City of Sin

by Ivy Smoak

  I laughed. "No, he still is."

  "Hopefully you won't have to deal with him for too much longer. And as soon as you get a promotion and get some experience, I think I can land you an even better job with me."

  I smiled. If I ever get a promotion. I didn't want to think about that right now.

  "Hey, Bee," Carter said as he emerged from their bedroom.

  Oh my God. That's why they hadn't let me in right away. They had been having sex. Carter's hair was all mussed up in the back. Awkward. "Hey, Carter."

  "I'm starving," he said and sat down at the table. "What's for dinner?"

  Marie laughed. "Pizza. I already ordered it."

  "Perfect. Were you guys talking about Mason?"

  "Carter! I haven't even brought that up yet."

  "Oh, sorry, babe."

  Marie laughed.

  "Who's Mason?" I sat down on the opposite side of the table as Carter.

  "Well, I was waiting for a good segue, but this will have to do." She sat down next to Carter. "He's this guy that we work with at Blue Media."

  "Okay?"

  "Bee, he's a really nice guy. And super charming."

  "That's nice." Is that really why they had asked me to come over for dinner? To set me up on a date? I folded my arms across my chest.

  "And he's really handsome."

  "Really handsome?" Carter said. "I mean...I wouldn't say really handsome."

  Marie laughed."Not as handsome as you, babe."

  Carter smiled at her.

  "Yeah...no," I said.

  "No? We didn't even ask you a question yet," Marie said.

  "The answer is no. I'm not going on a date with your weird coworker."

  "He's not weird," Marie said. "He's really cool."

  "He sounds awful."

  Marie laughed. "He's actually super awesome. And I told him all about you. He can't wait to meet you. You have a date tomorrow night at 8."

  "Wait, what?"

  "It's already set."

  "I'm not going on a date tomorrow night. I have plans."

  "Plans to watch T.V. alone in your apartment?"

  "Why does everyone think that's all I do?"

  "Because you do it a lot."

  "Okay, fine. I like binge watching awesome T.V. shows. Is that so wrong? And I do have plans. I'm going to go to a bar with Kendra tomorrow night." Maybe.

  "No, you're going on a super awesome date with Mason tomorrow night. Which you won't regret because he's great."

  "Great? I doubt that. What's wrong with him? Why would he agree to go on a blind date? No one does that. That's like the most awkward thing ever. He's probably a serial killer."

  "People do it all the time. He's not a serial killer. He's a successful, handsome, businessman."

  "Yeah, well I don't like successful, handsome, businessmen. You know that." I bit my lip. I didn't want to think about Patrick. Stop thinking about Patrick!

  A buzzing noise sounded in the apartment.

  "That would be the pizza," Marie said and stood up. "Just think about it, okay, Bee?"

  No. "Okay."

  Carter got up and answered the door as Marie grabbed some plates.

  "What do you want to drink?" Marie asked. "White or red?" She held up two bottles of wine.

  "White's good."

  ***

  I was on my second glass of wine. The more I drank, the more I started to think about Patrick. I always tried to be good around Carter. It was awkward that he was still friends with Patrick. I knew they hung out. I ran my thumb along the spot where my engagement ring used to be. I just needed to know something. Anything. "Have you seen Patrick recently?" I looked up at Carter.

  He glanced at Marie and then back at me. "Yeah, we usually catch the Giants games together. I saw him last weekend."

  "Oh. Cool. How is he doing?" I tried to hide the eagerness in my voice. I hadn't heard from Patrick in months. I just wanted to know if he was still hurting too. Time was supposed to heal you. But I still felt broken. I was worried that I always would. Just thinking about him made me want to cry. I took a huge sip of my wine.

  "He's good, Bee."

  "Good. That's really great. I'm glad he's good."

  We were all quiet for a minute.

  "So when you say good..." I let my voice trail off. "Is he seeing anyone right now?" That's what I really wanted to know. I wanted to know if he had moved on.

  "What does seeing someone even mean these days? Am I right?" Marie laughed awkwardly.

  "Does that mean he is?"

  "Bee. It's been six months," Marie said. "You need to move on too."

  He's seeing someone else? My chest hurt. I took another sip of wine. I wasn't sure why I was surprised. He had moved on while he was still engaged to me. But the more time passed, the more I thought about the good things and not the bad. I missed him. I missed what we used to be. He had promised me that he'd never leave me.

  "So, what is this Mason guy like?" My voice sounded small. I wanted to move on too. I wanted to be able to heal.

  "He's super handsome," Carter said and laughed.

  Marie rolled her eyes. "He's fun. I think he's exactly the kind of guy you should be dating right now."

  "So he's gross?"

  "No. He just knows how to have a good time. He's always the life of the party. Like I said before, he's charming."

  "Is he friends with Patrick too?"

  "Not that I know of." Marie looked at Carter.

  "I don't think they've ever met," Carter said.

  "Okay. I'll do it."

  Chapter 3

  Bee

  I jumped onto my bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. My apartment was cold. Everything was cold. I was homesick. The only reason I had come here was Patrick. And now that he was gone, I wasn't sure what I was doing. I couldn't afford to continue living here on a secretary's salary. The apartment had seemed warm and full of life when Patrick had been here with me. But now it was easy to see it for what it really was. It was rundown and the heater was on the fritz.

  I didn't want to pitch my ideas during the staff meeting tomorrow. And I didn't want to go on a blind date with some random guy. I was so sick of this city. Nothing good had happened to me here. New York had taken everything from me. All I wanted to do was go home.

  Before I could change my mind, I picked up my cell phone, scrolled through my contact list, and pressed the call button. The phone rang.

  "Hi, sweetie! How's the big city treating you?"

  "Hi, Mom." My voice caught slightly.

  "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

  "I just want to come home." I pulled my knees to my chest.

  "Oh, Bee." Her voice was soothing.

  I couldn't help it. I started to cry. It was so nice to hear her voice. "Mom. I hate it here. What am I doing?"

  "What happened? I thought you liked your new job? And what about all the new friends you said you made? You seemed so happy last time we talked."

  "No." I always tried to pretend everything was okay around my mother. I didn't want her to have to worry about me. But I needed her right now. "I'm stuck. I don't think I'll ever move up in the company."

  "Sweetie, you've never been scared of hard work. What's really wrong?"

  "Everything. I don't belong here. I never wanted to come to this city in the first place. I followed Patrick here blindly. I lost myself in him. What the hell was I thinking?"

  "You were in love. You weren't thinking."

  I laughed and wiped away the tears under my eyes. "God, I feel like such an idiot."

  "You know you can always come home. But don't let Patrick be the reason that you're running away from the city."

  "I just feel so defeated. I don't know why it still hurts so much."

  "I know. You remind me so much of myself, Bee. We both love so hard that we forget to take care of our own hearts."

  My father had cheated on her. When she found out, it had completely broken her. I grew up faster watching the pain in her eye
s. And I told myself I would never let it happen to me. Patrick had seemed like such a nice guy, though. The perfect guy. I felt like we were two parts of a whole. The city had gotten in our way. Or maybe he had expected me to change somehow. But I thought that he loved me the way I was. The way I am.

  I didn't want to fall apart because of him. He didn't deserve that. If he didn't need me than I certainly didn't need him. My mom was right. If I left the city now it would be because of him. I ran my thumb along the spot where my engagement ring used to be. I wouldn't give Patrick the satisfaction.

  "Does it get easier?" I asked.

  "It does. It just takes time."

  "More than six months I guess?"

  "Maybe a little more than six months. I know I said you were a lot like me, Bee. But you're different in a lot of ways too. You're stronger than me."

  "Mom..."

  "You are. You're going to do everything you set out to do in New York. And one day you're going to stop thinking about Patrick. And you'll find the person that you're really meant to be with."

  "I doubt I'll find him here. Everyone is so unfriendly here. And rude. Everyone just seems grumpy and like they're on a deadline all the time. I think they could all use a few weeks off in the suburbs."

  My mom laughed. "You're in the heart of corporate America. Maybe try to find your dream guy in a different part of town than Wall Street?"

  "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I actually have a date tomorrow."

  "You do?"

  "Yeah. Marie and Carter set me up on a blind date with a guy they work with."

  "That's wonderful."

  I sighed. "Maybe. I don't think a guy who works in advertising is a great fit for me."

  "But you work in advertising."

  "No, I work as a secretary at an ad agency. And all the guys I work with are total pigs."

  My mom laughed. "Well, either way, I'm glad to hear you're getting back out there. Wait, doesn't Carter work for an ad agency?"

  "Yeah, but he's different. He's Carter. Marie and him are perfect together."

  "Maybe this guy tomorrow could be your Carter. They work together and they're friends."

  "And Carter is also friends with Patrick. I think I still might come home."

  "I'm not stopping you, Bee. Just don't make any rash decisions while you're not thinking straight again."

  "I'll try." I pulled my blanket up to my chin again. "Is it really cold there too?"

  My mom laughed. "I'm only two and a half hours away from where you are. Of course it's cold here."

  "It feels like I'm on another continent."

  "Maybe I should come up for a visit. I've never gotten to see your place."

  I looked around the empty room. Patrick had taken all the furniture except for the mattress and the small table set in the kitchen. I didn't want my mom to see where I lived. She worried about me enough without seeing my living conditions. "Soon. I've been slammed at work recently."

  "Okay. Well, keep me updated if things change. I'd love to come up for the weekend. Just us girls. I can crash on your couch. It'll be fun."

  I don't have a couch. "Mhm. That sounds great. I'll keep you posted. I should probably get some sleep. I have a long day tomorrow."

  "And a sexy date at night."

  I laughed. "Of course."

  "Call me to tell me all about it. And text me when you get in tomorrow night. I just want to make sure you're safe."

  "Marie and Carter already promised me that he wasn't a serial killer."

  "Most serial killers don't go around telling people they're serial killers."

  "I know. I'll text you."

  "Goodnight, sweetie."

  "Night, Mom."

  Chapter 4

  Bee

  I pulled on a pencil skirt and my nicest blouse. Kendra was right. I needed to pitch my ideas at the meeting today if I ever wanted Mr. Ellington to really listen to me. Looking nice gave me a boost of confidence. I slid on a pair of stilettos. Normally I'd wear flats to work. Especially when it was so cold outside. But today I almost wanted the extra height. As if being taller somehow made what I had to say in the meeting more believable.

  I looked down at the dress laid out on my bed that I had picked out for my date later. It was sophisticated. When I met Patrick in college, I had been wearing cutoff jean shorts and a tank top. I didn't want to attract another guy like him. Sophisticated was good. I bit my lip. Or maybe I just didn't even want Mason to like me. I was sabotaging myself.

  I tried to dismiss the thought as I grabbed my winter jacket and pulled it on. My date wasn't until eight. I'd have time to come back and pick out another outfit if I wanted. I rushed out of my apartment and down the stairs. The elevator had been broken for months. I wasn't sure if it was ever going to be fixed. But I had tackled these stairs in heels before.

  The rush of cold air when I opened the door chilled me to the bone. It didn't matter what my mom said. Delaware never seemed this cold. Maybe the wind was stronger, pushing through all the sky rise buildings. I stared at the ground as I made my way to the subway. If I couldn't see any homeless people, I couldn't give them the rest of my money. My mom wouldn't just abandoned the idea of visiting me soon. And if she wanted to visit, I needed to save up to buy a couch. I would have tried to get a roommate, but that didn't exactly work in a studio apartment. Besides, the idea of getting a roommate I didn't know freaked me out too much. And the idea of moving into a different apartment freaked me out even more. My small apartment was the closest thing I had to a home right now. Even without Patrick in it.

  I got onto the A train. I thought it would be fun to people watch on the subway. But it wasn't. There was no one as depressing as someone on the subway going to work. Everyone looked so sad and tired. It was like everyone in the city was depressed and in serious need of uppers. I couldn't judge them though. I had become one of them. I'm sure anyone who looked at me could see the sadness in my eyes. I wasn't even sure who I was anymore. But whoever I had become was the kind of person who would pitch her ideas unasked at a meeting. And I was going to finally get noticed. I just wanted one stupid thing in this stupid city to go my way for once.

  The subway screeched to a stop and I squeezed past the people pushing their way on. I walked up the stairs back into the cold wind and looked back down at the ground. If I got a promotion and a raise, I could start giving money to homeless people again. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a man sitting on the curb outside of my office building. He was wearing tethered clothes, hugging his knees to his chest, shivering. I can't. I grabbed a few dollars out of my purse and placed it into his hand.

  "Thank you." He looked up at me.

  "You're welcome." I smiled and walked into the warmth of my office. Maybe being able to give money to homeless people and not feeling like I was going to starve if I did, was a good motivator for the meeting today. I stepped onto the elevator. Right before the doors closed, Kendra walked in.

  "Hey, Bee. Has your maybe turned into a yes yet?"

  "Actually, I can't tonight."

  "No." She grabbed my elbow. "Come on. Hanging out with me is so much more fun than watching T.V. and you know it."

  I laughed. "Yes, it is. But I actually have a date tonight." I smiled and looked away from her.

  "Shut up."

  I looked back at her and shrugged.

  "Are you serious?"

  "Why do you seem so surprised?"

  "I don't know. It just seemed like you had kind of given up. You were one cat away from becoming a crazy cat lady."

  "Psh. Crazy cat ladies have like a whole bunch of cats. I have none. And I'm not crazy."

  Kendra shrugged. "Okay, give me all the details. What's his name? Where did you meet? Is he sexy? He must be sexy if he's getting your mind off Patrick."

  I stepped off the elevator without answering her.

  "Bee! You have to tell me."

  "His name is Mason."

  "That's a really sexy name."

 
; "It is kind of sexy I guess."

  "So...is he sexy?"

  "I don't know."

  "Why aren't you telling me?"

  "Because I really don't know."

  "What do you mean? Were you at one of those weird new places where they turn off all the lights and you just talk to people?"

  "What are you talking about? No. I've just never met him. It's a blind date."

  "A blind date? You never told me you were ready to date again. I have like a million guys to set you up with."

  "I don't want to date your rejects, Kendra."

  "Well, who's reject is this?"

  "No ones. He works with Marie and Carter."

  "Did he date Marie?"

  "No. I don't think so anyway. I feel like she would have mentioned that. No actually. Definitely not. He's friends with Carter. I feel like they wouldn't be friends if Mason had dated his wife."

  "Fair enough. What else did they tell you about him?"

  "That he's a successful businessman. And that he's handsome. That's really all I know."

  "A successful businessman, huh? I thought you swore off all the suits in this city."

  "I didn't really mean that." I had meant that. The men here sucked. Or maybe it was just men in general. Maybe I should have just sworn off all men.

  "So what made you suddenly decide that you're ready to get back out there again?" Kendra asked.

  I pulled off my jacket and draped it over the back of my chair. "Nothing in particular."

  She stared at me skeptically.

  "Patrick's dating someone else." I looked down at my desk.

  "I'm sorry, Bee."

  "There's nothing to be sorry for. We're broken up. Of course he's dating someone else."

  "Still. Are you okay?"

  "Yeah, I'm fine. I think I needed to hear that he had completely moved on. I just needed a push. I'm done thinking about that asshole. And I should be dating someone else too."

  "Absolutely." Kendra patted my shoulder. "Fuck him."

  I smiled at her. That wasn't the first time she had said that. Probably closer to the hundredth. "And I'm taking your advice. I'm going to pitch one of my ideas at the meeting today."

  "What happened to you overnight? I like this new kick ass Bee. I better get to my cubicle before Mr. Ellington gets mad at you before you've even done anything wrong. I'll see you in the meeting."