Kin of Exile

by Tyler Bunyard

  Looking to the seat next to him, Karrel found no one. The truck was silent, and every person was keeping to themselves. With so many dead, no topic could distract them from the weight of the events that had just transpired.

  Karrel put his hand on the empty seat next to him; the vivid image of the boy he had failed to save was in his mind. He brooded over whether or not the seat next to him could have been filled this day, had he himself not hesitated…

  Chapter 14

  Failing Sucks

  The rainbow-colored gel of the Survivor’s Guild’s portal wriggled in place, waiting for Karrel and Johnny’s passage. Angel and Puck had both entered the elliptical device, returning to their underground base. Johnny, however, needed to retrieve the supplies he had originally requested, and had some last-minute things to clear up with Dane. Karrel just wanted one last look at the base his parents had apparently been a big part of.

  The armored cars had directed themselves back to their appropriate spots and had begun to unload their passengers. Men, women, and children all stepped out of the vehicles and took a gander at what would be their new homes for the time being. The majority of them were either too dry or too tired to cry. Even the children had ceased their waterworks. There was no joy or happiness about having escaped, only the dark acceptance that their lives had been forever changed.

  Spotting Johnny carrying a big box of electronics nearby and feeling that he had seen enough chaos for one day, Karrel stepped through the portal. Once again, a feeling of nothingness consumed him as he passed through the colorful gel-like substance that filled the hollow center of the elliptical portal device. Like he had simply walked through a door, Karrel now found himself back in the portal room of the underground hideout.

  A familiar scene of large blue power cords, and a mesh of rock and steel surrounding the walls and ceiling, came into view. Angel and Puck, along with the giddy, blonde-haired Jessica, were chatting amongst each other, waiting for the rest of the group on the other side. A few seconds after Karrel passed through, Johnny emerged from the portal holding all of his requisitioned supplies.

  Jessica jumped with joy and rapidly hopped over to Johnny. She welcomed him back to the base, questioning why it had taken so long to get the things he needed and expressing how bored she had been waiting for them to return. However, she still had a smile on her face. Finishing her welcome, she began helping with the supplies before leaning down and giving Johnny a quick peck on the cheek.

  Karrel rubbed the side of his face. Though Angel had been hinting at the fact that the girls had other methods, whenever Krystalyn was feeling hungry she had only ever assaulted his lips. The fact that Jessica had just used Johnny’s cheek both irked and confused Karrel. Why wouldn’t Krystalyn want to use a less mischievous method? It was a stupid question, when he considered her playful nature, but a question he wanted answered nonetheless.

  The mildly long walk from the portal room to the kitchen was mostly silent. Johnny had begun to catch Jessica up with the recent events at Sinwatch. Karrel attempted to avoid eavesdropping on the conversation. It was not out of sincerity. He just didn’t want to think about the recently fallen city. It had only been a few hours since the destruction of the area. The ghosts of those whom he had failed were still looming over his shoulders. One soul in particular was quite vivid.

  However, this was not all. Being in Sinwatch, as it was razed to the ground, had brought back some memories. Painful memories… The buildings being toppled to the ground. Windows shattering by the thousands. It reminded him of the day when his city fell; the day he had lost everything. Karrel shook his head and attempted to repress the memories, focusing on not letting his mind wander. But, the shadow of his past remained in his thoughts as he trudged through the halls.

  Entering the living room and kitchen area, the group found Krystalyn and Prisca on opposite ends of one of the rectangular tables. They were playing a game that involved tossing a ball into a collection of organized cups. Alice was quietly reading one of her books on the couch, as per usual. For the most part, the room had been fairly quiet.

  Puck decided to break the silence immediately. “I am starving!” he announced. “Anyone else want something to eat!?”

  Angel quickly jumped onto the couch next to Alice, taking a glimpse at what she was reading. Alice shimmied the cover of the book slightly, so that Angel could see the title, before returning her view to the book. Satisfied, he walked to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water before answering Puck’s question. “As long as you’re cooking!” Angel replied.

  “I suppose I could go for some steak right about now.” Johnny added, more focused on the supplies in the box he had carried.

  “Aight. Steak dinner it is!” Puck cheered, before relocating himself to the kitchen.

  Karrel didn’t understand what was going on. A few hours ago, they were fighting for their lives. They had been watching people die. Now, they were discussing what to have for dinner. Had they already forgotten those that were lost this day? In his contemplation, he could feel a fire building up within him.

  “Oh, I’ve got a great idea!” Krystalyn blurted out, leaving her table to Prisca’s disappointment, as she was obviously about to win the game they had been playing. “We haven’t had a classy dinner in a long time. How about the boys go throw something other than travel-wear on, and we’ll go wear the latest fashion we managed to pick up the last time we went up to the surface. We might even get Alice into a dress for once… if we’re lucky.” Alice shook her head no, though none of the girls paid it any attention. Krystalyn brought her attention toward Karrel, addressing him personally. “You own any nice-looking clothes? Or are they all covered in those hideous pockets?”

  Karrel remained silent to the question. Fuel was being added to the fire.

  Angel hopped back onto the couch, chuckling to himself. “Yeah,” he stated sarcastically, “because that’s what we want to do after unexpectedly being called into work. Put on a suit and tie?”

  Karrel could no longer hold back the rage that had been building up within him. He slammed his hands down on a nearby table. The loud thud silenced the chatter in the room, and all eyes were on him.

  “How can you all possibly be acting like this!?” Karrel shouted. “People died today! People lost their homes! They lost their loved ones! What we just witnessed today was an atrocity! Men… Women… Children–” the haunting image of a boy’s half-bodied corpse flashed before him. “All lost… And yet we stand around discussing our dinner plans!?”

  For a moment, the group was silent, taken back by Karrel’s sudden outburst. Puck was once again the first to break the silence.

  “Hey!” he fumed. “Aren’t you forgetting all of the people we saved today? People lost their lives, of course! That tends to happen when demons invade your goddamn city. But, without us there, plenty more would have–”

  Johnny stuck his arm out to bar-off Puck, who had been slowly inching forward toward Karrel. “Quiet!” he hushed Puck. “With all the things that we have been through, it’s easy to forget the severity of the events we involve ourselves in.” Puck seemed to back off now that Johnny had intervened. “Let me remind everyone that this was Karrel’s first mission. He likely did not know, until today, what it was like to witness the fall of a city.”

  Memories of the barren husk of his hometown still on his mind, Johnny’s last comment had dumped kerosene onto Karrel’s burning rage. “Don’t patronize me!” Karrel was yelling now. “As far as I’m concerned, we failed today!”

  Angel took a sip from his water-glass and got up from the couch to approach Karrel. His movements were careful, and it could easily be seen that he was trying not to upset Karrel any further.

  As he approached, Angel began to address Karrel. “Look…” he cautiously stated. “You might be overestimating what we’re capable of. Yes, we all have gifts that allow us to stand toe-to-toe with those infernal bastards.” A smirk formed in Angel’s expression. “And yes
, I got knocked through a building or two while you got carried away to be some umbrabat’s squish toy; yet, we came out of it fairly unscathed. But, that doesn’t make us gods. We can still lose. Hell, we’ve only ever been able to push a hotspot back a handful of times… And they were small ones.”

  “Then why did I join you guys?” Karrel rebuked. “What’s the point of putting your ass on the line if you already know you’re gonna lose!”

  “Because we still save lives,” Angel retorted. “At the end of the day, because we were there, more people than what any sane person would expect, made it out alive. Johnny told you before, we’re looking to step our game up and take it to the next level, but we still need to make preparations before that can happen. Until then, you would do good to remember this: you can’t save them all.”

  Everything that Angel was saying made sense to Karrel. It didn’t matter. Even though he found himself beginning to think about the impact they had had on Sinwatch, if they had had any at all, his seething resentment for the events that had occurred remained present.

  Angel put his hand on Karrel’s shoulder. “Besides,” he joked. “We were just the diversion this time. We all know that if somebody needed safeguarding, you would do a great job protecting their–”

  Karrel batted the hand off of his shoulder, letting the full force of his fury push Angel back, causing him to drop the cup he had been carrying and fall backwards to the floor. Glass shattered along the ground, the flow of clear water carrying the pieces along the ground. Angel smacked his head upon the edge of a counter, and a small puff of navy-blue smoke coughed out of Angel’s skull.

  The action had happened instantly, and once more the room fell completely silent. Angel was dumbstruck by Karrel’s hostility and was staring at him in incredulity. Karrel had even surprised himself with the physical outburst, but that didn’t stop him from venting his frustration. He glared at Angel and growled, “This is no time for jokes…”

  Karrel turned away from everyone and stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him. Jessica, Prisca, Krystalyn, Johnny, Puck, and Angel all stood wide-eyed, unable to remove their gazes from their infuriated companion.

  •—•

  Karrel found himself lying on his bed, staring at the rock and metal mesh that was the ceiling. Regret had overcome him. He had been doing just fine up until now. He had survived the wastelands on his own, and though he had to admit that it was a lonely experience, he had never felt guilt over the actions that he had taken. Now, after only a short time associating himself with Angel and the others, the annihilation of a city was on his conscience.

  The decision to join the group was not Karrel’s biggest regret, however. Sure, he was blaming himself for not being able to do more for the people of Sinwatch, and he hated the others for giving him the chance to ever feel that, but they could have never known that the city was going to be attacked. They could have been more upfront with how few victories were going to be seen, but in the end, would that have cleansed his shame? Karrel figured otherwise.

  His biggest regret, as he stared at the ceiling, his mind chaotically looking for who was really to blame, was what he had done to Angel. The guy had been nothing but friendly to him. Even when he had turned down Angel’s first offer, his black-eyed friend had accepted the refusal with respect. To be perfectly honest, the only reason why Karrel had tolerated staying with the group this long was him. It was nice to have a genuine friend again. Though now, Karrel was pretty sure he had trashed that relationship.

  It was then that Karrel heard three loud knocks on his door. As it opened up, he felt a faint feeling of hope for who was walking through. It was immediately crushed, and Krystalyn entered his room.

  Karrel deliberately rolled his eyes and let out a loud sigh of disappointment. He faced the demon-girl, one of the main banes of sticking with the group and remembered what would happen to her if he were to leave. It was simple: if he abandoned the group, she would starve to death, so he was unable to desert them. Knowing the obvious reason as to why Krystalyn was here now, Karrel realized what he had become. His frustration lead him to be blunt with the nuisance that had entered his room.

  “Isn’t it customary to feed your pets, before you feed yourself?” Karrel lectured. “In case you’ve forgotten, I sort of skipped dinner tonight, so you won’t be getting much energy from–”

  A large object landed in Karrel’s lap. Krystalyn had tossed a hunk of dried jerky meat across the room. The scent of Puck’s favorite salts and spices caught Karrel by surprise and he fell silent.

  “Just shut up and listen,” Krystalyn snapped, as she glared at his hungry eyes.

  Karrel met her gaze for a moment before ripping off a piece of jerky and shoving it into his mouth. She folded her arms as she approached.

  “It might not be written all over their faces, like it is with yours,” Krystalyn commented, “but the others are hurting as well. You think they don’t know how many people were lost?”

  Karrel felt his temper surface once more, and he tossed his make-shift dinner aside and stood up. “Then why are they acting as though nothing happened!?” he yelled. “The body count was too damn high today!”

  “I’m telling you,” Krystalyn argued, “we understand that–”

  “Oh, please!” Karrel refuted, letting his anger get the best of him once again. “What do you know about loss? I remember what Puck told me about you and your sisters. Hide it all you want, you’re still demons! Hell, you’re probably only sad that Sinwatch won’t be available as a free buffet when the four of us die!”

  Krystalyn leaned in close to Karrel. Her eyes were intense, and she had a scowl across her face that could stun a zweichar. “My sisters and I,” she fumed, “have helped the boys protect numerous cities! Numerous humans! We’ve worked hard to earn their trust and are now working hard to earn yours! The least you could do is show us some respect while we do so!”

  Karrel fell mute. He turned away from Krystalyn and sat down on his bed once more. He didn’t know why he was arguing with her. Though existing as her only source of food was annoying, and though Krystalyn seemed to fully embrace and enjoy abusing that nuisance, she had given him no reason not to trust her. In fact, it had been rather fun hanging around with her for the past week. He began to wonder if he had been treating her and her sisters unfairly based solely on their lineage, even if that lineage was demonic…

  The room’s silence lasted for more than a few seconds before Krystalyn decided to break it. She pacified her anger with a heavy sigh before sitting down next to Karrel.

  “This was the first time you’ve seen a city collapse. Wasn’t it?” she asked. Genuine concern laced her voice.

  “Second…” Karrel admitted.

  “Well,” Krystalyn began, uncomfortably shifting in her seat. “the others have seen… Let’s just say that they’re in the double digits now. So, they know from experience that lamenting over the losses gets you nowhere.”

  Karrel did not know if it was the unease that Krystalyn was feeling while she gifted this advice, or if it was the fact that he had spent the entire day expending every ounce of energy at his disposal that caused him to stay silent, but she now had his full and undivided attention.

  “You focus on those that you have saved,” she continued, “and when things get too depressing… a little bit of humor goes a long way. At least, that’s what Angel always tells the others.”

  Karrel looked down toward his palms. As clean as they were now, he could still see the crimson red from the boy that got sliced in half. “Humor isn’t going to wash away the blood on my hands…” he whispered.

  Krystalyn titled her head to the side and squinted slightly, confused. “Your hands?” she questioned.

  Karrel continued to stare downwards. For all of his effort, he couldn’t get the damned kid off of his mind. He had witnessed others die before. Hell, he had traveled the wasteland for years by himself; death was something he was fully familiar with. Then why
was it that he felt so guilty for this one kid?

  After not receiving a reply, Krystalyn backed away from Karrel. “Fine,” she sternly said, as she got up from the bed. “You want to wallow in your self-pity, be my guest. I just figured I’d come take a shot at cheering you up. But now that I know that’s not going to work…” Krystalyn leaned forward, paying no attention to Karrel’s blank display. She planted her lips upon his, kissing him for a few seconds before pulling away. “…I’ll just grab my dinner and leave.”

  Irritated and wiping his lips, Karrel couldn’t help but ask, “Why can’t you use my cheek, like Jessica does with Johnny!? This whole thing between you and me is confusing, what with us making-out every time you feel a bit peckish.”

  Krystalyn stood confused for a moment, trying to understand Karrel’s question before realizing the meaning behind his words. She shook her head. “There is no thing between you and me,” she scoffed, pausing for another moment before continuing. “And, Jessica wasn’t feeding when she kissed Johnny on the cheek. He’s more than just a free dinner to her.”

  Karrel was genuinely perplexed. “I don’t get it.” he admitted.

  “Unbelievable… You’re clueless,” she mocked him, still shaking her head and smiling in disbelief. “Pay a little more attention around here. Johnny and Jessica are more open about it, but you’ll find that your other two friends are a lot more involved with my sisters than they let on.”

  Krystalyn headed toward the door. She stopped herself before leaving, however. She turned around to face Karrel once more. She had an intense expression on her face, and the seriousness in her tone matched her concerned demeanor. “I know you were told this before,” she proclaimed, “but it needs to be said again… especially if you intend to continue helping our little band of misfits… You can’t save everyone.”