Peril in the Park: A Jamie Quinn Mystery

by Barbara Venkataraman

  Jayashree was all business. "I have to ask you what you're doing here."

  "This is my park. I come here every day to watch the birds," Jordan said, without a hint of sarcasm.

  "How is this your park?" Duke asked.

  "I used to run it. Yeah, I worked here for a year and a half--until I got fired by that D-bag, Kip Simons." She wore a look of disdain.

  "What are you looking at now?" I asked. "Birds?"

  She sized me up, deciding whether to answer. "Someone's trying to steal a boat over there," she said, pointing. "But they won't get far."

  She went back to looking through her binoculars.

  My heart was racing so fast I thought I'd have a heart attack. Was Kip over there?

  "Why won't they get far?" I asked.

  "Because I siphoned off all the gas," she said, matter-of-factly.

  "Listen, Jordan," I said, "I think my boyfriend is on that boat with a killer. Can you help us? Please?"

  I was trying to hold it together, but I just kept picturing Malcolm sprawled on the ground, tasered to death. If I wanted this girl's help, I couldn't tell her it was Kip I was looking for--not with the way she felt about him. I knew she had vandalized at least a dozen parks to in his honor. But, when she didn't respond to my question, I wondered if she'd heard me. I was so rattled by that point that I wasn't sure if I'd said it aloud or just thought I had. A minute later, Jordan put down the binoculars and started digging through a graffitied backpack at her feet. Her tufted violet hair, rustling in the wind, seemed to take on a life of its own, like some exotic sea creature. She pulled a black baseball cap out of the backpack and stuck it on her head, effectively covering all of the purple; it was as if the creature had dived into the murky ocean. She then pulled out a can of bug spray and an unopened can of soda, both of which she shoved into the pockets of her windbreaker. She stood up and turned to face us.

  "Okay, I'm in," she said, "but we're doing this my way." Then she looked at me. "Sorry, not you, you're in meltdown."

  Then she handed the boat key to Duke and whispered something in his ear. He nodded.

  "I can do that," he said. "I always wanted to try one of these babies."

  She pulled Jayashree aside and they had a discussion out of my hearing. I saw Jayashree nodding her head in agreement. Then, to my surprise, Jordan jumped off the boat and started walking away, towards the farthest boat.

  "Please tell me what's happening!" I said.

  Duke was staring at his watch. "You'll find out in three minutes, Darlin'. Just hang in there."

  Once Jordan had reached her destination, I grabbed the binoculars to see what was going on. I saw her talking to someone on the boat, as if she were asking directions. Suddenly, she jumped on the boat and threw the can of soda on the deck, where it exploded. Then she sprayed bug spray into the man's eyes and I saw him fall to his knees. At that same moment, Duke started the airboat engine, which was unbelievably noisy, and headed towards the other boat. The last time I'd been on an airboat was with Kip and I'd been wearing ear protection; luckily, we didn't have far to go. Duke pulled up next to the other boat where a man, who was a stranger to me, was doubled over, rubbing his eyes and screaming in pain. I saw Jordan bent over someone lying prone on the deck. She checked his pulse and motioned for me to come over. Duke cut the motor so that Jayashree and I could jump on board. Jayashree pulled her gun on the groaning man and I rushed over to Jordan. Behind her, silent and unmoving, lay Kip.

  Chapter 38

  Please be alright please be alright, I chanted silently as I knelt beside him. I touched his face, he felt warm and his color was good. He was breathing normally, just unconscious. He started to stir and I kissed his forehead. Oh, thank God…

  "You didn't tell me your boyfriend is Kip Simons," Jordan said, in an accusing tone.

  "Would you have helped me?" I asked.

  "Maybe," she laughed, "If it meant I got to kick this guy's ass," she said, pointing behind her. She bent down and picked up something shiny.

  "Do these belong to lover boy?" She held up a pair of wire-rim glasses.

  I gasped. Jayashree and Duke understood immediately.

  "This man is Daniel Wolf. He's also I-C-U," Jayashree said.

  "You're the bastard who killed Malcolm!" Duke snarled, giving him a sharp kick in the side. "Why did you do it?"

  Wolf's response was to give him a contemptuous look. Then he spat on Duke's shoes. It looked like Duke might kick him again, but he didn't. I think Duke was afraid that once he got started, he wouldn't be able to stop. Jayashree told Wolf to empty his pockets; since she was aiming a gun at him, he complied. I watched him, studying his face, but saw nothing remarkable there, no clue to indicate that he was a psychopath. From his thinning hair to his weak chin to his average build, he looked so normal, so ordinary. I think that was the most frightening thing of all--at least in my nightmares, the monsters looked like monsters.

  Wolf started to pull a Taser out of his pocket--I recognized it from my research--but Jayashree ordered him to freeze. She had Duke remove the weapon instead, just in case Wolf was crazy enough to try to taser her. I'm not sure why Wolf had spared Kip from Malcolm's fate. Maybe he only wanted to keep Kip from going to the commission meeting. Or maybe he'd planned to drown Kip in the river and make it look like an accident…

  I heard a police siren in the distance. Although I hadn't seen her do it, Jayashree must've called them. When Jordan heard the noise, she quickly moved toward the other airboat, the one that had gas.

  "You need to stay and answer some questions," Jayashree said to her.

  "Like hell I do!" she answered. "You want to arrest me."

  "Wait!" Jayashree said. "Before you do something drastic, like spray us all with bug spray, I have a question for you."

  Curiosity got the best of her and she stopped. "What is it?"

  "You have some remarkable skills," Jayashree said, "have you ever considered a career with the FBI?"

  Jordan was taken aback. "You're trying to trick me. You think I'm the park vandal."

  "Even if that were true," Jayashree said, "and I'm sure it's not, your actions today would more than make up for any silly pranks you may or may not have pulled. Besides," she said, "I like your style."

  Then she smiled at Goth Girl a/k/a Jordan, a/k/a the artist formerly known as 'Park Vandal'.

  Jordan decided to stay.

  Chapter 39

  Kip woke up just as the paramedics arrived.

  "Hey babe, what did I miss?" he asked, still groggy.

  "You're awake!" I squealed. "Welcome back, sweetie. Let's see, what did you miss? Well, we caught I-C-U, ID'd the park vandal, taught Duke how to drive an airboat, and I met my first FBI agent. So, just a typical day."

  "Sorry I missed it. I guess I really needed a nap. I don't know what happened to me."

  Duke walked over to us. "How ya feelin', man? You must've been tasered."

  I shook my head. "Nope, tasering immobilizes you, but it doesn't knock you out. This was something else."

  Jayashree came over to us. Wolf had been taken away by then.

  "Hey Kip," she said, "sorry we lost track of you, but you shouldn't have gone off on your own. You Americans all think you're Bruce Willis in 'Die Hard', why is that?"

  Kip laughed. "Yeah, I screwed up. I thought it was the park vandal again. Where is he, by the way? I've got to meet him."

  "Typical chauvinist," Jordan said, from the opposite side of the boat, where she'd been watching us. "Anything clever or inspired, then a man must've done it."

  "Whoa!" Kip was clearly not expecting a pierced, tattooed girl with purple hair to be standing there. 'Who are you?"

  "Perfect!" She said, walking over to us. "You ruin my life and you don't even know who I am. I'm Jordan Ryder and I used to run this park, until you fired me."

  Kip looked puzzled. "I didn't fire you. It must've been your supervisor--although I'm sure he blamed me for it."

  "Yes, she did blame you," Jord
an replied. "I shouldn't have believed her; she lied about everything all the time. Okay, I guess you're forgiven." Then she laughed and we could see that her tongue was pierced, too.

  "Jordan saved your life," I pointed out. "It turns out that superheroes always wear bright colors, that way they're easy to recognize."

  Kip smiled and thanked her. Just then, an officer walked over to Jayashree and handed her a plastic bag marked as evidence.

  "Look what was in Wolf's car," she said. "It's a bottle of chloroform. And this was under the seat."

  I recognized it immediately. It was a purple and green Mardi Gras mask, purchased at Party City and last worn by an evil jester with pale hands.

  ***

  Two days later, I was sitting in Kip's office and he was filling me in on the latest.

  "Okay," I said. "I get that Daniel Wolf hired Malcolm to spy on us, but how did he convince Dilly Williams to embezzle the money to pay for it?"

  "By pretending to be his father," Kip said. "Dilly was one of the commissioners taking bribes, so he did anything Benjamin Wolf told him to. All Daniel had to do was convince Dilly that Benjamin had ordered it."

  "Wasn't Benjamin in on it?"

  "No, he had no idea his son was a psychopath. Benjamin was bribing Dilly Williams and two other commissioners, but he claims he didn't know what Daniel was up to. He thought Daniel was just a book-smart geek. All Benjamin ever wanted was for Daniel to 'man up' so he could take over the business someday."

  "The lesson is, be careful what you wish for," I said.

  "You're not kidding."

  I had another question. "What was Quincy's role in this?" I knew there was a reason I'd instantly despised him.

  "Quincy was working for Benjamin and had been for years. Quincy was his man on the inside. Benjamin had promised him the director's job, my job, when the previous director retired, but then the Attorney General and the FBI got involved and the county was told to choose an outsider. Of course, Benjamin didn't know about the sting operation."

  "What will happen with Sapphire Sky Tower now?"

  Kip smiled broadly. "It's been rejected. The wetlands will remain in their natural state. All that work I did on my report was for nothing."

  I nodded. "See? I told you it was a big waste of time. And what about the Ren-Fest, is it back on?"

  Kip nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, it's on, baby! But with one small, actually large difference."

  "What?"

  "No elephant," he said. "Taj's trainer said he won't be bringing her back here again."

  "PETA must be happy."

  "Oh yeah," Kip said, "And 'St. Joseph' is taking all the credit for it. So, with the Ren-Fest back on, it looks like I'll be getting that chocolate-covered bacon after all."

  "You're dreaming," I said. "But don't worry, I'll think of some way to make it up to you."

  And then I kissed him to seal the deal.

  Chapter 40

  "I solved the mystery," Grace said, when I picked up the phone a few hours later.

  After what I'd just been through with Kip, her choice of words struck me as funny and I laughed.

  "Why are you laughing?"

  "I'll tell you later," I said. "What mystery did you solve?"

  "How many are there, Jamie? You know, your dad?"

  "Sorry, of course! I can't wait to hear what you found out." I said.

  "Do you want the good news, or the really good news?" Grace was excited.

  "However you want to tell me," I said. I was getting excited, too.

  "Okay, here's the first part: INS did make a mistake: your dad is legally married to Ana Maria."

  "That's great!"

  "But the INS mistake hasn't been fixed yet."

  "What do you mean?" I asked.

  "INS still believes your dad is married to his first wife."

  "Wha-at? What first wife are you talking about? He said he's only been married once."

  "He's wrong." Grace said, smugly.

  "He's lying?"

  "No, just wrong. The reason he's legally married to Ana Maria now is that his first wife died about a year before he married Ana Maria. INS is unaware of that death and that's why they believe his current marriage isn't legal."

  "But Grace," I said, starting to pace around my office. "He hasn't lived in the States for over thirty years, remember? When would he have gotten married?"

  "I'll give you a hint. Before he left."

  "You're killing me, Gracie! Please tell me what you're talking about."

  "Alright, I won't torture you anymore," she said with a laugh. "Here's what happened. The month before your dad was deported he went to Texas to attend a rally. He'd been in the country on a student visa, but since he had dropped out of school, his visa was invalid. That was a problem if he wanted to stay in the country, but the good old State of Texas had a solution. Thirty-five years ago, it was legal in Texas to get married by proxy, meaning one of the people didn't even have to be there. The missing person could just fill out the paperwork, have it notarized and mail it in."

  "You mean, you could get married 'in absentia'?" I was confused.

  "Yup. And that's exactly what he did. His girlfriend was nice enough to help him out. Even though she was still in Florida…"

  "My mother?"

  "Yes Ma'am. Your father married Susan Quinn thirty-five years ago."

  "Oh my God! This is impossible! This is fantastic! How does he not know he married my mother?"

  "Not sure," Grace said. "It may not have been his idea. I mean, maybe the political leaders arranged it for him. And your mother clearly didn't know either. Yes, she signed the form, but I bet she never saw the marriage certificate. She must've assumed it didn't go through."

  "I can't wait to tell him!"

  Then I thought of something that squelched my euphoria.

  "But this doesn't fix the problem," I said.

  "What do you mean? Of course it fixes the problem, Jamie."

  "No it doesn't. Even after we tell INS that my mom died, they'll probably deny the visa anyway. My dad and Ana Maria have never lived together."

  "Oh, I guess you're right," Grace said, deflated. "Too bad your dad isn't listed on your birth certificate."

  "But he is listed," I said. "I got a copy in the mail the other day."

  Grace shrieked. "That means you're legitimate, Jamie! Congratulations, it's a baby girl! YOU can apply for your dad's visa! All you need is your birth certificate and a copy of your parents' marriage certificate. Which I just happen to have."

  Chapter 41

  It was that time again, time to take Duke out for dinner as a thank-you for all his help. It's not that I didn't enjoy our dinners, because I did, I just wished he'd let me pay him for his detective work. To make matters worse, he wouldn't agree to go anywhere 'fancy'; he wanted down home cookin', as he put it. That's how we ended up at Catfish Dewey's for 'all you can eat shrimp' night. Or, in my case, 'all you can't eat shrimp'. I didn't mind because they had the best hush puppies in town (maybe the only hush puppies in town), as well as stuffed jalapeno peppers and fried mushrooms. Basically, anything that might've been healthy to start with, they felt the need to bread and fry. They couldn't help themselves.

  "I do have one request," I said to Duke once we were seated in the booth.

  "What's that, Darlin'?"

  "Can you not order the frog legs? I think I'd have to get up and leave…"

  Duke thought that was hilarious. "And how do you feel about gator?"

  "Uh, the same--totally grossed out."

  "Then which of God's creatures don't offend you?" He was still laughing pretty hard.

  "I don't know, I guess it's silly to draw the line at one thing and not the other--but, seriously, no frog legs."

  The waitress brought our beers and a bowl of hush puppies and we dug in.

  "I do miss the hoedowns they used to have here," Duke said, wistfully. He was leaning against the wall of the booth, one booted foot on the seat, totally at ease.r />
  "Yeah, I'm sure that added to the ambience," I said, trying to imagine all that hootin' and hollerin' while people tried to eat their dinners.

  Duke's expression turned serious then and he raised his glass, "To Malcolm."

  I clinked glasses with him. "To Malcolm."

  Duke looked over at me, amused. "You know, there's never a dull moment hanging around you. How do you get mixed up in so much murder and mayhem all the time? Your cousin, your client, your boyfriend--you sure know how to pick 'em, girl!" He laughed.

  "I don’t get it, either," I admitted. "But, just to clarify, I didn't pick my cousin. My family came as a package deal."

  "Well, at this rate, you might as well be a criminal attorney," Duke joked.

  "Never gonna happen. So, will you going back to the Ren-Fest?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

  "Yeah, I thought I'd take Candy there. She'd like it."

  "If you both dress up as pirates, I'll need a picture!" I teased, taking a sip of beer. "How are things going for you two? If you don't mind me asking."

  Duke looked thoughtful. "Great, except…"

  "I'm listening."

  "She's talking about getting married again. Jamie, I'm just not the marrying kind."

  I almost snorted beer through my nose, I was laughing so hard.

  "Duke--if you're not the marrying kind, I don't know who is! You've been married three times, you must like getting married, right?"

  "Wrong. Well, I like gettin' married, but I hate gettin' divorced, and somehow one always leads to the other."

  "I don't know what to tell you, Duke. Just be honest with her," I said.

  "Yeah, that's good advice. How are you and the park ranger doing? If you don't mind me asking." He gave me a knowing grin.

  I rolled my eyes. "Same old Duke! Kip's doing great and life is back to normal, whatever that is. He's been embroiled in this park mess since the day he started as director. I'm not sure how he'll manage without a park vandal, corrupt commissioners and a homicidal maniac on the loose. He might get bored."

  "Not with you around, I'll wager."