by Jaci Burton
She didn’t know what to say. She was right to turn him down.
Wasn’t she?
* * *
“So you told him no?”
“I did.”
“Why?” Chelsea asked as they ate lunch in the teacher’s lunchroom.
“Because I need to provide for my children. And I’d already told Ryan that he couldn’t go.”
“Well, that was before.”
“Before what?”
“Before you started seeing Will. You two are getting kind of serious, aren’t you?”
Jane shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Chelsea rolled her eyes. “Come on, Jane. You’re together almost every night. He does things not only with you but with you and the kids. It’s obvious to everyone in town that you two are a couple, and that he loves your children. If he wants to help you send Ryan to that summer camp, what’s the problem?”
She lifted her chin. “I want to be able to send Ryan to summer camp. I want to do those things for my kids. I don’t want to depend on some guy to help me out.”
Chelsea cocked her head to the side. “Some guy? Is that what Will is to you?”
“Come on, Chelse. You know what I meant.”
“Yeah. I know exactly what you meant. Will’s just some dude you’re screwing around with to get your rocks off, and you want to be alone and independent the rest of your life.”
“You don’t understand.” She picked up a carrot, then set it down again, her appetite gone.
“I do understand,” Chelsea said. “I really do. You want to be able to give your kids everything you and Vic could do for them. But guess what? You’re a one-person income now, so you can’t and probably won’t be able to until you’re a two-person income again. With Will in the picture, you can do some things for the kids you couldn’t do before. So if Will offers to help out with some things financially, that’s a bad thing?”
“No. But what if things don’t work out with me and Will? Then what does that do to my kids? They become dependent on him—and his income—just like they depended on Vic. I’m an adult. I can handle the heartbreak, but I won’t have their hearts broken all over again.”
Chelsea nodded. “I appreciate your fear. But you can’t lock your kids away and shelter them from hurt the rest of their lives. Nor can you lock yourself away in order to protect them. You have to allow yourself to live again, Jane. Even if it means risking you—and them—and the chance you could all be hurt again.”
She stared at her carrots. “I’m not sure I can take that chance.”
“Then you’re doomed to be alone the rest of your life. I hope you think that’s worth it.”
She pinned Chelsea with a look. “That was harsh, Chelse.”
“No, Jane. That was the truth.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Will thought a lot about what Jane had said the other night.
He didn’t like it, but they were her kids and she had the right to make those decisions. Even if he didn’t agree with all of them.
The discussion about the camp had come up in conversation with Ryan. Will had told him he’d gone to the camp when he was a kid. Ryan had been so excited about the camp, and Will thought it was something he could do to help.
It was simple. He had plenty of money. Hell, who did he have to spend his money on?
Obviously Jane didn’t see it as simply as he did. Sometimes she was just damned unreasonable about things.
But, again, the kids were hers and so were the decisions. And he just needed to butt out.
He called her the next day. She answered, tentative with him. He hated that.
“I’m sorry for walking out on you,” he said.
“I’m sorry for what I said.”
“You had a right to say it. You’re Ryan and Tabitha’s mother, and you get to call the shots where they’re concerned. I shoved my way in and made suggestions, and I had no right to do that.”
She went quiet for a few seconds. “It’s okay to suggest. I appreciate the suggestions. I just won’t always say yes.”
“Okay. I can live with that.”
“Thank you for always being so understanding. Especially when I’m not always so reasonable.”
He laughed. “So I’m forgiven?”
“Nothing to forgive.”
“I’m glad you think so. Look, there’s another reason for my call.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. There’s an animatronics dinosaur show coming to town on Friday. Do you think the kids would be interested?”
“Are you kidding? They’d be thrilled.”
“Great. How about we go out for pizza and head over to the show Friday after work? Say about six thirty?”
“That sounds perfect.”
“Okay. I’ll pick you all up.”
They talked for a while, and when he hung up he felt a lot better about where things stood, especially when he saw Jane at the gym that night. She grinned at him and caught him in the hallway.
“Have a good day?” she asked.
“It was an uneventful one, and to me that’s always a good day.”
She started walking with him as he headed toward the lockers, so he veered off into one of the side hallways, grateful to see they were alone. He pushed her against the wall and kissed her. She kissed him back with fervor, sliding her fingers into his hair and pushing her body against his. He finally had to pull back and take a deep breath.
“Getting a hard-on in these shorts is going to be difficult to hide.”
She breathed deeply. “I’m having the same problem.”
“Yours is easier to hide.”
“I can give you some tough math problems to solve,” she said, her eyes bright with mischief.
“That won’t help. Your body is still pressed up against mine.”
She slid out from under him. “I can fix that. See you later.” After a quick brush of her lips against his, she winked and waved as she hurried off, leaving him alone to think up some of those complex math problems while he breathed deeply.
Friday was a clusterfuck at work. Rain moved in, and that never boded well for traffic on the highways. The storms were intense, accidents were frequent, and to top it off, two of the patrol officers who were due to relieve his shift were sick, which meant he’d be working overtime.
Great. Just great.
He called Jane that afternoon after she got off school.
“Hey, how’s your day going?” he asked.
“Just fine. The kids are really excited about tonight.”
“Yeah, about that. I have some bad news. Two of our officers are sick and I have to work overtime.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I hate to disappoint the kids, but there’s nothing I can do.”
“Don’t worry about it. We can do it another time. You be careful out there.”
“There’s another showing at noon tomorrow. How about it?”
“That sounds great.”
“Good. I’ll be there at eleven to pick you up.”
“Perfect.”
“Thanks for understanding. I need to get back to it, so I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay.”
* * *
Jane hung up the phone and went to the window. Thunder rolled and cracked outside, and lightning lit up the sky. Summer storms were always vicious, and this one was no exception. It had been a hard-driving storm all day.
She hoped Will was all right. She went in and told the kids Will would have to work late. They were both disappointed about not being able to go to the dinosaur show, but she explained to them how important his job was and how he was out there in the storm keeping people safe. They understood.
Good kids. She smiled and told them she’d make them homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner and they could each choose a movie to watch. The kids were excited about that.
Nothing like mac and cheese and movies to save the night.
The next morning, she got the ki
ds up, made sure they had their breakfast and showers and were ready to go in plenty of time before Will’s arrival, especially since he was typically early.
She was surprised when eleven o’clock rolled around and he hadn’t shown up yet, and shocked when it was eleven fifteen and there was still no sign of him.
“Is Will coming, Mom?” Ryan asked, glancing nervously at the clock above the fireplace.
“I’m sure he is, honey, but I’ll call him to make sure.” She grabbed her phone and dialed his cell.
No answer. How odd. She tried again, and still no answer.
By eleven thirty and several calls, she was pissed. It was obvious they’d been stood up. No way in hell was she disappointing her kids twice in two days, especially since this whole dinosaur thing had been his idea in the first place.
“Let’s go,” she said, grabbing her purse and keys.
“But Will’s not here yet, Mommy,” Tabitha said.
“Will can’t make it, so we’re going without him,” she said, not about to get into the intricacies of her irritation with Will with her children. She drove downtown, found the exhibit, bought three tickets and took her kids to see the dinosaur show.
Ryan and Tabitha had a great time. She stewed the entire time, her thoughts centered on Will. She turned her phone off during the show, and two hours later turned it back on.
No message from Will.
Wasn’t that just great. She took the kids out to lunch and then brought them home.
Will called later that afternoon. She ignored his call, and his text messages, since they seemed like flimsy excuses to her.
Jane, I’m so sorry. My phone went dead and the charger died on me, too. Alarm didn’t go off.
Jane. Please answer your phone. I promise to explain.
Jane. I’m sorry.
She didn’t want to hear his excuses. All she knew was he’d disappointed her kids and stood her up. Again.
She knew the first time was work and it couldn’t be helped. But really? The old “my phone went dead” excuse?
Whatever. She was over it. Relationships were entirely too much work, and she didn’t have the energy for it. She spent the rest of the weekend ignoring his calls and messages.
But when he came to her door late Sunday night, she had to answer it. She stepped outside so the kids wouldn’t hear him.
“I’d have come over sooner, but we have a lot of guys out sick with the flu so I had to cover another shift this weekend.”
She crossed her arms. “How convenient.”
He took a step forward. She took a step back.
He frowned. “You’re mad. I understand, but please let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain. Your phone died or something. I get it.”
“You don’t believe me? You won’t even give me a chance? You think I deliberately blew you off?”
“I don’t know what to believe. I don’t even care. I’m tired, Will.”
“Seriously? I worked until almost six a.m. Saturday morning, came home, and plugged my phone into the charger. I guess a lightning strike from the storm blew out the charger and I was so tired I didn’t even notice. My phone went dead, my alarm didn’t go off, and I didn’t wake up until one in the afternoon. I couldn’t even call you because I had a dead phone. I had to run out and buy a new charger, charge up my phone, and call you.”
“It’s okay. I took the kids to the show.”
He shoved his fingers through his hair. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I’ll make it up to you—to them.”
“That’s not necessary.”
“You’re really mad about this. Let’s talk about it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk at all.”
“Jane—”
“I need to get the kids ready for school tomorrow. And I think we need a break, Will.”
“Why?”
“Because this is too much for me.”
“This being you and me?”
“Yes.”
“Why is it too much for you?”
“Because it is.”
“Because I blew one date with you and the kids because of work, and my phone died so I let you down on another?”
She wasn’t going to do this with him. “I have to go.”
She turned to go back inside.
“Do you know what your problem is?”
Now he was angry. That was awesome. She turned around. “Sure. Tell me.”
“You’re looking for Mr. Perfect to replace Vic.”
“What?”
“After Vic fucked up so badly, you’re expecting perfection, and no man will ever be able to measure up. Or maybe that’s what you want?”
She narrowed her gaze. “I don’t follow.”
“Maybe you’re looking for Vic two-point-oh, the Vic you first fell in love with before he got all messed up.”
“Are you kidding me? That’s not at all what I’m looking for.”
“Are you sure? Are you sure that’s not exactly what you want? Your life when it was perfect, before it all went to shit? Because that’s not gonna happen, Jane. That’s never gonna happen for you. So you might just have to settle for something a little less than perfection.”
Anger boiled inside her. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t want Vic back, either before or after he screwed up his life—and ours. I don’t want him or any facsimile of him.”
“Then what do you want?”
She had no answer for him. Or for herself. She just wanted her life to be simple, and right now it wasn’t.
He took that step forward, and she held her ground.
“I’m not perfect, Jane. I’m far from it, but you know what? Neither are you. Do you know what we both are? Humans who make mistakes. And I’m sorry for hurting you and the kids. I’d rather cut off an arm than hurt any of you. I’m not Vic, and I’d never hurt you the way he did. Because he was the wrong guy for you.
“So when you’re ready to be with the right guy—flaws and all—you let me know. I’m willing to give you the best I’ve got. And yeah, I’ll probably fail you now and then, but I’ll never leave you, and I’ll never deliberately hurt you or Ryan or Tabitha.
“Also…I love you. But that’s got to be enough for you. And if it isn’t, then maybe I’m not the right man for you. But if I’m not, then by God, no man is.”
He turned on his heel and walked off, leaving Jane staring after him, trying to soak in everything he’d said to her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
He loved her. He told her he loved her.
He’d not only told her he loved her, he’d told her off. A lot.
And she’d deserved it. All of it.
She sat in the living room with her head resting in the palms of her hands, the mother of all headaches squeezing her temples.
She’d had such righteous anger and indignation burning inside her. She was going to go it alone. She’d done it so well the past couple years. Just her and the kids, and they’d been doing just fine without a man.
Just fine.
Until Will had come into their lives and messed everything up by making her kids joyful and fun and filled with life and making them fall in love with him.
Just like she’d fallen in love with him.
She loved him. That’s what the problem was. Because it gave him the power to hurt her.
And one simple mistake on his part and she’d cut him down and cut him loose.
Because God forbid she should ever give another man the chance to hurt her again.
Like Vic had hurt her.
Will had thought she wanted another go-round with someone exactly like Vic?
She let out a soft laugh at that. She never wanted Vic again. She never wanted to see Vic again. She hoped and prayed every day that he never came back. Vic was a train wreck.
Will had done everything right, and she’d crucified him at every turn, just waiting for him to make one wrong move so she could p
ounce and tear him to shreds.
So she could punish him for everything Vic had done to her.
Because she’d never been able to punish Vic.
She lifted her head, the sudden realization stunning her.
Shit.
Sitting here in the darkness, everything had become so clear to her.
But was it too late to fix things?
So when you’re ready to be with the right guy—flaws and all—you let me know.
He’d left the door open for her. All she had to do was walk through it.
* * *
Will paced the small confines of his apartment, too wired to sleep. Which really sucked. He dragged his phone out of the pocket of his jeans to look at the time, realizing it was after midnight and five a.m. was barreling down on him in a hurry.
“This is all your fault,” he said to the phone, then shoved it back in his pocket.
He turned when there was a knock on his door. Who the hell was here this late? Probably another drunk friend of his neighbor’s coming to the wrong door.
Bad night for this. He flung the door open, intending to yell at the idiot, and was shocked as hell to find Jane standing there.
“Jane.”
“Hey.”
“What the hell are you doing here? Do you know it’s, like, twelve thirty? Where are the kids?”
“I called Chelsea to come stay with them. And yes, I’m aware of the time.”
He blinked, then realized he had left her standing on the front stoop. “Come in.”
She stepped in and he shut the door, still unable to figure out what she was doing here.
“Do you want something to drink?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m fine, thanks. I just want to talk to you.”
They’d parted earlier—or rather, he’d left earlier—on a really bad note. It had been all he’d thought about for the past several hours.
He’d been brutal to her, had said things that, while he didn’t regret them, probably could have been a little less harsh.
But he was tired of tiptoeing around her, so maybe those things needed to be said. And maybe she was good and mad and had a few things to say back.
Okay, he could take it.
“Come on in and sit down. Sorry the place is such a mess.”
