by Rye Hart
“Doesn’t it?” Bethany smiled.
“Beth.”
“It’s a phone call, Julie,” Bethany said. “One phone call. You call him, you talk, and you go from there.”
“What if it doesn’t change anything? What if he tells me it was a setup for whatever fucked up reason he might have?” I asked her.
“I don’t think that’s it, Jules,” Bethany said confidently.
“What makes you say that?”
She shrugged. “Gut feeling.”
“Girls!” our mom’s voice called from downstairs. “Layla’s up from her nap!”
“Oh, crap.” Bethany groaned. “Already?”
“We should get down there anyway,” I said. “Mom wanted to bake cookies tonight.”
Bethany linked her arm with mine and led me out into the hall. We bounced our way downstairs just like we did as kids. After one conversation with my sister, I no longer felt like my world was crumbling around me. I felt stronger. More confident.
Still, I didn’t know what to do. My confusion was stronger than ever as I stepped into the kitchen. Mom had all the stuff ready to make cookies. We got to work while Andrea changed Layla and then brought her over to help us.
The four of us girls spent the rest of the evening baking and decorating cookies. We crowded around the kitchen table with icing and sprinkles scattered everywhere. Christmas music played in the background and, just like that, I was a kid again.
We all laughed and teased each other while we worked on the cookies. Layla giggled every time she snuck a bite of icing. Even my dad made his way over to help. It was amazing to just be in the moment with my family and let my problems disappear.
When I went to bed that night, I didn’t feel like crying. Michael’s face appeared in my mind, and I smiled to myself, remembering everything we’d done together. I replayed our conversations over and over again in my head. I could almost hear his voice. When I drifted off to sleep, my memories turned into dreams. I awoke the next morning flushed with desire and smiling.
It wasn’t until I realized I was only dreaming that the smile fell from my lips. I felt Michael’s absence stronger than ever, and I wondered if Bethany was right and I should call him.
CHAPTER 26
Michael
Christmas Eve arrived, but I wasn’t yet ready to face my parents. They both knew about my breakup with Julie. If I went to their house, they would spend the entire day grilling me about what happened. Despite how much I wanted to see them for the holiday, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle getting the third degree. Not yet anyway.
Instead, I went for a quick jog around my property and then jumped in the shower. I still hadn’t heard from Julie, but I wasn’t going to give up on her. After she kicked me out of her house, I knew we both needed space to cool down. Tensions were high. Tempers were even higher. I wanted to make sure we were both calm the next time we spoke. Arguing would solve nothing.
It had been a couple of days, though, and, since it was Christmas Eve, I decided to try. I got dressed and grabbed Julie’s gift off my coffee table. I tucked it under my arm and walked out to my car. The air was cold, and it helped embolden me as I climbed behind the wheel. No matter what Julie said or did, I wanted to try. She was too important. I couldn’t just let her go without a fight.
When I pulled up in front of her house, all the lights were off, and her car was gone. The driveway was empty, but I got out anyway. With the crystal Christmas tree in my hands, I hurried toward the front door and knocked quickly. I stood back and waited, but after five minutes, I knew she wasn’t home.
“She went to her parents’ place,” someone called out from my left. I whipped my head around to see the same neighbor from Friday night. She was staring at me suspiciously. “She won’t be back for a few days.”
“Thank you,” I said with a nod.
“Shouldn’t you be with your family, young man?” the woman asked.
I ignored her and walked quickly back to my car. If Julie wasn’t home, then I wasn’t going to lurk outside of her house, and I definitely wasn’t going to engage in a conversation with her nosey neighbor.
I drove back to my house in a fog. On the way there, I thought about driving up to Dallas. I imagined how surprised she would be to see me there, but when I thought more about it, I knew it would be a mistake. She was enjoying the holiday with her family. The last thing I wanted to do was take that away from her.
Instead, I went back home to my empty house. When I stepped inside, I could practically hear my breath echo through the place. I’d never felt more alone in my life. With a sigh, I went into the living room and grabbed a book off the coffee table. If nothing else, I could spend the day relaxing.
My phone rang before I had a chance to read more than a page. I saw Josh’s name flash across the screen. I thought about ignoring it, letting it go to voicemail. I was still angry with my brother for everything he’d said to Julie. But it was Christmas Eve. And he was still my brother.
“Hey,” I said, pressing the phone to my ear. “Merry Christmas.”
“You too,” Josh said. His voice was guarded.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I want to see you,” Josh said simply. “It’s Christmas Eve. Plus, I really think we should talk.”
“Yeah…” I trailed off. I knew Josh meant well, but the idea of seeing him made my stomach churn. I didn’t know if I was ready for that.
“Are you with your parents today?” Josh asked. “Because we can always meet up tomorrow or—”
“No,” I said quickly. “I’m not with my parents. I’m home.”
“Great,” Josh said. “Then, can I come by?”
“Sure.” I sighed. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Okay,” Josh said. “Well, I’ll see you in like an hour.”
“Great.”
We hung up, and I tossed my phone on the couch beside me. Dread filled my chest, but I tried to push it away. I needed to confront him about what had gone down with Julie. Did he really still love her, or was he just pissed that she was with me? Why had he told her that I knew who she was? What was the point of all of that? I was still incredibly pissed.
Deep down, I knew Josh and I needed to work things out. We couldn’t hate each other forever. Not after missing so much of each other’s lives. Still, when I thought about the things he said to Julie, my face flushed with rage.
I paced around the house for the better part of an hour. If I kept moving, I could keep my anger at bay. Josh would be there soon, and when he arrived, I didn’t want to start a fight. We both deserved a chance to have a nice Christmas Eve. If we could do that together, then that would be even better.
When I couldn’t pace anymore, I drove down the road to pick up some food. Only one place was open in town, so my choices were limited. I picked up a quick lunch for two and then made my way back home. When I pulled into my driveway, Josh was getting out of his car.
“Hey,” Josh said when he saw me. “I thought you were home.”
“I was,” I said. “Just went to grab us some food.”
“Oh,” Josh said. He smiled nervously. “Great. I’m starving.”
We went inside and sat down in the living room to eat. We didn’t speak much at first. The food was a nice distraction from each other, but eventually, we ran out of things to eat, and the conversation began to pick up.
“So,” I said. “How’s the residency?”
“Exhausting,” Josh said. “I’m ready for a break, but that won’t happen for a while.”
“But you still like it?” I asked.
“Definitely,” Josh said with a nod. “I love being a doctor. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
I nodded and stared out the window. Josh followed my gaze and then looked around the room. Neither of us knew how to be around each other anymore. It was as if Julie had wedged a permanent gap between us, and yet, it wasn’t even her fault.
“Have you talked to her?” Josh fin
ally asked.
I couldn’t believe he would dare ask me about Julie. After taking her to dinner and selling me out, I thought he had enough sense to avoid saying her name around me.
“Yes,” I said. “I went to her place on Friday, and she promptly kicked me out.”
“Oh,” Josh said. A smug satisfaction crossed his face, but he quickly wiped it away. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Bullshit,” I said with a snort. “I know what you said to her.”
“What I said?” Josh asked innocently.
“She told me everything,” I said. “That you texted her to meet up. That you told her you still loved her and begged her to take you back.”
“I never begged her to take me back,” Josh said defensively. “I don’t beg.”
“She told me you wanted to be with her,” I said. “And that you insisted this thing between her and me was nothing more than pretend. You said I was only with her because of her connection to you.”
“That’s a lie,” Josh said. “I didn’t say those things.”
“You’re saying Julie lied?” I asked.
“Yes.” Josh’s eyes locked on mine. “She did.”
“So, you didn’t tell you her loved her?” I asked.
“God no.” Josh scoffed. “I dumped her, remember?”
“And you didn’t tell her that she shouldn’t be with me?” I demanded.
“No,” Josh said. “I didn’t say anything like that.”
I just stared at him. I knew he was lying. It was written all over his face. I’d never hated anyone more than I hated him at that moment.
“Did you tell her that I knew?” I asked. “About you and her?”
Josh opened his mouth, but he let it fall shut quickly. I wanted to see how he would deny that one. Julie couldn’t have found out the truth unless Josh told her.
“I did,” Josh said with a sigh. “I told her that you knew who she was.”
“Why?” I asked. “What was the point?”
“Because you weren’t going to tell her,” Josh said. “And she needed to know.”
“Why?” I asked again.
“It was the right thing to do, Michael.”
Josh’s self-righteous attitude only pissed me off even more. I turned away, unable to look at him for another second. This man was supposed to be my brother, and yet, he went out of his way to ruin the first real relationship I’d had in years. All because he dated her first.
“You just couldn’t stand it, could you?” I asked.
“What?” Josh frowned.
“That she was actually moving on,” I snapped. “That she found someone who really wanted to be with her. You couldn’t stand the fact that she was happy with me, so you had to ruin it.”
“You ruined it all by yourself,” Josh said, his eyes flashing. “The second you decided to lie to her.”
I glared at him. He was right, at least partially. If I’d told Julie everything from the very beginning, then none of this would have happened.
“That doesn’t explain why you tried to get back with her,” I said. “Or why you bashed me to do it.”
“I never tried to get back with her,” Josh said. He was angry now. His face was flushed a deep red. “That bitch lied to you.”
“Watch your fucking mouth.”
My eyes narrowed as I clenched my fists at my sides. I’d been thinking about punching my brother for days and, now, he was within swinging distance.
“We can’t let her come between us,” Josh said. “You and me, We’re brothers, Michael. This girl means nothing compared to that. You can’t let your feelings for her cloud what’s really important. She lied to you. You lied to her. Just cut her loose and move on. There’s no reason you and I should be fighting over her. She’s not worth it. Any of it.”
“Get out.” My voice was low and dangerous.
“What?” Josh blinked. “You aren’t serious.”
“You and I were never that close to begin with,” I said firmly. “And if you ever call Julie a bitch in front of me again, I won’t be responsible for what I do to you.”
“Michael…” Josh began, but my glare must have shut him up.
“Get out,” I said again.
Josh sighed and got to his feet. He took a few steps toward the door, but before he made it, he turned back around to face me.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Josh said. “Julie Black isn’t worth your time, Michael.”
I didn’t say anything. I just glared until he walked through the front door. My fists were still clenched at my sides when I heard his engine rev. It wasn’t until I was sure he was gone that I finally relaxed.
I grabbed my phone and dialed Julie’s number without thinking. She was the only person I wanted to talk to. She was the only person who would understand my anger at Josh. But she didn’t pick up.
I felt alone and defeated as I laid my phone back down on the couch. Julie was spending time with her family. She didn’t want to hear from me. She probably didn’t even want to see me. And now, I’d lost my brother, too.
It was as if I couldn’t win. Nothing was going right. Later that night, I thought about calling Julie again. I even managed to convince myself that she would pick up this time, but I didn’t take the chance. Instead, I curled into a ball on my couch and fell asleep.
CHAPTER 27
Julie
The sun woke me the next morning but, seconds later, the sound of toddler squeals filled my ears. I rolled onto my side just in time for my bedroom door to burst open. Layla sprung inside and bounced on my bed, landing heavily on my stomach.
“Ouch.” I laughed. “Be careful with Aunt Julie. I’m fragile.”
“It’s Kissmas!” Layla said. “Santa came!”
“He did?” I asked. “Did he bring you presents?”
“Yeah!” Layla said. She bounced up and down.
When I looked up, Bethany was standing in my doorway. She grinned at me and came inside to sit on the edge of my bed.
“She wanted to wake you up before we went downstairs,” Bethany said. “You better hurry because she won’t wait much longer.”
“Well, let’s go!” I said.
Layla squealed and jumped to the floor. Bethany and I hurried after her, laughing and running to keep up.
“Wait!” Bethany called. “Let Mommy help you with the stairs.”
Layla barely slowed down, but Bethany grabbed her hand. They bounced down the stairs together, giggling the whole way.
My mom and dad were waiting for us in the living room. Bryan was making coffee in the kitchen, but he hurried over to watch his daughter open her gifts. We all sat around together, watching Layla rip open wrapping paper and yell with delight as each present was revealed. There was nothing like watching a little kid open gifts on Christmas morning.
The morning flew by quickly. Layla finished opening her presents, and then the adults took turns. We all ate breakfast together and then got dressed for church. My mom insisted we all attend Christmas service together, and we knew better than to argue. By the time we got home, it was after lunch.
Everything happened so fast that I barely had a chance to think about Michael. It wasn’t until we ate dinner that I finally slowed down long enough to miss him. I made my way out back for some alone time.
I thought about the gifts I had for Michael under my tree. I never got the chance to give them to him. I’d spent days trying to find the perfect gifts and, now, Christmas was here, and I didn’t even get to see him.
“What are you thinking about?” Bethany asked as she came outside to join me.
“Michael,” I said simply.
“Still missing him?” Bethany asked.
“More than ever,” I said. “It’s Christmas. I just wish things could be different.”
“They can be,” Bethany said.
I nodded but didn’t say anything. Bethany was so sure that everything could be fixed. She tried to convince me that one phone call would solve all my
problems. It felt naïve. Ridiculous. There was no way I could just pick up the phone and call Michael. Not after ignoring him for days.
“He wouldn’t want to talk to me,” I said. “Not now.”
“Didn’t he call you last night?” Bethany asked.
“How do you know that?” I asked.
Bethany shrugged. “I looked at your phone.”
“Seriously?” I snapped.
“I’m your big sister,” Bethany said. “If I can’t pry, then who can?”
“You’re insane.” I shook my head, but Bethany was totally unfazed.
“Just call him,” Bethany said. “You miss him.”
“I do,” I said with a sigh. “I wish we could have spent today together. I wanted him to meet you and Bryan and Layla. I was even willing to bring him around Mom and Dad.”
“Poor guy,” Bethany said.
I glared at her. “But then everything changed,” I said.
“I know it did,” Bethany said. “But who says you can’t change it back?”
“Because life doesn’t work that way,” I said defiantly. “You can’t just snap your fingers and make things perfect again.”
“Look,” Bethany said. She moved closer to me. “The only thing standing in your way right now is you. You’re miserable, and it’s all your fault.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“I’m serious,” Bethany said. “I know you’re hurting. I know Joshua messed you up and that this whole thing with Michael is complicated and painful. Okay? I get that. But right now, all you can do is move forward.”
“How do I do that?” I asked.
“You either let go,” Bethany said. “And forget about both Michael and Joshua for good. Or you call the man you love to make things right.”
“Love?” I blinked.
“We both know how you feel,” Bethany said. “So, don’t try to deny it.”
I looked down at my shoes. Bethany wasn’t wrong. My feelings for Michael were stronger than I ever imagined they could be. Despite all the pain he’d caused me, I still couldn’t shake him. Letting go was impossible when it meant cutting Michael out of my life forever. No matter how hurt I was, I knew I’d never be able to do that.
