by Bijou Hunter
Grinning, I glanced at his erection and sighed. “I’m fucked out. Sorry, lover.”
“You’ve got that look on your face,” Judd said, crawling onto the bed towards me as I pretended to be disinterested. “The look that says you need me to fill you and make you say my name as you come.”
“If you want me saying your name, you’ll need to fuck me softer. I came so hard the last few times, I was lucky to remember how to speak.”
Judd laughed deeply then his lips were on mine. “You looked so peaceful,” he whispered as he leaned over me and nibbled at my neck. “Like the weight of the world was lifted off you. I loved seeing you like that.”
Murmuring, he raked his teeth over my shoulder and down to my nipple. Tugging at the hard flesh, he glanced up at me.
“I missed you,” he said in a strange voice. “You were feet away from me, but I managed to miss you. What the fuck is happening to me?”
“I’ve seduced you good and hard, Judd the Stud. You’re mine now.”
Grinning, he licked at my other nipple. “Clinic called and I’m as safe as my angel. Afterward we celebrate this fact, let’s order food and play cards. I borrowed a pack from my neighbor Oliver. The old bastard would live at the casinos if he could.”
“Talk less, suck more,” I moaned and he pulled at one nipple with his fingers while licking the other. “Yes, thank you.”
Judd teased my nipples with his teeth then after a quick lick to his fingers, he caressed my clit and I was crying out his name just as he requested.
Before I had even stopped murmuring about his amazing talents, he spread my legs and leaned into me. A few good hard thrusts, teasing my clit just right and I was so loud he covered my mouth. Laughing, Judd kissed my face as I worked through the orgasm.
“You’re going to scare the shit out of my neighbor Verna. She survived four hundred years and you’ll kill her from coming so loud.”
When I could concentrate, I laughed as Judd propped himself over me.
“Are you ready for more fun, angel?”
Grabbing a pillow, I held it close to my face. “I’ll buffer the noise.”
Laughing again, Judd started moving and I moaned through my giggles. Our laughter ended after my third orgasm when hours of Judd’s anticipation hit a fever pitch. The way he watched me as he moved closer to climax made me blush. Yet, his expression after he climaxed nearly brought me to tears.
So beautiful and open to me in that moment, Judd showed me a lifetime of disappointment and suffering. I saw a man who lived simply because he didn’t want to die. Yet, in the abyss of sorrow, I witnessed a newly lit glimmer of hope.
After a sexy soapy shower, we sat in the living room across from each other while I shuffled the cards. I still saw hints of what Judd usually hid from the world. With so much of the real man hidden behind his cold exterior now revealed to me, I knew I loved him. I just prayed he could love me one day too.
“What?” he asked, sitting in jeans with his bare feet brushing against mine on the table.
“I’m just happy.”
Judd started to smile, but then something switched off and the hints of the real man were gone. Walls returning, I watched him close himself off from me. Even hurt to lose that warmth in his eyes, I would be patient. He was mine and I would wait for him to be as ready for me as I was for him.
We played three hands before the Chinese food arrived. Watching All of Me on cable while eating, I cuddled next to him on the couch. As soon as the movie was over, he moved back to his side of the table.
“Let’s play strip poker.”
“Not yet, horny boy. I should call Farah first,” I said, reaching for my bag. “She might be worried.”
“You gonna do that girl talk stuff?”
“Gotta give her my report card on your naked talents.”
Judd rolled his eyes, but I saw him grin as I disappeared into the bedroom. On my phone were several messages from Farah and each one sounded more worried. Even unsure how to explain the shift in my relationship with Judd, I dialed her number.
Farah answered on the second ring, sounding like she was occupied. I appreciated how she stopped messing around with Cooper to take my call.
“I’ve been calling you,” she said, panicked and flustered. I suspected the flustered part was related to the sound of Cooper’s lips on her skin.
“I know. It’s been weird and I wasn’t ready to explain.”
“What’s weird? Are you alright? How did your date go? Coop asked around and the neighbors said you weren’t home all night. Where are you?”
“I’m at Judd’s place.”
Silence met me then Farah asked, “Did you sleep over there?”
“Yes. We had sex and it was really good.”
“Are you okay?”
“I didn’t cry. Not during sex anyway, but I got panicky afterwards. I told him what happened,” I said, pausing to gain my courage. “Not everything, but enough. I told him how they watched when the others were hurting us and I told him I was panicked because I felt exposed at my apartment. I felt like all the noise was people trying to get to me. I thought he would think I was crazy or stupid, but he didn’t. He brought me here and he still wanted me. When I started feeling bad or dirty or whatever, he took care of me.”
Farah said nothing for a few long minutes and I knew she didn’t like talking about what happened. She thought if she didn’t talk about it that somehow the memories would fade and disappear. I also thought her dreams of a better life kept her from having to remember so much, but I had nothing to distract me from that week. It was all I remembered some days, but I worried she wouldn’t like me talking about it now.
“He’s your Cooper,” she said finally. “He understands.”
Shuddering with relief, I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “I love him,” I whispered. “I haven’t told him. I don’t think he’s ready for that, but I do love him. He’s mine and I feel different and better and beautiful when I’m with him. I want to feel that way so bad, Farah.”
“I know,” she whispered back and I heard Cooper’s sucking noises stop. I sensed Farah was crying. I was crying a little too.
“I feel ugly a lot,” I told her. “Bad too. You know that, don’t you? How I hate myself most of the time.”
“I do know,” Farah whimpered.
“Not with Judd though. When I start to feel that way, he finds a way to help me. He’s not sure about us though. My age and his job, they make him nervous, but he wants me and I don’t want to let him go.”
“I just don’t understand,” she said, calming herself, probably with Cooper’s help. “You went on that date then ended up with Judd?”
I heard Cooper grunt something then Farah shushed him.
“Judd showed up and ruined my date. He was acting so rude and I was mad at him, but he talked to me in a way that helped me forgive him. I really wanted to forgive him too. I missed him so much and I had to give him a chance. I had to know because he might be the only amazing thing I ever get in life besides you.”
Farah said nothing as Cooper whispered something. They had a mini conversation before she sighed. “Coop wants you to come to lunch tomorrow at the Johansson place. It’s a barbecue and all of the club guys will be there.”
“Okay.”
“He wants you to bring Judd.”
Cooper jumped in by adding, “I insist you bring him.”
“Why?”
“He wants to throw around his weight like he’s your dad, I guess,” Farah teased and Cooper responded by making her giggle. Likely he was tickling her, but Farah got away from him and her voice softened. “I’m glad you gave him a chance,” she told me. “I felt like you were lost and needed something I couldn’t give you. I think Judd is that something.”
“I hope so. I feel so much better with him. I think I make him feel better too. That’s how Cooper makes you feel, right?”
“Exactly,” she said and I heard the affection in her voice. “H
e’s my perfect guy. Judd is yours.”
“The guy isn’t good enough,” Cooper muttered loud enough to be heard.
“Will he be nice to Judd?” I asked.
“Probably not, but I’m sure Judd can handle him.”
“I’ll act as a human shield if necessary,” I said, grinning.
“Cooper really is a pussy when it comes to girls,” Farah teased and I heard Cooper laughing. “You come and have a nice lunch with the family. I want to see you happy, Tawny.”
“I love you, Farah. I just couldn’t stay there and hold you back.”
“You weren’t.”
“Maybe, but I felt like I was. I needed to be on my own and find pride in myself. It’s not about you. I love you and you’re my best friend. I just needed to be happy with me.”
“You’ve done a great job. You gave Judd another chance and sound happy.”
“I am and we’ll see you tomorrow for the barbecue.”
Hanging up and returning to the living room, I found Judd on the balcony in the cold. He turned when I touched his back. For a single moment, he was someone else. Those faded blue eyes were colder than anything I’d ever seen before. He truly terrified me because those were the eyes of a man who would kill me without a second thought.
“It’s too cold out here for you,” he whispered, reaching for my face.
I fought the urge to flinch as he stared at me with those eyes. “Do you still want me to stay here tonight?”
Judd blinked a few times then glanced out at the ravine. When he returned his gaze to me, those eyes broke my heart. So much pain and fear in a single glance.
“Do you want to stay the night?”
Even believing he was looking for an out, I told the truth. “Yes. I don’t want to leave you.”
A few seconds passed as Judd showed me nothing then a smile slowly warmed his face. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
“Why do you look sad?” I asked, finally finding the courage.
“Good shit doesn’t last for me, Tawny. I never let myself get used to anything nice, but I really want to get used to you.”
Lunging forward, I wrapped my arms around his waist. “The world is ugly except with you. In your arms, I see everything different and it’s beautiful and I never want it to go away. It scares me to see things that way, but it scares me more to I’ll lose that feeling.”
Judd cupped my face and sighed. “It’s too much, too soon. I want more though. I don’t know how to feel or what to do because I didn’t think you’d forgive me last night. I didn’t think you’d let me close again and I never guessed you let me as close as you have. I’m all fucked up inside, but I’m glad you’re staying.”
Smiling at him, I lifted on my tippy-toes and kissed him softly. He just watched me.
“Oh, we’re having lunch at the Johansson’s place tomorrow. Cooper’s order.”
“Terrific.”
“Don’t go drama llama on me,” I teased. “Not when we have strip poker on the agenda.”
Judd gave me a little grin, but he seemed farther away now. Returning to the living room, I shuffled the cards while he brought us a few beers. Pearl jumped up next to me and got comfortable.
“She’s a smart cat,” Judd said. “When she came to live here, she was always climbing on me and I would shove her off. Soon, she sat near me and I left her alone. She figured out what I could deal with and adjusted.”
“Are you hinting I should do the same thing?” I asked, lifting an eyebrow.
Judd sat across from me and grinned. “I have three pieces of clothing. You have four. I guess we’ll have to consider your bra and panties as one.”
Dropping the cards on the table, I stood and slid off my bra while keeping my shirt on. Judd watched and leaned back like his jeans were snug.
“I could have used a flash of something,” he said, grinning. “Little nip slip would be nice.”
“Spring break!” I cried, yanking up my shirt and giving him a peek before returning to the chair.
“Arrested Development,” Judd said, after adjusting on the couch.
“Yeah.”
“My angel has good taste.”
“My knight is making me super horny.”
Exhaling hard, Judd shook his head. “Let’s skip the cards and have you come over here now.”
“Only if you strip for me,” I said, licking my bottom lip. “Real slow too. I want to enjoy a show.”
Laughing, Judd stood up, yanked off his jeans, and tossed them aside. Once he sat back down, he wiggled a finger for me to join him.
“Lame,” I said, standing up and slowly raising my shirt over my head before turning to hide my breasts. “I wanted a show, stud. Something I would pay money for.”
Wiggling out my jeans and panties, I shook my ass at him. When I glanced back to find him staring with such need, I nearly lost my confidence. How could I ever keep a man like him interested? Pushing aside those concerns, I stepped around the table. While Judd reached for me, I didn’t straddle him. Instead, I knelt between his legs and stroked his thighs.
“Tawny,” he whispered, desperate for relief.
“I’m here,” I murmured, taking his cock into my hand and licking the wet tip. “I want to play.”
Judd just stared, his fingers gripping the couch as I kissed his thick erection. Soft, hungry kisses as I learned every inch of him until my hand stroked his cock and my lips tasted his balls. Breathing heavily now, he gently moved aside my long hair so he could watch me.
A little part of me panicked when his fingers touched my hair. I remembered how rough those bikers were when they used my hair to guide me until I was chocking and crying. Judd though was tender, instead of commanding. His gaze was so beautiful that I became aroused without him even touching me.
Soon, I slid a hand between my legs and stroked my clit. Never would I touch myself before because orgasms made me a dirty whore. They were bad, but with Judd, I could embrace my needs without feeling guilty.
Sucking him into my mouth and stroking him with one hand, I caressed myself softly. Whenever I felt shame building inside me, I lifted my gaze to Judd’s face and remembered he was mine.
It didn’t take long before I felt the pleasure explode and I whimpered as the waves of heat rushed over me. Catching my breath, I still stroked Judd. When I regained control of myself, I looked up and found him watching me in the strangest way.
“I’m sorry,” I said automatically, afraid he was upset.
Leaning forward, Judd lifted me off the ground and onto his lap. “You looked so amazing,” he whispered in my ear while pressing his cock into me. “So fragile too. So fucking young that I seem evil for being with you.”
Staring into his eyes, I felt a mixture of panic and pleasure. Our bodies just moved without us thinking, working together to find relief. Mentally though, Judd and I were in a bad place. In his eyes, I saw his need to run away from his feelings again.
“You make me feel beautiful,” I said, caressing his face as my hips worked rhythmically. “I hate myself with everyone else, but not with you. I’d never touched myself like that before because I felt dirty to want to orgasm. With you, I feel sexy and strong. It can’t be evil to feel free of all of that ugliness.”
Judd cupped my face and stared sadly into my eyes. “I’m not nearly good enough for you.”
“You make me happy. If I deserve to be happy, you can’t push me away.”
“You deserve everything, angel,” he whispered, kissing me hard as I orgasmed and brought him along with me.
Settling against him, I whispered, “I don’t want to leave, but I know you’re used to having space.”
Judd wrapped his arms around me and stroked the back of my hair as I rested my cheek against his shoulder.
“I should feel suffocated having you here for so long. I’ve never had anyone sleep over except for one night with a wasted Vaughn. He woke up, we had breakfast, and he went home. Even that got on my nerves. I should hate hav
ing you here, but it feels easy and right. I want you to stay.”
Lifting my head, I smiled. “I don’t see you the way you see yourself. I see a man I want, not a man I should fear.”
“How about on the balcony?”
I shrugged. “You’re complicated. It’s why you don’t think I’m broken. You don’t, do you?”
“I think you’re all kinds of damaged. Battered, but unbroken, babe.”
Softly, I sucked on his bottom lip then nuzzled his cheek.
“I know you took a nap,” he said as I wiggled my hips upon feeling him hardening inside me. “You might not be tired, but I’d like to go to the bedroom.”
“More room,” I muttered, finding a rhythm.
“Hold on,” he said, pushing himself up and walking with me attached to him into the bedroom. He lowered me gently onto the bed and never left my body. “Much more room.”
Grinning, I stroked his arms, over the tattoos and muscles. “Today has been fucking perfect, Judd. You can’t know how perfect.”
“Oh, I know. I’ve been counting my blessings since the moment I woke up with you next to me.”
I wanted to say something beautiful or romantic, but he was thrusting hard into me and the pressure was unbearably perfect. All I could do was pray I kept the noise down, so we didn’t kill poor Verna.
Chapter Eighteen
Riding on the back of Judd’s ivory colored Harley, I felt a weird darkness clouding my mood. Our morning together had been wonderful, yet I was nervous about visiting the Johansson’s place. Unsure how many people would be at the barbecue, I worried someone might make fun of me. Even knowing I was being ridiculous, I was in a bad mood when we parked in the massive driveway where dozens of Harleys were lined up.
“What’s the problem, babe?” Judd asked, climbing off the bike and caressing my cheek.
“I feel underdressed. I look trashy.”
Glancing over my jeans, gray sweater, beige jacket, and tennis shoes, Judd frowned. “We’re visiting the Johanssons, not the Rockefellers.”
