A Witch's Magic

by N. E. Conneely

  I looked around for Elron but had lost him in the dash for the door. He was a smart elf and could take care of himself. Turning around, I headed for my table and phone, dodging a flying breadstick along the way. If I had to handle this mess during what should’ve been my off time, so did Rodriguez.

  Phone pressed to my ear, I kept a sharp eye out for more flying food. At a table across from me, the flatware pieces had teamed up and was building a trebuchet, with the apparent intent of getting a sizable meatball airborne. My wand was in the air when movement at the edge of my vision caught my attention. A gang of spoons were working on pushing open the door to the kitchen. “Oh, no. None of that.”

  “None of what?” Rodriguez said. “Why do I hear screaming? I thought you were at dinner.”

  “I am, or was.” I kicked the spoons away from the door, and they scurried off, bowls drooping. Until today, I hadn’t known I could feel bad for kicking a spoon, but I did. “You know those magical problems we had at Happy Paws and The Creamery?”

  “Haven’t forgotten yet.”

  “Same problem at Italian Flair.” Almost everyone had gone out the front, though I still didn’t see Elron.

  Rodriguez groaned. “Really?”

  “Don’t give me that. It ruined my date. The least you can do is call reinforcements and help me deal with this.”

  “I’ll be there in twenty, and I’ll get some officers there to cordon off the area sooner.”

  “Thanks.” As I hung up, a terrifying thought occurred to me. Everything in the dining room had come from the kitchen. What was going on back there?

  “Narzel blast it.” There was at least one outside door in the kitchen too. I had to block it. Before I went through the door to the kitchen, I quickly cast the same barrier I’d cast before, letting people pass but not flatware.

  With that done, I took a deep breath and shoved the door open. It banged off the wall as I stepped through. At first glance, the kitchen was free of the pandemonium of the dining room, except it was empty. Not that I was the world’s best cook, but last I checked, food didn’t prepare or plate itself. There should've been cooks, waiters retrieving dishes, and any number of people back here. Instead, industrial-sized pots bubbled on the stove, and something smoked from inside a pan on an eight-burner range.

  All of which would’ve made sense if this area was awash with rioting flatware, but other than some lettuce on the ground and the burning whatever on the stove, it appeared to be in perfectly functional condition. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.

  Twisting around, I looked behind me, but I still didn’t see anything. Sucking in a deep breath, I reminded myself all I had to do was shield the back door, and I could get out of here. Simple, right?

  A whoosh of air had me darting to the side, which was the only reason I took the blow on the shoulder instead of the head. A metallic clang filled the room as the bowl crashed past me and onto the ground, flinging lettuce across the room as it went. It rolled on its rim, picking up speed instead of losing it, until it managed to flip itself right-side up.

  Now the bowls were in on the action? That couldn’t be good.

  My eyes slid over to the huge pots of boiling water. Normally, I’d be looking at those thinking about all the glorious pasta they could produce, but now… boiling water was dangerous.

  I backed up a step. The bowl rocked toward me.

  The back door. I just had to block the back door.

  I spun and darted around a workstation I didn’t have a name for. No one with my lack of cooking skills was familiar with restaurant kitchen equipment. There, on the other end of the lengthy bench, was the door. Three knives—chef’s knifes, not cute butter knives—stood up in the middle of the walkway.

  With their appearance, I decided I was close enough to the door. The spell went quickly this time, in large part because I’d done it twice already, but added to the day’s work, the drain on my magic was a concern. With the building sealed off, I could call my work done and join the masses outside. This could become someone else’s problem. Cleaning up this mess wasn’t in my contract with the county anyway.

  The center knife of the three hopped toward me.

  Then again, it was my problem if being stabbed was a possibility. I took one cautious step back.

  The knives jumped forward.

  Common wisdom was not to run from predators. It made them hunt you. My racing heart was sure running was the answer.

  There had to be a way, a non-magical way, to neutralize these knives. I risked a glance over my shoulder. The salad bowl scooted along the ground a few feet behind me. Maybe running was the right answer—if I had a proper distraction.

  Keeping my movements slow and steady, I inched away from the knives. They bounced forward, matching my progress. I kept my wand up, just in case. It was better to run out of magic than get a knife to the—well, any part of me.

  I paused with the salad bowl only a foot behind me. This was it. I took a deep breath and hopped back, lined up, and punted the bowl at the knives. I took off toward the door to the dining room, only sparing one quick look back. The knives were too busy fencing with the bowl to chase me.

  For once, luck smiled on me, and I made it through the door without further incident. Not that matters had improved much in the dining room. Gangs of flatware and dishes leapt from table to table, using breadbaskets as barricades as they waged war on the tables and chairs. The absolute madness of the scene aside, I had to admire their ingenuity.

  It crossed my mind to snag a serving tray as a shield, but then one of them rolled through an enemy line. I abandoned the idea.

  Thanks to their focus on each other, I managed to avoid most interaction with the magically improved items. One fork tried to bite my shoe, but I flung it into an enemy camp. They pounced on the newcomer with clear glee. It was all going as well as could be expected until I spotted the door.

  In the rush, I’d forgotten about the outdoor seating, which would have the same dinnerware as the dining room and nothing keeping it from running off to cause trouble. I cast the shield on the door. Previous escapees couldn’t be helped, but it would prevent additional runaways.

  A meatball flew in front of me from the same group who’d been using themselves as a trebuchet earlier. They had three trebuchets now and were holding off attackers handily.

  As much as I wanted to go out the front and find Elron, as far as I knew, I was the only one here with the power to corral magical dinnerware.

  With a sigh, and dodging another meatball, I darted around a group and made it to the patio door. I didn’t bother looking out to see what was waiting for me. It wouldn’t be a gang of chef’s knives, and that was the current bar of horribleness I wanted to avoid.

  My phone rang, and I tugged it out of my pocket with my left hand. “Oaks Consulting, this is Michelle.”

  “It’s Rodriguez. I’m almost there, but officers at the perimeter are reporting escaped items causing problems. Can you get on that?”

  I shoved the door open with my foot. “I’ll do what I can. Only leaving the building now.”

  “Now?”

  I didn’t bother to answer. If the mayhem inside had been bad, outside was worse. Former customers and a few employees were running around screaming. Bright police lights flashed red and blue around the parking lot. Even before my injury and power reduction, I wouldn’t have been able to fix this.

  Of all the excitement, and there was a lot of it, a familiar silver haired elf at the other side of the patio caught my attention. Elron lured a dinner plate over to him, which put it in reach of the ivy. In a second it was bound up so tightly it couldn’t move. As I got closer, I spotted flatware, bowls, a serving tray, and even one pitcher caught in the vine.

  “Now that’s a handy way to solve the problem.” The area looked relatively clear, so I dismissed my wand and gave my hand a break.

  Elron smiled at me. “The ivy was willing enough.”

  A spoon leapt off a ta
ble at me. I caught it and hurled it into the greenery, which captured it as quickly as it had the plate. “So I see.”

  He gave me a quick hug. “Sorry I was late.”

  “Given what happened, I wish we’d both been later.”

  A centaur in police uniform trotted past with a serving tray rolling after it. With one well-placed kick, it split the tray in half, and the officer continued on its patrol. The two halves of the tray flopped to the ground and didn’t move.

  “Do you have a plan?” Elron motioned to, well, all of it.

  “Maybe.” I spun out a tendril of magic and probed the serving tray. Breaking it had damaged the spell but not removed it, so simply damaging all the items wasn’t an option. However, I was able to determine that the magic was only on the surface, not inside. Rather like the magic at Happy Paws. And, given the similarities between the two events, likely from similar sources.

  I moved the probe to the items Elron had captured in the ivy. The spell was stronger on some of them than others. That could be due to differences in exposure to the magic that started this, or they could be using up the energy in the spell and, over time, would return to perfectly ordinary items. Since I didn’t know of any spells that had unlimited power, the second seemed more likely to me. Not that Rodriguez or any of the police would like that answer.

  “Given enough time, I think the spell will wear off. If we could round them up, we could treat them with a spell remover. Though I don’t have any with me.” And didn’t have it in me to make one. Honestly, sealing the building had used what I had had left this evening.

  “We need a null,” Elron mused.

  “That’d be great. Do you know of a local one?”

  Nulls were rare. I wasn’t sure exactly how rare, but rare enough that finding one in the general population was remarkable. Especially since the government loved to conscript them. They loved having someone on hand who could drain all the magic from an area. Trouble was, most of them lived in major cities and only moved when their government overlords told them to. Not because the nulls were heartless, but because someone always wanted them, and with the government behind them, they were safe.

  “No.”

  And that was likely the end of that idea. “We can mention it to Rodriguez, but even if there’s one in Georgia, I doubt they could get here in time to be helpful.”

  Elron shrugged. “Given the situations you’ve encountered lately, having a null around for a few days could be useful.”

  “No argument from me.” My phone rang again, and I fished it out of my pocket. It was Rodriguez. “Are you here yet?”

  “Just parked. Where are you?”

  “We’ll meet you at the front of the building.”

  “Copy.” The line went dead.

  Elron opened the gate and ushered me out with a bow and a playful smile. “My lady.”

  “Why thank you, good, sir.” I rested my left hand on his arm and summoned my wand into my right hand.

  As we walked away, a strand of ivy lifted from the ground and waved goodbye.

  Elron slowed. “Thank you for your assistance, and be kind to anyone who comes to retrieve those items.”

  The ivy bobbed in a motion akin to a nod and sunk back to the ground.

  “That never gets old.” I could do plenty of cool things. Magic was nifty like that, but talking to plants wasn’t one of them.

  “Nor does seeing you levitate an object.”

  “Child’s play, but fun.”

  The rest of the light conversation was lost when we rounded the corner of the building. A fork wobbled across the pavement in front of us.

  That shouldn’t have been able to escape. Not that my opinion mattered much when the fork was so clearly outside the building.

  Chapter Twelve

  A man held up a tie knotted around a fistful of flatware. “Nice haul, if I do say so myself.”

  Elron grabbed the fork before handing it off to a nearby flowerpot.

  Why hadn’t the spell worked? It should’ve worked. I edged around a woman sternly lecturing her purse, which had been, well, wiggling at the start of the scolding but was now still, to the front door. Both doors had been propped open with rocks from the flower beds, and past them, a small army of dinnerware beat against the shield, so they weren’t crossing at will. The spell was mostly working.

  I turned back to the woman. “Excuse me, ma’am, but may I ask what’s in your purse?”

  She looked at me and then at her purse.

  “Michelle Oaks. I’m a witch who works with the police.”

  “Well, the water pitcher bit my husband’s jacket as we were leaving. It tried to bite us, so we stuffed it in my purse.” She hesitated. “It wasn’t just us! A spoon was in a lady’s hair. My husband even found a fork in his pocket!” She kept talking faster, as if without the additional details I wouldn’t believe her.

  “It must have been terrifying. Could you hold onto that pitcher for a little longer? We’re working on how to contain all of these items.”

  She nodded, and her fingers tightened on her purse strap.

  “Thank you, ma’am.” I stepped away before she could tell me more stories. They’d all be about the same. The spell had worked, but only against items that weren’t attached to a person. If a fork or plate had been in contact with a person, it got out just fine. Not the wild success I’d hoped for, but at least the majority of the items were trapped inside.

  “Oaks! There you are.” Rodriguez strode through the crowd, several of which were following him. “What can you tell me that I don’t already know?”

  “Not much, and there’s even less I can do to fix the problem.” Likely not news to him, but galling to say nonetheless. It was Happy Paws all over again.

  He sighed. “Here I was hoping for better news.”

  “You’re lucky I was here at all. If it hadn’t been for a dinner date, we’d both have gotten this call, and it wouldn’t have been limited to a few forks in a parking lot.” My stomach growled.

  “Gratitude has limits.” Rodriguez locked eyes with me. “I had plans too, and they didn’t involve this any more than yours did.”

  I wanted to argue, but I couldn’t. “What is it about this town that attracts all this? Is it really like this everywhere and I never noticed until I started working with the police?”

  “No idea, but it would be great if it was someone else’s problem for a bit.” Rodriguez looked past me to the door, and his eyes went wide. “They really are animated.”

  “Annoyingly so. Like at Happy Paws, I can’t pull the magic off of all of them. It would take too much effort. Given that these spells aren’t on animals, I think you could let the spell run its course. It should wear off in twelve to twenty-four hours. At least that’s my best guess.” I glanced over at Elron. “Tell him your idea.”

  “A null.” Elron didn’t bother to expand.

  Rodriguez shook his head. “I tried to put in a request for one after Happy Paws, and again after The Creamery. I even tried calling the FBI directly. I was told very bluntly their nulls have better things to do than sit around small towns waiting for minor magical emergencies.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “They really said that?”

  “Yup.”

  “Wow.”

  Rodriguez shrugged. “It was a good thought, Elron.”

  “Though not useful,” Elron said.

  That sounded like my cue. “What do you want me to do here, Rodriguez? It’s been a long day. I don’t have it in me to use magic to capture the dinnerware.” I summed up how the shields worked and what I’d done. “Oh, and I’ll only charge you half my normal rate. I was already here, and even if I didn’t work with you, I would’ve done something.”

  “Thank you.” Rodriguez rocked back on his heels as he looked around. “Go home. Have a nice night, give me a report tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon. We’ll be rounding these things up for hours. No reason for you to be here. I’m not even sure if there’s a reason for me to be
here.”

  “You’re sure?” It was a mess, and I felt bad leaving him alone to face it.

  “Yup. I’ll talk to the perimeter guys, let them know you’re clear to leave.” Rodriguez rubbed his face. “It’s gonna be a long night.”

  “If you need me, call. For this mess, still half my usual rate since I’m leaving you to deal with it.”

  “Thanks.” He flashed a tired smile. “Now go before something else goes wrong.”

  “Got it.” I took Elron’s hand and we went. Not together, since we’d arrived in two cars. I went directly home, stomach protesting at leaving without food but glad to get away from the mess. Elron had promised to meet me at the house with takeout in hand. I planned on cracking open a bottle of wine and pretending like we’d planned to have our date night at the lodge.

  Elron arrived only ten minutes after me, though how he’d managed carry-out rather than drive-through on that timeline was a mystery I’d leave for another time. He even found lilac statice flowers for the table. Turned out, red wine went nicely with burgers, even if his was mushroom rather than beef. In between bites, we recapped our day. Between the news of Ethel, which seemed to have happened days ago rather than this morning, and the emergencies at Witch’s Warehouse, The Creamery, and Italian Flair, I did most of the talking. But I got to enjoy the last of my burger with cheerful tales of the greenhouses.

  After munching down the fries, the conversation lulled. In quiet moments, memories and thoughts of Ethel swirled through my mind, but the day had numbed me from the pain. I didn’t have tears, simply sadness. More than anything, I wanted to look forward. The accident that had killed her was a cold reminder that life could change in an instant.

  “Can we talk about wedding plans? After everything…” Reaching across the table, I wrapped my hands around his. “I need to look toward something good.”

  His brows pulled together. “I am not sure this is the best time, given… but if it is what you wish.”

  “We are planning this wedding.” I stared him down.

  “Spring, as we said before.” Elron took a deep breath. “Two years from now. It’s quick, but with modern technology, getting all the invitations out in time should not be difficult.”