by Alla Kar
“I’ll teach you, Bella,” he whispered, his voice settling in my lower stomach, slowly burning me to ash.
He began to strum the chords, and then his gaze drifted up. “What do you want to hear?”
I cleared my throat, thinking of my favorite song. “The Reason,” I said.
He didn’t have to ask ‘by who’ because we both knew he knew my favorite song. He had told me. When Jordan didn’t know. The chords started and then came the rough sound of his voice, coasting words at me that he would never know scorched me to the bone.
By the end of the song, my entire first drink was gone. And when Demons by Imagine Dragons was finished, I had finished my second drink. I wasn’t drunk by any means. Drinking a glass of wine while I read a magazine was the best part of my day. My alcohol tolerance was higher than most people my age. But a buzzing numbness was starting to tickle the tips of my toes.
“You play well,” I whispered, my voice suddenly so low I didn’t recognize it. Something was eating at me, and I knew exactly what it was. I wanted to be closer to him, and I knew it was a bad idea.
“Thank you,” he was closer than I realized. “Do you want to hear something else, Bella?”
I nodded, settling an inch closer, turning my body to face him. His baby blues were round when I finally got the balls to look up. Both of those amazingly thick lips were parted. And then I saw how hardly he was clenching Emily’s guitar.
“You shouldn’t,” he whispered. “You’re testing my self-control, Bella,” a grave whisper.
A sound I didn’t understand myself escaped me, and I bit my lip to take it back. But it was too late. I wanted to touch him. Taste him. And I was going to do it because I had to find out how it felt. How it would feel to touch my boyfriend’s best-friend. The guy that made me smile more than Jordan. Or that made my heart skip beats like I was sixteen again.
The guy I wanted to be with.
Beau’s gaze held mine, daring me to look away, begging me because we both knew this wasn’t going to end well.
The energy between us was crackling like fireworks. And when I finally let out that breath I’d been holding, Beau had tossed the guitar to the side, gripped the back of my neck and forced my ready mouth upward.
He hovered there—just a whisper away from giving both of us something we’d wanted for a long time. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.
“Yeah?” I asked, hoping my voice didn’t tremble as badly as I was. He nodded, tracing his thumb over my bottom lip, and then down to the side of my jaw to the hollow of my neck.
I closed my eyes, and melted into the warmth of his touch. Then I felt the heat of his mouth over my jaw. Then cheek. And then the corner of my mouth before resting his forehead against mine. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he whispered against my mouth, sending waves of impatience through me. I wanted him. More.
When he dipped his head, his eyes held mine, pinning me to my place on that couch. There wasn’t anything that could have gotten me to walk away from that look. The look I’d wanted from him since the first day I saw him in class.
I liked Jordan—thought he was cute—when he asked me out. But I hadn’t wanted the invite from him originally; I’d wanted it from the quiet, broodingly gorgeous man sitting behind him.
But he wasn’t the one that asked. So I went with Jordan, my feelings growing stronger for him every day—until I finally realized that constant nagging in the back of my head wasn’t doubt, it was something completely different. It was something that I had vowed wouldn’t be there for any man. Love. But not for Jordan. For Beau.
His demanding lips met mine with a force that would have taken any girl to her knees. I sank backwards against my couch, as he settled between my waiting thighs. I cowered at the pressure of his erection pressing against my throbbing core.
“Bella,” he whispered, before parting my waiting lips with his tongue. His kiss was all I had hoped it would be. Demanding, his experienced tongue lapped at me, licked me with a fire I had never felt before. When I drifted my hands lower, I pulled his shirt over his head, my eyes bluntly taking in every curve of his muscles, down to the taut protruding muscles of his hips that were holding a pair of low slung jeans.
A hungry growl slipped from him as I drug my fingernails over his abdomen and up to his chest. And then he was nipping down my neck, and tugging my shirt over my head. Once my shirt was off, he tossed it to the floor and stared down at me.
He watched my face as he rolled his hips against me and I clenched around him. “You smell of me now,” he whispered, dipping his head to run his nose along the curve of my neck. He gently bit down, and rolled his hips again.
This time, I cried out, clinging to him for dear life. With his warm mouth nipping and licking at my neck, he reached down and pulled down my pajamas, and settled himself between my legs again.
His breath was hot against my ear now, his heart beat slamming against his ribs. My breath hitched when his thumb pressed against the outside of my panties, circling my clit. “Please,” I choked out, already too far gone to go back. I was dripping wet, my body heaving like I was a dying girl in a dire search for water.
His blue eyes glistened and a smile curled up his strong jaw. “Please, what, Bella?” he whispered hotly in my ear.
Damn. I lifted my hips, begging him to do more but he kept me pinned down with his weight. “Touch me,” I whispered.
He growled, dragging his mouth to meet mine. He gave me a determined kiss, while pushing my panties out of the way. I was trembling before he even touched me. One finger opened me up, and slid into my wetness. He growled, biting down on my neck, plunging his finger further into me.
“Christ,” he hissed through his teeth. “You’re so wet, Dove,” he whispered. My chest tightened at the word but my body was trembling and shaking from want that I couldn’t even focus.
“More,” I whispered, clutching his shoulders.
He slipped one finger out of me and I immediately felt the loss, only to be filled with two fingers when he pushed back in. My spine arched, pressing my chest against his.
A building pressure started to form in my lower stomach and I could feel it coming. “I want you in me,” I whispered, my voice trembling from the rough reality of my words.
“You’re gonna get me, baby. You’re gonna fucking get all of me.” The growl in his voice forced me up and over the edge. My scream sounded so far away, my plea for him to give me more. My begging like a hungry child.
He tore his fingers from me, and ripped his jeans and boxers down his legs, exposing everything he had to offer me—my sex clenched at the length of him.
But then something in the distance started distracting me. And I saw it on his face too. Singing—in the background was something familiar. My Beau high was starting to dwindle away, because of that song we both knew.
Jordan was calling my cell phone. Beau kept my gaze, staring down at me like I would disappear if he looked away. All six foot two inches of him glistened with foreplay sweat. His massive erection still had my sex throbbing with want, but we both knew we couldn’t do it now.
He didn’t even say anything, he stepped closer and hopes that we’d resolve this tonight set in but shortly evaporated. He snatched his boxers, and jeans up his legs and grabbed his shirt.
I watched—half-naked—from my couch, as he slid into his shoes and walked toward the door. When he turned around, I saw the pain on his face. The urge to say something to me, but he didn’t. He gently shook his head and closed the door behind him.
***
I knew I’d replayed it in my sleep as soon as my eyes opened. Because an instantaneous guilt clogs my throat, dragging me down to the depths of despair.
I sit up in a desperate attempt to swallow the pain but it doesn’t help. It’s still lingering in the back of my throat as I use the wall to stand up. Taborie is passed out beside me. The memories of everything slam into me, all the things we talked about before.
�
�Beau went to get another fishing pole.”
I jump up and cradle my chest. “You scared me Kat.”
She rests her chin against her knees and looks up at me with big blue eyes. “Is Taborie going to be okay?”
I push my sweaty hair from my forehead and nod. “I believe so. We’ve stopped the bleeding.”
“He tried to save my family, ya know.”
What? I turned toward her and notice the pile of cooked fish sitting beside her. “Did Beau cook those for us?”
She wipes underneath her eyes and nods. I take a seat next to her and start to eat the fish. “What happened?”
She lets out a shaky sigh and stretches her legs out in front of her. The baggy sweats she’s wearing are starting to tear in different places. “When we crashed, Taborie was sitting behind us. I woke up and he was trying to save my mom.” A whimper leaves her throat. “My dad and sister were already gone.”
God. I swallow the wad of terror in my throat. “But she was already gone,” she says. “So he drug me out and saved me.” She turns to the side and wraps her arms around her waist. “I miss my sisters,” she cries.
Dropping my fish, I reach out and pull her to my chest. “I know you do, Kat. And I know this won’t make your sisters come back, but you’ll always have me.”
Her sobs soften and she glances up at me. “Really?”
I nod. “Of course. We’re going to make it through this. And I’ll be like your adopted sister. Your friend.”
She curls up beside me and before I know it she’s asleep. I cry softly until I can’t cry anymore. I feel sticky and gross, my hair is matted to my head, and a constant hunger pain is tearing at me.
“Bella?” I hear the same voice I just dreamt about.
Beau waves me over toward him at the edge of the waterfall. I slowly lay Kat’s head against a pile of clothes and walk after Beau.
He helps me through the waterfall without a word. Every moment where he brushes against me, I shiver. The reminder of what his touch does to me makes me ache.
He stops at the fire and lifts a cane in his hand and tosses it to me. “I need help. If we’re going to eat,” he says, his voice rough.
I take the cane and wince at the weight of it. It’s heavier than I had thought. “Okay. Let’s go.”
We walk down the cliff until it meets the ground, and the river begins to calm. Fish scatter in front of us, hundreds of them, but they’re so fast that it’s almost impossible to catch them.
I take a cautious step backwards and look at him. His long sleeved shirt is pushed up to his elbows, which would explain why his forearms are burnt. He takes a ragged breath and runs his fingers through his hair. “You’re needing a cigarette right now, huh?”
A rough smile curls up his bearded face. “You have no fucking idea.”
I smile and take another look at the fish swimming in a mad craze below us. “What do normal smokers do to ease the ache of needing a cigarette?”
He gives me a heated look that makes my thighs tremble. “They cave and have a smoke. Or fuck to relieve the stress. But we both know that’s not happening. So, I’ll bear through it because that’s all I can do.”
An uncomfortable silence fills the air. He sighs and shakes his head. “Let me show you how to do this.”
I turn my back to him and wait. Shortly after, I feel the warmth of him behind me. “You want to stay still and focus on one spot,” he whispers. “Now raise your sphere like this.” His left hand lands on my hip and guides me to the side. “When you feel like you’ve got it, get closer.” I follow his lead and bend down on my knees. I feel the hardness of his body behind mine, pressing my back against him. “Now jab it out as hard as you can, okay?”
I nod, my throat dry, my heart pounding from his closeness. I focus on the spot, waiting for a fish to hesitate for a moment and—there! I jab the sphere outward, surprised when I bring it back and a fish is flopping on the end.
“I did it!” I yell. I jump upward, knocking Beau to the ground right before my foot catches on his leg, sending me down on top of him.
I catch myself on my forearms, my body straddling Beau beneath me. A nervous laugh slips from my lips. Beau smiles up at me, before sitting up until I’m straddling his lap. Wetness builds at my core from the pressure of him against me. Our mouths are only a whisper away from one another’s.
“I dreamed of you last night,” he says.
I try to keep my heavy breathing controlled but his blue eyes are searching my face, making the butterflies in my stomach hyperventilate. “Why did you ignore me after that night?” A soft brush of his finger trails up my cheek to catch the falling tear. “Do you know how crazy you made me? How badly I wanted to talk to you? I just wanted—wanted everything to be okay again.”
A hollow feeling starts to work its way up my body to suffocate me. “I—I didn’t know what to say,” I whisper. “I wanted it—you, so bad that I was willing to betray my boyfriend. That’s not … right. I should have taken your hint and stopped.”
Beau growls, pushing me to the ground and settling between my legs. “Bella that’s not what I wanted when I warned you.” He lets out a harsh laugh. “I wanted you so goddamn bad. I’d been pinning away for you since I saw you in class. Jordan—he—,” he trails off, biting off his words. “It’s not your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault.”
My body begins to tremble and Beau kisses my cheeks, then my forehead. Anywhere that isn’t my lips. He kisses the tears away with his hands, mouth and words. “Even when you cry, you’re beautiful, Bella.”
More tears streak my face. Beau lowers his head and rests his forehead on my stomach, grabbing my hips and cradling me. “I’ll wait,” he whispers.
What? Beau snaps his head upward, tears streaming down his burnt cheeks and into his strong, bearded jaw. Bright blue eyes blink rapidly at me, tears pulling at the corners. “I’ll wait however long you need. Three months. A year. Two. We can make this work, Dove.”
Emotion twirls inside of me, leaving behind a huge cloud of guilty rain. “No,” I whisper, shaking my head. “I can’t. We can’t. What will we do when we get home, Beau?” I shove his chest until he sits up, giving me room to jump to my shaky feet. “What will our friends say? How fucking terrible would it look to Jordan’s family? We can’t do this to them.”
Beau’s face turns cold, his brows furrow and the corner of his lips pull down into a deep frown. “No,” he whispers, climbing to his feet. “You look at me and tell me you haven’t felt the same goddamn way I do, Bella.” He steps closer, towering over me. “Say it!”
I part my swollen, wind chapped lips and then press them together to hide the pain. My heart is hammering in my head. Why is this happening? Why can’t the feelings just leave? Why did this happen?
I’m bolting before I have a chance to answer him. Branches slap at my face, forcing me to keep my arms up as I run toward the waterfall. My legs are burning as I push further, quicker. I can feel him gaining on me.
My foot catches on a large rock, sending me forward to the ground. I catch myself by the forearms, pain shoots through my arms, sending an awful screech from deep in my throat. “Bella,” Beau whispers, bending down to gather me in his arms.
“No!” I scream, swinging my arms wildly as he carries me back to the waterfall. “Let me down!” I scream again, my voice growing hoarse with each lungful screech.
Beau releases me and I immediately begin to bang my fists on his chest. He doesn’t stop me, he watches me through a heavy, sad gaze that shows me how much this hurts him too. When I begin to tire, Beau reaches out and grabs my wrists bringing them to his chest before lowering us against the nearest base of a giant oak. “Stop fighting, Bella,” he whispers.
And I do. The warmth of his arms around me sends the feelings to a halting stop. The whisper of his voice settles in my bones, and my body relaxes into him. When I look up at him he’s intently watching me. “We might not make it out of here, Bella,” he whispers.
I shake my head. “We’re going to make it,” I cry out, clutching his shoulder, pulling up until I was straddling him. I stare down at him, searching for a glimmer of hope but I don’t see it. I lean down and hover my mouth over his, waiting for him to make a move but he doesn’t. “You’re lying. We’re going to make it!” I say, standing up.
I wipe the sweat from my brow and give him a look of bewilderment. “I’m going to make it. I’m not ready to give up.”
He scowls up at me. “You gave up a long time ago, Bella. When you pushed me to the side. You think we can go on ignoring each other? Acting like we don’t want each other? All of each other.”
I lock my jaw. “You don’t know me like you think you do, Beau. You can’t say that because you don’t know me. You can’t love all of me. You don’t know!” I screech.
Suddenly, he’s up on his feet, towering over me, each breath he heaves sends his chest to rise in a rapid rhythm. “I know you more than you fucking know yourself, Bella. Stop pushing me out! I’ll wait until we’re ready. But I won’t let you push me away for no reason. I refuse.”
“You have no choice!” I scream shoving at his chest. “We have to stop this madness. I can’t take this guilt eating at me anymore.”
He lets out a loud yell, grabs the back of my neck and forces his mouth to mine. He pries my mouth wide, licking me with that same fire as before. Every hard muscle of his body is against me, bringing me closer and closer with his mouth. He coaxes me to a rhythm so deep that the only way out would be to lose yourself in one another.
My fingers twine into the nape of his thick hair, while he grabs me underneath my ass and settles me over his lap, while he leans back against the tree. My hips rock to the pace he sets as he kisses my lips raw.
He guides my mouth against his, molding against me like he wants to be part of me. The other hand is settled on my ass, slowly guiding my hips against his large erection. His mouth breaks away first, nipping down my jaw to my neck and then my shirt is up and my breast is in his hot mouth. His fingers dig into my ass as he sucks the peaked tip of my nipple into his mouth.
