by Rye Hart
“We have to get Layla home,” Bethany said. “Just think about it, okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I will.”
Bethany kissed the top of my head and then disappeared back inside. I stayed where I was, frozen on my parents’ back porch with my mind spinning in circles. I had a million options in front of me, a million paths I could take. But none of them felt right. The only thing I wanted to do was keep hiding. From Michael. From Joshua. From everything.
Even as I thought it, I knew I was being immature. Hiding wouldn’t solve anything. I’d spent days dodging Michael’s phone calls and ignoring my own feelings. The only thing I’d accomplished was pushing my own happiness further and further away.
I knew Bethany was right. The only thing stopping me from being with Michael was my own selfish pride. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of answering his phone calls or returning his text messages. I wanted him to feel alone and ashamed. I wanted him to feel guilty about everything he put me through.
But none of that was right. It didn’t make sense. I missed him so much that it hurt and, still, I continued to hide from him. I wasn’t just hurting Michael, I was hurting myself. As I sat outside with my blanket wrapped tightly around me, I finally caved in to my true desires.
The phone only rang twice before Michael picked up. I melted when I heard his voice slip through the phone.
“Hi,” Michael said. “I’m surprised you called.”
“I thought it was about time,” I said.
“I’m glad you did,” he said quickly. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
We fell silent for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. There were so many things I wanted to say to him that I didn’t know where to begin. I opened my mouth ten times, but no words came out. Every time something popped into my head, I convinced myself it would sound stupid.
“Listen,” Michael finally said. “Julie, I’m sorry for what happened. I shouldn’t have lied—”
“I miss you.” I blurted out the words before I could stop myself. Before I even realized what I was saying, it was out there for the entire world to know.
I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing, but I didn’t care. I was done hiding and fighting with myself. I stopped thinking and let myself feel, acting only on my emotions and nothing else. All I could do was sit back and hope for the best.
Michael inhaled sharply on the other end of the phone. I wished more than anything that I could see his face at that moment. If I saw his eyes, I would know exactly what he was thinking. Instead, I just had to wait for him to speak. My heart raced the entire time.
“I miss you, too,” Michael said softly. His voice was weak. He sounded close to tears.
I closed my eyes and inhaled the cold air. The sound of Michael’s breathing was enough to comfort me. I hadn’t felt so relaxed in days.
“How was your Christmas?” I asked.
“It was…” Michael trailed off. “Eventful.”
“Oh?” I asked. “Tell me about it.”
“Well,” Michael said with a soft chuckle. “Josh came over yesterday, and that didn’t go very well.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I never meant to come between you and your brother.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Michael said. “None of this is your fault, Julie.”
“I know,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean I want to see you hurt.”
“The only thing that’s hurting me is being away from you,” Michael said. My heart skipped a beat. “Josh isn’t even on my radar right now.”
“I’m sorry for avoiding you,” I said. “I just wasn’t ready to talk yet.”
“I understand,” Michael said. “What I did was pretty unforgivable.”
“Why did you do it?” I asked. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth that day in the café?”
Michael hesitated. I could tell he was thinking how best to respond. I waited patiently, just happy to finally talk to him again.
“I didn’t know how you would react,” Michael said. “I thought you would freak out and run away.”
I laughed. “I might have. I left Dallas to escape Joshua. If I knew I’d met his brother during my first week in town, I probably would have lost it.”
“Exactly,” Michael said. “And I hated that. I just wanted to get to know you. You have to know that I never intended for things to go so far. When I sat down to talk to you, it was just to talk. I didn’t think I would like you so much.”
“Why did you talk to me at all?” I asked softly.
“I knew about your relationship with Josh,” Michael said. “I knew how he treated you, and I knew you didn’t deserve it. I can’t tell you how many times he pissed me off when we would talk about you.”
“I can imagine,” I said. “Joshua was never very kind when it came to me.”
“He told me about your breakup,” Michael said. “And then, there you were. Just sitting in the café. I was surprised, but I also couldn’t walk away. It was like a magnet was pulling me to you. There was nothing I could do to fight it.”
I closed my eyes and listened to his voice. Everything he said sounded perfect. It was exactly what I’d wanted to hear for days now. But I was scared. Terrified. The idea of getting hurt again was almost too much to bear.
“I’m sorry I lied,” Michael said. “It was wrong.”
“I think I understand,” I said weakly. “It wasn’t an easy situation.”
“That doesn’t make it right,” Michael said firmly. “I fucked up.”
“You really did.” I laughed.
Michael laughed with me, and soon, we were just talking. I told him all about Christmas with my family, and he told me about the trouble he’d been having at work. We talked for hours, steering clear of any more emotional topics. Instead, we laughed a lot and bantered back and forth just like always.
By the time our conversation came to an end, I felt lighter and more like myself. I still wasn’t ready to forgive Michael for everything, and I didn’t know where we stood, but I wanted to see him.
“When do you get back to town?” Michael asked.
“Tomorrow,” I said.
“Can I see you?” Michael asked. There was a hint of nervousness in his voice that made me smile.
“Yes,” I said. “I told you. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” Michael said.
“Well, tomorrow it is then.”
“Perfect.”
We said goodnight, but I stayed outside for a little longer. I felt relieved and more relaxed than I’d been in days. The promise of seeing Michael tomorrow was enough to bring a smile to my face. I didn’t know if we’d be able to pick up where we left off. Too much had already happened between us, but I was hopeful that, if nothing else, we could start over.
CHAPTER 28
Michael
Tuesday morning found me in back-to-back meetings. After losing the Richardson account, I couldn’t afford to slack on business any longer. Plus, after Julie finally called me, the weight was lifted off my chest. I could breathe again. My brain felt less foggy. I could focus without thoughts of Julie invading my mind. Just knowing I would see her later that night was enough to keep me going throughout most of the day.
“I’m glad we sat down,” Frank said when our meeting ended. “Good to see you, Michael.”
“You too,” I said. “Call me if you need anything else, all right?”
“Will do.”
Frank left my office with a smile on his face. He was my first meeting of the day and, soon, more clients were filing inside. I had Marcy hold all my calls and filter my emails to her account. For right now, there was nothing more important than taking care of my clients in person. I wanted to be perfectly free when I saw Julie later, and I knew I wouldn’t be if I was still worried about my business.
My meeting dragged on slowly, but I felt confident that everything was going well. By the end of the day, I was fl
ying on cloud nine. My remaining clients were all satisfied. Some even put in extra orders, and a few praised me for my holiday party.
“My wife had a blast,” Aaron said. “She was completely taken with that girlfriend of yours.”
“Oh,” I said with a laugh. “Julie?”
“Yes!” Aaron said. “She seemed great.”
“She really is.” I grinned.
We said goodbye and I walked him outside. Aaron was my last meeting of the day. It was almost five o’clock, but I didn’t feel the slightest bit tired. My entire body was alive with energy. I knew I would see Julie soon, and I couldn’t wait.
I grabbed my phone off my desk and waved a quick goodbye to Marcy. Julie’s gift was sitting on the passenger seat in my car, ready and waiting to be opened by her. I brought it with me so I wouldn’t have to go home before I picked her up for our date.
When I climbed behind the wheel of my car, I grinned at the box and quickly stuck my keys in the ignition. As I did so, I turned my phone back on. I’d had it off most of the day so I wouldn’t be distracted during my meetings. It powered up slowly, and I threw my car into reverse.
I pulled out of the parking lot and drove through town. Julie was waiting for me, and that fact kept a wide smile on my face while I drove. Nothing could have darkened my mood. After Julie called me on Christmas, it was like my entire life suddenly changed course. The world righted itself and, suddenly, everything was falling back into place.
I was almost to Julie’s house when my phone began to vibrate violently in my lap. Frowning, I looked down to see that I had four missed calls and six text messages. My stomach tightened as I pressed the button to hear my messages.
“Mr. Smart,” an unfamiliar voice said. “This is Dr. Harrison. I’m calling to inform you that your brother has been admitted to…”
The rest of the message fell on my ears painfully. The road turned into a blur in front of me. I pulled over to listen to the rest of the message.
Josh was in some sort of accident. He was admitted to a hospital in Dallas, and they were rushing him into emergency surgery. The other three messages were from nurses, informing me of his condition and reminding me which hospital he was in.
Without thinking, I threw my phone down and sped out of town. I was on the freeway in minutes, speeding toward Dallas. I couldn’t think about anything other than Josh. I imagined him lying in a hospital bed, alone and bleeding. I wondered how bad the accident was, how severe his injuries were, and how I could have been so stupid as to leave my phone off all day.
Julie crossed my mind as I pulled into the hospital parking lot. I thought about calling her or at least texting her to let her know I wouldn’t make it, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I had tunnel vision as I tore through the hallways trying to find my brother’s room.
For days now, I’d been so angry with him. I could barely think his name without wanting to feel his jaw against my knuckles. I’d hated him so much that it made me physically sick, but now? He could die, and I was mad at him. The last time we spoke, we yelled at each other. I kicked him out of my house on Christmas Eve. He could die, and that would be my last memory of him.
I stopped at the closest nurses’ station and demanded directions to his room. The nurse looked up his information and then directed me down the hall. There, I found another nurses’ station, but no one was there. I scanned the hallway, desperate to find someone who could tell me what was going on.
Finally, a nurse appeared down the hall. I ran toward her, talking a mile a minute.
“Calm down, sir,” the nurse said. “Just tell me your brother’s name, okay? I’ll get you all the information I have.”
I gave Josh’s name and waited while the nurse typed something into her computer. She scanned the screen and then looked back at me with a patient smile.
“He’s still in surgery,” she said. “But it looks like he’s stable. If anything changes, I’ll let you know immediately.”
“Is there somewhere I can wait?” I asked.
The nurse pointed down the hall to a waiting room. I nodded my thanks and slowly walked forward. As I did, I pulled out my phone to dial Julie’s number. Now that I was at the hospital, I could slow down long enough to call her. I didn’t want her to think I’d stood her up for no reason.
“Michael?” a woman’s voice said behind me.
I didn’t recognize the voice, but when I turned around, my heart fell into my stomach, and my throat tightened painfully. I swallowed hard and blinked, sure that I was seeing things.
“Michael?” she asked again. “Is that you?”
I froze. I would have recognized those eyes anywhere. After all, they were the same eyes I saw staring back at me every time I looked in a mirror. They were the same eyes that Josh and I shared. Dark blue. Round. And full of emotion.
“Yeah,” I said slowly. “I’m Michael.”
“Oh my god.”
She took a step forward but stopped herself. I didn’t know what to say or what to think. I rushed to the hospital without thinking about the possibility that she might be there. Of course she was there. She was Josh’s mother. My biological mom. The woman who gave me up for adoption when I was just an hour old.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t really know what to say.”
“Let’s sit down,” she said. Her voice was weak.
She gestured toward a couple of chairs beside us. I followed her over and sat down, my hands shaking as I laid them on my knees.
“I’m Sheila,” she said with an uncertain smile. “I don’t know if you know who I am, but—”
“You’re my mother,” I said boldly.
Sheila blinked and swallowed. Pain crossed over her face, but she pushed it away and smiled instead. She nodded and just stared at me until I was ready to speak again.
“Josh told me a lot about you,” I said lamely.
“He’s told me a lot about you, too,” Sheila said. “It’s meant a lot to him that you two could finally meet.”
“Yeah,” I said. Talking about Josh made me think of Julie. I looked down at my phone, which was still clutched in my trembling hands. I tucked it away in my pocket. There was no way I could make a phone call now.
“Listen,” Sheila said. “I want you to know that I understand why you didn’t want to meet me.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything. I spent the past two years getting to know my brother. We talked. Slowly, we became brothers. Despite what happened with Julie, Josh was still my brother and I loved him, no matter what. Sheila was something different.
I had no memories of her. The first time Josh asked if I wanted to meet her, I said no without thinking. Josh never brought it up again. He just let it go, assuming that I would ask if I ever wanted the chance to see her. Deep down, I was always curious. I wondered about the woman who gave me away. I wondered who she was, what she was like, and if she ever regretted her decision.
Now that we were sitting there beside each other, I didn’t know what to say.
“I have a million questions,” I finally said. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“You can ask me anything,” Sheila said. “Anything you want.”
“Why did you give me away?” I asked.
The question flew from my lips before I could stop myself. Sheila inhaled sharply, and her eyes darkened with emotion. She looked more like Josh than ever.
“It’s a long story,” Sheila said.
“We have time.” I looked around the waiting room, silently showing her that we weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
“I already had Joshua,” Sheila said. “And when you came along, I was in the hole. Drugs. Alcohol. Everything.”
“Josh told me you’re sober now,” I said.
“I am.” Sheila smiled. “I have been for over twenty years.”
“That’s great,” I said.
“But back then,” Sheila continued. “I couldn’t take care of another child. I was already terrified t
hat the state would take Joshua away. The idea of losing you both, it was too much to bear. I knew I had to do what was best for you.”
“And you did,” I said. “My parents are amazing.”
“I know.” Sheila smiled again. “I’ve kept up with all three of you over the years. Your mother was kind enough to send me your school pictures.”
“She did?” I asked.
Sheila nodded. “Your mom’s a very kind person.”
I nodded and looked down at my hands. This whole night felt like a dream. Josh was in surgery. I didn’t know if he would make it or not. My biological mother was sitting in the waiting room, talking about how amazing my adopted mom was.
“This is crazy,” I said under my breath.
“I’m sorry,” Sheila said. “This isn’t how I wanted to meet you for the first time.”
“Me neither,” I said. “I wish the nurses would tell us something about Josh.”
“They will soon,” Sheila said with confidence.
When I looked over at her, I saw fear etched into the lines on her face. Her lips were pressed tightly together, and her eyes were wide. She wrung her hands together slowly. For the first time since I saw her, I realized how horrible this must be for her.
Her son was in surgery, and all she could do was wait for news. My heart ached as I watched her. Finally, I reached over and took her hand. I squeezed it gently.
“He’s going to be okay,” I said firmly. “Josh is strong. Everything’s going to be fine.”
“Thank you.” Sheila blinked back tears and clutched my hand.
We sat like that for what felt like hours. I tried not to watch the clock, but it felt like time was moving slower than ever before. When the doctor finally appeared, Sheila and I both jumped to our feet and hurried forward.
CHAPTER 29
Julie
My eyes never left the clock. I’d been ready for over an hour, my excitement so all-consuming that I could barely sit still. Michael and I had things to talk about and problems we would have to work through, but I couldn’t wait to see him again. His Christmas gifts were the only ones left under my tree. I imagined us having an amazing dinner, coming back to my place to open presents, and then talking into the night. Things wouldn’t be perfect. We would have to move slowly, but I felt lighter than air as I paced around my living room and waited for him to arrive.
