Last Light

by Andy McNab

  Clearing the weapon, I picked up all the other bits and pieces and headed back to the house.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  The mozzie screen slammed shut behind me and I felt the sweat start to cool on my skin in the breeze from the two fans by the coffee table.

  I headed straight for the fridge, dumping the weapon and ammo box on the way.

  The light didn't come on when I opened the door, maybe some tree-hugging measure to save power, but I could still see what I was looking for another couple of two-litre plastic water-bottles like the one we'd emptied. The long gulps of chilled water tugged at my throat and gave me an instant headache but was worth it. I refilled the bottle I'd brought in from the garden-hose tap marked D and put it back in the fridge.

  My T-shirt and trousers were still sticking to me, and the rash on my back was itching big-time. I got the cream out of my pocket and gave it a good smear all over. There was no point to welling myself off in this humidity.

  After washing my gooey hands and face and throwing a couple of bananas down my neck, it was time to start thinking about the device I was going to make with the HE. With the half-empty water-bottle in my hand, and Carrie's giggle weed and Zippo in my pockets, I knocked on the door of the computer room as I entered.

  Carrie was sitting in the director's chair on the left with her back to me, bent over some papers. The sound of the two overhead fans filled the room, a loud, methodical thud-thud-thud as they spun on their ceiling mounts. The room was much cooler than the living area.

  The PC with the webcam was switched off; the other in front of Carrie showed a spreadsheet full of numbers, and she was comparing the data on her papers with what was on the screen.

  It was Luz who saw me first, seated at her desk further down the room.

  Swivelling in her chair to face me, she gave a "Booom!" with a big smile spread over her face and an apple in her hand. At least she thought it was funny. I shrugged sheepishly, as I had so many times to Kelly when I'd messed up.

  "Yeah, sorry about that."

  Carrie turned in her seat to face me. I gave her an apologetic shrug too. She nodded in return and raised an eyebrow at Luz, who just couldn't stop smiling. I pointed at the storeroom. I'm going to need some help."

  "Gimme a minute."

  She raised her voice to primary-school level and wagged a finger.

  "As for you, young lady, back to work."

  Luz got back down to it, using her thumb and forefinger to tap the pencil on the table in four-four. She reminded me so much of Kelly.

  Carrie hit a final few keys on the PC and stood up, instructing Luz as she did so, still in schoolmistress mode, "I want to see that math sheet completed by lunchtime, young lady, or no food for you again!"

  There was a smile and a resigned "Oh, Mooom, pleeeease ..." in return, and she took a bite from her apple as we headed for the storeroom.

  Carrie closed the door behind her. The outside entrance was open, and I could see the light fading on the rows of white tubs. The sky was no longer an unrelenting blue; clouds were gathering, casting shadows as they moved across the sun.

  I passed over the tin and the Zippo and received a smile and a "Thanks' as she placed a foot on a bottom shelf and climbed up to hide them under some battery packs.

  I'd already spotted something I needed and was picking up a cardboard box that told me it should be holding twenty-four cans of Campbell's tomato soup, but in fact had only two. Wanting just the box, I took out the cans and stacked them on the shelf.

  It was Little America up on these shelves, everything from blankets and shovels to eco-friendly washing-up liquid, via catering packs of Oreos and decaf coffee.

  "This is like WalMart," I said.

  "I was expecting more of a wigwam and incense sticks."

  I got a laugh from her as she jumped off the shelf and walked towards the outside door.

  I looked at her framed in the doorway as she gazed out at the lines of white tubs, then walked over to join her, carrying the water and soup box. We stood together in the doorway for a few moments, in silence but for the generator humming gently in the background.

  "What exactly do you do here?"

  She pointed to the tubs and ran her hand along their regimented lines.

  "We're searching for new species of endemic flora ferns, flowering trees, that sort of thing. We catalogue and propagate them before they disappear for ever." She stared at nowhere in particular, just into the far treeline, as if she was expecting to find some more.

  That's very interesting."

  She faced me and smiled, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

  "Yeah, right."

  I actually was interested. Well, a bit.

  "I don't believe you, but it's very kind of you to pretend. And actually, it is very interesting..." She waved her arms towards the tubs and the sky above them, now dark with clouds.

  "Believe it or not, you're standing at the front line of the battle to save bio diversity

  I gave her a grin.

  "Us against the world, eh?"

  "Better believe it," she said.

  We looked at each other for less than a second, but for me it was half a second longer than it should have been. Our eyes might have been locked, but there was no way of telling behind her glasses.

  "A hundred years from now, half the world's flora and fauna will be extinct. And that, my friend, will affect everything: fish,

  birds, insects, plants, mammals, you name it, simply because the food chain will be disrupted. It's not just the big charismatic mammals that we seem to fixate on," she rolled her eyes and held her hands up in mock horror, 'save the whales, save the tiger ... It's not just those guys, it's everything." Her earnest expression suddenly relaxed and her face lit up.

  "Including the sandfly your eye has already gotten acquainted with." The smile didn't last.

  "Without the habitat, we're going to lose this for ever, you know."

  I moved outside and sat on the concrete, putting the soup box down beside me and untwisting the bottle top. As I took a swig she came and sat beside me, putting her glasses back on. As we both stared at the rows of tubs, her knee just touched mine as she spoke. This rate of extinction has only happened five times since complex life began. And all caused by a natural disaster." She held out a hand for the bottle. Take dinosaurs. They became history because of a meteorite crashing into the planet about sixty-five million years ago, right?"

  I nodded as if I knew. The Natural History Museum hadn't been where I spent my days as a kid.

  "Right, but this sixth extinction is not happening because of some external force, it's happening because of us the exterminator species. And there ain't no Jurassic Park, we can't just magic them back once they've gone. We've got to save them now."

  I didn't say anything, just looked into the distance as she drank and a million crickets did their bit.

  T know, you're thinking we're some kind of crazy save-the-world gee ks or whatever, but-' I turned my head. 'I don't think anything like that-' "Whatever," she cut in, her free hand up, a smile on her face as she passed the bottle.

  "Anyway, here's the news: all the plant life on the planet hasn't been identified yet, right?"

  "If you say so."

  We grinned at each other.

  T do say so. And we're losing them faster than we can catalogue them, right?"

  "If you say so."

  "I do. And that's why we're here, to find the species that we don't know of yet. We go into the forest for specimens, cultivate them, and send samples to the university. So many of our medicines come from those things out there in the tubs. Every time we lose a species, we lose an option for the future, we lose a potential cure for HIV, Alzheimer's, ME, whatever. Now, here's the cool part. You ready?"

  I rubbed the bandage on my calf, knowing it was coming regardless.

  The drug companies provide grants for the university to find and test new species for them. So, hey, go figure, we have a form of conservatio
n that makes business sense." She nodded in self-approval and got busy cleaning her nails.

  "But despite all that, they're closing us down next year. Like I said, we're doing great work, but they want quick results for their buck. So maybe we're not the crazy ones, eh?"

  She turned once more to gaze out towards the tubs, her face no longer happy or serious, just sad. I was quite enjoying the silence with her.

  I'd never had the tree-hugging case put to me like that before. Maybe it was because it came from her, maybe it was because she wasn't wearing an anorak and trying to ram it down my throat.

  "How do you reconcile what you do here with what you're doing for me? I mean, the two don't exactly stand together, do they?"

  She didn't turn to face me, just kept looking out at the tubs.

  "Oh, I wouldn't say that. Apart from anything else, it's helped me with Luz."

  "How's that?"

  "Aaron's too old to adopt, and it's so complicated trying to get things done here." I thought for a moment that she was going to blush.

  "Soooo, my father came up with the offer of a US passport for her, in exchange for our help that's the deal. Sometimes we do wrong things for right reasons isn't that true, Nick whatever-your-name-is?" She turned to me and took a deep breath.

  Whatever was about to be said, it changed, and she gazed back out over at the treeline as a swarm of sparrow-sized birds took flight and chirped in frantic unison.

  "Aaron doesn't approve of us doing this. We fight. He wanted to keep hassling for an adoption. But there's no time, we need to head back to Boston. My mother went to live there again after the divorce. George stayed on in DC, doing what he's always done." She paused, before going off at a tangent.

  "You know, it was only after the divorce that I discovered how powerful my father is. You know, even the Clintons call him George. Shame he didn't use some of it to save his personal life. It's ironic, really. Aaron's like him in so many ways ..."

  "Why go after so long because you're being closed down?"

  "Not only that. The situation is getting worse down here. And then there's Luz to think about. Soon if 11 be high school, then college. She's got to start having a normal life. Boyfriends who double-date, girlfriends who talk about you behind your back, that kind of stuff..." She smiled.

  "Hey, she wants to go, like yesterday."

  The smile soon died but her voice wasn't sorrowful, just practical.

  "But Aaron Aaron hates change just like my father. He's just hoping all the troubles will go away." Her head tilted up and back as the flock of birds screeched by, inches above the house. I looked up as well, and tracked them across the sky.

  She sighed.

  "I'll miss this place."

  I knew I was supposed to say something, but I didn't know what. I felt that the mess I'd made of my own life didn't exactly qualify me to help sort out hers.

  "I love him very much," she said.

  "It's just that I've gradually realized I'm not in love with the man, I guess ... Oldest cliche in the book, I know. But it's so difficult to explain. I can't talk to him about it. It's ... I don't know, it's just time to go ..." She paused for a moment. I could feel the blood pumping through my head.

  "There are times when I feel so terribly lonely."

  She used both hands to put her hair behind her ears then turned towards me.

  There was a silence between us again as the pulse in my neck quickened, and I found it difficult to breathe.

  "What about you, Nick?" she said.

  "Do you ever get lonely?"

  She already knew the answer, but I couldn't help myself... I told her that I lived in sheltered housing in London, that I had no money, had to line up to get free food from a Hari Krishna soup wagon. I told her that all my friends were dead apart from one, and he despised me. Apart from the clothes I was wearing when I arrived at their house, my only other possessions were in a bag stuck in Left Luggage at a railway station in London.

  I told her all this and it felt good. I also told her the only reason I was in Panama was that it would stop a child being killed by my boss. I wanted to tell her more, but managed to force the lid back on before it all came flooding out.

  When I'd finished, I sat, arms folded, feeling uncertain, not wanting to look at her, so just stared out at the tubs again.

  She cleared her throat. The child ... is that Marsha or Kelly?"

  I spun my head round and she mistook my shock for anger.

  "I'm sorry, sorry ... I shouldn't have asked, I know. It's just I was there, I was with you all night, I hadn't just appeared ... I was going to tell you this morning, but we both got embarrassed, I guess ..."

  Fuck, what had I said?

  She tried to soften the blow.

  "I had to stay, otherwise you would have been half-way to Chepo by now. Don't you remember? You kept on waking up shouting, trying to get outside to look for Kelly. And then you were calling out for Marsha. Somebody had to be there for you. Aaron had been up all night and he was out of it. I was worried about you."

  The pulse was stronger now and I felt very hot. What else did I say?"

  "Well Kev. I thought it was your real name until just now and-' "Nick Stone."

  It must have sounded like a quiz-show quick fire answer. She looked at me a moment, a smile returning to her face.

  "That's your real name?"

  I nodded.

  Why did you do that?"

  I shrugged, not too sure. It had just felt right.

  When I spoke next, it was as if I was in a trance. As if someone else was doing the talking, and I was just hearing them from a distance.

  "The girl's name is Kelly. Her mother was Marsha, married to my friend, Kev. Aida was her little sister. They were all murdered, in their house. Kelly's the only one left. I was just minutes too late to save them. She's why I'm here she's all I have left."

  She nodded slowly, taking it all in. I was vaguely aware that the sweat was now leaking more heavily down my face, and I tried to wipe it away.

  "Why don't you tell me about her?" she said quietly.

  "I'd love to hear about her."

  I felt the pins and needles return to my legs, felt the lid forcing itself open, and I had nothing left to control it.

  "It's OK it's OK, Nick. Let it out." Her voice was cool, soothing.

  And then I knew I couldn't stop it. The lid burst open and words crashed out of my mouth, hardly giving me time to breathe. I told her about being Kelly's guardian, being totally inconsistent, going to Maryland to see Josh, the only sort of friend I had left, people I liked always fucking me over, signing Kelly over permanently to Josh's care, Kelly's therapy, the loneliness... everything.

  By the end, I felt exhausted and just sat there with my hands covering my face.

  I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder.

  "You've never told anybody that before, have you?"

  I shook my head, letting my hands fall, and tried to smile.

  "I've never sat still long enough," I said.

  "I had to give the therapist a few details about the way Kev and Marsha died, but I did my best to keep the rest of it pretty well hidden."

  She could have been looking right through me. It certainly felt that way.

  "She might have helped, you know."

  "Hughes? She just made me feel like a like a like an emotional dwarf." I felt my jaw clench. 'You know, my world may look like a pile of shit, but at least I sometimes get to sit on top of it."

  She gave me a sad smile.

  "But what's the view like from your pile of shit?"

  "Not a patch on yours but, then, I like jungles."

  "Mmm." Her smile widened.

  "Great for hiding in."

  I nodded, and managed a real smile this time.

  "Are you going to keep hiding for the rest of your life, Nick Stone?"

  Good question. What the fuck was the answer?

  I stared at the tubs for a long while as the pins and needles disap
peared, and eventually she gave a theatrical sigh.

  "What are we going to do with you?"

  We looked at each other before she got to her feet. I joined her, feeling awkward as I tried to think of something, anything, to say that would prolong the moment.

  She smiled again, then clipped me playfully across the ear.

  "Well, then, recess over, back to work. I have some math to check."

  "Yes, right. I need one of your tubs1 think I saw some empties near the sinks."

  "Sure, we're maxed out. They won't be needed soon, anyway." The smile was still there, but it had become rueful.

  I held up the box.

  "I'm going to play with that explosive down in the shack for a while, and I promise, no more bangs."

  She nodded. That's a relief," she said.

  "I think we've both had quite enough excitement for one day." She turned towards the storeroom but then paused.

  "Don't worry, Nick Stone, no one will know about this. No one."

  I nodded a thank-you, not just for keeping quiet, as she headed for the storeroom.

  "Carrie?"

  She stopped and half turned once more.

  "OK if I have a mooch around in the stores and take some stuff with me? You know, food and equipment for tonight."

  "For sure, but just tell me what you've got so we can replace it, OK? And, of course, nothing that can identify us like that." She pointed at the soup box, which had a white sticky label saying "Yanklewitz 08/14/00', probably the heli delivery date.

  "No worries."

  She gave that rueful smile again.

  "As if, Nick Stone."

  I watched her disappear into the store before heading round the corner towards the sinks, then got to work. I peeled off the label in three stubborn bits, which went into one of the glasses. Then, after getting a drink from the D hose and refilling my bottle, I wandered across the open ground to the shack" swinging the tub I'd just collected in one hand, the box and water-bottle in the other, trying to think about nothing except the job. It was hard. She was right, I did have worries, but at least I hadn't gob bed off about who the real target was.

  The clouds were gathering big-time. I'd been right not to be fooled by the sun this morning. Just as I reached the gentle incline and started to see the roof of the hut, I heard a succession of short bursts from a vehicle's horn and looked back. The Mazda was bumping along the track, and Luz was running out to greet her dad. I stood watching for a while as he jumped out of the wagon to be hugged and talked to as they walked on to the veranda.