Hold On

by Kristen Ashley

  “I demand to see Cheryl!”

  Fuck.

  Peggy.

  I looked to Ethan, who no longer looked confused.

  His face was pale and his eyes were on me.

  “It’s cool. Everything’s cool,” I said to the room at large but turned to the closest adult, who happened to be Dave. “Do me a big favor, Dave. Can you get my son in the kitchen?”

  “Sure thing, honey,” Dave muttered.

  I pushed through bodies, eyes to the door where Merry now was with Colt.

  But he was pushing through the storm.

  And he was pissed.

  Colt was following him.

  And he was pissed too.

  Shit, this was happening outside.

  I looked back at Dave, who was halfway to my kid.

  “And, uh…shut the blinds in the kitchen, would you?”

  “Mom!” Ethan cried.

  “Give me and Merry a second, baby,” I requested.

  Bad choice of words, especially with all these folks around.

  “I’m not a baby!” he snapped.

  I made it to the door and focused on him. “I need a second, kid. Merry and me need a second. You know we’ll give it to you when we know what’s going down. Just let us see the lay of the land first. Okay?”

  Dave had his hand on Ethan’s shoulder. Feb was close too. Vi was pushing their way.

  Ethan was glaring at me.

  Then he bit out, “Fine.”

  “Go with Dave and Feb, you with me?” I asked.

  “Whatever,” he muttered, getting up from his seat on the floor by the coffee table, which had been cleared for cake placement, candle blowing, and ice cream scooping, the edges of the table and the floor around it littered with presents.

  All ready for the good stuff.

  Fucking Peggy.

  I set my teeth, gathered my wits, tamped down my fury as best I could, and stormed out of my house.

  Merry and Colt had managed to get her halfway down the walk.

  I didn’t know what was happening. I just saw through the two men’s bodies she had one arm gesticulating.

  She also had her daughter in a stroller and her son on her hip.

  And my son was right then being hustled into our kitchen just before he was supposed to get cake, ice cream, and spoiled rotten by people who loved him, all because Peggy was having whatever fit Peggy was currently having.

  In other words, I might have succeeded a little bit in tamping down my fury.

  But I didn’t hold tight enough to the reins.

  I rounded Merry, did it with velocity, but got no further when his fingers caught the back waistband of my jeans and I came up short.

  I didn’t need proximity. I wasn’t going to belt a bitch who was holding a baby.

  I had the use of my mouth.

  So I used it.

  “Are you fucking out of your mind?” I asked.

  She turned to me, face contorted with what appeared to be more rage than I had.

  “Where’s my husband?” she bit back.

  “I don’t fucking know,” I answered.

  “Refrain from cursing in front of my children,” she ordered.

  “Get your kids outta my yard and I won’t have to,” I retorted.

  “I want to talk to my husband,” she demanded.

  “Then find him wherever he is and talk to him, something you’re not gonna be able to do here, seeing as he isn’t here,” I returned.

  “He’s stopped going to meetings,” she declared on a toss of her hair.

  “I don’t even know what you mean, but whatever you mean, I don’t care,” I replied.

  She bent my way. “Meetings,” she hissed. “To keep out the devil.”

  “My guess, NA,” Colt waded in to explain.

  Oh crap.

  “And he’s also stopped coming home,” Peggy went on.

  Shit.

  I took a small step back as what was happening here penetrated.

  And what was happening here was not good.

  “Is he here?” she asked.

  “Like I said, Peggy, no,” I answered far more calmly. “I haven’t heard from him in a while.”

  “He hasn’t been home in over a week,” she informed me, like this was my fault.

  I said nothing.

  She kept the information flowing. “He also hasn’t been to work.”

  Oh man.

  She was screwed.

  “It’s his son’s birthday party. I was certain he’d be here,” she declared.

  It was my turn to share some information.

  “Then you don’t know Trent, Peg, because he doesn’t give a shit about his son.”

  “He’s his father,” she snapped. “A father goes to his son’s birthday party.”

  “He hasn’t been to one yet,” I reminded her.

  “That’s because you,” she leaned toward me, “wouldn’t let him.”

  I drew in breath.

  I had to hold on and not get mad again. She was up shit’s creek. She knew it but was denying it and looking for someone to blame or take it out on.

  But in the end, she’d go home to betrayal and abandonment.

  When she was gone, I’d go into my house to watch my kid eat cake and open presents, my man at my side and everyone we loved who loved us back crammed in my little Janis Joplin living room.

  So I could find it in me to be patient.

  “That’s because Ethan wasn’t comfortable with it,” I explained, something she well knew.

  “That’s because you weren’t comfortable with us being a part of your son’s life,” she fired back. “Trent wanted more.”

  “Peg, seriously, think about it. You wanted more.”

  “Trent wanted it,” she hissed.

  “Trent is the guy who knocked up his girlfriend. That’s it. Even with the minimal effort he put into winning his son, all of it at your demand, so all of it really for you, he’s always just been the guy who knocked up his girlfriend.”

  “That’s not true,” she snapped.

  “He’s the guy who knocked up his girlfriend,” I repeated quietly. “He’s only been playing at being a father because it made you happy.” I glanced swiftly at her kids. “And I think that hasn’t changed.”

  She lifted her chin and reiterated, “That’s not true.”

  I looked at her with her kids in my yard and saw bravado.

  She was giving it her all.

  But she couldn’t hide it.

  Her husband, a recovering addict, had disappeared. She had a part-time job and two young kids.

  She was terrified.

  I knew that feeling.

  Something moved over her face.

  I braced.

  “He emptied our bank account.”

  Oh shit.

  “Peg—” I began.

  She tossed her hair again and spoke over me. “He was angry about the last visit we had here. We fought. He told me I was pushing too hard with Ethan and with him, whatever that means. How can you push a father too hard to be a father?”

  It sucked that in that moment, I cared that it sucked for Peggy she was getting this wake-up call.

  “He told me I needed to cool it because you were dating a police officer,” she kept going. “Then he became distant. Then he was just…” She threw out a hand. “Gone.”

  I drew in breath.

  Before I could speak, Merry did.

  “It’s Ethan’s party. Your husband isn’t here. I completely understand how his recent behavior and him not coming home is concerning you, but as unkind as you might think this is, it’s Ethan’s day and we need to focus on Ethan. We’re all sorry that you’re going through this, but it’s highly unlikely your husband will show up here or contact Cher or Ethan. However, if he does, the only thing we can give you is our promise we’ll notify you. Other than that, your problems are yours, Mrs. Schott. You need to take them elsewhere.”

  I thought that was kind of harsh, though it
was all true and someone had to say it. And it was cool that Merry made it so it wasn’t me who had to be the bitch to get her gone so we could get back to my kid.

  But as he said it, Peggy stared up at Merry. The instant he was done talking, she looked to me.

  The bravado was gone.

  The fear was everywhere, all over her face, in the line of her body, even shimmering in the air.

  Her little boy felt it and started fretting.

  “He might be using,” she whispered to me.

  “Addicts do that,” I said carefully. “They mess up. But he’s been clean a long time, Peg. Maybe if you find him, you can get him back on the right road.”

  “People at church are helping me. We’ve been trying. Looking everywhere. Where he used to go. Where they know people go. Talking to people who know where people are. We can’t find him,” she shared.

  “I—” I began.

  “Mrs. Schott,” Merry cut me off. “We got an eleven-year-old’s birthday party happening in that house. I’m sorry, but we need to get back to Ethan and you need to be on your way.”

  She looked up at Merry, bouncing her boy up on her hip. He was about to lose it and start bawling, I could tell.

  “But my husband has left me,” she told Merry.

  “Do you have family? Friends?” Colt asked.

  She looked to Colt. “Of course.”

  “Then go home and call them.”

  She looked beyond Colt to my house. “I was sure he’d be here.”

  It was sad—those two kids of hers—tragic, even.

  But she’d been married to him for years and she didn’t know Trent at all, which meant Merry was right.

  Her problems were hers.

  “I gotta get back to Ethan, Peg, but I’ll help you get the kids in the car before I do. Okay?” I offered.

  Her eyes drifted to me.

  They were brimming with tears.

  Shit.

  “We got her. You get in there.”

  I turned my head and saw Dusty and Rocky moving our way.

  Cal was in the yard not too far from Merry and Colt. Mom, Tanner, and Mike were standing on the stoop. Ryker was also in the yard, arms crossed on his chest, looking grouchy. Ryan wasn’t too far away, looking like he was trying to keep some distance from Ryker but also be close to me should I need him.

  Rocky went right to Peg’s son on her hip.

  Dusty went after the stroller.

  And I took that moment to glory in another boon. Not one Merry gave me. One I’d earned myself.

  I had really fucking awesome friends.

  (Yes, even Ryker.)

  “Now, let’s get you in your van,” Rocky urged.

  “Go,” Dusty ordered me, commandeering the stroller and turning it down the walk. “Get on in there. Light up the candles. We’ll have our cake when we get back. But save opening the presents. That’s always the best part.”

  I nodded, the movement feeling weird, wooden. At first, I didn’t know why.

  Watching Rocky bounce Trent’s possibly now fatherless son on her hip while she guided a lost Peggy to her van, following Dusty, I figured it out.

  I knew her fear.

  And I wasn’t Peg’s biggest fan, but I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.

  I looked up at Merry and opened my mouth.

  He got in my face.

  “Do not go soft on me,” he ordered low.

  I closed my mouth.

  Just a look. That was all it took.

  Jeez, when did he get to know me so well?

  “Her bed she made,” he stated.

  “But—”

  “Monday, I’ll make some calls, do some searches, ask around. If I hear anything, I’ll tell you and you can tell her. I don’t hear anything, I’ll talk to some buds. They’ll keep their eyes peeled. Anyone sees him, they’ll tell me, I’ll tell you, and you can tell her. That’s what I’ll do for Ethan. He’s gonna worry. And since I’m doin’ that for Ethan, I’ll be doin’ it for her. But that’s all I’m gonna do, Cher.”

  “I’ll take it,” I replied immediately.

  He nodded and muttered, “Let’s get your kid some cake.”

  “Yeah,” Ryker boomed. “It’s time for fuckin’ cake.” Then he uncrossed his arms and stalked through Mike and Tanner on my stoop, into my house.

  I took one last look toward Dusty, Rocky, and Peggy.

  With so many people at my party, the van was down a ways. Rocky and Dusty were strapping in her kids. Peggy was standing on the sidewalk like she didn’t know where she was.

  Merry’s arm went around my neck.

  He turned me and guided me toward the house, repeating, “Don’t go soft.”

  I looked up at him. “You think she can get home?”

  “She’s a mom. When she gets behind the wheel, that’ll kick in.”

  I knew that was likely true.

  Time to focus not on Peggy but on my kid.

  “Super stoked you didn’t let me talk you out of the Colts tickets, babe,” I declared. “After this shit, Ethan’s gonna need something awesome to turn his mind.”

  This did not make Merry feel any better. I could tell by his jaw going hard, his cheek ticking, and his angry gaze slicing to Colt, who was walking back to the house with us.

  Colt also didn’t seem to feel relief that scene was over.

  Then again, Colt was a new(ish) dad and Merry was a very new dad-like figure.

  I’d been a mother for eleven years and three days.

  If something threatened to turn my son’s day to shit, that day was important or not…

  No problem.

  I had this.

  (But the Colts tickets were gonna help.)

  (Huge.)

  * * * * *

  “I wanna talk about it now,” Ethan demanded.

  The partygoers were in the living room save me, Mom, Merry, Colt, Feb, Cal, Vi, and Ethan’s seemingly now ever-extending family through Merry—Tanner, Rocky, Dave, Mike, and Dusty.

  Little Jack was in the living room with big Jack and Jackie.

  Cal had a hold of his daughter, Angela; Mimi had Vi and Cal’s son, Sam, in the other room.

  And Tanner had Cecelia in his arms.

  I’d noted all this distractedly, seeing as this growing family of friends was literally growing and it was mine, meaning it was Ethan’s, and that was a birthday boon he wouldn’t really understand, but it was his all the same.

  But mostly, I was about my kid.

  We’d all come into the kitchen after Rocky and Dusty got Peggy on her way. Though, obviously, the rest of us got there first since Rocky and Dusty were getting Peggy on her way.

  It was just that Ethan was a little freaked.

  Which was making him stubborn.

  “I get that,” I replied. “But you got a bunch of people in the other room who wanna watch you open presents, and I, for one, got a craving for R2-D2’s innards.”

  I was trying to make a joke, lighten the mood.

  Ethan saw through it right away.

  “Was Dad there?” he asked.

  “Kid, come on,” I replied softly. “We’ll talk after the party’s over.”

  “Mom, that’s crazy, her bangin’ on the door like that. Who does that?” Ethan asked me.

  A woman whose husband vanished.

  “Son—”

  Feeling sudden movement, I turned to see Merry, who’d been standing beside me in my face-off with my kid, was now crouching.

  “Look at me,” he ordered after he got low.

  Ethan stopped scowling at me to look at Merry.

  “You can hack it?” Merry asked.

  Ethan’s back straightened, but his gaze on Merry didn’t waver.

  “I can hack it,” he announced.

  Merry looked up at me.

  I sucked breath in through my nose.

  I had not shared all of Trent’s problems with my son. For instance, he didn’t know his father had used drugs. So he obviously didn’t know how mu
ch he had used them either. He also didn’t know his dad had been in trouble with the law. Not once, not several times.

  He just knew the things I couldn’t hide—Trent was absent, and when he wasn’t, he was a loser.

  I didn’t know what Merry intended to say to my kid.

  I just knew I trusted him.

  So I nodded.

  Merry turned back to my boy.

  “Your dad wasn’t there, Ethan. Your dad has problems. He’s got to keep a tight handle on those problems or they’ll get the better of him. He left Peggy without telling her what’s happening with him and she doesn’t know where he is. We can’t know, but this gives indication he’s lost hold and his problems got the better of him. She’s worried, trying to find him, and she thought he would be here. He isn’t, so we couldn’t help her. There’s not much we can do to help her, but I’ll see about doin’ what I can when I’m at work again.”

  He shuffled forward, reached out, and curled his hand around the back of my son’s neck.

  Then he kept talking.

  “It’s important to point out these are not your problems, bud. These are Peggy’s problems. They’re your dad’s problems. Life works out in crazy ways sometimes and it seems your dad gave you and your mom one good thing: when he took off, you guys learned how to manage on your own. So when trouble hits for him, you just keep on rollin’. Now, your mom needs you to keep on rollin’. Can you do that for her?”

  “He did to Peggy what he did to Mom, just later, didn’t he?” Ethan asked Merry.

  “We don’t know. We just know what I told you,” Merry answered.

  “He did to Peggy what he did to Mom,” Ethan muttered.

  Merry gave his neck a visible squeeze and light shake, swaying Ethan gently.

  “You gonna keep on rollin’?” he asked quietly.

  Ethan looked at Merry.

  Then he tipped his eyes up at me.

  “We’re done with him, Mom. That’s it,” he declared. “He does that to you and me, then he gets Mary and Tobias and does it to them. And even if Peggy is crazy, he did it to her too and that isn’t cool. So even if he does try to come back some day, we’re done. We don’t need him.”

  “Your call, honey,” I said softly. “It’s always been your call. And it’ll be your call if something happens and you change your mind.”

  He stared at me a beat before he turned back to Merry.

  “I’m ready to keep on rollin’, Merry,” he stated.

  Merry gave him a grin.

  “That’s my boy.”