Bittersweet Darkness

by Nina Croft

  “Hi,” she said as she climbed in.

  He pulled straight out into the traffic and turned to study her. She couldn’t see his eyes as he wore dark glasses, but lines of tension bracketed his mouth and his hands gripped the wheel so tight his knuckles showed white.

  He looked almost as bad as she felt.

  “How are you?” he asked. “You look…”

  “Tired,” she supplied for him.

  “Yeah, tired. I didn’t realize you meant to go into work this morning. You should have stayed home.”

  “It would have driven me crazy doing nothing. And I felt fine. I still feel fine, just a little run-down. What about you? What have you been up to?”

  “I’ve been out trying to get some word on Tara. I spent the night working with Christian, and then I’ve been chasing up people all day. But so far nothing. It’s like she’s vanished.”

  “How is Christian?”

  “Not good. I always thought Piers was the unstable one out of the two of them, but I think if we don’t get Tara back soon, Christian is going to lose it. And you don’t want to be around if that happens.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “Getting some sleep. But I’m meeting up with him later and we’ll carry on.”

  “And what about you? Don’t you need to sleep?”

  He didn’t look tired. Tense and on edge maybe, but not tired.

  He glanced from the road and a small smile curved his lips. “No. I don’t need much sleep. I picked up some food. I thought I’d take you home and we could eat. Try and forget for an hour.”

  He was back in his badass gear. Maybe it was more likely to impress the sort of people he was talking to. Black leather pants and a black T-shirt that hugged his figure and showed the edges of the intricate tattoo twined around his upper arm. She wanted to reach out and trace the lines with her fingertip.

  “Is Piers Lamont helping?” she asked.

  “No, he’s taken Roz away.”

  “Why? Do you think she’s in danger as well?”

  “We think Tara was taken by mistake. We know there’s someone hunting for Roz, but it’s possible they don’t know much about her and Tara was taken instead.”

  “Why would someone want Roz?”

  “It’s complicated. I told you she has certain…powers. Well, there are some people who don’t like that and want to get rid of her.”

  “Rid, as in kill?”

  “Yeah. I hope they realize that they have the wrong woman.”

  Guilt jabbed at her again. She wanted to comfort him, tell him that Tara was alive, and in safe hands—sort of—but how could she do that without betraying what she knew. She felt like a complete two-faced bitch. They were searching in all the wrong places.

  But if she told them what she knew, it would be the end of her career. Besides, betraying the government went against everything she had ever believed in—they were supposed to be the good guys.

  They were silent for the rest of the drive. Faith rested her head against the back of her seat and stared out at the passing streets.

  Ash followed her into the house carrying the food and wine he’d collected from the backseat of the car. Chinese. Her favorite, but she didn’t think she could manage to eat anything. Her stomach was churning.

  A letter lay on the carpet inside the door. She picked it up. It was from the hospital—she’d almost forgotten about her other little problem. How had her life got so complicated that she had overlooked the fact that she was very likely dying and there was absolutely nothing anyone could do about it?

  The letter only told her the results were ready and could she come in as soon as possible.

  “Bad news?” Ash murmured from beside her.

  “No, not really.” She crumpled the paper and tossed it on the table. She’d phone in the morning, see if they could fit her in. No point in worrying about it now—she was getting good at that.

  In the kitchen, she turned on the oven and put the food in to warm while Ash poured them red wine.

  “Okay, let’s forget everything for a while. Time out,” he said and handed her a drink.

  Forgetting everything sounded like an excellent idea to her. Though she doubted that it would be that easy. For either of them. Ash paced the room, almost crackling with energy. She let him get on with it while she got plates and things from the cupboards and set them out on the small dining table.

  The meal was delicious, but they picked at the food. Ash gave up, put down his fork, and sat back.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I’m not good company tonight.”

  She put her own fork down and pushed her plate away. “It’s not surprising. You’re worried about Christian and Tara.”

  “Yeah.” He sighed. “So tell me about you.”

  “There’s not a lot to tell.”

  “Tell me why you joined the police force.”

  She picked up her glass and sipped for a minute. She’d never told anyone about why she had joined the police. Not really. But maybe some part of her thought that if she told him this, she would make up in some small way for all the things she was holding back.

  “When I was twelve, my mother was murdered. They never caught the killer. I thought they didn’t search hard enough, and I wanted to do better, make sure that the bad guys got caught—the people like the ones who murdered my mother, murdered Julie Foster.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It was a long time ago.”

  “There are some things that change the whole course of our lives.”

  “You sound as though you know what you’re talking about. What happened to you—what changed your life?”

  “Finding my wife.”

  “Finding her, or losing her?”

  He sat back, a slight frown on his face as he considered the question. “A few months ago, I would have said losing her—for a while everything went dark. I could see nothing but my own grief. But I’ve come to see that she left me a better person than she found me.”

  “What was she like?”

  “She was good. Pure of heart, and that’s not easy in this world. She was beautiful. She looked a lot like—”

  His phone rang. He frowned but pulled it out of his pocket and listened for a moment.

  “That was Christian. He’s awake.”

  Faith glanced out of the window. The sun had set while they ate. It occurred to her, briefly, to wonder what he was doing asleep at this time of day, but maybe they’d had a busy night, and her mind skittered away from examining the idea to closely.

  “Christian is picking me up here, and he’ll bring your guard for the night.”

  “I don’t need a guard.”

  “Yes, you do. I’m not losing anyone else.”

  In some ways, his words pissed her off. As though she was incapable of looking after herself. In another, they made her feel all warm and fuzzy. She’d never had anyone look out for her before. At least not since her mother.

  “I’ll go with Christian,” he said. “Your guard can have my vehicle. In fact, he can stay in there. Don’t let him in the house.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he’s one of Carl’s guys, and they’re not housetrained. They’re a load of hot-blooded assholes. You don’t want to know them.” He rose to his feet and held out a hand to her. “Come here.”

  Suddenly, she was very conscious of the thud of her heart, of the blood pulsing through her veins. She found his dark gaze wandering over her body like a caress. Her breasts ached, and heat pooled at the base of her belly.

  She placed her hand in his. His palm was hard and hot as though his blood ran at a much higher temperature. He wrapped his fingers around hers and tugged her to her feet. Mere inches separated them, and she breathed in his hot, spicy scent like cinnamon and pepper.

  “I want to make love to you, lose myself in your body,” he said. “But Christian will be here soon, and when it happens, I want it to be good between us.”

  He reached up wit
h his free hand and ran the ball of his thumb over her lower lip. “But perhaps a kiss to keep me going?”

  Without waiting for her answer, his head lowered toward her and she raised her face to him, no thought to deny him his kiss.

  She wanted this so much; her whole body ached. His words made her face how much she would love to spend the night losing herself in Ash’s embrace. She didn’t know what she felt for him, maybe it was nothing more than infatuation; he was the most beautiful man she had ever known and she felt right in his arms.

  Time seemed to slow. She kept her eyes open as he brought his lips to hers because she didn’t want to miss a moment.

  As his lips touched hers, all rational thought faded from her mind. He kissed her lower lip, then her upper, small, biting kisses. At last, his mouth covered hers, warm and firm and heat washed through her. His hand slipped behind her neck and he tilted her head for better access—she was tall, but he was much taller. His tongue pushed inside and she opened for him. She was conscious of nothing but the hot, wet, languid thrust of his tongue. Heat welled between her thighs, her breasts ached, and she pushed herself up against him, wanting to absorb him into her, to get some relief for the desire clawing at her body and her mind. He was rock solid, the leather smooth, and his erection nudged against her belly.

  Not taking his mouth from her, he backed her against the wall, pressing into her so he was plastered against her from the hips downward. One leg slipped between hers, lifted, and rubbed against her core and still he kissed her.

  A pulse throbbed between her thighs. He pulled his mouth free, buried his head against her throat, and kissed the tender point where her shoulder met her neck. With one hand, he ripped down the front of her shirt and his hot lips were pressing kisses to her breasts, nipping her nipples through the thin lace. His hand slid down between them, over her stomach, to push beneath the waistband of her pants.

  She went still, her lashes drifting closed, her breathing fast, as she waited for him to touch her. His fingers flirted with the curls before gliding lower. If he stopped, she would die. She felt out of control as though she might fly into a thousand pieces. His hand cupped her sex and she groaned.

  He raised his head. “Look at me.”

  Her eyes flickered open, and she stared into his hot hungry face as one long finger pushed inside her. He withdrew, then found the sensitive little bud at her core. He massaged it with his fingertip and the pleasure built quickly, mounting. She bit her lower lip, not daring to move in case he stopped. Then her head fell back and she came in a starburst of pleasure.

  He waited until she went still and stroked her again. This time, her knees gave out and he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the sofa.

  As he lowered her to the cushions, she caught a brief glimpse of his eyes, glowing crimson. Then she blinked and the illusion was gone.

  Ash pulled her into his arms so she lay with her head against his chest. He was hot beneath her cheek and she could feel the thud of his heart. As he stroked her hair, she relaxed into the feeling while the tremors ran through her body.

  She could still feel his erection pressing against her. Sliding her hand down, she stroked against the bulge, but he put his palm on hers to stop her as a car horn sounded from the street outside.

  “Oh God,” she muttered.

  “No, not God—Christian.”

  Sitting up, she ran a hand through her hair. The orgasm had released some of her tension and she felt boneless, replete, and for the first time since this whole thing had started—at peace.

  Ash settled her on the cushions and rose to his feet. He stood for a moment gazing down at her. “One day, we will finish this,” he said. “I’ll take you to my home where no one will dare to interrupt us.”

  “It’s a date.”

  The horn sounded again, and he sighed.

  “You’re a good friend to help him like this,” Faith said.

  “I’m not doing this for Christian, but for Tara. I’ve only found her. If I lose her now—”

  “Found her? I don’t understand. What is Tara to you? I thought she was just your friend’s wife.” She had the impression there was no love lost between Tara and Ash. Or had that been on Tara’s side only? Maybe Ash loved her, maybe he’d made a pass at her, and she’d spurned him, and that’s why she sounded as though she hated him.

  “Christian Roth and I will never be friends. He only lives because my daughter loves him.”

  Shock hit her in the gut driving away the last ripples of pleasure. “Your daughter? Tara is your daughter?”

  He turned back to her, a frown on his face. “You didn’t know?”

  “How the hell could I?”

  His frown deepened.

  “I presumed someone must have mentioned it.”

  She pressed her fingers to her eyes. Oh God, she was instrumental in the kidnapping of Ash’s daughter. It was bad enough when Tara had been nothing more than his friend’s wife. But his daughter?

  He would never, never forgive her.

  A wave of cold ran over her and she tried to pull herself together. She took a deep breath. “No, no one mentioned it. What about her mother, where is she?”

  “Lily was her mother, and she’s dead. Look, I have to go.”

  She bit her lip and nodded. “Call me if you find anything.”

  “We’ll find her if we have to rip this city to pieces to do so. And those responsible will suffer the fires of hell.”

  Great. Something else to look forward to.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Tara was Ash’s daughter.

  How could she have missed that?

  She searched through everything that had happened, hunting for a clue, but there had been no hint. It wasn’t as though the two looked anything similar.

  No, apparently Tara took after her beautiful mother, who had been pure and good and…

  How could you dislike a dead person? She was jealous, and she hated that. The hard lines of Ash’s face had softened when he spoke of Lily.

  Faith’s anger had deserted her the minute Ash walked out the door. He’d seemed slightly perplexed by her attitude. And why shouldn’t he be?

  She was pretty confused herself.

  She’d just had the most mind-blowing orgasm of her life at the hands of a man who she was supposedly spying on. The man whose daughter had been kidnapped by the people she worked for.

  Pushing herself up, she peered out of the window. The vehicle Ash had driven her home in was still parked at the curb outside her front door. Faith could make out a figure in the driver’s seat. Her babysitter for the night. Who she wasn’t to let in, because he wasn’t housetrained and an asshole.

  They wouldn’t be babysitting her if they knew the truth.

  How had her life become so complicated?

  What did she really think about Ash? It had been years since she had let a man close like that. She’d had a few relationships, but they never survived the strictures of her job. And her job had always come first.

  Maybe Ash attracted her because he was so different. Maybe she’d always gone for nice men because she knew that if it came down to a competition between them and her job, her job would always win out.

  Had that changed?

  Her head was going to split, though she knew it wasn’t due to her illness.

  While she might tell herself that she hadn’t known, that she hadn’t actively set Tara up to be taken, it was her fault. She should have told them immediately about her suspicions. Loyalty to the job was the only thing that kept her silent. And that loyalty was the reason she was guilt-ridden.

  The problem was she didn’t know what she wanted to believe.

  Either her bosses were in the wrong and they had kidnapped an innocent woman, which would mean the good guys were no longer good. At that point, her whole world would fall apart.

  Or her bosses were right, Christian Roth was one of the bad guys, and she was coming to care for a man who was involved in God knew what. T
he thought brought her up short.

  Coming to care for Ash? Since when?

  She had no right to care for anyone? Or to lead a man on to think they could have a future together when the truth was she was unlikely to have any sort of future with anyone.

  Tomorrow, she would uncover the truth. Somehow. And afterward, she would decide where to go from there.

  …

  She woke the next morning from an unsettled sleep. She had to go into the hospital on her way to work, and she wasn’t looking forward to that.

  Dread weighed her down on so many levels. For the first time, she wished she had someone she could talk things over with, maybe even come with her this morning and hold her hand. How pathetic was that? But she’d relied on herself for too long, and now there was no one she felt comfortable enough with to share her troubles.

  A vision of Ash flashed before her eyes. But she was staying away from him until she’d worked out what she should do next.

  The truth was, she was entirely alone in the world. At the thought, she rubbed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her forehead. She didn’t know what to do and so much depended on her.

  The black vehicle was parked in exactly the same place. A tall guy with a military haircut, but casually dressed in jeans and a dark blue shirt, jumped out and shook her hand.

  “I’m Guy,” he said. “I’m to stick with you today. Take you anywhere you want to go.”

  “Good. I need to drop into the hospital, pick up some paperwork. We can go there first.” At least there were some advantages to this babysitting thing.

  …

  Faith had believed she was ready for this, but as she sat across from the doctor, she had to fight the urge to put her hands over her ears. Instead, she knotted her fingers tight on her lap to stop the shaking as his monotone words hammered into her brain.

  “I’m sorry.” The doctor finally shut up.

  She swallowed, then cleared her throat. “Me, too.”

  Part of her wanted to just go, curl up in a ball in the dark somewhere, clamp her eyes shut, and just wait for it to happen. Stop fighting the inevitable. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t expected this, but for the first time it really sank in—she was going to die.