City of Sin

by Ivy Smoak

  "Because you love her."

  "Maybe." I looked over at James. "She told me she loved me. Not in like a cute way, like in a throwing it in my face because she hates me way." I didn't want to tell him about stealing her idea. I didn't want anyone else to know how big of an idiot I was. "I screwed up."

  "So why don't you go talk to her?"

  "We're done. There's nothing to talk about."

  "If you're this messed up, I'm sure she is too."

  "I doubt she is. I'm pretty sure she's just hung up on her ex. I was a filler. She's probably running back to him right now."

  "If she is, it's only because you pushed her away."

  I put my elbows on the table. I did push her away. I told her she was easy. I told her she was just like every other slut in this city. I was a prick. But she just had this way of making my blood boil.

  "You must have seen the way she looked at you. She was already in love with you at the Silver Gala. You've just been too stubborn to see it."

  "I can't talk my way out of it this time. She hates me."

  "All I know is that it's lonely living in this city by yourself. Not having someone to share the good and the bad with."

  "She ran when it got messy. She's not the type of girl that sticks through the bad times." Even as I said it I realized it was a lie. She wanted to stay and talk it out. Even after I stole her idea and landed an account that should have been hers. Because she cared about me. She loved me. And I pushed her away.

  "I'm just saying."

  "Mason!" Matt burst into the bar with a huge grin on his face. I had texted him earlier about landing the accounts. I wanted to celebrate and drown my sorrows. My brother was the perfect guy to do that with.

  James slapped me on the back. "Telling the truth is better than any grand gesture. Talk to her."

  "You're not staying to celebrate?"

  "It's cold and late. All I want is to go home to the woman I love. I guess that makes me soft. But I've never been happier."

  "Just because that works for you..."

  "Stop standing still, Mason. You're going to want to have someone to share all this success with. Don't make the same mistakes that I did."

  James always seemed calm and collected. But I saw the flash of pain across his eyes. It was gone in a second. I let go of the drink in my hand. He was right. Drowning this feeling with scotch wasn't going to help anything. I didn't want to lose myself the way he had lost himself. And I was sick of standing still. I was sick of the easy women who threw themselves at me. And the even easier ones that I had to pay for. I was lying when I said Bee was easy. She was complicated and perfect and real. She was the only thing in my life that felt real.

  "Hey, James," Matt said as he passed by James going toward the door. Matt sat down beside me and clapped me on the back. "Congrats, man."

  "Thanks."

  "Another round on me?"

  I looked back down at my empty glass. I could sit here all night, trying to erase the memory of her from my mind. But what was the point in that? I'd just wake up tomorrow still missing her. I didn't need a glass in my hand. I needed her hand in mine. She fit. She was the perfect fit. "No." I stood up and pulled on my jacket. "I have to go."

  "What? I just got here."

  "There's something I need to do."

  "Mason?" Matt called after me, but I was already running out of the bar. I needed to talk to Bee. I needed her to know how I really felt.

  ***

  I pressed on the call box outside of Kendra's apartment building. I had run all the way there, stopping only to grab a dozen roses at a stand on the corner a few blocks back. I was out of breath and my lungs burned from the cold air.

  The doors buzzed. I grabbed the handle and ran inside, skipping the elevator and sprinted up the steps instead. When I got to 307 I pounded on the door with the side of my fist.

  Kendra's face fell when she opened the door. "I thought you were Chinese food."

  "Is Bee here?" I tilted my head to the side and saw all of Bee's boxes in the small living room area of the apartment. "I just need to talk to her for a second."

  "She's not here, Mason."

  "I can see her stuff. Come on, it's important."

  "She's not here. She dropped all her stuff off and left."

  "Did she say anything to you?"

  "She didn't have to." Kendra's eyes narrowed. "Do you have any idea how long it took her to get over Patrick? How much that hurt her?"

  I didn't need the guilt trip right now. "I mean did she say anything about where she was going?"

  "Like I'd tell you? You're lucky I'm not kneeing you in the balls right now. I will take these, though." She grabbed the roses out of my hand.

  "Can you tell her I'm looking for her? I already tried calling and she's not answering."

  "Maybe you should take the hint, Mason. Just leave her alone."

  "I can't leave her alone. I'm in love with her."

  Kendra just stared at me. "She didn't grow up here like you and me. She needs a nice, normal, suburban guy."

  Like Patrick? You've got to be kidding me. "She does belong here. She belongs with me." I grabbed the roses back out of Kendra's hand. "And you better get used to me, because I'm not going anywhere."

  "Well, I do admire your persistence." She folded her arms across her chest.

  "So are you going to tell her I was here?"

  "I'll think about it."

  "Are you going to tell me where she is?"

  "I'd tell you if I knew. She just came and dropped her stuff off. She was a mess. And she wouldn't talk to me about it." She lowered her eyebrows slightly. "At least she talked to me about what happened with Patrick. Whatever you did, I think it hurt her even more."

  Bee was more upset about our fight than when she broke it off with Patrick? Maybe she was over him. Maybe she really did love me.

  Before I could ask any more questions, Kendra slammed the door in my face. I looked down at the roses in my hand. Telling the truth probably was better than some grand gesture. But James didn't know what I had done. A grand gesture might be a better tactic.

  Chapter 63

  Bee

  I stepped off the bus and pulled on my hat and gloves. The city had felt cold because I was alone. That's why I had thought it seemed so much colder than back in Wilmington. I had never been alone at home. I had my mom and my friends. And then I had Patrick. Love somehow created this internal heat so I never noticed the wind biting at my cheeks. But I was cold now, colder than I'd ever been. I pulled my coat tighter around myself.

  With each step I had taken away from Mason's apartment earlier, I had to will myself to keep going. All I wanted to do was run back to him and tell him that I was sorry. That I wanted to work through our fight. I knew that he hadn't read through my notebook with the intention of stealing my ideas. He had just been looking for a sheet of paper to leave me a sweet note. He was a good guy, no matter how bad he said he was. But he didn't seem to want to be the man that I saw. He reverted so quickly back to his old ways as soon as things got hard.

  My feet crunched in the snow on the sidewalk. I would have followed Mason anywhere. Just like I had followed Patrick to New York? I shook the thought away. I fell too hard, too fast. I hadn't learned from my mistakes. I fell for another jerk. And I loved him. I loved him so much.

  But the truth was, Mason didn't feel that way about me. I had told him I loved him and he told me I was easy, like every other girl he had ever met. And maybe I was. Mason was only the second person I had ever slept with, but I jumped into bed with him. I didn't hesitate at all. I fell for his smooth talking and dirty mouth. God his mouth...

  Stop it! I was done. I was done with love. And for the moment I was done with New York. I needed to feel like I could breathe again. I thought coming back would make me feel better. But it was just as cold here as it was in New York. Maybe even colder. Because tonight I felt so alone, like a piece of me was missing.

  It wasn't too late to go back. I
could still tell Mason that I was sorry for jumping to conclusions and for not hearing him out. I walked up the front steps and stopped outside of the door. But I couldn't swallow my pride this time. Mason didn't want me anymore. I didn't want to give up on what we had, but I didn't see any other option. He doesn't want you. He never did. All he had to do was tell me to stay, like he had the other night. But now that made sense too. He was guilty and could barely even face me. That's why it looked like he was worried about losing me. He just wanted a few more nights with me. For my body. Because that's all it ever was.

  I knocked on the door and tried to stop the tears from coming.

  A minute later my mom opened the door. "Bee? Bee what are you doing here?"

  I was never good at controlling my emotions. Just seeing my mom made me feel like I was back in grade school. "Mom," I said, choking through a sob.

  "Oh, sweetie." She pulled me into the house. It was warm inside. But I was still cold. Even when she wrapped her arms around me I still shivered.

  "I keep making the same mistakes," I said into her shoulder.

  My mom laughed. "I'm guessing this is about Mason?" She patted my back and released me from her hug. "Come in and sit. Did you want something to drink?"

  That was always my mom's go to thing for house guests. Making sure they weren't parched. I didn't need a cup of hot tea, though. I needed a serving tray full of shots. "I'm okay."

  "You don't seem okay," she said as she sat down and gestured for me to sit beside her.

  I sat down and pulled off my gloves. "After what happened with Patrick I told myself I needed to take things slow. To take the time to see if a guy was worth my time."

  "It doesn't matter how old you get, you still fall just as hard." My mom gave me a sympathetic smile. "It's about the heart not the head."

  "But I knew better. Everyone told me he wasn't a good guy. Heck, he even told me he wasn't a good guy."

  "And is that what you want? A good guy to settle down with?"

  I put my face in my hands. My face felt like ice against my palms.

  My mom ran her hand up and down my back. "You can't plan everything out, Bee. That's not how life works. So what is it that you really want?"

  "Well I should be able to plan a little better than this." I lifted my face out of my hands. "I don't even know what I want anymore, Mom. I moved to New York because I was in love. And when Patrick and I broke up, I told myself I had to stay to prove to everyone that I had what it took to make it. But I only just realized that it wasn't what I wanted. None of it was what I wanted. I'm just scared of being alone." As soon as I said it, I wished I could take it back. My mom was alone. My father had walked out on us and left her devastated. Just because I was upset didn't mean I had to be inconsiderate.

  "You're never alone, Bee." She put her hand on my forearm. Even though I had basically just said I didn't want to turn out like her, here she was taking care of me.

  "I know." I swallowed hard. "I got fired."

  "From a job you hated."

  "Yeah, but it paid the bills."

  "Barely. That job wasn't what you wanted. Now tell me what you really want."

  "I don't know what I want." I stood up. "Why do you keep asking me that? I don't know, Mom. I don't know."

  "You do know. You know and you're scared to say it because you're sick of being hurt. That's not living, Bee. You don't have to admit it to me, but you know what you want. At least tell yourself. What do you want?"

  "Him!" I closed my eyes, trying to prevent my tears from spilling over. "I just want him."

  "I know how much it terrifies you to say that you want someone instead of some random goal. Because you may end up getting hurt. You might end up alone like me."

  "Mom." I sat down next to her. "That's not..."

  "No, it's fine. What I never told you growing up was that I never regretted any of my decisions. Your father was my great love. No, it didn't last. But I wouldn't change a second of what we had. And he gave me you, the best possible gift anyone could ask for."

  I wanted to cry all over again.

  "Don't you ever run away from something great just because you're scared. That's not the girl I raised."

  It didn't matter that I had wound up in New York because of my ex or that I stayed there out of spite. I still found what I wanted. "I want to get a real advertising job. I don't want to have to live pay check to pay check anymore. I want to be with Mason."

  "There you go. You already knew all of that. So what are you doing here in the middle of the night waking up your mother?"

  I laughed. "I missed you."

  "I missed you too, sweetie. But I'd rather you be across the world and happy than right beside me and sad."

  I sighed. "I know."

  "Now let me get you that cup of tea." She patted my knee and stood up.

  I knew what I wanted. But I couldn't shake the feeling that Mason didn't want the same thing. It wasn't like I could make him fall in love with me. He had made it perfectly clear where he stood.

  Chapter 64

  Bee

  My phone started buzzing. I yawned and swiped my finger across the screen. "Hello?"

  "So now you're answering phone calls?" Marie's voice cut through the line like a knife.

  "Hello to you, too, Marie." I had been screening all my calls for the past week. Just because I knew what I wanted didn't mean I had enough confidence to go get it.

  "Do you have any idea how worried we've all been?"

  "My mom told me you called the house a few days ago and talked to her. You knew where I was."

  "Yeah, no thanks to you. Kendra and I have been taking turns calling you a million times a day."

  "I've missed you guys too."

  Marie laughed. "Does that mean you're coming back?" The edge in her voice was gone. She sounded like her normal, sweet self again.

  "Of course I'm coming back."

  "Good. You should probably make that this morning. You have an interview at 2 o'clock."

  "Wait, what?"

  "Kendra said someone called with an ad job opening. You weren't there so she pretended to be you. Your interview is today."

  "Really? What agency?"

  "I forget the name. Stop moping around and get your butt back to the city, Bee."

  I laughed. "I'm on my way."

  ***

  Mason had called a few times the first two days I had skipped town. He never left a message and then his calls had stopped. Normally that would have deterred me. But I wanted to think with my heart for a change. And my heart said that if he really was done with me, he wouldn't have called at all. He had called because he cared too. It didn't matter that his calls had stopped. He probably wanted me to reach out to him. To let him know that I wanted him too. But I couldn't talk to him over the phone. It needed to be face to face. I'd do it tonight. I was determined to win him back. Right after I aced this interview.

  I slid my key into the lock and opened up the door. Kendra was sitting on the couch in pajamas. A bowl of popcorn was on her lap and she was watching some daytime soap opera.

  "Kendra?"

  She jumped, sending a few popcorn kernels onto the floor. "Oh my god, you're back!" She put the bowl down, ran over, and gave me a big hug. "Marie said she talked to you. I don't know why, I just didn't think you'd come back. I mean, I hoped you would. I was worried you wouldn't."

  "You know that dumb boys can't scare me away from this city."

  She laughed and released me from her hug. "Well I definitely didn't think you'd choose to come back on Valentine's Day of all days."

  "Oh." I hadn't even been paying attention to the days. Was it really Valentine's Day? My heart sunk a little. Mason hadn't called me in several days. What if he was spending Valentine's Day with someone else? "Happy Valentine's Day, Kendra," I said as cheerily as possible.

  "Well, that didn't sound sincere at all. He comes by every night after work, you know." She pointed over to several vases of flowers sitting on the
counter.

  He does still care. "What does he say?"

  "You need to talk to him for yourself. I'm not getting in the middle of it. He's starting to wear me down though. I like having flowers all over the apartment." She laughed and sat back down, pulling the bowl of popcorn back onto her lap.

  "Wait, what are you doing home? It's the middle of the day."

  "You didn't hear?"

  "Hear what?"

  "Kruger went bankrupt. I'm out of a job."

  "Wait, what? Kendra, I'm so sorry."

  Kendra laughed. "Well, yes and no. Kruger did go bankrupt. They sold their company to some other agency, though. Which wasn't for much since all of Kruger's clients bailed. But whoever bought it gets to keep all of Kruger's employees if they want. So I'm not actually out of a job I hope. But they're redoing the office or something and conducting interviews for all the current employees. My interview isn't until tomorrow."

  "So you think you'll be okay?"

  "Yeah, I'm fine. Without Jenkins, I'm one of the top performers. Hell, I'll probably get a raise. And I don't mind having the rest of the week off. This is awesome."

  "What about Mr. Ellington?"

  "Oh, he got fired. The new guy came in and basically threw him out of the office. And there's going to be a lawsuit about sexual harassment too. That asshole had it coming. The whole thing was so much more entertaining than Layla Torrez getting naked on live T.V."

  I laughed. "So you've met the new boss? Do you like him? Hopefully he's better than Mr. Ellington."

  "Personally, I think he's okay. Some people like him more than others. I'm getting used to him. Actually, I'm excited to see what you think."

  "Me?"

  "Yeah. That's where you're interviewing."

  "At the old office? What's the name of the agency that took it over?"

  "I don't think it has a name yet. Maybe there will be a meeting and we'll get to vote or something. Wouldn't that be cool? You should get ready though, you don't want to be late. I don't want to have to work there without you."

  "But I don't have any experience. I'll probably just land another job as a secretary."