Trading Places

by Fern Michaels

  “You look spectacular, Lizzie. I mean that.”

  I used to dress like this all the time and never thought a thing about it, Lizzie thought. She heaved a huge sigh.

  “Okay, let’s go.”

  “Attagirl. Just don’t bend over. Are you sure you can walk in those shoes? Are you wearing a brassiere?”

  “Yes, I can walk in these shoes. If all else fails, the heels can be used as weapons. Bra. It’s bra, not brassiere. And, yes, I’m wearing one.”

  “What do you call those things on your legs?”

  “Fishnets. They’re supposed to be sexy. Do not say another word to me or I’ll…collapse. Are you sure you don’t have a coat? How about a sweater?” Her voice sounded so desperate she could hardly believe it was her own.

  “Nope. I’m ready if you are.”

  “All right, I’m ready.”

  “Ah, Lizzie, if you sit, don’t cross your legs. I think it will be better if you stand all night.”

  “Okay. Don’t take all day when you go to Will’s apartment. I want to get out of there as quickly as possible. I have to go to work tomorrow. Those guys are going to rag on me all night long.”

  “Think of it in terms of flattery. I thought women liked it when men drooled over them.”

  “Are you drooling, Nathan?” Lizzie snapped.

  “No. I’m admiring you. Let’s just try to get into a party mood and enjoy the evening.”

  Lizzie marched to the front door, her stiletto heels clicking on the tile floor. If superconservative Aggie ever heard about this, she would shoot her dead on the spot.

  She backed up a step when she reached the door in the foyer and looked at herself in the mirror. Actually, if you were going by Vegas standards, she looked hot. Her hair was slickly brushed back away from her face and held in place by sparkling combs. Her hair was just long enough to lick the back of her neck. Her makeup, while heavy, was flawless. The slick hairdo showed off the diamonds on her ears. She wore no other jewelry.

  She felt like a lamb going to the slaughter.

  Terwilliger’s, the local watering hole for most of the department, had been rented for the evening. That meant the establishment was not open to the public. It wasn’t a sit-down dinner but a buffet. As was the custom, the chief would make a short speech, hand over the gold watch, and that would be the end of the ceremony. Cops had no patience for speeches and long-winded rhetoric. The liquor would flow, the food would be mostly uneaten and taken later to a homeless shelter.

  At some point during the evening, the collection the department had taken up for Zack would be presented in a big box. According to Aggie, the usual collection totaled somewhere around two grand. Enough for a nice vacation for the retiring officer and his missus. She herself had plunked down fifty bucks for Zack’s retirement.

  Nathan parked the car fifteen minutes later. He hated to see Lizzie so subdued. So she looked a little flashy, so what? “It’s going to be okay, Lizzie. Just hold on to my arm until you get the lay of the land. I won’t leave for Will’s apartment until I’m sure you feel comfortable.”

  Lizzie climbed out of the car, and tugged on the dress that was so skintight it didn’t move. “I’m ready.”

  The moment Nathan opened the door, smoke swirled outward, and both of them clapped their hands over their ears as Elvis Presley belted out something about blue suede shoes. The room swarmed with police, some in uniform, mostly plainclothes detectives and off-duty cops in civilian clothes.

  Lizzie pasted a sickly smile on her face and sashayed over to the bar, where she asked for a glass of seltzer. They were all staring at her; she could feel their eyes boring into her back. In her whole life, she’d never been this nervous. She turned around, moved a little closer to Nathan, and smiled up at him. “Gee, Zack got a nice turnout, don’t you think?”

  “I’m impressed,” Nathan said as he handed Lizzie her glass of seltzer water. He reached for his own bottle of Corona and brought it to his lips. “Let’s mingle.”

  Lizzie winced and flinched at the hissing snide comments as they meandered around the room. Nathan was as good as his word, holding her elbow in the palm of his hand, whispering words of encouragement.

  Someone bumped into her on purpose. Lizzie half turned to see Dutch Davis, his arm still in the blue canvas sling. “You’re looking’ real good, Aggie. Didn’t know you owned anything so fancy. Did you dress like this for old Tom?”

  “Get your mind out of the gutter, Dutch. My business is not your business. Excuse me, I want to congratulate Zack on his retirement. Imagine retiring to Florida without a care in the world. That he knows of. I’d say he’s one of the lucky ones, wouldn’t you? You look guilty to me, Dutch,” Lizzie said, moving forward when Nathan tugged at her arm.

  “Is that what you call throwing out bait?” Nathan muttered under his breath.

  “It’s not like I have a whole lot of proof on anything. The truth is, I don’t have any proof. But that man has such mean little eyes.”

  The jukebox was belting out another Elvis tune. Zack must be a true Elvis fan. Fellow officers, beer bottles in hand, jostled and shoved as they fought their way to the bar or the buffet. Lizzie heard whistles, suffered through the agonizing leers of the men who worked with Aggie. Her sister would never be able to live this outfit down if she returned to work at the department.

  “Aggie, nice to see you. You don’t look like yourself. You certainly are one of the department’s better-kept secrets,” Joe Sonders said, sidling up to her. A cigarette hung out of the corner of his mouth, and in his hand was a full bottle of Michelob. Nathan squeezed her elbow, a sign she was to take it easy.

  “That’s me, secret weapon number one. How are you, Joe?” Her tone of voice clearly said she didn’t really care how he was.

  Joe ignored the comment. “We missed you at Will’s service. The chief was a little disturbed that you were a no-show.” Somehow the cigarette in his mouth wiggled from the left to the right side. Smoke spiraled upward. Neat trick, Lizzie thought.

  When Lizzie didn’t respond, Joe repeated his question. “So where were you, Detective?”

  Lizzie turned fully around so that she was in his face. She heard Nathan groan. “You know where I was, Joe. I was in Spokane at Will’s brother’s house. Seems Will had an attack of conscience there at the end and told his brother some stuff the brother couldn’t handle. I’m having a hard time handling it myself. What else do you want to know?”

  Sonders threw his hands in the air, the Michelob slopping onto the floor. “Women! Why do you always have to talk in riddles?” His eyes, Lizzie noticed, were just as mean and dangerous-looking as Dutch’s.

  Lizzie stepped away from him but Sonders reached for her arm and pulled her back. She obliged. “Maybe you should talk to the chief, Aggie.”

  “Nah. Why upset the chief,” Lizzie said as she jerked her head in Nathan’s direction. “You get better coverage in a newspaper. And, they protect their sources. When the time is right, that is.”

  “What the hell does that mean, Jade?”

  “What the hell do you think it means, Sonders?” Lizzie said, mimicking his words.

  “I don’t have a clue, that’s why I asked.”

  “Tsk, tsk,” Lizzie said, clucking her tongue. “Excuse me, Joe, I want to congratulate Zack before I leave. Nathan and I rented a movie for this evening. Did you ever see Serpico? Hey, you better watch that cigarette or you’re going to burn your mouth. See ya, Joe.”

  Nathan yanked at her arm. “More bait? Why didn’t you just draw the guy a picture? For sure you’re no cop.” He looked so worried, Lizzie felt pleased.

  “I’m sick and tired of pussyfooting around, Nathan. I just want to get this whole thing over with so I can get my life back. Look, there’s Zack talking to the chief. I’m good for at least thirty minutes with the two of them. This is a good time for you to head to the men’s room and out the door. You have the key, right?”

  “I hate leaving you here, Lizzie.”
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br />   “I’ll be fine. No one is going to do anything to me in here. Make sure you get everything pertaining to butterflies.” She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. Then she gave him her megawatt smile before she shouldered her way to the chief and Zack.

  Lizzie turned around to see if anyone was following or paying attention to Nathan. The room was so smoky she could barely see ten feet in front of her. She shrugged. Nathan was a big boy, and, hopefully, he could take care of himself. She moved on to where Chief of Detectives Shay and Zack were, deep in conversation.

  Zack noticed her first. Aggie said she’d always liked Zack and his wife Millie. According to Aggie, Zack had had a rough life. Two years ago, his only daughter had died from cystic fibrosis. Earlier, Zack and his wife had lost their only son to lymphoma. Millie, Zack’s wife, wasn’t well and suffered from Parkinson’s disease. Aggie had said Zack was a good cop.

  Lizzie touched his arm gently. “Congratulations, Zack! Guess you’ll be fishing every day now.”

  Zack Miller looked genuinely glad to see her. He threw out his burly arms to hug her. “I’m glad Millie can’t see that dress, or she’d want one just like it.”

  Lizzie laughed because she was supposed to laugh. “How is Millie?”

  “She has good days and bad days. Lately most of them seem to be bad. Millie never complains. She said she’s going to sit and read and do crossword puzzles while I fish.”

  “Give her my best. Is it true that you’re leaving in the morning?”

  “Yep. Our stuff was shipped earlier in the week. We’re staying at a motel. Our flight leaves at seven. I should be fishing by midafternoon.”

  Chief Shay tapped Lizzie’s arm. “Excuse me, Aggie, one of the guys is trying to get my attention. By the way, you look real nice.”

  “Thanks, Chief.”

  “Zack, can we go someplace a little more quiet, like that corner over there next to the kitchen.”

  “What’s wrong, Aggie, are you in some kind of trouble? Can I help?”

  Lizzie nodded as she made her way toward the kitchen. “Listen, Zack,” she said, leaning close to him so she wouldn’t have to shout. “Zack, I know you and Millie have passports because you went to Italy a couple of years ago. Don’t go to Florida tomorrow. Go…go somewhere else. Someplace they can’t extradite you. Argentina, or some damn banana republic. Don’t get too comfortable. Move around. Think about Millie. Are you listening to me, Zack? I want you to smile like I just told you a cop joke. In case your friends are watching. Do it, Zack.” He obliged.

  “Aggie…I…never…it…Millie…our daughter. The bills…I hate those bastards. Honest to God, I do. It was never…”

  “Don’t say anything else, Zack. Travel light. Remember to move around.”

  “Aggie, why?”

  “You’re a good cop, Zack, and I adore Millie.” Zack looked like he was going to cry. “I just told you another cop joke. Laugh, Zack. They’re watching us.” Zack obliged a second time. Lizzie leaned over and hugged him. For the benefit of anyone listening or watching, she raised her voice, and said, “Don’t you dare send me any fish! Give my best to Millie.”

  Zack played along. “You got it, Aggie.”

  That was probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever done in your whole life, Lizzie Jade. She shouldered her way to the bar, where she asked for a scotch on the rocks. She gulped at it, her eyes darting around the smoky room. A stool opened up at the bar. She almost sat down when she remembered Nathan telling her not to. She turned back to the bar just as she smelled the chief’s aftershave. She heaved a sigh of relief when he set his empty Bud bottle on the bar and asked for another one.

  The chief rubbed at the bald spot on his head as he locked gazes with Lizzy. “Didn’t mean to skip out on you, Aggie. Bring your drink and let’s move over there at the other end of the bar where it isn’t so crowded.” He turned away and looked at the burly Dutch. “You better not be driving tonight, Davis.”

  “I’m not, Chief. Dumfey is the designated driver tonight. He’s drinking Sprite, sir. Real nice party, Chief.”

  Chief Shay elbowed his way farther down the bar, where he poked a detective second grade to get off the chair. Lizzie had no other choice but to take a seat. She immediately reached for a paper napkin and spread it on her lap. She took the initiative. “How’s it going, Chief?”

  Shay looked around the rowdy bar. “I wish I was in Zack’s shoes tonight. Sometimes the job gets to you. You understand that, don’t you, Jade?”

  “Yes, I do. I tend to think it’s like that in any job. You work all your life just for the day you retire. No one should hate their job.”

  “Are you saying you aren’t looking forward to retirement, Jade?”

  “No, I am, but in a different kind of way. I love what I do. All those months in rehab soured me a little. Then those other three months of staring at the walls wasn’t for me. That’s why I wanted to go back to work. When I retire, I’ll have to come up with an all-consuming hobby, like Will Fargo and his butterflies. I would find butterfly collecting boring. I need to interact with people. How about you, Chief?”

  “I’m going to play golf seven days a week. I’m not going to join any of those senior groups either. My wife is a club person, I’m not. Will now, he belonged to all these botany clubs. He was consumed with those damn butterflies. Maybe obsessed is a better word. I think he has every book ever printed on the subject of butterflies.”

  “You’re right, I’d call that obsessed. You know what they say, Chief, different strokes for different folks.”

  The chief leaned in closer. “Do you want to talk about it, Aggie?”

  There was no use pretending she didn’t know what the chief was talking about. He’d called her Aggie, which meant they were talking personally, not professionally. “I do, but not right now, Chief. Can you cut me a little slack?”

  The chief nodded as he mopped at his bald head again. “You see all this smoke in the room, Aggie?” She nodded. “It’s kind of that way at the precinct right now. Oh, you can’t see it, but something’s going on. I suspect it involves you in some way. I’m going to figure it out, Jade.”

  Jade. They were back on a professional footing again. She had to be careful. She fiddled with the napkin in her lap. She nodded.

  “If I find out you’re out there investigating on your own, or if I find out you’re withholding evidence in a murder investigation, I’ll slam the book at you. IAD will be on your tail like fleas on a dog. Just so you know, Jade. Speaking of fleas, how’s the dog?”

  “Gus is fine, Chief. Once in a while he gets spooked the way I do. We’re both working on it. I’m thinking of retiring him.”

  The chief finished his beer and set the empty bottle on the bar. The little talk was now over. Aggie risked a glance at her watch. Hopefully, Nathan was on his way back.

  “Where’s that reporter you came with, Aggie?”

  Lizzie laughed ruefully. “I think he’s probably hanging out in the men’s room. He said he ate some bad fish last night. At first he wasn’t even going to come with me, but he changed his mind. He might be outside. It is smoky in here. I should go look for him.”

  “Is he your new fella, Aggie?”

  New fella. “I’m not sure. I like him a lot. Time will tell. Chief, it was over between Tom and me before…before that night.”

  “I know that, Aggie. Tom and I had a long talk about it. He knew you asked for a transfer. He didn’t like it, but he accepted it. Tom was a good cop, one of the best.”

  “Yes, he was. He was real good to his parents, too. That says a lot about a person in my book.”

  “My book, too. Remember what I told you. Anytime you feel the need to talk, we can go off site.”

  “Okay, Chief.”

  Aggie fiddled with the napkin in her lap. She debated ordering another drink. Her eyes were starting to water from all the smoke in the air. Maybe she should go outside for some air. She slid off the stool, tugged at the spandex dress, and was about
to fight her way through the crowd when she smelled Dutch Davis and Joe Sonders.

  “Excuse me, Detectives. I was just on my way to the ladies’ room.”

  “You hear that, Joe, Detective Jade is on her way to the ladies’ room.”

  “Yeah, I heard her say that, Dutch.”

  Lizzie tilted her head to the side and looked up at Dutch Davis. “Didn’t you learn your lesson the last time I asked you something nicely?”

  “We need to talk about that, Jade. There’s two of us now. And a whole lot of others,” he said, waving his good arm about.

  “Your own little army?” Lizzie clucked her tongue to show what she thought of that statement. “This is the second time I’m asking you to move out of the way so I can go to the ladies’ room. I never ask a third time. I hardly ever ask twice, but sometimes I do because I figure the person really didn’t hear me the first time.” Surely the two of them wouldn’t try to pull something nasty with the chief in the room. She looked around and for the first time noticed the officers clustered around the bar. Six deep. The blue wall Aggie always talked about. The chief would never know what happened.