Breaking Out of Bedlam

by Leslie Larson

  “Is that right?” he said.

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “Did she say why?”

  Well, I couldn’t tell him all the nasty things Glenda said about him—it would hurt his feelings, plus I didn’t want things to get off on the wrong foot between him and Glenda. And, to tell the truth, I had to be careful what I said because I went overboard with what I told Glenda. Vitus and I hadn’t really said we were going to leave this place together, at least not in a definite way. I didn’t want to scare him off, but I have to admit I did want to know where he stood on the subject.

  So I just said, “She wants me to stay like I always was. Her mother. She can’t stand to see me change, do something different.”

  “That worries me,” he said. “Do you think she’ll make trouble for us?”

  “I’m afraid she’ll talk to her brothers. I’m scared that all three kids will put their heads together and plot against me like they did before.” All the bile bubbled up fresh as ever and for a minute I hated my own children, I really did. “They are going to try and keep us apart!” I cried. “They are going to do everything in their power to make sure I’m shut up in this place the rest of my life, while strangers live in my own home!”

  “Now, now, Woozy,” Vitus said, patting my arm. “I’m not going to let that happen. When two people want to be together, nothing can keep them apart. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Come on, you’re upset. I’ll walk you back to your room.”

  I invited him in when we got there, but I think what I’d told him tired him out because he kept yawning and rubbing his face.

  “I apologize, Woozy,” he told me. “I’m just so sleepy.”

  His room is no bigger than a closet, and that fiend Daniel who shares it is evil incarnate. Plus his single bed is nowhere near big enough for a man his size. So when he yawned for the fiftieth time and blinked at me like he could hardly see, I told him, “Climb up there on the bed. Take you a nap.”

  He slipped off his shoes and got up there, on top of the bedspread. I plumped up the pillow and covered him with the afghan Glenda gave me. He cozied up there on his side, his hands in prayer position under his head like an angel. I didn’t want to watch TV or do anything to disturb him so I tiptoed over here to my dressing table and opened my book.

  He don’t sleep sprawled out like Abel did, his arms and legs thrown helter-skelter like a corpse. I have to pinch myself, seeing him there on the bed. My bed! I’d forgotten how nice it is to have someone in the room sleeping while you’re up and about. It makes you feel warm and safe, like you’re watching over somebody. I felt that way with my kids and even with Lulu. I loved it when she slept under the kitchen table while I had breakfast. I slipped my house shoes off and worked my toes into her ribs while I read the paper and drank my coffee.

  Vitus’s feet are sticking out of the afghan, so pink and sweet. I have half a mind to go over there and press my face against his soles, to take those toes of his right into my mouth! I got a confession to make. I want to suck, and lick, and bite Vitus all over. I want to eat him up! Things I never thought of before, things that in the old days might of turned my stomach. He just seems good enough to eat. I want to give his nipples a good, hard pinch! I want to suck titty on that man, nurse on him like a little baby! Take a wad of that fat that hangs over his pants on the side and sink my teeth into it! Shake it like a dog! I want some private time with his kneecaps! Push my tongue up his nose as far as it will go! Smell his belly button! Run my finger over his gums! Lick his armpits! Spread his cheeks and get a good look at his asshole! I want to suck his teeth and rub my tits in his hair! Oh, Lord. There’s no end to the things I want to do.

  It’s been a long time since I felt this way about anybody. My first baby was like that. Like we were two bears in a cave, a cub and her mama. I wanted to breathe that baby’s breath, I wanted to feel her next to me every minute. I never felt that same way about my other kids, and they didn’t feel that way about me, either. I could tell. With Abel it was pretty much his mouth and his whang—the rest was a mystery to me. I didn’t have no interest, and as far as I could tell, neither did he. As long as the one was sucking and the other was prodding, he was happy.

  I can hardly contain myself. Vitus is like a new place I got to go. It’s like my whole body is an ear, listening as hard as it can, straining toward a sound. The front of me itches to press up against him, to breathe him in with my skin.

  WHAT A SCENE between laying down this pen yesterday and picking it up this morning. My God. There’s so many ups and downs, I get dizzy just thinking about it. It’s going to be tricky to do it justice, but I’ll try my damndest.

  I waited ‘til Vitus was good and asleep, then I closed this book and tippy-toed across the room. I slipped off my shoes and crawled up next to him as quiet as I could. He didn’t wake up. I stretched out on my side next to him. Our faces were but a few inches apart.

  Can you imagine how thrilled I was to be there beside him on the bed, to feel his body so close to mine?

  I don’t think you can.

  I was shaking. For a minute I just laid there, looking at his face and breathing in his smell. My skin pumped out heat like a furnace. It’s a wonder it didn’t char the front of Vitus’s body.

  I had an urge, oh such an urge!

  He must have sensed me there, because his eyes opened. For a second we just looked at each other, eyeball to eyeball. He didn’t move, didn’t talk, didn’t smile.

  “Hi, sugar,” I said.

  For a minute I thought he was still asleep, because he stared at me like he’d never seen me before in his life. He sat up lickety-split.

  I sat up and slipped my arm over his shoulder. “Did you have a nice nap?” I pulled him closer. He was still a little confused from sleeping. I put my other arm around him and gave him a bear hug. I was revved up. “Lie back down,” I coaxed. “Let’s have a little hanky-panky.”

  He finally smiled. “My, my, Cora. What did I do to deserve this?”

  “Well, you looked so sweet sleeping here,” I whispered in his ear, “I thought I’d come over and get me some of you.”

  He slicked his hair back and grinned. “Oh, you did, did you?”

  “That’s right.” I laid back and pulled him down with me. “I’ve been waiting for this a long time.”

  He nestled on the pillow next to me.

  “I hope you want me like I want you, Vitus. Because I want you in the worst way. The very worst.”

  He rolled onto his side and stroked my hair. It gave me the shivers. I reached around and got me a handful of ass.

  His hand moved down to my neck, then to my shoulder. He petted so gentle, in big, slow circles. “You’re such a beautiful woman, Cora. I can’t take my eyes off you.” He tapped the end of my nose with his finger.

  Things were moving a little slow, so I rolled him onto his back and threw a leg over him.

  He chuckled. “My goodness, Cora.” He growled like a little dog. “You bring out the beast in me.”

  “Let it go. I can handle it.”

  He kissed me, soft and tender. That got me going full bore. His lips moved like powder puffs on my neck. It was real nice, but after awhile I wanted to move along. Maybe I was used to Abel, who’d chew your face off in ten seconds and eat your head for dessert.

  I moved his hands down to my boobs. He started those circles again, not grabbing at all, just swooshing things around. I tried to enjoy that fancy stuff. I told myself to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. But I was in a lather. I clambered up on top of him.

  He chuckled again, and made his little dog barks. After having just one man for all those years, it takes time to get used to a new one. But he was trying my patience. I squirmed around on top of him, tried to smarten the pace.

  He didn’t squirm back, or rear up against me, or grab my behind, or throw me over and climb on top. Nope. I was puffing like a freight
train by then. His hands moved soft, up and down my sides. It shamed me to feel so crude, like a rutting billy goat. He knew how to take his time, how to make things nice. I loved smelling him, feeling his body against mine. But he was so still and quiet. Much as I hate to say it, I missed Abel’s smutty talk.

  “Loosen up, sugar,” I whispered in Vitus’s ear. “Let yourself go.”

  I decided to give him a little help. I snaked my hand down between us and hunted out his crotch. Lord have mercy! It was soft as pudding. Nothing but a pot of mush between his legs.

  “Listen, honey,” I said, “if you have a medical problem, just say so.” I reared back so I could get a look at his face. His hair was jumbled up. His cheeks were red. “Are you just not able?”

  Vitus shifted under me. “Cora, please. You’ve taken me by surprise, that’s all. I wasn’t expecting this.”

  “Well, get with the program, mister,” I kidded him.

  He smiled and gave me his devil look. “I’m a slow starter, that’s all. Always have been. But once I get warmed up, watch out.”

  “I can help you with that.”

  I gave his balls the what for. He gasped. His poor eyes looked scared. “What’s wrong?” I said, giving them little squeeze. I winked. “Ain’t you a man?”

  “Cora, please! I am a gentleman!”

  I guess I embarrassed him. “Well, get over it! There’s a time and a place for everything, and there’s no room for a gentleman in this bed! You can have anything, Vitus! Anything you want!”

  He was the exact opposite of Abel, who wanted sex every day of his life, right up until the end. He pestered me at all hours of the day and night. When we was first married, he’d even drive the ten miles home at lunchtime, do his business, then hop in the car and be back at work within the hour. I couldn’t even look at his whang without it standing up to say hello.

  Six months before Abel died, we got a new mattress to see if it’d ease the pain the cancer caused him at night. “I can’t get no purchase on this damn thing!” he complained while he pumped away, sick as he was. Without the divots his knees had worn in the old mattress, he couldn’t get up the speed he wanted, poor old devil. “There’s no gription!” he cried. He punched the mattress with his fist and flung himself on his back, having a tantrum like a little boy.

  I took pity on him. I got up and straddled him, finished him off in twenty seconds. That was the thing about Abel. He might want to do it five or ten times a day, but it never took him very long. “Thanks, Mommy,” he said when I got off and laid down beside him. We both laid there on our backs and cried.

  So I was confounded with Vitus. All those times a stiff dick was the last thing I wanted to see and now here I was begging for it.

  He rolled me over, got on top, and commenced to kissing me again. Now we were getting somewhere. None of that rough kissing like Abel, but Vitus was putting his heart into it. Trying to make everything feel just right, I could tell. I tried to do it right, too. Showed him that I could follow his lead. We waltzed instead of doing a stomp dance. He commenced to stroking my hair again. He gave my boobs a little tickle. He giggled.

  I reached down again and fished around in his pants to see if the situation had improved. Same old mush.

  “What is it, Vitus? Is it my size? Are you shriveled up because I’m fat?”

  He pushed himself off me, rolled to the side of the bed, and swung his legs over the side. “You know it’s not that, Cora.” He covered his face with his hands. “Sometimes I have trouble. There you have it.”

  I scooted over and rubbed his back. “Don’t you worry, Vitus. I understand. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve heard it happens to the best of men.”

  He turned around and looked at me. His face was so pitiful, my heart almost broke. “Will you forgive me? Just this once?”

  “There’s nothing to forgive, sweetie. I love you to death. You don’t have to worry. All that’s not important to me.” It was a lie, but a white one.

  He took my hand and looked into my eyes. “You’re one in a million, my girl.”

  He bent over to put his shoes on and mumbled something in a foreign language.

  “What was that you said?” I hate for someone to say something I can’t understand.

  He straightened up, twisted around, looked me right in the eye, and repeated what he’d just said, slow and clear, all those foreign clicks and clucks and hisses buzzing around my head like a swarm of hornets.

  My gorge starting rising. “What does that mean, Vitus? Say it in English.”

  “I said I don’t want it to be like that for us, Cora. Not two animals lunging at each other. I want it to be special.”

  It was like the movies, where they swing a watch in front of your face to hypnotize you.

  “You deserve better than that, Cora, much better. You’ll see. Let me show you. I have it all figured out.”

  Trouble is, he’s so handsome. It’s hard to stay mad at a man like that. He was right. My life has always been so rough, barely scraping by. Same thing with love—it’s always been the bottom of the barrel for me, whatever comes my way. I wouldn’t know the finer things in life if they bit me on the ass.

  He patted my hand between the two of his real soft, like he was making hamburger patties, then he leaned closer. He was wooing me, doing it right. I felt ashamed of myself all over again. Oh, what he must think! I wondered how he could ever love me when I’m so ignorant, so crude. But he does. I could see it in his eyes, the way they wandered over my face.

  “Let’s do something,” he said. “Let’s get away from here.”

  Words have always come fast and easy to me. No matter what happens, I always have something to say. Now I couldn’t find my voice. I had to push with all my might just to get a few words out. They came out weak, barely a whisper. “What are you talking about?”

  “Let’s go where no one can say anything about us,” he said. “Where we can do as we please.”

  I scooted over to the edge of the bed and sat next to him. “What are you saying, Vitus? Are you talking about a hotel?”

  “No, Cora. No.” He laid one hand on my knee, which made it hard to concentrate. “We both want our freedom. We don’t belong in a place like this. We want to live our own lives.”

  Don’t get your hopes up, I told myself. Part of me had already gone wild, though. It ran, jumped, and spun in circles. It erupted like a volcano. All those hopes I gave up a long time ago burst out in full force.

  “We’ve talked about this before, but it’s time to get serious. We both want out of here. If we put our heads together, I know we can find a way. We can get what we want. We can be happy, Cora.”

  “How? What are we going to do?”

  “I know this is hard to believe, considering my present circumstances, but I actually have a fair amount of money. I’ve managed to save quite a bit over the years and I’ve made some good investments.” He looked embarrassed and added, “But there are a few problems.”

  “Like what?”

  “Remember I told you about my nephew who’s sending me money?”

  “Course I do.”

  “Well, it’s a long, complicated story.” He wrung his hands. After staring at the floor a minute, he lifted his face and gave me a sad smile. “I hesitated to tell you this, because people assume all kinds of things, but you and I need to be honest with each other. I want everything out in the open. So I’ll tell you—and please don’t think ill of me before I explain—but I was in jail.”

  My hands flew to my face. “You’re kidding.”

  “No, I’m afraid not. Please, Cora. Let me explain. It was an immigration problem, really. I won’t pretend I was completely innocent. I set up a business before all my paperwork was in order. I worked under the table, if you know what I mean.”

  “You went to jail for that?”

  He nodded. “It was a misunderstanding, really,
but a costly one. Not only did it delay my citizenship for quite a few years, it also led to losing all my assets.” He held up his finger. “Almost losing my assets.”

  “Well, I’m taken aback, Vitus.” I leaned away from him so I could look at him from a distance, to see if there was something I’d missed before. “I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone who’s been in jail. I never had any idea you’d been mixed-up in something like that.”

  “I know. Not too many do. I’m not proud of it.” He hung his head, poor thing. “But that’s not the worst of it.”

  “It gets worse?” I gasped.

  “Yes. You see, I brought my sister and my nephew to this country about ten years ago. I set the two of them up. My sister’s husband was no good, and he never came to this country. I helped my sister and nephew any way I could. And when I—” He gave me a pleading look. “When I was, you know, in jail, I entrusted my sister with my money and my business. That was my mistake. She took me for everything I had.”

  I thought he was going to break down. “I just don’t know what to say. You never told me any of this. Why did you keep it to yourself?”

  He could hardly meet my eye. He looked at the floor and mumbled, “It scares a lot of people away.” Then he lifted his head, and I swear there were tears in his eyes. “I was afraid of losing your friendship, Cora.”

  I felt for him, I really did. But I had to get to the bottom of things. “How did you end up in this place? Was your sister behind that, too?”

  He gave me an eager look, like he was glad I understood. “Yes. I had nothing when I was released from, uh, jail.” He sure had a hard time saying that word. I had a hard time hearing it, too. “I was barely scraping by. My sister knew I’d try to get my money back, so she convinced everybody that I wasn’t able to take care of myself. I had no credibility because of my conviction.” The poor man was sweating. He paused to take out his hankie and wiped his forehead. “Plus she agreed to foot the bill if I went into the assisted care place in Phoenix. I thought that was the best course of action until I could get back on my feet.”