by Alla Kar
It isn’t until his fingers reach the top of my shorts that I freeze. A loud mountain lion cry rocks over the riverbank, causing every endorphin raising my pleasure level to flat line. And I suddenly drift away from my peaceful cloud nine that I normally fall into when I’m with Beau.
The reality sets back in and I jump backwards. Beau stands up quickly, jerking his hand out for me to calm down. “Don’t you dare run, Bella.”
He knows. He knows I’m going to run before I know that I am. I know you better than you fucking know yourself! My body slowly turns, and I’m running. My mind is a dizzy roller coaster ride that doesn’t stop. It’s turning me upside down and on my side. Why is this happening?
I hear Beau’s voice. The voice I fall into, the voice that can sing me to sleep. But I don’t stop. I run from it. All I see when I see him is how much I can’t have him. Why I can’t have him. It’s fading into the background, slowly losing importance in my mind as I focus on the sound of the river rushing beneath us.
I’m on the home stretch. The cliff, the fire, the waterfall. It’s all in seeing distance now. My legs ache from the running, but I push through the ache and push myself harder.
The fire is so close that I taste it with every ragged breath I take. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to figure this out. I’ll wait!
He’ll wait, he says. Tears blur my eyes, because I want him to wait. But I know I can’t ask him to wait. It’s not fair. It’s not right. What will our friends think when we get back? That we tossed Jordan to the side for each other?
I can’t do this.
Wait—Beau’s voice is growing louder, but something feels off. My feet slip on loose rocks, sending me flying forward, tumbling—I’m tumbling. And then I’m flying, soaring.
The water pushes me far under its depth, missing a huge rock by mere inches. When I reach the surface, I gasp for air, searching for something to grab a hold of. But my fingers slip off of every rock or edge I touch.
“Bella!”
I hear Beau but there is too much water. I can’t see him. ‘Help!” I scream, the rushing water masking my plea.
The water eventually calms but not for half a mile. “Bella,” I hear closer this time. And through my blurry vision I focus in front of me while I forcefully try to stay above water, I see something coming toward me.
I try to fight the current, my throat constricting tightly with fear. As soon as Beau surfaces, catching a hold of a tree root to the side, my back hits something so hard vomit rises in my throat.
God, no. This can’t happen. Pain shoots through me and I let out a murderous scream. I reach out and claw my hands down the side of the river until I catch a rock that’s deep inside of the muddy ground.
“Hang on, Bella!” Beau shouts somewhere in the distance, but my head is spinning and I can’t pinpoint where his voice is coming from. I hang on, praying my fingers don’t slip when I feel someone pulling me up onto the ground below the cliff and out of the water.
I release the bile in my throat and wrap an arm around my throbbing rib. “Are you okay? Can you breathe?”
I give him a quick nod before tossing up the rest of the burnt fish. My face hits the ground and I clinch my fingers into the weeds. “Your rib hurts? Let me see.” Beau pulls my shirt up and makes an indignant noise. “It’s broken,” he whispers.
I let out a sigh and try to stand up but he swoops me up before I can continue. “Rest, Bella.”
I have no energy to fight it. I lay my head back against his shoulder and let my eyes drift shut.
Chapter Nine
Beau
Bella’s side is badly bruised, and it looks like a few ribs are broken. Her matted hair is plastered to her sweaty forehead as she lies by the fire in clothes that are too big, with no shoes.
I pushed it too far. I should have gotten her off of me and caught fish to feed everyone. Now we have no fish and four starving people. An overwhelming urge to scream is pressing into the side of my head.
They have to be looking for us now. They have to be. Why haven’t they found us? We’re running out of options. Kat’s back to throwing up everything she eats. Taborie lost a goddamn arm and is still hanging on by a thread.
Now Bella can barely walk.
And we have no fucking food!
The anger coursing through me is a slow and painful death. I can’t deal with this alone for much longer.
Taborie rolls over and groans before sitting up. His cloth needs to be changed again. When he glances over at me, he lifts a brow. “Why are you already awake?”
I toss a piece of rock out and through the waterfall. “I haven’t been to sleep.”
He lets out a low whistle and points toward his arm. “You wanna change this for me, bro?”
I nod and take a seat beside him, and start to unwrap his arm. “We’re out of food,” I say. “We went down to the river to catch them and—we’re just out of food. I’m going to try and catch a few in a bit.”
Taborie’s eyes lower to Bella sleeping a few feet away. “Why is she bandaged up?”
“She fell into the river.”
Taborie furrows his brow and shakes his head. “She gonna by okay?”
“Just a few broken ribs,” I say, tossing the blood soaked makeshift bandage to the side. “She’ll be fine.”
Taborie nods. “We’re all going to be okay, Beau.”
I meet his gaze. “I hope so.”
***
Bella does her best to sleep in most of the morning. I know when she’s awake, and she’s definitely awake. Her eyes haven’t opened but her breathing is too fast to be asleep.
I let her pretend.
My body is dragging. The hunger pain in my stomach is so deep that I feel like I’m going to pass out at any time. My blistering skin throbs whenever I slide into a half-clean shirt. Taborie hasn’t picked his head up since early this morning. I know he’s hungry, and he could have easily gotten an infection by now.
The truth is that I have no idea if he or Kat are going to make it. Kat hasn’t eaten in two days. She throws everything up.
With the sphere in my hand, I walk down the stream toward the calm part of the river. Dizziness is dancing on the edge of my vision as I trudge further away from our camp.
I stop when I see the sphere from yesterday, with the fish Bella caught. I push the memory back and try to focus on the rushing river in front of me. My balance sways as I focus right in front of me, my sphere high above my head.
Focus, Beau. You can do this. I squint and take a step to jab the cane forward but slip and fall to my side when I do.
Hysterical laughter fills my throat and the next thing I know I’m rolling on the ground, laughing.
I laugh, and laugh until my cheeks hurt from smiling. Until I realize I’m laughing for no reason. Blackness is threatening my vision, causing my head to spin. Everything is closing. I can’t see.
And soon after the blackness is my only friend.
***
“Do you want to come out with us tonight?” Jordan asked, readjusting the popped collar of his shirt.
I gave him a long sideways glance and shook my head. “No, I think my liver needs a break from the alcohol you force on me every time we go out.”
Jordan laughed and pulled his phone from his pocket. “Ah, Bella’s early. Will you go let her in while I try to get this fucking hair down? I feel like a woman,” he said.
I smiled, and trudged through our messy apartment toward the front door. Bella was standing on the other side with Emily. But I wouldn’t have been able to tell you if Emily was even there or not if she hadn’t cleared her throat so loudly. “Hello, Beau. Aren’t you going to let us in?”
I rolled my eyes and opened the door wider. Emily nodded her head and twitched into our apartment making herself at home on our couch. Bella slowly crossed the threshold, her gray eyes locked with mine. God, I wanted to reach down and press a kiss to her neck. She was wearing her hair up into a smooth ponytail, exposing tha
t soft curve of her throat.
“You look nice,” I said, my lips shutting as soon as I said it.
Bella blushed a bright pink, reached to tuck her hair behind her ear but realized it was already up and blushed harder. “You’re not coming out with us?” she asked. And I couldn’t stop the excitement that coursed through me when I saw the disappointment on her face.
I scratched the back of my neck, relishing in the idea of going with them tonight. But then I remembered why I never went. Seeing Jordan and Bella kissing, dancing, all over each other, it tore my heart into two pieces.
“Nah, not this time. I’m a little tired.” Lie. Lie. Lie.
She frowns but slowly nods.
The click-clacking of Emily’s heels brought me down and I turned to look at her as she entered the kitchen. She lifted a blonde brow and crossed her arms. “Have you told him yet?”
Bella’s head whipped around to look at her. “Told him what?”
“Told me what?” I asked.
Emily shrugged her shoulders at Bella and made a grand show of giving her a weird look. “That our friend Allie thinks you’re cute. You should totally ask her out.”
My gaze drifted to Bella and she was red as a tomato. “Well, she’s kind of dumb don’t you think?”
“What? She’s totally adorable and that country accent is to die for.” She turned to me and smiled. “You should totally ask her out.” Bella’s grip tightened on the purse she was holding in front of her. “No,” she snapped. “Beau can do better than her. She’s—just weird.”
Emily furrowed her brows and gave her a confused look. “You liked her, remember? You told me she was really nice. What’s wrong with her? What did she do?”
Bella cleared he throat. “I have my reasons Emily.”
Jordan rounded the corner and wrapped Bella up into his arm. “Your reasons for what?”
“For not wanting Beau to ask out Allie.”
Jordan eyed Bella, who was staring at the ground, and then looked up at me. Something flashed over his face but he quickly brushed it off. “Allie? Isn’t that your new next-door neighbor? She’s cute, Bella. Beau should ask her out.”
Dread swallowed my entire body. Bella didn’t want me to ask anyone else out. I wanted to reach out and drag her mouth to mine, to show her that I didn’t want to ask anyone else out. That she wasn’t the only one that felt this connection. That I hated to see her with my best-friend. That I saw her first.
But I didn’t
I barked out a laugh and scratched the back of my neck. “Is there a reason we’re talking about my love life?”
Jordan snorted. “Lack of. You never go after the girls that give you their numbers. What’s up? Somebody hiding a girlfriend?” He wiggled his brow.
“Can you please just go to the club now?” I gestured toward the door. “You all have a great night. Don’t be too loud when you come crawling back drunk. I’ve got to work tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah, broski. Hold the place down for me,” Jordan said.
I keep my eyes fixed on the floor as they walk out of the front door. When I looked up Emily was still standing in the doorway. Her face was all-knowing. I was pretty sure Bella hadn’t told her or she wouldn’t be trying to get me to take another girl out in front of her. Emily’s her best-friend. Was her best-friend.
She swallowed and rested her hand on the doorknob. “You’ll eventually have to tell her, ya know. Hell, she probably already knows.” She sighed. “But you’ll definitely have to tell him.”
I bit my tongue hard and gripped the counter. “What are you talking about Emily?”
She smiled. “You know what I’m talking about Beau. You love her.”
There wasn’t any denying it. I nodded slowly, rubbing my lips together. “Yeah. Well, shut the door on your way out.”
She left without looking back.
***
When I wake there is a distant sound that’s so loud it’s drumming a heavy beat in my skull. My heavy eyes flutter open, but my body feels too heavy to move.
It takes me a few minutes of blinking and coming back to realize I’m lying on rocks. Then I realize that I passed out.
With the strength I can gather, I lift my head and look up. Something is whipping the trees around, sending pine straw and limbs down to the ground.
My eyes focus and I try to find where the sound is coming from. It sounds close but too far away to see. When I can stand, I carefully rise and start walking toward the bank of the river where our HELP sign is located.
Heaviness is riding on my back, trying to bring me down to the ground. I have no idea how long I walk, my legs wobbling with each step. But I soon see the bank and what is making that loud sound.
I stand staring at the helicopter as it lands and men begin to file out. They’re here. They’re here.
The pillars make a loud roaring sound, the sound that woke me. One of the men sees me and I begin to hear everyone at once. “One’s over there. Sir, are you okay?”
The men are pulling me now, toward the helicopter, my feet desperately trying to keep me rooted in my place.
“No,” I whisper, my voice going unheard. “Get them. Save them!” I being to scream, thrashing my limbs like a madman as three guys try to drag me toward the helicopter. The heels of my boots dig into the muddy sand in an attempt to stop them. I see their badges as they try to calm me, flashing them at me like I don’t know a rescue when I see one.
“No! Help them! More. More people.”
The guy to my right grabs my head and forces me to stare at him, calming me down. “Where? Where are the other people?”
I point up the hill and desperately try to catch my breath. “Behind the waterfall,” I whisper. “All three are injured. Please.” My feet fall from beneath me and they all reach to catch me.
“We’ll get them, I promise. We won’t leave without them,” the same guy to my right says. I glance over at him and he gives me a reassuring smile and nod. “Get into the helicopter. You need medical care. I will save them.”
I grab his arm when he tries to step away. He focuses on my face, waiting for me to say what I have to. “By the river—follow it for a mile. There are bodies that didn’t make it. They need to make it back to California. Please.”
He swallows and places his hand on my shoulder. “I promise.”
The world begins to move in slow motion as I watch them run up the hill toward the direction I directed them. I watch the blue sky as they carry me into the helicopter where they begin to poke me and force things in my mouth.
All I can see is the woods through the door of the helicopter. I wait. And wait. My heart beats loud in my ears. Each painful breath of air reminds me of where we’re at. Of what’s happened to us.
So many people died. Almost everyone. The nurse beside me gasps and I draw my attention back to the door. First it’s Taborie. He’s being carried by four men—three couldn’t have carried his big ass—and I see his head lift slightly as they near the helicopter. A sense of relief washes through me. He’ll get to see his wife again, he’ll pull through this mess and he’ll live.
Next come Kat and Bella. Kat is being carried by one policeman that has tears rushing down his face. He hides it before anyone else sees but I see it. The pity for an eight-year-old that’s lost her entire family.
They load Taborie into the same helicopter as me but I lose sight of Bella. “Where are they taking her?” I ask, but no one answers.
I snatch my arm from the nurse who is trying to stick an IV in me and stand up. She gasps and falls back from my force. “Where are they taking her?” I scream, trying to push past Taborie and the group of policemen trying to keep me inside. “Where are they taking her? I have to see her!”
“Sir, you’ve got to calm down. She’s being taken to the other helicopter. Her and the little girl. They’re going to the same place—,”
“Move!” I scream, fear searing me to the bone. “I have to make sure she’s okay. Move! I have to
ride with her.”
“Sir!”
“Beau!” Taborie yells through the madness. When I look at him tears are building in his eyes. “You’re going to be fine. She’s going to be fine. You’ll see her at the hospital. Sit down. Please. We’re safe now.”
I try to swallow the large fearful lump but fail. “No, not again. She has to come with me! I can keep her safe!” I scream while they fling themselves at me to keep me seated.
Taborie is shouting at me. “You’ll have your chance, Beau. You’ll have her to keep safe soon enough.”
But I feel something stick into my arm and I’m suddenly falling to the ground. All I see is the top of the helicopter and then I’m being lifted, but my eyes are too heavy to keep open.
I drift off with the distant image of Bella engraved into my every thought.
PART TWO
The after.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears.
--Hoobastank
Chapter Ten
Bella
Six Months Later
October
Ashley rolls her stick of body glitter against my chest and up my neck then down the other side.
“Is this place going to be dark?” I ask.
She stands up straight and slams her fists down on her hips. “And why do you want to know that, Debbi Downer?”
I roll my eyes and start trying to rub in the globs of glitter that the stick left behind. “Because I don’t want the entire party to see me coming. Or think I’m in the eighth grade.”
She sticks her tongue out at me and starts to fluff her model hair in the mirror. If the girl has anything it’s a great head of gorgeous chestnut hair.
I look back at myself in the mirror, and take myself in. My smoky eyes look great because Ashley did them. She works at the Macy’s down the street and gets free makeup and watches the makeup artists like a hawk.
