Valentine Kisses: A Kiss to Last a Lifetime

by Abigail Drake

  “Here,” she said handing me a tissue from the box that was on the sofa. “How’s the restaurant doing with Valentine’s Day coming up? It should be the perfect place for couples big on organic.” Marcy was very attached to the restaurant. She enquired about it every month, trying to sound as non-intrusive as possible. But I knew it was only a way for her to be in touch with something about her son–just like me. I couldn’t stop the smile thinking of how word-of-mouth had helped it gain popularity.

  “It’s doing better and better. We are expecting traffic to increase around Valentine’s Day,” I replied.

  “And what are your plans for the special month? Any hot dates?” she asked, wriggling her eyebrows slightly. The smile on my face froze. I gazed at the soft lines on her face, searched for the effort it might have taken her to ask me to move on from her son and yet, all I found was a caring smile of a mother. I shook my head, unable to find the answer.

  “Nothing really,” I said, clearing my throat. She put her hand on my mine while I looked down at our folded hands. Her wedding ring sparkled bright on her finger…proof that her love was alive and well. I didn’t even have the luxury of a ceremony before John was snatched away.

  “It’s been three years. John would want you to move on,” she said, her eyes finally misting. She turned to get a tissue and wiped her eyes. “You are young and have a life to live. You’re done mourning, my dear. You were done the day you opened that restaurant. You have honored John’s memory enough. It’s your turn now. Honor your heart. Find a man who can give you the happiness that my son did.” My eyes brimmed over and thick tears dropped on our hands.

  “I don’t think anyone—”

  “Shh…” she said, stroking my hair. I folded my legs under and curled up on her lap, while my tears tracked a path down my nose. “Life is hard enough. Why struggle through it alone? Love would make it all worthwhile, Aisha. A new man would bring a fresh perspective to your life.”

  I nodded to indicate I was listening. My thoughts had already wandered to John. Did he also think this was the right time for me? But what would I do with all those memories? Before I could indulge in my depressing thoughts, Mr. McCarthy walked in, announcing he was hungry and ready for dinner.

  As we sat down for dinner I realized Liam had already left and Mr. McCarthy wasn’t even aware of it. I tried not to dwell on the reasons why John’s dad was so distracted. I left their home couple of hours later and with a heavy heart took the train back to my apartment. I dreaded the emptiness waiting for me.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Only three days to Valentine’s Day and Pure & Co. was already close to full with reservations. It was a great way to start the morning, especially after yesterday. Kiya was busy with orders while I checked on our inventory for the big day. It was the first time we faced such a rush and while it felt great, I was nervous as hell.

  Even though I didn’t have a spare moment, Liam filled my mind. His revelation had stirred something in me, a familiar dull ache for agreeable company. It had been three years and thinking about another man still felt like I was betraying John. When Marcy mentioned how I should be done mourning now, I felt a huge rock settle in my stomach—the fear of unknown, of moving ahead blindly. It’s almost as if grief had friended me and I had separation issues now.

  I slept restlessly, tossing and turning thinking of how I was supposed to “move on.” I kept coming back to Liam and the idea of having a friend who would hold my hand and lead me into the world again. As I wrote down the inventory items we needed, my eyes moved to my cellphone. Should I call Liam? He’d left upset and I hadn’t done anything to make it better. I stared at the list I’d almost finished. Once I got ready to order the items, I wouldn’t have any time after that.

  On a whim, I picked up my phone and clicked on contacts. If not now, I wouldn’t have a chance until after Valentine’s. My finger hovered over his name. Hoping it was the right thing to do, I dialed his number. My heart beat loudly in my chest as the phone began to ring. It went to voicemail. I quickly ended the call and sighed. Maybe he didn’t want to talk to me.

  The sudden buzz of the phone in my hand startled me. It was Liam. Taking a deep breath, I picked up his call. “Hello,” I said.

  “Hey Aisha? I can barely hear you.”

  I probably was whispering for all I knew. I cleared my throat and said, “Hey...sorry. Just calling to check if you are ok.” I rolled my eyes. Where did that come from?

  There was a pause. “I’m okay. You?”

  I bit my lower lip, wondering how to tell him what I had in mind. “I am good. Quite busy with Pure actually”.

  “Good...good,” he said softly.

  Nervous flutters overtook my senses. Asking someone shouldn’t be this difficult. “I...um...wondered if we could catch up sometime soon. I didn’t like the way we left things the other day,” I blurted out.

  “Oh.”

  I waited for him to say something but there was only silence. Humiliation threatened to render me mute and I continued blurting out whatever came to mind. “Actually forget I said that. I mean, I know meeting me might not be a great idea for you. I totally get—”

  “Actually it is.”

  I felt a rock settle in my heart. He thought it wasn’t a good idea to meet me. “OK. I...I will hang up then. Keep—” I was cut off by him.

  “I meant… it is a great idea to meet you. I was only thinking of my upcoming trip to London on the 15th and I have a full day of classes today. So, that leaves only the 14th. Would you be ok with that?”

  A blush crept up my cheeks. He wanted to meet me. There was still hope to revive our friendship.

  “The 14th will be busy at Pure. We’re almost full with reservations. But I can make it to lunch.”

  “Lunch is perfect,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice and I felt my heart lighten up. “I will make the reservations and send you the address.”

  I loved the idea of not having to fret over where to go. I’d have enough on my plate already. After hanging up, a smile played on my lips. As I made my way back to my desk, I realized I was looking forward to Valentine’s Day for more than one reason.

  ***

  A chilly Valentine’s Day in NYC wasn’t abnormal but a snowy Valentine’s Day was a definite damper on social plans. Yet, as I made my way to the restaurant, I saw couples and families who didn’t mind the extra layers. Through the windows of the various shops and restaurants I passed, people looked warm, cozy and very much in love. Red dominated everything including the newspaper stand at the corner. Someone had pasted a huge, red heart sticker on it. For reasons, unfathomable, I traced my finger over the heart when I passed. The cool plastic-like surface lingered on my bare fingers, warming my heart a little on this special day. Of course, my lunch with Liam wasn’t a date but it still felt darn good.

  I turned the corner and found our meeting place on my right. I’d heard of it but hadn’t been there. Warm lights dominated the inside and a red carpet invited you in. I strolled to the hostess’ desk and gave Liam’s name for the reservation. The woman smiled and led me through the neatly laid and occupied tables. She stopped at a booth at the back, a little more private than the rest. I thanked her and took the seat facing the entrance. The ambience felt romantic and my thoughts were immediately drawn to the last time I had been at such a setting. It was a few days before John’s death. I shook my head, chiding myself for bringing him up again. I’d promised myself I would do whatever I could to give Liam a chance. To give myself a chance.

  I drank from the ice-cold glass of water to calm my nervousness, when Liam walked in. He wore a dark blue suit with a white shirt and no tie. The young woman who’d escorted me before walked with him chatting as if she knew him. Liam nodded politely to something she said and then looked at me. I felt whiplash as his eyes met mine. I noticed his sharp nose, the small dimple on his cheek and his dark green eyes. His eyes...they were mesmerizing and bored into me as if no one else existed in the whole wo
rld. How did I not notice how handsome he was before? A smile crept up my face as he got closer.

  “And here you are, sir. I will be around shortly to take your orders,” said the perky woman. Liam thanked her, his eyes never leaving mine.

  “You look beautiful,” he said, his gaze intent on me. I hoped the dim lighting hid the blush on my cheeks.

  “You clean up well, too,” I replied and took another drink from my water.

  “Did you order?” He pointed at the menu in my other hand. I shook my head and tried to breathe steadily. He looked even more striking sitting close. Maybe it was the lighting, but he appeared perfect. The sharp suit, his well-combed, black hair and his dimpled smile made even the waitress notice him. I struggled not to stare. Had I lived under a rock all these years? We ordered some wine and delicacies that the waitress suggested.

  “It must be busy at the restaurant today.” His fingers caressed the flute of the wine glass. I couldn’t take my eyes off his long fingers, and wondered what it would be like to be touched by them.

  “Actually, it is. Organic Valentine’s as Kiya says,” I said.

  His sudden burst of laughter was music to my ears. His head thrown back, his eyes crinkled on the sides.

  “You’re staring at me,” Liam said as a small smile played on his lips.

  I blinked, heat creeping up my face. I didn’t know what to make of his enticing smile. I looked away quickly and bit my lips to stop myself from blurting nonsense.

  “Aisha…”

  “Yes?” I asked, meeting his smoldering eyes.

  He paused, then released a sigh. “Nothing really. Can I ask you something?”

  I nodded. I was hoping he wouldn’t bring up John.

  “How are you really, these days? I mean, we meet once a year and I...though I wanted to be there for you, I was...I didn’t want to give you a wrong idea.”

  I nodded. I truly understood what he was going through. I probably would have taken his interest as a betrayal. Just admitting it made me feel bad for him. His eyes held pain.

  “I think I’m ok. Working on Pure was the best decision. It took my mind off things.” I took a sip of my wine and let it warm me.

  “There’s a but, right?” His eyes lit up with concern.

  I stared at him and wondered why I would share my failings with him. But his honest concern had me opening up.

  “At night, when I go back to my empty apartment, my skin crawls. I’ve cleared away every memory of John. I don’t even have a photograph lying around but I still miss him. Some days, I want to run away and forget him. Other nights, I cry myself to sleep. Yet there are some days in between when... I dare to hope that the pain will be done and I will find love again.”

  Liam looked down his own wine glass. “He was a fucking idiot to be driving so late at night,” he said, his whisper barely audible. When he looked up at me, his eyes shone with unshed tears. “I swear I would drag him back to you if I could, Aisha.”

  The memory of that night was like a slap but Liam’s words sunk in quick enough. He would do that for me. He would drag John back into my life even if it broke his heart. I reached for his hand on the table and touched him. My hand tingled. If not for his fingers curling over mine, I would have jerked mine back. Goosebumps raced over my arm and I was again thankful for the dim lighting. He didn’t need to see what his touch did to me. I felt speechless.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, his hand pressed against mine.

  I nodded and cleared my throat. “I have something for you.” It was a great excuse to reclaim my tingling hand. I started digging into my purse. I pulled out a blue velvet pouch and handed it to Liam. He took it from me and looked at it questioningly. “That’s the first watch you bought together. Remember?”

  He opened the pouch to fish out the Swiss Army watch. His thumb caressed the white dial. “18th April, 2003. We had slogged in McDonald’s to save enough to buy it.” His eyes had a distant look. A small smile played on his lips. “Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday were my days to wear it. He was pissed because most of the dates with pretty girls we could snag would be on Saturday and he wouldn’t have it.”

  I joined in the laughter It felt good to remember John this way. I could almost imagine these two teenagers sharing the precious watch.

  “I had forgotten all about this,” he said sobering. He turned the watch around, his fingers caressing it as if the watch would take him into the past. “Actually, I had something for you as well.” That was a surprise. “Don’t look at me that way. You’ll probably be mad at me,” he said.

  That made me even more curious. He pulled a brown paper wrapped bundle from inside of his suit. It looked like a book and things fell into place. I took the package from him and gingerly opened the wrapping. A sharp breath escaped me. It was my bible—a pocketbook of “365 days of Buddhist quotes.” Back in the day, I’d read one every day. It had been my talisman—no matter how the day went, the messages from this book got through it. I looked at him, sure my face held a thousand questions.

  “Well...you never lost it. I took it,” he confessed.

  I took a deep breath, determined not to yell. I’d loved this book. “Do you have any idea how many days I didn’t talk to John over this? He swore he had put it on the study table. I needed it and I blamed him,” I said testily. Liam was right—I was definitely mad at him now. However, it was strange he chose today to return it. I caressed the book cover and felt happiness seeping through my skin.

  “I know... He did put it on the table but I took it,” he said cautiously. I gaped at him in disbelief. He raised his hands in defense and said, “Let me explain.” I leaned back and crossed my arms. “I borrowed the book,” he said air quoting himself and continued, “at least that’s what I kept saying but...I couldn’t bring myself to return it. It was a part of you I could keep without...anyone ever knowing about it.” He glanced over at me, his face pleading for understanding.

  I was amazed I’d never noticed how he’d felt for me before, lost in my own world of a woven fairy tale until it all crashed down. His eyes still held guilt but there was so much more in them. They demanded understanding and to see his side of things. I bristled at the memory of how upset I was when I’d lost the book. Yet, it was so many years ago that the pain had long subsided. A bubble of laughter rose as a memory of John overtook me.

  “Do you know John made me fish sticks to apologize? His cooking ended my love story with sea food.” Warmth from the memory filled my heart. As Liam joined in the laughter, I realized how good he was for me. I’d already realized it was safe to cry my heart out in his arms, but I’d never understood that laughing with him could be so much better. As our laughter slowed down, my heart still shook and I realized something more. “You are forgiven.”

  His smile blinded me. His green eyes held a twinkle I missed before. Happiness does a number on us. I reached out, unafraid of touching him and said, “Thank you Liam. For the book and everything else.”

  He held my hand, his thumb circled the back of it. Now, I knew what the wine glass felt like. His eyes were on me, so intense my cheeks warmed up.

  “Will you give me a chance, Aisha?”

  I froze. He was John’s best friend. Did it break some sort of rule? And what if it didn’t work out? Will I lose him, too? I was cornered, like a deer in headlights. What if we weren’t good for each other?

  “You’re scared.” His thumb stopped and instead, his fingers entwined with mine. I felt every inch of his skin. It lit a hope within me. It was different than holding John but equally wonderful. My brows scrunched in confusion. I squeezed the book on my lap with my other hand, willing it to give me wisdom as it so often used to.

  “I am...just…confused,” I whispered. His grip on my fingers loosened and he slowly withdrew his hand. I felt the loss immediately.

  “Aisha, look at me, please,” he pleaded. “Please?” When I faced him, I saw a passion I had not seen before. “Let me show you how to love again. Let me sho
w you how beautiful and strong it could be. I swear you’d be the first and last thing on my mind today and forever, as you have been over the last eleven years. I have always loved you, Aisha. But…” He took a deep breath. “It doesn’t have to be me. I want you to be happy—with or without me.” He leaned back, his hands crossed and eyes gazed at me. I stared at him. His jaw was set, outlining his sharp profile. His lips pursed. I wondered if he was one of those intimidating professors who made you forget the answers.

  “I don’t want to date anyone else.” I said finally.

  A small smile played on his lips. “I find my appetite returning.” He looked like a little boy who’d just received his favorite candy.

  I smiled at his obvious thrill knowing I wasn’t ready to date anyone else. The tense mood of just a few minutes ago dissolved into something lighter, more joyful.

  “You are staring again.”

  This time the mischief in his eyes set my heart beating harder. I shook my head, smiling. “Eat,” I ordered pointing my fork at his delicious looking food. “I have to leave in a few anyway. Dinner reservations will start arriving in a couple of hours.”

  “Absolutely. Let’s order dessert, then.”

  The Uber dropped us at Pure & Co. Liam had insisted that he would drop me off and then return to pack for Princeton. When we reached the restaurant, we saw the terrifyingly long lines of people already waiting to get a seat. Kiya looked too busy to even realize I was back. I hurried inside to check on how the staff were holding up. When I walked back to the front to say a quick bye to Liam, he was already occupied. With his suit jacket off and shirtsleeves rolled up, he manned the front desk, taking the names of the visitors and chatting politely. It was a sight to watch. Somehow, he looked perfect in this setting. His smile was wider, his eyes merrier and when he turned to look at me, I saw the promise of a better tomorrow. I walked toward him, as if pulled by an invisible force.

  “If you promise to stare at me this way whenever we meet, I promise to never leave,” he said with a smirk. I smacked his shoulder lightly, so happy he was around. His eyes never seemed to leave mine.