who you were, what you liked, and you didn’t care if no one else got it. I loved that about you.”

  “What did it get me?” Her voice trembled. “Besides unpopular and alone?”

  “You weren’t alone, Mick. You had me.”

  “Until I didn’t.” Her eyes stung with tears. “And it’s Mikayla.”

  “You never wanted me to call you that before.” Frustration rose in his voice. “Why is it suddenly a problem?”

  “Because that’s my name.”

  “Always has been. What’s really bothering you?”

  Her heartbeat pounded in her ears.

  Just say it.

  “Mick is a guy’s name, and I’m tired of being the girl perpetually stuck in the friend zone, treated as one of the guys.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “After all these years, nothing has changed. I’m the geeky girl who drones on about web coding and Dr. Who, and I still don’t have a clue about makeup or whatever show all the cool girls are watching now.” The words spilled from her mouth like a runaway train.

  “Those aren’t faults, Mikayla. You’re being yourself. What’s wrong with that?”

  “If I haven’t figured out how to fit into the world by now, maybe I never will.”

  “Who says you have to?”

  “I know you think I’m being melodramatic, but this isn’t just about me. I don’t want this to be Maddie’s life. She’s a five-year-old girl who doesn’t own a single princess-themed item. She’s me all over again, and I don’t want that for her.”

  “Mikayla.” Dash pressed a hand to her cheek, his eyes filled with compassion and something she couldn’t quite decipher. “Maddie will be fine. She’s strong, smart, opinionated and beautiful...just like you.”

  Dash pressed his mouth to hers and pulled her closer.

  Mikayla gasped. The sound of her own heartbeat filled her ears, and she was overwhelmed by a growing sense of heat.

  Dash Williams was kissing her. Intentionally. Without coercion. Maybe he was moved by pity or nostalgia. Either way, his kiss was everything she’d imagined and more. Mikayla didn’t want it to end.

  She slipped her arms around him, the pads of her fingertips pressed to the taut muscles of his back.

  Fireworks exploded inside her chest as his tongue creased the seam of her mouth.

  Her body hummed with energy, from her scalp to her toes. A steady pulse beat between her thighs.

  She wanted Dash’s large hands all over her body. The gentle scrape of his teeth on her skin. She wanted to feel him inside her. To be with him in every sense of the word.

  But suddenly he pulled away. Cool air rushed into the void between them.

  “I shouldn’t have... I don’t know what possessed me to...” He dragged a hand down his face. “I was out of line. I’m sorry.”

  Mikayla folded her arms over hardened nipples protruding through the thin fabric of her pajamas. Damning evidence she wasn’t sorry at all.

  Dash had finally kissed her, but he’d declared it a mistake.

  She swallowed back the hurt and humiliation that burned her throat. “I should go to bed.”

  “Don’t.” He gripped her forearm before she could stand. “I want us to be friends again. For Maddie. If you walk away now, things will be weird between us again. So stay. Please.”

  Mikayla wanted to go back to her room, bury her face in the pillow and release the hot tears that stung her eyes. But a familiar voice whispered that it was better to be friends than to be nothing at all.

  “I’ll stay. For Maddie.”

  Chapter 14

  Dash groaned, missing his comfortable high-end mattress. He yawned and stretched. An unfamiliar heaviness weighed on the right side of his chest.

  Mikayla.

  Breathing softly, she lay in his arms nuzzled against him. Pinned between him and the sofa, her knee lodged where he’d rather it not.

  Silence from the television and the large patchwork quilt draped over them meant his mother had been there. She was probably somewhere doing a victory dance.

  Her celebration was premature.

  He wasn’t quite sure how they’d ended up there, but aside from the kiss, he was sure nothing else had happened.

  Nothing else would happen.

  Play nice and don’t burn any bridges.

  Exploring his feelings for Mikayla was like throwing a Molotov cocktail onto a bridge and watching it burn.

  Dash sighed and threw an arm over his face, shielding his eyes from the sun.

  Things were going well between them, so why’d he ruin it by kissing her?

  Because in that moment, he’d realized how deeply attracted he was to Mikayla. He’d wanted her in ways that would shatter this fragile thing they were rebuilding.

  Dash gritted his teeth.

  He and Mikayla had been good friends, but nothing more than that.

  He hoped they could be again.

  But he couldn’t risk venturing beyond friendship. It could jeopardize his primary objective—to be in his daughter’s life from this point forward.


  But that kiss...

  Dash sighed quietly, not wanting to wake her. He wasn’t ready to let go of the comfort of her soft curves and the warmth of the embrace they’d fallen into inadvertently.

  But that kiss...

  There’d been nothing unintentional about that kiss. It fired his body up with a consuming heat. Filled his head with visions of Mikayla naked in his bed. Of making love to her, his name on her lips.

  He rubbed his eyes, trying to erase the visceral vision from his brain.

  Mikayla had dozed off on his shoulder before the movie ended. He’d planned to watch the rest then return to bed.

  Things hadn’t quite worked out that way.

  For the second morning in a row, he awoke to a woman sprawled all over him, kneeing him in the family jewels.

  Despite the numbness in his arm and the likelihood that his ability to father future children had been compromised, he could get used to waking up this way.

  Pots clanged in the kitchen, stirring Mikayla from her sleep. She stretched, nearly punching him in the nose. Her brown eyes widened when they met his.

  She scrambled to extricate herself from his grip but her legs tangled with his. Stumbling forward, she fell onto him, her knee returning to its favorite target.

  Not the reaction his fragile male ego would’ve hoped for.

  Cringing, he helped her up. “Relax. Nothing happened except the kiss.”

  She wiped the side of her mouth with the back of her hand. “That was real?”

  His mouth tightened in a grin. “Yep.”

  “Didn’t mean to wake you, but I had to get started on breakfast.” The lilt in his mother’s voice was unmistakable. She was already planning the wedding and imagining more grandchildren. “Your sister and nephew got back in town last night. They’re coming for breakfast, so maybe you two wanna...you know...put some clothes on.”

  The crimson flush in Mikayla’s cheeks spread to her forehead. She mumbled an apology and hurried up the steps.

  Dash folded the throw. His mother grabbed the other end of the quilt.