“Cookies!” she yells when she notices the eggs in my hand.
“Oh no, Missy. We have to have healthy food before cookies.”
She crosses her arms over her chest, shakes her head, and sticks out her bottom lip. “Cest gibs me cookies.”
“Celeste isn’t here. I’m here and we’re having breakfast.” As I cook, I give her a set of ABC flash cards, and we sing the ABC song over and over until I hand her the plate of food. We eat and sing and do flashcards. When we’re done, I pull her highchair next to me while I wash dishes. She splashes in the water as I clean up our breakfast mess.
She plays for most of the day in the living room while I pick up toys, dust, and vacuum. Around noon, she takes a nap and gives me the chance to clean the rest of the house. I throw in some laundry and vacuum the hallways and Colton’s room. I dust his dresser and bedside tables. That’s when I notice the picture of him and what must be his late wife. There’s a small smudge on the glass over her face. I sit on the edge of the bed and wipe at the smudge to clean the glass.
“What are you doing with that?” Colton asks angrily.
I jump at the surprise and his harsh tone. “I was just cleaning,” I say quickly. Suddenly, I’m nervous. I feel like I’ve been caught going through his underwear drawer.
He marches over and rips the frame from my hand. “This room doesn’t need cleaning,” he says, looking at the photo a minute before putting it back in its place. “I don’t appreciate you being in here and going through my things.” He looks down at me, and I’ve never in my life been more scared. His brows are drawn together, his eyes darkened with anger. His back is straight and his arms are flexed. I can feel the anger and hatred coming off of him in waves. They’re all hitting me, drowning me.
“I—I’m sorry. I was just doing what we talked about, laundry and cleaning.” I point to his now empty clothes hamper.
He takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Please, from now on, just stay out of here. I’ll bring the laundry out for you.”
I nod and rush toward the door. My heart is pounding in my chest, tears stinging my eyes. I wonder if he’s bothered because I was in his room or because I was looking at that picture? Either way, it doesn’t matter. I peek into Milly’s room and find her asleep in her toddler bed, her pink blanket pulled up around her chin. I feel him step behind me.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” His voice is much softer now.
I nod but don’t turn to look at him. “She is,” I agree. “And she’s funny too.”
“She gets it all from her mom,” he says, reaching around me and pulling the door closed.
We both walk back into the living room, and I get busy folding laundry.
“I just wanted to pop in and make sure everything was going okay.” He looks around the room, not at me. It makes me wonder if being alone with me makes him uncomfortable. Has he been alone with a woman since his wife’s passing, even innocently?
“We’re fine. Milly had a cup of milk while she watched Mickey Mouse, then we had scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast. She helped me wash dishes, and then she played in the living room while I did some cleaning in here. She had a couple of cookies and laid down for a nap.”
He nods with his hands on his hips, back still straight with anger.
“Do you want me to prepare dinner?”
“That would be great. Thanks.” Without another word, he scoops up his keys from the entry way table and walks out, leaving me alone once again.
While Milly naps, I sit on the couch and decide to call Celeste to see if she believes I did something wrong or if this was just another one of his quirks.
“Hey. How’s Milly?” she asks the moment she answers the phone.
“She’s fine, sound asleep.”
“I figured she wouldn’t give you any problems. She’s a good kid.”
“No, no problems,” I say, before telling her about the encounter with Colton.
“Oh, Brennan. I’m sorry. He’s really messed up about his wife. Drake took me to his place once. I thought it was weird how I didn’t see any pictures of her throughout the house. I guess it makes sense now. That picture is just for him. You seeing it and holding it, it was probably just too much for him.”
“I guess so. I just wish he wasn’t so cold toward me. I mean, he never told me to stay out of his room. He just went off when he found me in there.”
“I know, honey. I’m sorry. This is as new for you as it is for him.”
“So, don’t take it personal?”
“Exactly. But I have to go. My one o’clock is here. Call me later if you want to talk.” She hangs up without another word. Instead of sitting around and thinking deeper into it, I go to the kitchen to see what I could prepare for dinner. I want something good and filling for Colton, but also something that Milly will eat. I find all the ingredients for spaghetti and set them out for later.
When Milly wakes up from her nap, we have a late lunch and play the rest of the day away. Colton makes it home around five thirty, dinner is ready, and Milly has eaten and had her bath. I start gathering my things. “Dinner is on the stove. Milly has eaten and is ready for bed. There’s one last load of laundry in the dryer but I can put it away tomorrow. Is there anything else?” I ask, refusing to look at him.
“No. Thanks, Brennan.” He walks right past me and Milly and goes straight to the kitchen.
“See you tomorrow, Mil.”
She smiles and waves from her place on the floor.
I walk out and close the door behind me, feeling a little off. I wish there was a way to get Colton to warm up to me. It would be nice if we could at least be friends instead of this awkward employer-employee relationship we have. If you can even call it a relationship.
As I’m pulling into the driveway at home, I’m greeted by a familiar blue car. “What is he doing here?” I ask myself as I park under the tree I always park under. I climb out and walk toward the barn. The door is open and the light inside is spilling out onto the gravel. Dad and Nate are inside, talking and laughing.
I walk in, confused. “What’s going on in here?”
Dad looks up and runs a hand through his dark hair. “I decided to give Nate a job. He’s going to help out around here and stay in the loft upstairs.”
“What?” The word leaves my mouth in a high-pitched shriek. “Dad, you know we’re not together, right?”
He nods. “I know.” He stands up, wraps his arm around my shoulders, and leads me outside so we can talk alone. “I don’t know what happened with you kids, but he’s a good guy and he’s head over heels for you. Let’s just give him a shot. I mean, if you guys work out and get married, I’ll have someone to leave this place to.”
I jerk away from my dad. “I’m not marrying him. I don’t love him.” This all feels too weird. I wanted away from Nate, not forced into an arranged marriage with him.
“I know you don’t right now, but things could change. You just need to give it time. He’s a good guy, Bre. And he really likes you. Go on inside and help your mom with dinner.” He pats my back and turns for the barn once again.
I stomp my way up the stairs and slam the door behind me. “You let Dad hire Nate?” I ask when I find her at the fridge.
She turns around, a look of surprise staining her face. “Excuse me, young lady, but you do not yell at your mother.”
“Sorry,” I start, but she interrupts me.
“And you know as well as I do that when it comes to this farm and your father, he does what he thinks is best. It is not up to me.” She takes out the milk and closes the fridge.
“He’s letting Nate live in the barn!” I hold up my hand, motioning toward the door.
She seems surprised, but she blows it off. “That is between those two. I don’t see why you’re so upset.”
“You don’t see why I’m so upset?” I repeat her sentence. “I broke things off with him months ago! I don’t want to date him. I don’t want to see him, es
pecially at my own house that he now lives at.” I shake my head and stomp toward my room. I can’t get my own place soon enough.
Five
Colton
“WHY would you yell at her like that?” Celeste asks over the phone.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was just checking to make sure they were okay, and then I found her in my room. A room that hasn’t had a woman in it since she died! And not only that, but she was holding a picture that only I get to see and hold. I just snapped.”
I hear her let out a long breath. “I get it, Colt, I do, but you need to move on. Let her go. You know she wouldn’t want you living like this.”
I roll my eyes. It’s the same shit I’ve heard time and time again from everyone. They don’t know what it’s like to find the one, to start a life with her, a family, and then have her yanked away without warning. Sure, everyone has lost someone, but nobody has lost her…not like I have.
“Look, I just need her here to do her job and stay out of my damn life. Okay?” I hang up the phone. I’m sure Drake will be calling me shortly to chew me out about talking to Celeste that way, but I couldn’t care less. Not this time. I just need everyone to stay the fuck out of my business.
I drop my phone into my lap and lean my head back against the couch. My eyes find Milly. She’s playing at her pretend kitchen play set singing the ABCs.
“Where’d you learn that song, Milly?”
Her blue eyes find mine and she smiles. “Bre sing to me.”
Brennan. I’m sure this is how my life will be from now on if I don’t get her to quit. Bre this, Bre that. It’s like everyone is just rubbing it in my face how badly I want her and how I can never touch her. Fuck, at this point, I’m beginning to hate her just because I want her so much.
“Come on, Milly. Let’s go get in bed.” I stand up and pick her up, carrying her to her room. I put her in bed and pull the blankets up to her chin.
“Daddy, story!”
With a sigh, I sink down onto the floor next to her bed. Grabbing a book off the bookshelf, I begin reading The Three Little Bears. Her eyes are closed, but a small smile stretches across her face. By the end of the story, she seems like she’s in a deep sleep. I put the book away and stand. As I open the door, she asks, “Where’s my mommy bear?”
It’s always questions like this that rip my heart out. “She’s in heaven, baby,” I answer, giving her the same answer I always do. She always accepts it like she knows exactly what it means.
“Bre my new mommy bear?” she asks sweetly.
I shake my head and rub my hand over my face. “No, baby. Bre is your…babysitter bear. Get some sleep.” Without another word, I walk out and close the door behind me. I cross the hallway to my room and fall onto my bed. My body feels more tired and weaker than usual. Today has been a hard one. I’m happy that Milly seems to like Brennan as much as she does, but it only makes me worry that she’ll get attached. Brennan can’t stay here. I need to find some old lady with empty nest syndrome. Someone that knows what she’s doing and someone that I won’t have any attraction to. Someone that can love Milly like a grandma. I hate that Milly has no positive female role model in her life—although now that Drake is with Celeste, she’s like the aunt Milly never had. And I know she loves her like family already.
Deep down, I know that Celeste is right about Bre. I just can’t get over this fixation my mind has created. One simple touch was all it took to plant this seed inside of me. It’s growing quickly, despite my desperate attempts at hating her.
I grab a beer from the fridge and take it to the shower with me. There’s nothing better than a cold beer in a hot shower. I wash quickly, then sit on the floor to absorb the heat and relax. Instead of thinking about Milly, Ashley, and Brennan, I try keeping my thoughts on the work that needs done tomorrow. The major job at the shop will be installing a six-inch lift kit on a Jeep Wrangler. There’s a Ford that needs a paint job, and a Honda that needs an oil change. I also have an old Mustang that’s waiting restoration. I need to call the distributor and see what the holdup is on the parts I need for that.
I finish my beer and step out of the shower. I quickly dry off, then pull on a pair of sweatpants. As I’m sinking down into bed, guilt eats at me. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did today. She was right. I did ask her to do laundry and clean. I shouldn’t have yelled at her. I was just caught off guard. A woman hadn’t set foot in this room since Ashley. And she was holding her picture, something that only I touch, see, and talk to. Brennan probably thinks I’m downright crazy for acting the way I did today. At least, if nothing else, it’ll make her want to keep her distance from me, making it easier on me to keep away from her.
Sleep comes easily, but the dreams, they always linger.
I’m walking across a field of wildflowers. The sun is starting to set, causing the sky to look like a sea of watercolors. I come to a stop at a familiar tree. I lean against the trunk and look out over the land, waiting.
“Sorry, I’m late,” Ashley says as she walks up behind me.
I smile and turn to face her. I pull her against me, hugging her tightly and softly kissing her lips. “I’ll wait forever for you,” I say against them.
She shakes her head and pulls away, leaving me standing alone, feeling lost and cold. She sits on the old swing that’s tied to a tree branch. It’s nothing more than some rope with a piece of board at the end.
“Push me?” she asks, looking at me from over her shoulder, her dark hair blowing in the soft breeze.
I step up behind her and pull her back by the ropes. Gently, I push her forward.
“I’ve given you everything you need, Colton.”
I shake my head. “I only need you.”
“No, you need Milly and Milly needs you.”
“She needs you too,” I remind her.
“I know, but I can’t be there. Everything the two of you need, I’ve given you. You have your family, Celeste, Brennan, each other. You have to move on. It hurts to watch you mourn me.”
“I love you, Ashley. I’ll never move on without you.” I stop the swing and then step around to face her.
Her blue eyes meet mine. “You have to move on, Colton. You need love in your life. Milly needs her daddy to be happy.” She raises her hand and cups my cheek, causing my eyes to fall closed from her touch. “I sent her to you, Colton. Don’t push her away.”
My eyes pop open, finding my dark bedroom around me. Anger pumps through my body at an alarming rate. What kind of fucking dream was that? Was that real, or was that just some fucked up way to get the approval my body needed? I don’t want to move on from Ashley. She was the love of my life, the mother of my child. I’ll always need her. Milly will always need her. I know Ashley would not want me living my life this way, but it’s the way I want to live it. I want to wait every single day until I can see her again, hold her. She’s worth every ounce of misery.
On my lunch break, I head over to the brewery and up to Drake’s office. Celeste is sitting behind his desk, and Drake is nowhere in sight.
“Hey, what brings you here?” Celeste asks when I step off the elevator.
I take a seat across from her. “Just trying to kill some time. Where’s Drake?”
“There was some kind of emergency at the distillery. He should be back soon. So, how are things going with Brennan?”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I take off my hat and run my hand through my hair before replacing it. “This is going to sound stupid, but do you believe that if you dream of someone who’s passed away, it’s really them just visiting, checking in on you?”
She presses her lips together and straightens her back. “I never really thought of it. I haven’t lost anyone I’m close to. But I’d like to think that’s what it is, some way of connecting beyond the grave. Why? Where’s this coming from?”
“I had a dream about Ashley last night.” I take a shaky breath. “We were in the field behind her parents’ house—a place
we used to sneak off to when we were still in high school.” I smile at the fond memory. “There’s this tree up on the hill. There’s an old, homemade tree swing and nothing but wildflowers as far as the eye can see.”
“Sounds beautiful.”
“She told me that she’s given me everything I need. She said she sent Brennan to me and Milly because she knew that’s what we needed. She told me to move on, to be happy.”
Celeste offers up a sad smile. “Sounds like you need to listen.”
“But how do I know it’s real? I mean, it could just be my subconscious desperately trying to get something I won’t let myself have.”
She thinks it over for a moment. She leans forward. “How do you know anything is real?”
I don’t reply. I’m not exactly sure what she means.
“I think, if you believe in signs, you can’t pick and choose which ones you listen to and which ones you ignore. You either have to listen to them all or none of them. And I’ve known you long enough to know you listen to a sign that’s clearly right in front of you.”
I sit back and think about her words. Is she right? Is this a sign from Ashley? I know moving on is probably what’s best for myself and for Milly, but moving on is easier said than done. I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t think I’ll ever truly move on. I can’t. I see Ashley every time I look at Milly. They share the same blue eyes, the same high cheekbones, the same sense of humor and constant good mood—I know that didn’t come from me. I see Ashley every time I step into the house we used to share. I feel like I can still smell her on the pillows even though I know they’ve long since lost the scent.
No, moving on isn’t in the cards for me. But just because I can’t leave her in the past doesn’t mean that I can’t move forward into the future.
Six
Brennan
“COME on, Brennan. Just one dinner. Let me show you how much I’ve changed…for you—to be better for you,” Nate begs as he keeps me cornered in the barn.
The Slade Brothers: A Complete Small Town Contemporary Romance Collection Page 24
