by Ivy Smoak
"Yes! You should wait till the spring, though. When the skirts come back out. Right now it's all North Face jackets and Uggs."
"Sold."
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I quickly pulled it out and slid my finger across the screen. Bee had finally texted me: "Are you sure you don't want to just meet up tomorrow? I'm so sorry this is taking so long."
I didn't want to wait to see her until tomorrow. I wanted her now. And I refused to let her go back to that dingy little apartment. She didn't belong there. She belonged with me.
"Did she finally text you?" Rob asked.
"I told you, I was just checking the score."
Matt whistled. "Whipped."
I grabbed my coat and stood up. "Whatever. Fuck you guys. I'm gonna go get laid."
James laughed. "Yeah, I'm gonna get going too. The joys of not being single."
Rob groaned. "Lame. I'll be your wingman, Matt. Come on."
"Sounds good to me," Matt said. "Have fun with your girlfriends."
I didn't bother protesting. It didn't matter what they said. I knew it wasn't true. The wind hit me hard on the way out the bar. I was slightly buzzed and overheated inside, but there had to be a wind chill of below zero out here. "Shit it's cold," I said and buttoned up my jacket.
"Let me give you a ride," James said. His car was already waiting for him outside and the driver had just opened his door.
"No, it's fine. I'm just going to take a taxi."
"Her office is on my way. Come on."
"I thought you were going home?" I asked.
"I need to make a stop first."
I shrugged. There weren't any taxis driving by at the moment and it was too cold to stand on the curb waiting. "Yeah, that'll be great." I walked around the side of the car and got in. I used to have a driver. I used to have a lot of things. "So, where are you going?"
"I'm going to go see my parents."
"Are they still refusing to meet Penny?"
James sighed. "I don't even know why she wants to meet them. But I want to give her what she wants. And the fact that I can't is driving me crazy."
"They'll come around."
"Like your parents?"
"My dad will get over it," I said.
"How is the new venture going?"
"Okay. Slower than I wanted."
"I know you always say no, but if you just need some seed money..."
"Thanks, but no thanks." I didn't want his handouts. He had more money than he knew what to do with. And I was going to get there too. Without anyone's help. "I'm more just waiting for the right account. It needs to be something big if I'm going to quit my job." But it wasn't just the account. I was used to living a certain way. And the money I had from my parents was running out. Just thinking about it made me feel like I was drowning. I didn't want to have to crawl back to my parents. Time was running out and all I was doing recently was hanging out with Bee. What is wrong with me?
"Remember that time you convinced that kid at camp that chocolate was poisonous and he threw it all out?"
I laughed. "Yeah. We got to have s'mores every night for the rest of camp."
"You can convince anyone to do anything. You've got this."
"Yeah." But my mind wasn't on my business. It was on Bee. I was starting to think I wanted her more than I wanted to start my own company.
James pulled an envelope out of his coat pocket. "Here."
"I don't want your money."
"It's not a check."
I took the envelope and opened it up. It was a list of companies with contact info for their C.E.O.'s or lead marketing executives. I looked up at him.
"Some companies I work with that could use fresh ad ideas," James said.
"I can't..."
"Honestly, it would help me too. I own stake in some of them. Use me as a reference when you call them."
For some reason this handout didn't make me feel like shit. He was doing it because he knew I could help. And we had been friends our whole lives. This was better than a check. With one big client, I wouldn't need my side business anymore. I already felt less stressed.
"Thanks, man."
"You're doing me the favor." He smiled and looked out the window of the car.
I wasn't really. But I was glad he was making me feel that way. "I'm glad you're back."
James laughed. "Don't get all sentimental on me."
"Seriously. The city wasn't the same without you." James and I had lost touch after college. He had gotten married to that bitchy ex-wife of his and completely cut me out. Or maybe I just hadn't tried hard enough to stay friends. James had been different when he was with Isabella. Like he was in some weird trance. Maybe he had just been depressed. If I had known more maybe I would have tried to help him. I had heard rumors about him falling off the wagon. But those were just rumors. Besides, now that he had found Penny, it was like we were kids again. He was back to his old self. And I liked Penny. She could hang out with all of us and hold her own. And she was the best at bringing out James' fun side. Mr. and Mrs. Hunter were the ones missing out, not Penny.
James shrugged. "I was always going to come back. I just needed a break."
"Yeah. Look, I don't actually want Penny to be mad at me. I'll text her Bee's number."
"I was hoping you'd say that. So, if you want to do a double date..."
"Don't push it."
James laughed. "I told her I'd try."
"How did you know with Penny?"
"How did I know what?"
"That it was more than just sex? That you wanted more?"
"I couldn't stop thinking about her. Even before we had sex. She suddenly became all that mattered. It wasn't that I wanted more. I needed more."
I looked out the window. Bee was sweet and innocent and beautiful. And I was me. I wasn't the type of guy that a girl like Bee would date. No one would ever get serious with me. But I could feel myself being consumed by her. Wanting and needing seemed like a fine line. I couldn't cross that. I wasn't even sure I knew how.
"I think Bee's great," James said.
"I know." I leaned my head back against the seat. "She deserves someone a hell of a lot better than me. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing. I like my life. I like being single. Maybe Rob is right. I'm losing my mind."
James laughed. "Trust me, Rob is rarely ever right."
The car pulled to a stop outside of Bee's office building.
"Thanks for the ride. Tell Mr. and Mrs. Hunter I said hi."
James laughed. "I will."
"And if they still don't want to meet Penny, tell them to go fuck themselves."
"I might do that too."
I laughed and stepped out of the car.
"Mason?" said James.
I leaned down before closing the door. "Yeah?"
"I think until life gives you something right, it's hard to realize how wrong you've been."
"I'm not you. And Bee isn't Penny."
"I know. You've got it easier than we did. You're not going through a divorce and she's not your student. Just think about it."
"Yeah." I tapped the top of the car. "Have fun at your parents'." I closed the door and walked up to Bee's office building. Until life gives you something right, it's hard to realize how wrong you've been. There was nothing wrong with my life. But Bee did make it better. It had been a long time since I had something to look forward to.
Chapter 52
Bee
I was the last one in the office tonight, as usual. I went through the document one last time. It was the final proposal for Sword Body Wash. Mr. Ellington had wanted an added clause in the pitch once he found out about the possible government shutdown. He wanted to make sure it was as provocative as possible, and the FCC disbanding would certainly let it be more provocative. The segment was airing on Tuesday. The government probably wouldn't shut down by then anyway, so this was a complete waste of my time. But it didn't matter, because I was done. I pressed send on the document.
I couldn't have
been more excited to see Mason. I pulled out my phone. Earlier I had texted him, asking if he'd rather meet up tomorrow instead. He was out with his friends. And I had monopolized him for the past few weeks. But I was hoping he'd say he wanted to spend time with me instead. I couldn't get enough of him. It was hard to follow Kendra's advice about being careful when I was feeling like this. Mason said he wanted to be the reason why I stayed in New York. I think he already was. It was crazy to feel like this after just a few weeks. Right?
I looked down at my phone. He had never texted me back. I couldn't help but be a little disappointed. I had slept at his apartment every night for the past two weeks. He had a really nice place. But that wasn't the reason why I always agreed to spend the night. It was nice having someone to kiss goodnight and wake up next to. It was strange how familiar it seemed, yet different at the same time. Patrick had never looked at me the way Mason did. And it wasn't just that I wanted to stay, Mason usually insisted upon it. Like there was nothing he wanted more than to fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me. It didn't matter what he said. Or what Kendra liked to warn me about. Mason was a good guy. And I was falling for him.
Tonight, though, I would go home to my cold apartment alone. I didn't want to text him again. If he didn't want to see me, I could survive one night on my own. It was so strange how something could become normal so quickly. I liked when he met me outside of my office. I liked how he grabbed my hand and hailed down a taxi for us to share. And even though I had just seen him this morning, I missed him.
I switched my computer monitor off. I had definitely gotten used to having something to look forward to after work. I grabbed my jacket.
"Bee."
I smiled and turned around. Mason was standing there smiling back at me. His hair was a little mussed up and the tie around his neck was loosened. He looked more relaxed than he usually did. I wasn't sure if it was because he had been hanging out with his friends or if he had too much to drink. But he looked so handsome.
He closed the distance between us and leaned down and kissed me.
"I didn't think you were coming," I said.
He smiled and laid his jacket down on the back of my chair. "I wasn't going to stand you up. Is there anyone else here?"
"No. I'm the last one. But I'm done now, if you want to go..."
"I have a better idea." The way he was looking at me made my heart race. He kissed me again. I could taste the alcohol on his tongue. His hands drifted from my back to my ass.
"Mason." I put my hand on his chest. "Are you drunk?"
"No." He moved one of his hands to the side of my face. "I missed you. And I want you. God, I want you."
"I missed you too." I put my hands behind his neck. "But we should probably go home."
"Home?" He laughed and kissed the side of my neck.
"I mean, your place or my place. Either one of our homes. Wherever you want to go." What is wrong with me?
He kissed the side of my neck and unbuttoned the top button of my blouse. "I like that you're comfortable at my place. But I don't want to go home." He unbuttoned another of my buttons.
"Mason, we can't do this."
"You said you were the last one here." He lifted me up, pulling my thighs around his waist. "We can go home after I make you come." He pushed the papers on my desk out of the way. "A few times."
I laughed.
"Bee." He set me down on the edge of my desk. "You have two choices. Here or the cab." He put his hands on the desk on either side of me and raised his eyebrow.
I couldn't ever say no to him. I never wanted to. Especially when he looked at me like that. I grabbed his tie and pulled his face down to mine.
He quickly unbuttoned the rest of the buttons on my blouse, while his tongue collided with mine. He pushed up my skirt, tracing his hands along my bare skin. His fingers were cold, but the feeling of them against my skin made my whole body feel warm. I wanted him so badly. He slid his hand up the inside of my thigh.
I immediately put my hand on his erection, which was pressing through his dress pants.
He pulled back slightly. "In a hurry?"
"I don't want to get caught," I said breathlessly.
"Is that all?" He unhinged his belt and undid his pants.
I shook my head back and forth. "I've been thinking about you all day. Or maybe I can't think straight at all because I want you all the time. Either way." I looked down at his boxers. "There's only one thing I need right now." When I looked back up at him I gulped. His Adam's apple rose and fell as he stared down at me.
"Where have you been all my life?" He grabbed both sides of my face and kissed me hard.
Waiting for you. When his hands moved back down to my ass, I put my hands in his hair. Everything about him was hard except for his hair. I loved how soft his hair was.
His tip pressed against my wetness. He groaned into my mouth as he slowly entered me. I loved that I could make him feel that way. That I could please him like this.
He pulled my ass closer to the edge of the desk, thrusting himself even deeper inside of me.
"Mason!" I slammed my hand down on my desk, hitting my keyboard. A second later I heard the hum of my computer turning back on.
His fingers were digging into my ass cheeks. "I don't know what you like more. My cock deep inside of you, or the idea that someone might catch us with my cock deep inside of you."
I moaned as he spread my thighs even wider. I really didn't want to get caught. "Faster."
He leaned over me, moving his hips even faster.
"Harder!"
His lips moved back to my neck. "God, I love you."
What did he just say? Does he realize he just said that?
He tilted his hips, hitting that spot that only he could.
"Mason!" I grabbed his tie, pulling his lips back to my neck.
He pushed the center of my chest, making me fall back onto the desk. My forearm hit my stapler and it made a clicking noise, sending a staple into nothing.
Mason leaned over me, putting his hand on the opposite edge of the desk. He wrapped his other arm around my thigh, pressing it backward, thrusting himself deeper inside of me.
"Fuck," he murmured after something crashed to the ground.
I pulled his face back to mine. A second later, I felt the warmth of him spread up into my stomach. It was my new favorite feeling in the world. He groaned into my mouth as he found his release.
He didn't need to tell me when to come tonight. I was already at the tipping point, and him losing control was enough to tip me over the edge. I was panting when he placed one last kiss against my lips.
His chest slowly rose and fell as he stared down at me. I tried to search his face. But he didn't look like he had just confessed that he loved me. He looked like he had when he first came into the office, except even more relaxed. Maybe he was a little drunk. Or maybe I had imagined him saying it.
***
I slowly opened my eyes. We were in Mason's bed and my head was on his chest. God, I love you. I knew he said it. I heard him say it. Maybe he hadn't meant to. But I liked it. I wanted him to say it again.
I lifted my head and stared down at him. Do I feel the same way? Do I love him?
I swallowed hard. He didn't do relationships. Kendra had warned me to be careful, but I had completely ignored her. It was like I had jumped onto a sled and the hill in front of me was icy. There was no way to stop. Mason had a way of pulling me into the present. He didn't seem to care about the past or the future. I wasn't worried when I was with him.
But I still didn't know him that well. I accidently called his apartment home and he accidentally said he loved me. We hadn't even talked about whether or not we were exclusive, let alone all of that. He could be seeing someone else. I tried to dismiss the thought. We had spent every night of the past couple weeks together. If he was seeing someone else, he wasn't seeing them very often. And he had said he loved me. Mason Caldwell loves me.
What am I doing
? Patrick had used me. As a face for his work functions. As an idea maybe. I didn't even know anymore. But he had stopped loving me. I was worried that Mason was using me for a different reason. For the things that Patrick had paid someone for.
Mason and I did more than have sex, though. He made me laugh. Like, water coming out of my nose laughing. He made me happy. And that's why I was scared. I didn't want to lose him. But if he did think women were expendable, how much time could I possibly have left? I reached up and touched the side of his face. He had scruff on his face and I liked how it felt rough against my palm.
He shifted in his sleep and I immediately moved my hand away from his face.
He yawned and opened his eyes. He smiled when he saw me staring at him. "I like waking up to you." He grabbed my waist and pulled me on top of him.
I laughed and put my hands on either side of him on the mattress. I wanted to talk to him about how I was feeling, but I didn't want to scare him away.
"Hey," he said and put his hand on the side of my face. "Is everything okay?" He was so sweet. And it made my stomach churn even more.
"You don't do relationships."
He sighed and put his hands behind his head. He stared at me for a second before saying, "I haven't in a long time, no."
"So what does that make me?"
He smiled. "Mine."
I laughed. "Seriously, Mason, what are we doing?"
"Enjoying each other's company."
"Right." I smiled but I felt like crying. Right now we were enjoying each other's company. And when that changed, we were done. When he decided I wasn't fun anymore. I liked when he called me his. I liked the way that sounded way too much.
"Bee, I really like you."
"I really like you too."
He reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Then what's the problem?"
"Are you going to get bored with me?" As soon as I said it, I regretted it. I sounded so childish. Of course nothing lasted forever. I knew that better than anyone. I wasn't sure what I even meant with that question. He'd get bored with me eventually, just like Patrick. I wasn't enough.
"That's what you're worried about?"
"I've just never done anything like this before."
