Never Christmas Without You

by Nana Malone

  “I need some space. Time to think. Besides, I’ve already booked our flights. We leave in a few hours.”

  Dash looked stunned. A range of emotions flashed in his dark eyes. Surprise. Hurt. Anger. Disappointment.

  “I’m riding with you to the airport.” It wasn’t a request. “That’ll give me a chance to say goodbye to Maddie.”

  Mikayla wouldn’t deny him that. His arm stiffened when she laid a hand on it.

  “I know this is hard for you, Dash. It is for me, too. It’ll be especially tough for Maddie. You can make this easier for her. I’m counting on you to do that.”

  “What about us?” Dash’s pained gaze met hers. “What’s been happening between us...don’t tell me it didn’t mean anything. We both know that isn’t true.”

  “It’ll only complicate things.”

  “I care about you.” He tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. “I know you feel the same.”

  “We got caught up in our emotions.” She stepped beyond his reach, her heart breaking. Did her words sound as hollow as her chest felt? “I’m glad I got my friend back, but for Maddie’s sake and ours, it’s best we leave it at that.”

  She’d hurt him again. This time, she doubted Dash would ever forgive her.

  Chapter 24

  Dash shuffled through the documents on his desk, looking for his pen. He’d been itching to get back to work. He needed to preoccupy his mind. It’d been little more than a week since he’d said goodbye to his little girl and put her on a plane.

  He’d spoken to Maddie every night since then, but it wasn’t the same.

  “You all right?” Rod tapped on the open door of Dash’s office, his brows drawn together with concern. “You’ve been quiet since you’ve been back.”

  “I’m fine.” Dash shrugged. “I just miss my daughter.”

  Rod plopped down in a chair in front of Dash’s desk and grinned. “I honestly can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

  “What?”

  “Dash Williams is in love. That little girl stole your heart. You’re a complete goner.”

  Dash chuckled. He pulled out his phone, scrolled through it and handed it to Rod. “Take a look at that little face and tell me you wouldn’t be a goner, too.”

  “She’s adorable, all right. Despite the fact that she’s practically a carbon copy of her dad,” Rod teased as he scrolled through the pictures. He paused, one brow raised, then turned the screen toward Dash. “Is this Mikayla?”

  It was the photo of Dash, Mikayla and Maddie in front of Kendra and Nate’s big Christmas tree.

  Dash’s chest ached. They’d all been so happy in that moment. Then everything had fallen apart. “Yeah, that’s her.”

  “Hmm...” Rod scrolled through a few more photos. “Guess Maddie isn’t the only woman who stole your heart. Never thought I’d say this, but you look genuinely happy in these photos.” Rod handed back the phone. “So why do you look so miserable now?”

  “I miss Maddie. It’s an adjustment.”

  “You sure you don’t miss her mommy, too? ’Cause you look pretty smitten in those photos.” Rod’s tone was light but his eyes were filled with concern.

  “I thought there was something there.”

  “And?”

  Dash shrugged. “She didn’t agree.”

  “Sorry, man.” Rod frowned, tapping a finger on the arm of the chair. “But just because things didn’t work out over the holidays, doesn’t mean they won’t down the road.”

  Not likely.

  Mikayla had been firm in her conviction and she sounded distant and formal when he called Maddie each night before bedtime.

  “I appreciate your concern.” Dash retrieved his pen from underneath a folder. “But between Maddie and work, I have plenty to keep me occupied.”

  Unconvincing words he repeated to himself each night when he returned home to his empty apartment.

  From the pity on Rod’s face, his attempt at nonchalance had fallen flat.

  Dash’s assistant tapped on the door. “Sorry to disturb you guys, but the partners are requesting that Dash join them in the main conference room right away.”

  “Just Dash?” Rod asked.

  “Yes.” The word sounded like an apology.

  Rod turned to Dash after she left. “What the hell did you do?”

  “Damned if I know.” Dash stood, his shoulders tense. “Only one way to find out.”

  * * *

  Dash sat on his sofa, staring at Marcus’s business card.

  Rod was right. He needed his head examined.

  He’d worked his ass off. Spent years putting in long nights and working weekends. Making partner had been his only focus.

  Yet when offered a partnership, he’d asked if he could think about it. The words had surprised him, even as he’d said them.

  Now he sat at the desk in his home office on the verge of a decision that would change the course of his life.

  He was considering Marcus’s offer to join his growing sports and brand management firm. A move that would take him back home to Pleasure Cove, but further away from his daughter, unless...

  Dash sighed. He was miserable without Maddie and Mikayla, and he missed his family, good ol’ Southern cooking and home.

  He’d been happy there. Maddie and Mikayla had, too.

  Dash hadn’t been able to convince Mikayla to move to New York with him. Maybe he could convince her to move back to Pleasure Cove where they’d be surrounded by love and family.

  Where they could all start a new life.

  Together.

  Chapter 25

  Mikayla made herself another cup of tea and checked her email. With additional staff on board, everything was running smoothly. She had a lot more free time.

  Hours and minutes in which her thoughts returned to Dash again and again.

  She’d made the right decision. So when would her heart stop aching?

  The doorbell rang. It was after eight and Maddie was already in bed.

  She peeked through the partial glass door then opened it. “Dash? What are you doing here?”

  He stepped inside, a sheepish grin on his face as he leaned in and gave her an awkward kiss on the cheek. “I should’ve called, I know. But I needed to talk to you face-to-face. I was afraid you’d say no.”

  “Is this about the custody papers?” Her heart beat faster. Was he going back on his promise not to sue for full custody? “Because I haven’t received them yet.”

  “Indirectly. I wanted to talk about us.”

  “We’ve already talked about this.” She’d made the sensible choice. She wasn’t sure she had the strength to do it again.

  “No, we haven’t.” His tone was gentle but firm. “You shut me down without explanation.”

  “I don’t owe you an explanation.” She wrapped her arms around her middle, her heart beating faster.

  “No, you don’t.” He shoved his hands into his coat pockets. “But I owe you one. I wasn’t completely straight with you when I said I didn’t know you had feelings for me.”

  Mikayla sank her teeth into her lower lip as she studied his gaze. Letting him in and having this conversation...it was a mistake. Yet she needed to hear what he had to say.

  She stepped aside and led him to her office so they wouldn’t wake Maddie. She offered him a seat and then sat behind her desk. She took comfort in the plank of wood between them.

  “You were saying?”

  Dash scooted to the edge of his seat and cleared his throat. “I knew you had a crush on me in the beginning. At the time I didn’t see you that way. You were the nerdy kid who was kind of funny and a lot more fun to hang out with than I thought you’d be. So I ignored it, and eventually it seemed you were over i
t and we were just friends.”

  “Oh.” Why did it hurt to hear that nearly two decades later?

  “When your mother announced she was marrying John and you guys were moving back to Philly, I realized you were more than just my best friend. I...” He cleared his throat and trained his gaze on hers. “I realized that I loved you. That I might be in love with you. I wanted to tell you how I felt. To kiss you. To be your first...” His voice trailed.

  There was an awkward silence between them for a moment before she found the courage to ask the question that burned a hole in her heart. “If that’s true, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

  Dash heaved a sigh and sat back, gripping the armrests.

  “I wanted to, but...from the moment we met, it’s been my job to protect you from anything that might hurt you. Bullies and mean girls. Oncoming traffic when you had your nose in a comic book rather than watching where you were walking.” A wistful smile curved his mouth, a faraway look in his eyes. “Guys whose only intention was...” He sighed and shook his head, leaning forward again, his elbows on his knees. “I wanted the very best for you, Mikayla. And at the time, I knew that wasn’t me. So I made the decision to forget how I felt. To do what was best for you.”

  Her heart was racing and she could barely breathe. “So I’m supposed to thank you for being noble and self-sacrificing?”

  “I wish I could say my decision wasn’t selfish, but it was. You were the best friend I ever had. I didn’t want to lose that. I’d fucked up every relationship I had before then, including the one with my old man. You were too important to me. I didn’t want to screw things up. But then I dated Jess and did just that.”

  Dash walked over to the window, staring out of it for a moment before turning back to her.

  “Ruining us has been my biggest regret. But without that terrible mistake—”

  “We wouldn’t have Maddie.” Mikayla shared his mixed feelings. She would’ve endured anything to have Maddie in her life. She was worth every scar she bore—both physical and emotional.

  Mikayla walked over to where Dash stood in front of the window. “So why tell me now?”

  “You do deserve to be with a man who loves and wants to be with you.” He cradled her cheek. “So I need you to understand, without a doubt, that I love you. That I want you more than I could ever have imagined possible. You and Maddie are all I think about. You make me happy, Mikayla. The fact that you love and care for my daughter so much...that’s the icing on the cake.”

  “Dash, please...”

  “Mikayla.” He grazed her cheek with his thumb. “I’m not confused about my feelings for you, and this isn’t about convenience. I love you, and I’ve been miserable without you. I want to be with you and Maddie. To be a family.”

  “What do you want me to say?” Mikayla lowered her gaze, trying to hide the tears that filled her eyes, making Dash a blur. “That I love you and I want to be with you, too?”

  “Yes.” He whispered the word as he leaned in, planting soft kisses to her wet cheek.

  A shiver ran down her spine.

  He’d said the words she’d wanted to hear, but she couldn’t enjoy them. Instead her heart ached and her belly knotted. Because she couldn’t give him what he wanted. What any man would want.

  A family.

  “I can’t.” Mikayla stepped away, wiping the tears from her eyes.

  “Are you saying you don’t love me? That you don’t want to be with me?”

  She wanted to tell Dash she didn’t love him. That he should just move on. But she couldn’t sell that lie. Not even to herself.

  “That isn’t it.”

  “Then what is it? Talk to me, darlin’. Whatever it is, just say it.”

  “I can’t have children.”

  “What?” He seemed stunned.

  “The accident.” Her hand drifted to her belly. “There was a lot of scarring and damage. The doctors only give me a ten percent chance of ever conceiving a child of my own. So I can’t give you a family.”

  “Baby, I’m so sorry.” Dash gathered her into his arms. “I’m sorry for everything you went through that night. I wish I could fix it.”

  She wished he could, too. That she could give him everything he wanted. “But you can’t, and I can’t get involved with you knowing one day you’re going to want another child and I can’t give that to you.”

  Dash pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “It doesn’t matter. I want you. I love you. You and Maddie—that’s all I care about.”

  “And what happens if you decide one day that you do care about having more children? Then what?”

  “If we decide we want more kids, there are lots of ways to make that happen. Adoption. Surrogacy. They’ll still be our children and we’ll love them just as much as we love Maddie.” A warm smile lifted the edge of his mouth. “All right?”

  She covered her mouth, her eyes burning with the tears that flowed down her cheeks as she nodded.

  Dash hugged her tightly and she settled into the warmth of his embrace.

  “One more thing.” He sat on the window seat and pulled her down beside him.

  She wasn’t sure her heart could take any more. “Yes?”

  “I was offered a partnership at my firm.”

  “Oh, well, congratulations.”

  “I’m thinking of turning it down. I’d like to accept Marcus’s offer. That would mean moving back home to Pleasure Cove. But I won’t do it unless—”

  “Yes!” She grinned. “Pleasure Cove is home. It’s where I want Maddie to grow up, surrounded by her family. Only, I’d really like for her to finish out the school year here.”

  “Of course.” Dash’s eyes were filled with emotion. “Besides, Baby Girl and I have a daddy-daughter dance to attend.”

  A wide grin spread across her face. It was that very dance that had prompted them to seek Dash out. Thank goodness for it and for Maddie’s insistence on meeting her father.

  “I really do love you, you know.” Fat teardrops rolled down her cheek. “I have since the day I met you. It’s about time you caught up.”

  “I think I loved you even then. I was just too stupid to realize it.” Dash stroked her cheek and smiled. “But I promise, I won’t ever take you for granted again. I realize how lucky I am, being in love with my best friend.”

  Dash pressed his mouth to hers. He kissed her long and hard. This kiss was different from the others. The same hunger and passion was there, but there was so much more beneath the surface. A love that wrapped her up in warmth and filled her heart with joy.

  That night, she and Dash lay in her bed, making plans for their future together. Her business was conducted primarily online, so it didn’t matter where she lived. Maddie would adjust to her new school—the same one her cousins attended. Dash would sell his apartment in New York, but they’d rent out her place in Philly. Try to keep the property until Maddie was old enough to decide what she wanted to do with it.

  “We’ll get your name added to Maddie’s birth certificate as soon as possible.” Mikayla glanced up at Dash as she lay on his chest. Not a stitch of clothing separated their skin. “Anything we’re forgetting?”

  Dash was quiet for a moment. His heart beat furiously beneath her palm.

  “There’s one more thing I need you to know. When I said I love you, Mikayla, I meant it. Maybe it feels too soon to talk about this, but you’re the woman I want to spend my life with. Not today and maybe not tomorrow...but one day soon, I’m going to ask you to marry me. Not because you’re Maddie’s mother, but because you’re my best friend and my world hasn’t felt right without you in it.”

  Mikayla grinned, her voice trembling as tears slid down her face. “Then you should know that when you do ask, the answer is yes. A thousand times yes.”

  Epilogu
e

  Mikayla hurried inside Ms. Anna’s Soul Food and Sweet & Savory Pies. After three months, the place was beginning to feel distinctly like Ms. Anna’s, despite her preservation of the Hazeltons’ legacy.

  Dash had surprised his mother, when he’d used the profit from the sale of his apartment in New York to purchase the restaurant for her. He’d used the rest to purchase a lovely home on the beach for the three of them. They’d moved in a few weeks before.

  Mikayla had initially objected to the purchase. Why did they need a five-bedroom beach house? It wasn’t as if they’d expected to fill the rooms with children of their own.

  Dash had insisted they purchase a home with lucrative rental potential. But something in his eyes made her believe that deep down he hoped there would be more children in their future. As if he’d known something she hadn’t.

  “Hey, babe.” Dash, seated at a booth with Maddie and Ms. Anna, stood and wrapped Mikayla in a tight embrace she never tired of. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips that made Maddie snicker. “Everything okay? You sounded strange on the phone.”

  Mikayla had planned to find some clever way to tell them her news. The tears that sprang from her eyes had other plans.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” Dash’s voice was tense.

  “Nothing at all. Everything’s perfect.” She smiled, though her eyes brimmed with tears. Mikayla placed a hand on her belly. “We’re perfect.”

  “Wait...” Dash looked at her intently, gripping her free hand. “Are you saying...” He seemed incapable of uttering the words. As if he were afraid to allow himself to believe it.

  Mikayla nodded, her smile widening as she leaned into him, their eyes meeting. “Dash Williams, you’re going to be a daddy. Again.”

  The entire world swirled around them.

  Maddie squealed about being a big sister. Ms. Anna cried tears of joy and offered everyone in the restaurant a slice of pie on the house. People around them offered their congratulations.

  But Mikayla and Dash were locked in their own little world, overcome with the joy of their incredible surprise. A wondrous miracle she hadn’t allowed herself to even imagine.