I should’ve known I wouldn’t be able to sneak my horse out of here. I was really looking forward to a nice, quiet ride through the pasture. I need time to think.
“I don’t know, Nate.” I shake my head, needing to clear it. I don’t want to be with Nate, but he’s so persistent. Is it fair to judge him on the person he used to be? Should I really give him another chance to show me that he’s changed? But even if he has changed, will I ever fully believe it, or will I always think that this is just another one of his shows he puts on for people?
“Brennan, do you think I ever would have come all the way out here if I was still that person you left at college? Hell, that guy would’ve moved on and found another girl to occupy his time. That isn’t me anymore. Being with you, it’s changed me. I want to be the kind of guy that deserves you.” He reaches out and takes my hands. His dark eyes level on mine, and they hold something in them that I’m not used to seeing from him: honesty. There are small lines surrounding his eyes and lips from his serious expression.
“I need time to think about it. Okay, Nate?”
Slowly, he nods. “Okay. I’ll wait as long as I need to.” He releases my hands and backs away, finally turning and heading up the stairs in the barn to the loft where he’s staying.
I roll my eyes and shake my head as I turn and open the stall to lead my horse out. The sun is setting quickly. There isn’t much daylight left and I know I’ll have to hurry. It’s been years since I got to watch the sun set from my favorite place. I pull myself up onto the saddle and kick my heels. Butter gallops along the trail. I run my hand over her blonde hair and mane. She’s named after her coloring, but the way she moves with such grace and purpose is what sealed it in concrete. “She gallops as smooth as butter,” my dad said when he handed me her reins when I was thirteen.
Butter takes me to the highest point on our land. We make it just in time to see the bright orange sun descend the sky. The treetops look black with the setting sun behind them, casting shadows along the land. The sky is filled with yellow, orange, pinks, and purples. This spot is absolutely breathtaking. Birds fly overhead. They dip low, sipping water from the pond off in the distance. Butter is antsy beneath me. She’s ready to run.
“Shhh,” I tell her, running my hand over her neck.
I close my eyes and suck in a deep breath, letting the smells of the earth wash over me and soothe away all the pent-up anxiety, stress, and worry. My mind fills with images of Milly, Colton, and Nate. I need to make things work with Colton for Milly’s sake. She needs me. She needs a woman in her life on a regular basis. With Celeste’s career in the city, she can’t be that for her. I decide that no matter how much Colton yells, screams, or pushes me away, I won’t run. I’ll stand strong and take it all. Show him that he can’t push everyone away.
And Nate—I shake my head. I have no idea what to do about him. Maybe I should give him another chance. We could start over. I could let him show me the man he’s become. If things don’t click for us, that’s okay. But if he’s really changed, would it be bad to excuse our past?
Butter lets out a snort and shakes her head, causing my eyes to pop open. “Okay, girl. Show me what you got,” I say, nudging her forward and giving her the freedom to carry me away. She races home at lightning speed, our hair blowing in the breeze behind us. Even with as fast as she’s running, the ride is still just as smooth.
Darkness has fallen around us as I’m putting Butter back in her stall for the night. Nate comes walking down the steps. He’s shirtless, with his jeans hanging down around his hips. His beat-up cowboy boots scrape across the wooden steps as he draws closer. His blond hair is hanging low over his dark eyes.
I spin around to hang up the saddle, and he steps up to my back, pressing a soft kiss to my neck. I hear him inhale my scent deeply. “God, I miss you,” he whispers.
I close my eyes, unsure of what to do or say. “Nate, I—”
“Shh.” His breath blows against my ear. His hands find my hips and he spins me around to face him. My lips part but no words come out. Before I can gather my thoughts, his mouth is pressed to mine. His hands lift me up and set me on the work bench. His tongue pushes its way into my mouth. I kiss him for only a moment. I’m not trying to lead him on or tease him in any way, but I feel like pushing him away immediately would be like turning him down. I’m not turning him down. I just want things to go slow so I can decide what it is I really want.
My hands push gently against his chest, but he doesn’t break the kiss. Instead, it intensifies. I decide if pushing doesn’t work, I’ll pull away. I lean back, trying to get away from him, but he leans with me, anticipating my move. His hands move up to cup my cheeks, holding me to him.
This only angers me. He knows I want to stop this and he’s not letting me. He hasn’t changed at all. Finally, I push against him with all my might and he takes a step backward. I glare in his direction. “I thought you’d changed?”
He’s breathless from our kiss. His hand come up, wiping his mouth as he shakes his head. “I have,” he argues. “I just fucking miss you. I got carried away. I mean, don’t you know how gorgeous you are?” He steps closer, but I hold up my hand and slide off the work bench.
“Don’t come any closer. You haven’t changed one bit. This is the same old Nate trying to force me into taking steps that I’m not ready to take. I can’t believe I was seriously considering giving you another chance. You may have my father fooled, but I see right through you.” I turn on my heels and leave the barn as quickly as possible. I stomp my way into the house and straight to my room.
I wake early and leave the house before anyone else is up. I make the drive over to Colton’s house and use my key to let myself in quietly. The house is still dark and quiet—only a light shines out from the bottom of his bedroom door. I decide to make myself useful and head to the kitchen to get the coffee started. Once the pot is brewing, I grab the laundry out of the dryer and throw it into a basket to fold at the kitchen table. When I walk back into the kitchen, Colton is leaning against the counter, watching the coffee brew.
“Morning,” he greets me as I pass him on my way to the table.
“Morning.” I pull out one of Milly’s onesies and fold it before placing it flat on the table.
“Listen,” he breathes out. I look over to find him pinching his brow. “I didn’t mean to snap at you yesterday.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I say, cutting him off. “I completely understand.”
“No, you don’t. Nobody understands because nobody can understand. You haven’t been through this. You don’t know what it’s like to marry the love of your life, start a family with her, and think that you have forever, only to have her ripped away, leaving you the sole provider of a little baby you have no idea how to raise.” He cocks his jaw and levels his dark eyes on me.
“The only way you could possibly understand is to go through it yourself. Have you done that?”
“No,” I say flatly.
“Then please don’t act like you know what I’m going through. Just accept my apology.”
“Apology accepted.” My voice is flat and void of all emotion. Even though the way he’s talking to me would usually upset me, all I can think about is Nate and how he’s somehow infiltrated my life and taken over my parents. I wish they could see through his shit, see the real him.
As I fold clothes, Colton prepares his coffee and his lunch. Neither of us talk or look at one another. We’re both just lost in our own thoughts and troubles.
“I left my credit card on the counter. It would be great if you could grab some groceries today. There’s a list on the fridge and you can add anything you want to it.”
“Okay, sure,” I mumble, not taking my focus off the clothes I’m folding.
Without another word, he takes his coffee and lunch box and heads for the front door.
“Cookie!” Milly yells as we’re walking down the aisles of the grocery store.
“Only if you’
re a good girl while we shop,” I tell her, picking up a bunch of bananas. “How about bananas?” I ask.
She crosses her arms over her chest and shakes her head. “Cookies.”
“What’s your favorite cookie?” I ask, hoping to distract her as we shop.
“Chalk-it chip.” She smiles wide.
“Chocolate chip? That’s my favorite too.” I pick up a gallon of milk and some yogurt.
Looking over the list, Colton has a lot of junk food on the list: cookies, juice, sugary cereal, and candy. I decide to get those things, but also add some healthy snacks like fruit, veggies, nuts, and yogurt. I manage to distract Milly with the ABCs as we shop. The final item on the list: cookies.
An hour later, we’re back at the house, and she’s banging on pots and pans while I put everything away. My phone pings and I pull it from my back pocket.
Nate: I’m sorry, Brennan. Please just talk to me.
I roll my eyes and slide the phone back into my pocket. “Come on, Milly. Nap time.” I bend down and pick her up, carrying her through the house to her bedroom. I set her on the bed, pull off her socks and shoes, tuck her in, and read her a story. Twenty minutes later, she’s sound asleep. I can’t help but brush her blonde curls away from her round face. She sighs in her sleep and I decide to back out of the room quietly before I end up waking her.
When I close the door behind me, I hear the front door open and close. Suddenly, it hits me. I forgot to lock it after bringing in the groceries. I rush around the corner, coming to a dead stop when I see Colton walking in. My hand covers my heart. “You scared me.”
“You didn’t lock the door?”
“I guess I forgot after carrying in all the groceries.” I walk past him into the kitchen where I get to work on cleaning up after breakfast and lunch.
He follows me into the kitchen. “I’m not trying to be an asshole here, but I want this door to stay locked at all times if I’m not here. Anyone could just walk in off the street.” He gestures toward the door with a wave of his hand.
“Okay, I’m sorry.” I start to fill the sink with soapy water.
“Sorry isn’t good enough, Brennan. This is my daughter’s life we’re talking about here. What if I had been some drug addict or kidnapper or something? What would you have done?” Anger paints his words and his face shows nothing but rage. His brows are pulled together, his mouth in a straight line while his hands ball into fists at his sides.
“I don’t know. I would’ve locked myself in the room with Milly and called 9-1-1.” I start scrubbing the dishes a little harder than necessary.
“If you want to keep this job, you can’t be so careless. You’re an adult for fuck’s sake. Grow up and act like it.” He turns and leave the house, slamming the door behind him.
I take a deep calming breath and follow him to the door. The door is already locked—he must have locked it behind him. Shaking my head, I go to finish up the dishes.
The rest of the day is spent in a funk. Between Nate and now the chewing out I took from Colton, my head is just an endless swirl of questions: do I really need this job? Could I possibly find another job making just as much money? What am I going to do about Nate? How can I make him let go?
I sit and play with Milly and cook dinner when it’s time. I sit at the table and watch her eat before giving her a bath and tucking her into bed. It’s going on seven o’clock when Colton makes it home from work.
“Sorry, I’m late,” he says, walking through the living room and into the kitchen to put his things away.
I stand and grab my jacket, pulling it on. “Do you want me to put Milly to bed or would you like to do it since you haven’t seen her today?” I ask without going into the same room.
“Would you mind doing it? I’m beat.”
I roll my eyes. “Sure, no problem.” I walk over to Milly and pick her up. “You ready for bed, sleepy girl?”
She shakes her head no but rubs her eyes.
I giggle. “I didn’t think so. You’re not tired at all, are you?”
Again, she shakes her head no, but she doesn’t put up a fight when I lay her down. I pull the blanket up to her chin and sit beside her bed to read her a story.
As I read, I can’t help but to look at her in awe. She’s so beautiful, smart, and sweet. I can’t imagine how she feels toward Colton. He’s all she has in this world and he avoids her whenever possible. Deep down, I wonder if there’s some resentment toward her due to his wife’s passing. I couldn’t imagine being in his position, but I couldn’t imagine turning this sweet little girl away either.
When the story ends, I put the book away, brush the hair away from her face, and press a soft kiss to her forehead. “Sleep, sweet girl,” I whisper. I move toward the door but pause when I see Colton standing there, watching us.
“She’s out,” I whisper as I walk past him toward the living room.
“Thank you, Brennan,” he says, swallowing and causing his Adam’s apple to bob in his throat.
I turn and look at him. He wears an expression I’ve never seen before. In this moment, he looks soft, sad, and lonely. The pit in my stomach opens up even more, and I feel a twinge of sadness for him.
“You’re welcome,” I say softly, afraid to snap him out of whatever this moment of weakness is. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Seven
Colton
SEEING her with Milly, it tugs at something in my heart. This is the way life should be—only it should be my wife tucking in our daughter, not some babysitter. Regardless, it’s nice to finally see Milly get the love and attention she deserves from a woman. Milly is so used to being around me, my brothers, and the guys that work for me at the shop, that I think she was starting to get confused as to why all the kids at daycare had women drop them off. She didn’t have a woman in her life at all.
Watching Brennan leave for the night has my stomach rolling. I want nothing more than to stop her, get down on my knees, and beg for her forgiveness for how I’ve been treating her. I want to have dinner with her, get to know her, become friends for the benefit of my daughter, but I hold myself back. Getting close with Brennan will only bring me trouble and confusion.
I decide to push the thoughts away and have some dinner. I make myself a plate with grilled chicken, roasted potatoes, a salad, and a roll and take it to the couch with two cold beers. It’s been a long day. The last thing I want is to get up in ten minutes when my beer is gone. The chicken is moist and delicious—perfectly cooked. The potatoes are seasoned to perfection, and the roll is still warm with melted butter oozing from the inside. I skip the salad because I’m not much on rabbit food, but everything else is delicious. I finish the whole plate in minutes, wishing I had more.
I set the plate on the coffee table in front of me and finish one beer before moving to the next while watching the game on TV. I kick my boots off and prop my feet up on the table. For the first time in a long time, I feel fine. I don’t feel stressed or angry. For so long, I’d done nothing but work, take care of Milly, cook, and clean. I never had a moment to just sit and unwind. If nothing else, Brennan has at least provided that.
Four more beers later, I’m almost asleep on the couch when Milly walks in.
“Da-da,” she cries, rubbing her eyes.
I jump up in surprise, not used to her getting out of bed. Once she’s out, she’s out. “What’s the matter, Mills?” I sit up and hold out my arms for her.
“Me sick,” she cries and then starts dry heaving.
I feel her head and she’s burning up. Her face is flushed and her eyes bloodshot and watery.
“Okay, baby. Let’s check your temperature while I call the doctor.” I carry her into the kitchen and set her on the counter as I dig around for the thermometer. I call the number for the doctor as I place the thermometer under her arm. Moments later, it beeps: 101.2.
“Shit, answer the phone.” The call rings and rings, finally going to the answering machine.
In a panic, I
call Brennan.
“Hello?” she answers quickly.
“Brennan, I’m sorry to call you so late, but Milly is sick and running a fever and I don’t know what to do. Her doctor isn’t answering the phone.”
“Okay, calm down. What’s her temp?” she asks calmly.
I tell her quickly as I pick up Milly and hold her against me, cradling her to my chest.
“Give her some Tylenol to get the fever down. Strip off her clothes to help her cool off. I’ll be there soon.”
“Okay. Thanks, Brennan.”
I do as I’m told. I give Milly some Tylenol and remove her one-piece pajama set. I lay her on the couch and give her a sippy cup of water.
Not too much later, Brennan is walking in. She goes straight to Milly, ignoring me completely. “What’s her temp now?”
I hand her the thermometer and she rechecks it. “100.7. It’s going down. Get me a wet washcloth. Cool water.”
I jump into action, rushing to the bathroom and wetting a washcloth. I’m back within seconds. She takes it and starts wiping Milly’s face down with it, smoothing back her hair.
“Did she say anything hurt or was she pulling on her ears?” she asks, kneeling down beside her.
“No, but she was dry heaving.”
“Maybe she picked up a virus at the store today? Or it could be an ear infection. Kids her age get ear infections all the time. As long as we can manage the fever tonight, she should be fine until she can see her doctor tomorrow.” She stands and looks down at Milly, worry etching her face.
“So what do we do now?” I ask, feeling antsy.
She shrugs. “We wait and watch. Take care of the symptoms. It might be nothing or she could just need some antibiotics. I can take her to the doctor tomorrow if you need to work.” She looks down at the mess I’ve made on the coffee table.
“Can you stay a while? I don’t know what I’d do if she gets worse.”
The Slade Brothers: A Complete Small Town Contemporary Romance Collection Page 25
