Night of the Living Turkey_A Tale from the Federal Witch

by T S Paul

  Peter jerked back. “Me? What do you mean?”

  “This is a religious document in many ways. It represents a bargain sealed between two people. Didn’t you wonder why there was no pay scale included? It offered you something. Something you wanted or desired greatly. The penalty is related to what you desired the most. Do you even know what that is?” Cat looked at the butcher.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s a catering contract. That’s all it is.”

  Cat looked at the Sheriff. “Did anything happen to Mr. Baker here last year? Something good maybe?”

  Sheriff Johnny cocked his head and stared at Peter. “His business got better.”

  “Did it? I can have the tax records pulled if you like.”

  Peter put his hand up on top of his head. “Fine. Fine. So I lied about meeting Hangbo. That doesn’t mean anything. I never asked for this.”

  “There is knowing, and there is asking. Were you aware of whom you were dealing with when you catered the wedding?” Cat asked.

  Peter shook his head no, but his eyes told a different story. Cat and Johnny only stared at him.

  “OK, yes. I knew. Nobody goes to the butcher anymore. My business was down, and I was getting desperate. I joined a group of business owners for one of those strategy retreat things. Turns out there’s this motorcycle dealer way out in the middle of nowhere. He makes a deal and turns his whole business around suddenly.”

  “So you did it too?” Johnny asked.

  “Yes.”

  Cat glanced at Baker. She asked. “Did the motorcycle man tell you the penalty?”

  “Not his. He said the task would be something crazy, but it was totally worth it and no matter what I had to do, to do it completely.” Peter moaned.

  “Interesting. Hold on a minute let me see if my companion has anything to add to this.” Cat called me on her phone.

  “Hi, Cat. I investigated one of the corpses with the equipment we brought. It’s necromantic energy of some kind that’s keeping them animated. They don’t breathe or require sustenance to live. As far as I can tell cooking them is the only way to get them to stop running. They shrug everything else off.” I told her.

  “We’ve figured out a few things as to the why of it. It’s the how that’s the issue.” Cat filled me in on the Crossroads story.

  “I’ll get digging into the legends. Do you need me to process the butcher shop?” I asked her.

  “No. I’ll bring you the contract. We need to have as much background as possible on this.” Cat hung up the phone and looked at the sheriff.

  “I need to give this to my partner. Is there anything at all you can tell me about the Crossroads church? Anything you think I should know?”

  “Voodoo’s not my thing. But like I said before, I’ve been inside the place. They loan it out to other denominations when there’s a need. They’re quiet and usually keep a low profile around here.” Johnny looked pointedly at Peter.

  Looking between the two men Cat could sense tension and maybe even some derision. It wasn’t her problem. The turkeys were. “Can you drive me back to the bus? I need to give this to Agent Winthrop.” Cat held up the contract.

  Both law officers ignored the butcher and walked to the car. The turkeys were thick near the butcher shop.

  The entire ride back the sheriff was driving over and crushing the crazy birds.

  “You know that does nothing, right?” Cat asked.

  “It gets my mad out. Peter is family, and he still lied about this mess.” Johnny stated.

  “Money does funny things to people. My boss would tell you to find the cause find the effect. This right here is the cause.” Cat held up the crumpled contract.

  “If he had fulfilled it, we might never have known. It’s illegal in this country to spell masses of people like this. The worst we can do to Hangbo is deport him. I need options.”

  <<<>>>

  The first thing I did was smooth it out and scan the paperwork. It was hard to believe I actually held a real Crossroads contract in my hand. I’ve seen both the movies associated with this sort of thing. The one about the kid with the guitar is my favorite. He at least got out of his contract. This, however, wasn’t a musical challenge.

  “Cat the terms are a bit goofy,” I called her to confirm a few things.

  “Like what?”

  “The turkeys are to all be cooked and ready to serve on Thanksgiving. What it doesn’t say is who to serve or even where to serve. Is the town having a big get together somewhere?” I asked.

  Cat looked at Johnny. They were sitting in his office watching the turkeys run by. “Sheriff, can you answer that?”

  “Nothing around here.”

  “Chalk that up to another question for Hangbo. Anything else Chuck?” Cat asked.

  “Not directly. This is Voodoo we’re dealing with, but it’s similar to some of the African religions. They have crossroad deities associated with trickster Gods. Could this all be some sort of stunt?” I asked.

  “If it’s a stunt, why here and now? That is what we are looking for.” Cat speculated. “Dig into the mythology a bit. Check the Orishas and entities associated with crossroads as well. It’s time to talk to the priest.”

  <<<>>>

  “Doctor Hangbo. My name is Agent Catherine Moore of the FBI. I’d like to speak to you about the contract you made with Peter Baker. Will you speak to me?” Cat held out her hand.

  The small man took it. But he held on for just a moment. He turned to her and smiled. She could see that his teeth were gold capped and sharpened.

  “It is a pleasure to meet one such as yourself, Agent Moore. This is an auspicious occasion, to say the least.” Hangbo stated.

  “Auspicious. Why?” Cat replied.

  “Someone of your strength and power isn’t found in small places like this. It takes an event to bring you here.”

  Cat froze. She cocked her head to one side. “Are you saying all of this was for me? You wanted Magical crimes here?”

  “Did I? You flatter me, Agent Moore. Why would I do something like that?” Hangbo looked surprised.

  The priest waved his hands all around. “This is nothing. A party trick. Real power is seductive and strong. A fearsome beast such as yourself would know that.” Hangbo pursed his lips. “Consider this an introductory offer.”

  “An offer for what?” Cat asked.

  The man started to laugh. “Why for your services my dear. I, and those I represent wish to acquire you. Your co-worker as well if he wishes. Pain and heartbreak are coming. They are only the tip of the iceberg. Now is your chance to step aside, to take a small vacation from pain.”

  Cat pulled her hand back and sat down at the table in shock. To do this much to only get her here…

  “Is it a bargain then?” Hangbo asked.

  Cat looked at the outstretched hand and flinched. “No bargains or agreements.”

  Pushing her chair back she stood up. “I need to confer with the Sheriff and my people. The State Department wants you to know you may leave here at any time due to your diplomatic status.”

  Hangbo rolled his head back and forth watching Cat the entire time. “Do you wish me to leave, Agent Moore?”

  Cat stared for a moment before answering. “No. I don’t.”

  “Then I will abide. If you need more persuasion, let it be known that both the Baron and Brigitte would welcome you into the fold and value your beast. You are a rare creature that would be valued by the brethren.” The little man smiled showing his teeth.

  Slowly Cat backed out of the room closing the door behind her. Sheriff Johnny intercepted her.

  “What the hell was that?” He asked.

  Cat shook her head. “I’m not sure. He was hinting at something.”

  “Did he just try to recruit you?”

  Closing her eyes, Cat ran back through the conversation in her head. She opened her eyes. “Yes. This whole event was a ploy to bring me here. Hold on, I need to make a call.”


  <<<>>>

  “Chuck. Check the contract, what does it say about cooking the turkeys?” Cat asked.

  I pulled up the scan on the big monitor. “Just that they need to be cooked and ready to serve.”

  “Serve. Does it say to whom or how? Peter Baker thought it meant to serve the whole dinner, sides and all. It was one of his reasons for not attempting it. But what if it wasn’t?” Cat stated.

  Staring at the contract, I replied. “What do you mean?”

  “There are other definitions of serve. Pull up a dictionary and check for me please.” Cat asked.

  Quickly I logged into the internet and did as she asked. “It’s a nautical term for tying a rope, used in tennis, giving food and drink, the military uses it when describing operating a gun.”

  “None of those work. Dig deeper. Look at archaic or little-used definitions.” Cat directed.

  “Uh, used in playing a trick? Does that work?” I told her.

  “Bingo. If we use that meaning, the contract says the turkeys have to be cooked as a trick. We have to cook the turkeys to stop this.” Cat replied.

  “How? There aren't enough ovens in this town to do that. Doesn’t cooking a turkey take hours?” I tried to imagine finding ovens.

  “We just have to cook them, not eat them. Start building a bonfire. We’re about to burn some turkeys.”

  <<<>>>

  Cat turned to Sheriff Johnny. “Can you help organize that? We need to start fires right now. We just have to cook them.”

  “Center of town, there is an empty square. I’m calling the fire chief right now.” Johnny whipped out his cell phone as he yelled for his one and only deputy.

  Nodding, Cat looked down at her phone. She dialed a number and waited.

  “Catherine?” A woman’s voice asked.

  “Yes, Director Mills. I’m here.” Cat replied.

  “Do you have a solution to the problem?”

  “We do. It was a trick by an unknown party to recruit both Chuck and me away from the team. The turkeys need only be cooked to stop the rampage. Chuck and local law enforcement are organizing that now.” Cat reported.

  “I see. Why does the British Government want you and Charles?” Director Mills asked.

  “He may represent Britain on paper, but I have doubts they are aware of his activities here.”

  “What did he say exactly?” Director Mills asked.

  “That pain and suffering are coming. Only the tip of the iceberg is what he said. He offered me a contract. I refused to make any sort of deal and didn’t touch him or anything belonging to him. I was extra careful.”

  “If possible, ask him to clarify that a bit. It jives with what the clairvoyant team has been seeing, but it would be nice to know more details. I assume you are planning to stay within the FBI, Agent Moore?” Mills asked.

  Cat answered. “I’m staying. This is my team, and these are my friends. Do I need to call Agatha and inform her of this mission?”

  “I’ll take care of it. You can give her the after-action report when she gets back. Keep me in the loop. Good work so far Agent Moore.” The Director hung up.

  Cat stared at her phone for a moment and repeated the words, clairvoyant team?

  <<<>>>

  “I swear this has ruined Thanksgiving for me for years.”

  The bag I was dragging was filled with squirming, kicking, and jumping turkeys. It might not be so bad if they were still alive, but the sheer sight of naked half prepared turkey carcasses was a real turn off. Especially if you used to like the taste of turkey!

  We had a sort of production line going. The volunteer fire department had organized a good old fashioned fire pit right in the center of town. They grabbed a huge stack of railroad ties from somewhere and build a squared off circle. Filling it with wood, paper, and tires was also their job.

  “Why the tires?” I asked.

  Fire Chief Hogg tossed another steel-belted radial onto the blaze and smiled at me. “They burn quick, fast, and are extremely hard to put out. I’ve got my boys coming with a truckload of sand. That’s about the only thing that will work to stop it. We have to keep the kids and others back a bit too. This stuff is toxic to breathe.”

  “It is? I can remember burning tires as a kid. We didn’t pay too much attention to it then.” I told him.

  The Chief nodded. “Some of the older recipes for rubber weren’t as dangerous as the new ones. Better to be safe than sorry. Go ahead and start tossing them in.”

  Opening the bags we all started tossing turkeys into the fire. I doubted the smell was going to get any better.

  <<<>>>

  “You found a solution. I’m impressed.” The Reverend Doctor Hangbo smiled as Cat entered the interrogation room again.

  “It’s my job. Why do you want to recruit me?” She asked.

  “To save you. Doom is coming for you all. Why not save yourself now rather than later?” Dr. Hangbo smiled.

  “What doom? Can you describe it?”

  Hangbo laughed. “You cannot change your fate by simply asking about it. Seeing the future is a task best left to the Gods.” He tilted his head to the right and began rubbing his hands. “Hints and portents. They go well together, Agent Moore.”

  “That doesn’t tell me anything. What’s your game?” Cat asked.

  “Game. Life is not a game. Answer me this. Is it better to die in heaven than burn in hell? That is all I have to say to you, Agent Moore. If you would be so kind as to tell my limo, I am ready?” The small man stood and walked around the table.

  “Limo? What limo?” Cat said that as the sheriff stepped into the room.

  “Did you call for a limo? One just pulled up outside.”

  Doctor Hangbo stepped between the two law enforcement officers. “It has been interesting, to say the least. Have a good day to you. You can find me at the Crossroads if you change your mind, Agent Moore.”

  “Can’t we just arrest him?” The sheriff asked.

  “No. You can try again, but I suspect he will sue you this time.” Cat informed him. She watched as Hangbo climbed into the stretch limo parked out front.

  “What was that bit about heaven and hell?”

  “It’s from Milton’s book Paradise Lost. He paraphrased it. The original story is about a man’s descent into Hell. I’m still mulling over how Hangbo used it.” She replied.

  Cat walked past the sheriff to stand by the big plate glass window in the front office. She had a perfect view of the turkey roast. “You might think about changing the name of the town to Turkey’s End.”

  “Funny. My wife has a ham with all the sides cooking at home. You and your partner are welcome to join us. It is a time for giving thanks after all.” Sheriff Johnny replied.

  “Chuck and I would love that. He’s a big eater so be warned. Turkey used to be my favorite, but I think ham is going to be now.”

  <<<>>>

  “Do you think she will join us?” The tall man asked.

  Doctor Hangbo stepped out of the limo into the center of the crossroads. He pulled out a straw hat and place it upon his head. “Not at the moment. The future holds many secrets. For now, Catherine Moore will abide.”

  “How will it end, do you know?

  Hangbo pulled out a cane from thin air and leaned on it. “In fire and blood. I was telling the truth to her. A doom is upon this world. It is coming, and nothing they can do will stop it. Better to save what you can now before it’s too late.”

  Both men walked toward a shimmering portal that appeared in the center of the road. One man with a straw hat, the other in a top hat.

  Author Notes

  Night of the Living Turkeys was fun to write. Chuck and Cat (Catherine Moore) are undeveloped characters in the Federal Witch universe. Their personalities and character traits are slowly coming to light. There are six more books to go in the series and I have much to share about the characters. I think together they make a good team.

  I was at the grocery store when the id
ea for this came to me. In my mind’s eye I could see all the frozen turkeys jumping out of the cooler section and chasing the shoppers out of the store! Aren’t holidays fun?

  Coming soon in the Federal Witch Universe are several books. Invisible Elder, Book 6 of the main series, is almost complete. Look for it at the end of November or the first part of December (2017). My co-writer Taki Drake has Book 2 of the Standard of Honor series on its way soon. She also is finishing up Book 3 of the Familiar Magic series. Joining us this winter is author Bradford Bates. There was a taste of his work inside the first holiday special, Tales from the Pumpkin Patch. His main character gets her own series very soon. Look for a couple more cookbooks and a collection of Fergus tales repackaged for the holidays. Unicorns are Short is the name of that one.

  It has been a wonderful year in 2017 and I have big plans for 2018. Lots of new and exciting adventures await us. It’s going to be so much fun.

  As always, you can look for updates by checking my Facebook page, website, or Amazon Author page.

  Acknowledgements

  I would like to extend a great big thanks to some people that have contributed to this publication :

  Developmental Editing by Diane Velasquez and Dorene Johnson AKA the (real) Ds.

  Final Editing by Kat Lind, The Dragon Lady.

  Author Introduction – TS Paul

  I’m now into my second year as a published author. With over 25 works under my belt already my pace is relentless. Writing was never a goal of mine growing up. I really did fall into this accidentally. My wife and family knew of my love of books and urged me to try writing. It wasn’t until an author i befriended gave me a short push off a long pier that i really gave it a go. And what a go that was!

  Athena Lee and Agatha Blackmore have given way to over 50 short stories. I write a lot. The future is in books and I’m in it for the long haul. Keep your eyes peeled for new and exciting things coming from me this year. Don’t forget to check the Blog every week for a new Wilson or Fergus story.