“Don’t let her push you away Colt. She’s hurting and she thinks it’s easier to do it alone. It’s not, and if you love her, which I suspect you do, you should be there with her.”
I stood and kissed Ma and then Sharon on the cheek and left as quickly as I’d entered less than an hour ago. I had to back to my girl.
While I still had a chance to keep her.
Jaya
The good thing about sleeping all day is that I didn’t spend the entire day thinking about my baby. Or Colt. The bad thing is that it was now eleven at night and I was wide awake. Which meant a long night binge session on Netflix and snacking because cooking was definitely not on tonight’s agenda. Probably not on tomorrow’s either.
But a shower most definitely was on the to-do list. Right now. Short and hot and just how I like it, I even washed my hair to cleanse the whole wretched day away. A quick dry off, and I slipped into new pajamas before going in search of food to quiet my growling stomach. I couldn’t remember eating all day and now my stomach rebelled against me.
The second before my foot touched the first step the growling was tamed at the scent of…, “Sausage?” And—oh my god—was that cheese? I must be hallucinating because there’s no way fresh hot food is in my house at this hour. But still I felt compelled to hurry down the stairs just to be sure some magical fairy hadn’t left me a meal.
Imagine my surprise when I found the oven light on and a note from Colt on the counter.
Jay-Jay,
Eat and enjoy because you deserve it. And because my sauce is better than yours.
Love,
Colt
I smiled because he did fantastic things with tomatoes and herbs, and yeah, it had always topped mine. Colt used to joke that other people were tone deaf, “But you Jay-Jay are taste deaf,” because I never seasoned anything properly.
Italian sausage, onions, peppers, garlic and oregano. My absolute favorite, damn him. I scooped up a spoon and went to the living room, ready for some late-night TV.
My big sofa beckoned and I sat, prepared for that bone deep groan that happened every time my ass hit the cushion.
“Oh! What in the hell?” This sofa was lumpier than I remembered. And it moved. “Colt?”
He smiled up at me, his bright smile looking even brighter against his two or three days of scruff. He reached out to me. “When I dreamed of you sitting on me babe, this isn’t what I had in mind.”
And just like that, after the hellish day I had, Colt made me think about sex. Not just any sex either, but the kind of sex that started with me sitting. On. His. Face.
“Yeah I’ll bet. What are you doing here?”
His hand continued the slow graze up and down my arm, sending shivers through me. “I wanted to be here for you Jaya, in case you needed me. But I didn’t want to be presumptuous and crawl into bed beside you after…earlier. So, how are you doing?”
Dammit this was the Colt I’d fallen for as a young girl. And again as a grown woman. It would be hard to resist if I could remember why I was resisting in the first place.
“I’m feeling better, I suppose.” At least as good as I will ever feel.
Colt sat up and pulled me close, tucking me under his arm and feeding me a bite of pasta before taking one for himself. “I’m glad. Seeing you so upset like that, it gutted me.”
The anguish in his voice got to me because I could see the pain etched on his face as clearly as I saw it earlier. I could hear the hopelessness he felt because he couldn’t comfort me. For a man like Colt that was akin to torture.
“I know Colt, but it isn’t your responsibility to take care of me.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to,” he shot back, holding a heaping forkful of juicy sausage and pasta up to my mouth. I took it with a shy smile and he took a scoop for himself. “Because I do. And had I known you were pregnant back then Jaya I would have been back for you. Speeding up our plans for marriage and kids. You have to know that.”
I sighed, not at all ready to talk about this again, but I knew if we had any chance of moving forward together, we had to.
“I want to believe you Colt.”
He sighed too, frustration building at this one situation we might not be able to overcome. “I went to see our moms earlier after you went to sleep, to get some answers. It fucking bothered me that I never got any emails from you. Honestly I’d been pissed at you for a few years for not emailing to make sure I was all right.” He gave me an amused smirk and shook his head at the memory. “It turns out it was a case of oversight. You emailed me at my college address and the University discontinued it thirty days after I withdrew.”
Damn that hurt even more. “You didn’t want me to have a way to contact you. You were cutting all ties.”
“I didn’t, goddammit! It was an oversight. A stupid fucking mistake that wouldn’t have happened if I’d been honest with you from the start. I’d been thinking about leaving college for the Navy for a while, before I ever told you about it.” He stood abruptly and I watched him walk into the kitchen and return moments later with more pasta and two cans of pop. “If I told you my ideas sooner things wouldn’t have ended the way they did.”
He should have told me. I had a right to know when we were planning a future together, but I’m also sick of having so many regrets. I regret how I reacted when Colt told me he was leaving me for the Navy. I regret losing my baby and leaving the city I loved to abruptly. I regret that Jeffries will never walk again. I can’t change any of it, and that meant I needed to let it go and look ahead.
“Listen, things worked out the way they were supposed to. You have a wonderful and successful business keeping people safe and secure. So I guess things worked out.” I just wished it worked as well for me too.
“Does that mean things won’t or can’t work out for us? That you can’t find a way to forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive Colt.” I could see the genuine surprise on his face and I couldn’t hold it against him. “I believe you didn’t know and yes, it sucked to go through all of that alone. But it sucked more to lose my baby not that long after I lost you.” Every year this happened, a weeklong reminder of losing the love of my life and my child in the span of a few months.
Colt had nothing to say for a long time, feeding us until the plate was empty and our bellies were full. “I really hate myself for letting you down when you needed me. Tell me what I can do.”
There was only one thing I could think of that I wanted in that moment. Colt. “You can start by kissing me.” And then he cupped my face and kissed me. Like he meant it.
Like I was the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth. Like I was his reason for living and breathing. I gasped and he licked inside my mouth, his tongue stroking first along my bottom lip and then kissing me hungrily and driving me out of my mind. In that moment, I wanted to kiss my physical therapist because I could finally grab onto him with both hands, touching and caressing, kneading and stroking until I felt the fire raging inside of me turn into an inferno and I climbed on his lap. Colt pulled back and smiled that smile that turned my insides to liquid.
“That’s a good start.”
“Damn straight,” I grinned and kissed him again. Harder this time as I rubbed against his long, thick erection. I needed this. Not just because it was this man, but because I needed something to distract me from this day. “I want you to undress me Colt. And lick me until I scream your name and then I want you to fuck me, long and hard until neither of us can walk.”
He groaned and thrust his cock up into the cradle of my thighs.
“What are we waiting for then?” Colt didn’t wait for an answer, he was on his feet and moving towards the bedroom but I stopped him halfway up. “What?”
“I don’t want to wait Colt. I need you now,” I told him as I slid down his body. His gaze took me in, dark and intense as I lifted my shirt.
“No. Let me do it,” he growled and undressed me in seconds, raking his dark eyes
over my body, so thick and heavy it left a trail of fire down to my core. “Fuck Jaya you are so damn gorgeous. I could look at you all night.”
“Well I hope not all night,” I joked, body pulsing for him. I spread my legs a little wider to give him a glimpse of where I ached for him.
“Fuck no,” he moaned and kissed a trail of heat down my body. My nipples were hard and aching, he pulled one in and licked it, sucked on it until I cried out, and only then moving to the other. Back and forth he teased until I was a sopping mess, begging him to take me.
“Colt, please. I need you.”
“That’s good to hear babe,” he grinned and kissed down my belly and dipping his tongue inside my wet pussy, fucking me hard as I gyrated my hips against his tongue.
It felt so good and I was so close but, “Colt no, I want to come around your cock.”
He looked up at me, mouth all shiny from my juices, and grinned. “Now that sounds like the best offer I’ve had all day.”
“Take it all off,” I told him when he shoved his jeans down his thighs. “I want to see all of you.”
Then he stood tall, all broad shouldered, six pack abs, long golden legs of sexiness. I licked my lips and his cock twitched, I couldn’t help it, I leaned forward and flicked my tongue across the bead of pre-come at the head of his cock. “Fuck, Jaya.”
“Exactly.”
Colt lifted me and carried me until we were on the top step and he laid his body on top of mine and sank his cock deep inside me on a slow thrust, filling me so good I moaned. His hips moved like a well powered machine, thrusting into me hard and fast just how I needed it, grunting in my ear and whispering naughty things. “Your pussy is so tight I just want to stay here forever.”
Forever sounded nice, but I just squeezed around him, feeling tingles start at my toes as he pounded into me. “Harder Colt. Please. Fuck me.”
He reared up at my words, his expression filled with heat and passion as he spread my thighs wider open and deepened his strokes. So deep it felt like we were becoming one solidified unit, one soul. So hard I knew I might have rug burn tomorrow and I couldn’t bring myself to give a damn. This was worth it.
“Jaya. Come on baby, come for me. Now.” Two fingers squeezed my clit and I went off like a Tomahawk missile, vibrating and convulsing as pleasure coursed through my veins. All of my hairs stood on end as his tongue licked the length of my neck and his hips moved faster and faster, going deep until his hips surged and I felt his warmth heat my core.
“Oh god, Colt!” I panted.
“Pretty fucking great, right?”
“Beyond.” As in beyond any orgasm I’d ever had with another person or on my own. As in I felt my heart leap out of my chest and attach to his sometimes in that nanosecond between the first and second orgasm. “We should do it again. But this time I vote bed.”
Colt laughed and stood, drawing a groan from me as our bodies separated and then he lifted me in his arms. “I veto that vote. This time we’re doing it up against the wall.”
“I can live with that.” When it came to Colt I could live with a lot it turned out.
Colt
Jaya was avoiding me. After the amazing night we’d spent together, making slow sweet love, fucking hard and fast, I thought we’d reached a new understanding. I thought we had moved past her doubts and anger from the past. After the emotional, gut-wrenching day and excavating the past, I really thought this would be our time to move forward. Towards the future.
That was three weeks ago. Now I caught glimpses of her at the office while she tried to dodge me around corners, ducking into dark rooms and taking nonexistent phone calls.
Now I wondered if the night had been as transformative for her as it had been for me. For us, I’d thought. I wanted to think the worst, that she’d used my body to forget her pain, to distract her from the child we lost. But I’ve done my fair share of fucking to forget and that wasn’t it. Jaya had been in, all the way in. Body and soul and heart, she gave it all to me. Time and time again. All night until the sun came up.
But now I felt we were back to square one.
Since she invited me, along with the rest of Sharpe Focus, to her housewarming and thank you barbecue, I would use the time to figure out exactly where I stood with her. Where we stood.
I got up early Saturday morning to pick up the keg and tap I’d reserved, ice and a few bottles of tequila as she asked. Well not me particularly but she’d emailed a list of things she needed and asked everyone to bring what they could. So my plan was to arrive early so we would have a few hours talk before the party started at four.
I sat in my car for a few minutes, calming down my racing heart and gathering my thoughts. Jaya drove me crazy in the best and worst possible way. I loved her and I wanted her back, but I needed to tread carefully.
“Let’s go.” It was time for answers. I knocked and waited, the keg and a few bags at my feet.
The door opened and Jaya appeared looking like a goddamn angel in a sexy little yellow sundress that hit just above the knees. The two puckered scars in her shoulder were visible under the thin straps. So were her freckles. But all I could see was her. Long blonde hair she’d let air dry held a hint of curl for a sexy beach look that made my fingers itch to dig deep while I kissed her breathless.
“Colt,” she said with a breathy whisper. “You’re early.”
“We need to talk,” I bit out, too harsh if the change in her posture and demeanor were any indication.
Jaya stepped back wordlessly and let me carry the keg inside. I heard her pick up the bags and follow me to the kitchen. She set the bags on the counter and dumped the ice into a big red bucket filled with beer bottles and pop cans.
“So, talk.”
I frowned at her arm. “You shouldn’t be carrying anything.”
She shrugged. “I’m cleared to carry thirty-five pounds,” she said, crossing her arms defensively.
I guess we were back to that. Months of progress undone by what, the truth of our past? The hurt she couldn’t, or wouldn’t let go? “You’ve been avoiding me.”
“No. I haven’t.”
I felt the scowl form on my face and leaned forward, palms on the island counter that separated us. “What do you call it then?”
She turned to the big pot on the stove, lifting the lid and stirring. “I call it getting my shit together.”
The scent hit me, so familiar it was like a jolt into the past. Long summers, the sweet and spicy scent of her tangy sauce. “Your barbecue sauce?”
The smile she sent over her shoulder was bittersweet. Wary. “Yeah. There are a few jars for you in the fridge.”
What the fuck? Now she was just sending mixed signals. “What’s going on Jaya?”
She let out a long, exasperated sigh, her shoulders drooped like she was giving up. On everything. On us. Finally, she turned and leaned against the fridge, putting as much distance between us as possible in the enclosed space.
“I love you Colt. I do and I never stopped. But none of it matters if I can’t forgive you or get past how I feel about…things.”
“But-,”
She pointed a finger at me and I snapped my mouth shut. “So I decided to see someone. A grief counselor.” My expression must have given away my shock because one side of her mouth twitched with a smile she could barely hide. “Yes, a grief counselor. I should have done it right after everything in Miami but I wasn’t ready. Hell I didn’t want to. But I lost my job, my partner and my career. Combined with you and the baby, I apparently had a lot of grief I hadn’t dealt with, at least according to the counselor.”
Shit I didn’t know what to say to that. She was getting help and I could only hope it was for the sake of us. “That’s good but what does that have to do with you avoiding me?”
“I couldn’t let you influence me Colt. I had to do this for me, not just for us.” Her green eyes sparkled like jewels and I didn’t know if those were tears of sadness or joy. “I needed to do this no ma
tter what happens with us.”
No matter what. “What does that mean? You love me but…?”
She sighed. “No buts Colt. I love you and I want to be with you which is why I had to step back for a minute to figure some stuff out.” She turned down the heat on the stove and walked around the counter, a sexy smile playing on her lips. “I don’t blame you Colt. It was difficult being pregnant without you and knowing you had no problem leaving me behind. It was worse losing our baby after I had already grown to love him. But, I don’t blame you for that. You had to do what’s right for you and I get that now.”
Well damn. “You don’t resent it, my success?”
She shook her head. “No. I wish we could have had it all just like we’d always dreamed, but you thought the Navy was your path and it seems like it was.”
I didn’t know whether to take it at face value or not. “You mean that?” Jaya’s hand went to my face, caressing my jaw and I couldn’t help it, I leaned into it.
“I mean it Colt. I love you. I’ve always loved you. Only you.”
My shoulders sagged in relief at her words. “Oh good. I needed hear that Jaya. So damn much.” Cupping her face in my hands I tilted it back and brushed my lips against hers gently. “I love you too. With all of my heart.”
She smiled against my lips and her tongue swept inside my mouth. We just kissed. Long and intense and sensual, the same way we had when we first discovered just how amazing kissing could be. It felt just like that now, we couldn’t stop kissing, touching. Caressing. I lifted her onto the counter and stepped between her legs, letting my hands graze up her thighs and underneath her dress. Slipping a finger inside her panties and deep inside her damp heat, I swallowed her groan and deepened the kiss.
We were on fire, a twisted inferno made up of just the two of us, limbs tangled and mouths so hungry for each other nothing else in the world existed. Finally Jaya broke the kiss.
“As much as I would love nothing more than to let you plunge deep into me and make me come, we have a lot to do before our guests arrive.”
Seal'd to Her: A Billionaire Second Chance Romance Page 8
