Damaged and the Knight

by Bijou Hunter

  I refused to think how I helped a man die. Knowing he was a mole who caused the deaths of people working for the Johanssons didn’t make me feel much better. My unhappiness wasn’t guilt as much as confusion over if I should feel guilt.

  Finally, Cooper walked over and sized up a quiet Judd before smiling at me. “So am I hiring you or what?”

  “I’m not sure I want to work for you. I’ve heard you can be a huge asshole.”

  “Really?” he asked, grinning. “Who told you that? Was it Bailey?”

  “You wish.”

  Cooper laughed and looked around. “I don’t know what an assistant would really do? Like do I have paperwork to fill out or whatever?”

  Shrugging, I glanced at Judd who was watching someone in the corner. When I looked back at Cooper, he was studying the hair in my eyes.

  “You look tired,” he said, reaching out to brush away the hair.

  Cooper’s hand never reached my face before Judd grabbed his wrist and yanked it away. In that instant, everything shifted.

  The men stepped closer, eyeballing each other as the heat of their anger became palatable. I thought to step between them and calm things before violence broke out. Then, I remembered when I tried to break up a fight between my uncle’s dogs. If Farah hadn’t pulled me out of the way, I’d have been mauled. That day, I learned if predators wanted to fight, you let them while staying as far back as possible.

  “I’ll let this go because it’s your woman,” Cooper muttered, dark eyes still angry. “If you pull this shit again and it’s not your woman, you and I will have a problem.”

  Once Cooper walked away, Judd finally relaxed. I just stared at him as he led me to a booth because a group of old timers were at his table. Sitting next to him, I caressed his face, soothing him. He finally gave me a little grin.

  Suddenly, Vaughn appeared and took the spot across from us. “Why do you look so pissed off?”

  “He almost went feral on Cooper for trying to touch me.”

  Vaughn gave us a lazy grin. “So losing his balls makes a man stupid, eh? Good to know. Just another reason to keep mine attached.”

  Judd exhaled hard. “You wouldn’t want anyone touching your woman. One day, you’ll know that despite your love affair with your balls.”

  “A man should love his balls,” Vaughn said, still grinning. “What if I touch her?” he asked, his hand moving slowly towards my face.

  “I’ll stab you in the fucking eye.”

  Grinning, Vaughn put down his hand. “You’re pretty damn sexy when you go drama queen, O’Keefe.”

  “He is, isn’t he?” I said, sliding closer to Judd. “I wish we were naked right now.”

  Both men frowned at me, but I only smiled and Judd adjusted in the booth as his jeans grew too tight.

  “Stop,” he warned.

  “I’m not afraid of you.”

  “I could make a liar of you.”

  “You won’t though because you wish you were inside me.”

  Judd exhaled hard like a pissed bull and adjusted in the booth again. I just laughed and rested my head against his shoulder.

  “I so own you.”

  Vaughn nodded. “He’s a keeper. I remember how poetic he was when I asked him if he could imagine himself as an old man. He turned to me and grunted. Real profound grunt too. Oh, and once I asked if he ever imagined himself as a father. I kid you not, he burped. The man is fucking Shakespeare.”

  Vaughn and I laughed, but Judd only rolled his eyes. “Why are you two hassling me?”

  “For me, it’s a distraction,” I murmured as he adjusted in the booth again.

  “These jeans aren’t made for so much temptation.”

  “I feel the same way about my bra. They can barely hold me in.”

  The men laughed and I was glad to see Judd relax. Well, his face relaxed while the rest of him was still agitated and needing relief. I caressed the part in the most need and he nearly jumped out of the booth.

  “Tawny.”

  “Yes, Judd?” I asked softly and he just grinned. “I’m sorry, but you were pretty damn hot going psycho on Cooper. My man turned caveman and it was some sexy shit.”

  “You two are grossing me out,” Vaughn said, seeming a little grumpy now. “Luckily, I have a strong stomach.”

  “What are you up to today?” I asked, giving Judd a little space to ease his tight pants problem.

  “Same shit,” Vaughn said and I notice a bigger chink in his affable armor. “When I was younger, I would bowl every weekend. Me and my cousin would hit the alley, drink beer, play for a few hours. I’d enjoy a chick then hit the hay. Those were the days.”

  “Why can’t you do that anymore?”

  “You saw Caleb,” Vaughn muttered. “You think he wants to bowl?”

  Skipping over the cousin thing, I tried to lift his mood because I sensed he was growing angry. I also sensed an angry Outlaw was a bad thing.

  “Why can you bowl with Judd? You two are best girlfriends and all that, right?”

  Vaughn gave me a little grin, but the humor was gone from his blue eyes. “He doesn’t bowl. Says the noise bothers him. I just think he doesn’t like to fucking lose.”

  Judd stared at Vaughn and something passed between them. If I had to guess, Judd was telling Vaughn to settle down because I was there. As curious as I was about the story behind Outlaw, this wasn’t the time to ask questions. Not with Vaughn on the verge of violence and Judd appearing ready to beat the shit out of his friend for getting pissy anywhere near me.

  “I know we haven’t eaten, but I’m horny,” I said, shifting closer to Judd. “Can we leave?”

  Judd glanced down at me and nodded. “Later, Vaughn.”

  Vaughn barely acknowledged our departure. The dark look in his eyes hid none of his rage. In fact, his mood shifted so quickly that I would have feared him, if I didn’t have Judd to protect me.

  Once on our way to the condo, I asked Judd, “Why did he get so upset?”

  “Everyone has regrets.”

  “And?” I pushed when he didn’t continue.

  “Vaughn gave up his life on a whim. I suspect some days he wishes he hadn’t.”

  “You’re not going to tell me, even after I helped smoke out the mole?”

  Judd smirked. “Not after you got me riled up like that.”

  “Was that why he got pissed?”

  “Who the fuck knows? He’s moody and alone. I was alone too. Maybe he doesn’t like that I’m not like him now? I don’t really care.”

  “Why are you so cranky?”

  Judd glared at me then turned the SUV sharply down a street before parking in the lot behind the closed garage. The minute I saw where we were headed, I grinned.

  “You really can’t wait the ten minute drive?”

  Judd shut off the car and frowned at me. “My cock is so hard right now that I can’t think straight. Get in the backseat.”

  “Say please,” I murmured then laughed while climbing between the seats. “See you in the back, stud.”

  Judd slammed the door then came around to the backseat. “I’ve never been so fucking hard so often. It’s unhealthy.”

  “Shut up and make me come,” I said, wiggling my jeans and panties below my knees. “This is going to be awkward.”

  Judd took my legs and tilted me sideways. After somehow managing to remove his cock from his tight jeans without injuring himself, he shoved himself inside me.

  “You’re so fucking wet,” he moaned, moving slower now. “I love how wet I make you without even trying.”

  “You’re so lazy,” I murmured, stroking my clit until I came and made noises inappropriate for car sex. “I wish I could kiss you. This isn’t a very romantic position.”

  “I’m going to come hard in like five seconds. Shut up and I’ll kiss you afterwards.”

  Laughing, I glanced at him. “Vaughn’s right. You’re a poet.”

  “Don’t say another man’s name while I’m fucking you.”

/>   Seeing the darkness in his eyes, I stopped laughing instantly. “Are you really mad?”

  Judd stopped thrusting and caressed my cheek. “I’m in a fucked up mood. The way Vaughn acted around you pissed me off and I just need to make you mine.”

  “I am yours.”

  “I feel edgy. Let me finish and I’ll pull myself together.”

  Even nodding, my feelings were hurt suddenly. I said nothing though, unwilling to upset him. Yet, Judd didn’t continue. Instead, he pulled out of me and lifted me into a sitting position, so we could kiss softly. The kiss deepened, but it wasn’t rough or demanding.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m not used to feeling possessive.”

  “It’s okay,” I soothed, scooting back into a good position for our awkward car sex. “I would go wolverine on a girl who messed with my man.”

  “Would you?” he asked with a sly grin. “I’d like to see that.”

  “I’d probably get my ass kicked,” I moaned as he entered me again. “I fight like shit.”

  “I’ll teach you, babe,” he whispered, thrusting deep and hard.

  Watching him close his eyes and fill me up, I stroked myself again. This time when I came, I brought him with me.

  “Feel better?” I asked as we wrestled back into our jeans.

  “A little. I need several hours of that to really be myself again. Oh, and I’d prefer more room to play.”

  “I’ll drive,” I said, climbing into the front seat. “I’ve got a lead foot, so it’ll take me two minutes to get us to your place.”

  Judd didn’t try climbing into the front seat since he was too big to do it comfortably. I also would have burst into hysterics to see him try. Wanting me to focus and avoid crashing his SUV, he walked around, climbed into the passenger seat, and handed me the keys.

  “Let’s break a few speed limits, babe.”

  Ten minutes and zero speeding tickets later, we arrived at his place. Judd was teasing me about driving his Harley when we entered the condo and heard a woman call out his name.

  Pausing in the front hallway, Judd leaned down and kissed me softly. He sucked on my lips, nipping at them as his gaze held mine. Those eyes hinted at fear then he shut it all away behind his walls. Taking my hand, he walked into the main room.

  “Hey, Mom,” he said to a dark haired woman in the living room.

  Judd’s mom wasn’t what I expected. For whatever reason, I imagined her as a sort of Flo character like from the Alice show my dad watched. A little rough around the edges with a ballsy small town vibe. Instead, Zaria was classy. Wearing black slacks and a dressy purple top, she looked ready for church. Her thick dark hair was brushed away from her well made up face as she smiled at her son. Then, her blue eyed gaze fell on me and the smile faltered a tiny bit.

  I felt underdressed, plus my time with Judd in the SUV left my panties wet. In fact, the moment Zaria’s gaze focused on me, I felt certain I was smelling up the room. Even without her saying a word or showing any unhappiness, I felt judged unworthy.

  “Mom, this is Tawny Smith. She’s Cooper Johansson’s future sister-in-law.”

  Standing gracefully from the couch, Zaria shook my hand and said, “She’s young.”

  Without thinking, I blurted out, “I’m twenty four. I waitress at Denny’s and he came in and we’re dating now.”

  Judd frowned at me slightly then walked to the kitchen to get us drinks. “I wasn’t expecting you, Mom.”

  “You’ve been so busy that I thought I would corner you into having lunch with me.”

  “I just had lunch,” he said from the kitchen as Zaria and I eyed each other. “We could make plans for another time.”

  “Holidays are here, Judd.”

  “I know.”

  “Where’s your tree?”

  Walking into the living room, Judd handed me a soda. “What do I need a tree for? The only one who cares is Pearl and she’d just climb the damn thing.”

  Zaria smiled softly. “Where do you live, Tawny?”

  “Meadow Brook Apartments.”

  The way Zaria nodded told me she knew the apartment building. “I hope I didn’t seem rude early. You look so young is all, but it’s none of my business who Judd spends time with. I’m sure if it were serious that he would have mentioned you.”

  Judd frowned at his mother who didn’t notice because Pearl was rubbing white cat hair on Zaria’s pants.

  “Judd and I are serious,” I said without thinking. “I love him and we’re not having a fling.”

  When Zaria showed no reaction, I sensed her years with an abusive husband taught her how to hide her feelings. Judd though looked at me like I had ruined his day with those words.

  “Excuse us,” Judd said, taking me by the arm and walking to his bedroom where he shut the door.

  “I do love you,” I said, staring up at him defiantly, “and I’m not taking back the words.”

  Judd moved quickly, cupping my face and kissing me hard. Realizing he wasn’t angry, I wrapped him in my arms and held on tightly, afraid to let go. A few times, Judd pulled his lips away then returned them to mine. Finally, he stepped out my embrace and sighed.

  “I can’t say those words, Tawny.”

  Nodding, I hugged myself and smiled. “It’s okay. I mean we just met and I’m still really fucked up and stuff.”

  A frowning Judd pressed a finger to my lips. “Don’t.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t expect you to love me. Farah does because she doesn’t know how not to.”

  Judd exhaled hard and looked around. “Do you really think she’d stop if she could?”

  Remembering how I betrayed her with Travis, I nodded. “I’ve been a shitty sister, but she’s good enough to love me anyway.”

  As Judd stared at me, his walls wavered and I saw so much pain. “Damn, babe, how have you made it this long through life?”

  Stepping back, I shrugged. “I just don’t want you to feel bad that you don’t feel like I do.”

  Judd sighed. “You read people well, but you’re blind sometimes. I can’t say those words because when I say things like that out loud, I jinx myself.” Rubbing at the back of his neck, he sat on the bed and sighed again. “When I was a kid, I said our mom would never leave and she left a week later. I said that my brother had my back and days later he directed our dad’s rage at me. I say shit out loud and I jinx things. I’m not superstition about ninety nine percent of stuff, but I want to keep you in my life. Maybe I jinxed us already by saying you’re mine, but saying the words you said feels like I’m asking the damn universe to steal you away from me.”

  “Steal me away how?” I asked, sitting next o him.

  “You’re eighteen and you might think that means nothing, but I was eighteen once. I’m not eighteen now and I know the difference. I worry that even without jinxing us that we have an expiration date. I don’t see us together in five years when you’re stronger and healthier. I see you with someone else and that makes me so fucking crazy that I want to hit every man who gets near you now.”

  Taking his hand, I pushed aside all those negative thoughts in my head. Judd needed reassurance, so he could depend on us.

  “I never see you the way you see yourself,” I said softly. “You’re my hero. The man who keeps saving me. You make me feel beautiful, special, funny, smart, and most of all, safe. I know about your job and how it’s violent and you aren’t a cuddly guy. I know that, but I also know that with me, you have a soft way about yourself. You’re the light in the darkness for me, Judd. I see you and I feel like I can dig my way out of all the lies I tell myself.”

  Judd studied me with his beautiful blue eyes. “You say those ugly things like you only remember the hateful shit people have told you. I wish you saw yourself the way I do. I wish you knew how beautiful and amazing you are. You’re brave too. I know you were scared in the bar with those bikers, plus today when Vaughn got riled up and I was being an asshole. Even afraid, you didn’t run. Babe, you have so much
good in you and I think you’ll figure that out one day and dump my ass for someone who doesn’t have to learn to be with you. He’ll just know how to make you happy.”

  I nearly laughed at the idea of any man making me feel as good as Judd, let alone better. “I don’t want that guy. When I rage at myself and think ugly lies that I replay over and over in my head, that guy wouldn’t respond like you do. He would back off or push too hard. You are my baby bear. You’re just right for me.”

  Judd laughed, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. When he sighed, I saw something lighten in his mood.

  “I’d say the words, if I could. You understand that, don’t you?”

  “I don’t need the words. I see them in your eyes right now.”

  Smiling, Judd watched me for a few minutes, just holding my hand. “I understand why you lied about your age, but my mom should know the truth. You’re right when you said this isn’t a fling, so she’s going to find out eventually. Might as well be today.”

  “The reason you want me isn’t because I’m young.”

  “I know. I want you despite your age.”

  I studied his pouty face then shivered. “There is something incredibly sexy about you when you get all drama llama.” My free hand stroked his thigh. “I still feel you inside me from earlier.”

  Scooting away from me, Judd grunted. “Fuck. I’m like a teenage boy with these constant boners.”

  I glanced back at the bed we were sitting on. “I’m still so wet from earlier. We could be quick.”

  “My mom is in the next room.”

  “I’ll cover my mouth.”

  Judd laughed deeply then shuddered. “Damn, woman, you make me crazy, but no.”

  “Later then,” I whispered. “I’ll show you how my love brings out such qualities as endurance and creativity.”

  Judd’s gaze locked on mine and it was blazing hot. For a second, I was sure we were fucking that very moment. I could already imagine him opening me up and making me come. Judd likely imagined it too because he stood up and stepped away.