Missing - Dead or Alive

by Peter Martin

  ‘Mum, it would be nice if you were a couple again.’

  ‘How many times do I have to tell you? Too much has happened, and I can’t forget how easily he believed what someone else said about me.’

  ‘You’re being stupid – I’m certain you could make a go of it if you tried really hard.’

  ‘Tim, you’re wasting your breath. Now, if you don’t mind the subject’s closed – all right?’

  Tim sighed, thumping his fist down on the bed. ‘Come on mum – what have you got to lose? You’re both so stubborn, I’d like to bang your two heads together.’

  Maria’s mouth felt dry, she found it hard to take in, just imagining them being together again. She cleared her throat, anger rising up through her body. ‘So why are you so keen for us to get back together again? If it didn’t work out, we’d all be devastated. You included.’

  ‘It would work out, mum – I know it would. It means everything to me – it’ll give me such a lift and make me so much more confident about getting a job. Please give it a go mum, for my sake? I want my mum and dad to be a couple again.’

  Maria saw a moistness in his eyes, which he wiped away with a finger, when she said ‘I’m sorry but no. It’s nothing to do with you. And we can’t get together just like that.’

  Staring at her, his face dark and cold, for a split second he showed a hint of anger. This was a side of her son she didn’t recognise, he was interfering. He would have to be satisfied with seeing them separately.

  On the Friday morning, Maria was surprised when Tim didn’t get up. Before she went to work she looked in on him, his face was grey, and he seemed in pain.

  ‘I’m not well. It must have been something I ate,’ he told her. ‘Maybe that Chinese I had last night. I’ve been sick in the bathroom three times…’

  ‘Oh Tim, why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘Didn’t like to wake you, seeing as you’ve got work today. I think I’d better stop in bed.’

  ‘Well, you’re supposed to be going up to your dad this afternoon, aren’t you?’

  ‘If I feel like I do now, I won’t be able to go.’

  ‘That’s up to you son.’

  On Maria’s return from work, she was concerned to find Tim still in bed ill.

  ‘Don’t you think you should go to the doctor?’ She asked.

  ‘No, I’ll be all right, but I won’t be going up to dad’s,’ he sighed, the disappointment on his face was clear to see.

  ‘You’ll have to phone him to let him know what’s going on.’

  ‘Yes, but he’ll be disappointed and might think I don’t want to go.’

  She brought the phone upstairs for him and sat on the bed while he made the call. Although she couldn’t hear what Bob was saying, the vibes she got, told her he wasn’t a happy man.

  Sitting propped up in bed Tim finally put the phone down and as he looked at his mum dolefully she said, ‘So what did he say?’

  ‘He was concerned and upset at first, but I could tell he was sceptical. Mind you, I’ll bet Debra will be as pleased as punch.’

  ‘Well, I don’t know about that…’

  All the following week, Tim was laid up in bed apart from Wednesday afternoon when he went to the doctors. He was advised to drink plenty of fluids and take Paracetamol. Maria was distraught, thinking he should have been given a prescription. Surely there was something the doctor could have given him.

  By Friday Tim wasn’t much better, still off his food, and remained in bed for most of the time. So it was almost obvious to Maria that he wouldn’t be going to see his dad when she asked, ‘What are you going to do about your dad?’

  ‘I can’t go again, can I? I don’t feel up to it.’ And looking down in the mouth added, ‘Will you phone him for me, mum? I don’t particularly want to speak to him or that woman of his. Please mum?’

  Maria sighed irritably to herself, but rang the number.

  ‘Hallo.’ It was Bob’s voice at the end of the phone.

  ‘Bob, it’s Maria. I’m sorry but Tim won’t be coming to you this weekend either. He’s still struck down with that virus. It’s put him off his food, and he’s aching all over…’

  ‘Come on now, this is outrageous. Let me speak to him.’

  ‘I can’t, he’s asleep. You’ll have to take my word for it.’

  ‘Something’s going on here, and I reckon you’re at the back of it. This is just because you want to keep him to yourself, isn’t it?’

  ‘No, he’s genuinely ill. But I do wish you would stop accusing me of things I’m not guilty of. If you had anything about you, you’d show a bit more concern for your son. He’s been asking about you.’

  ‘You’re not going to stop him coming up here. I’ll speak to a solicitor if I have to.’ And with that, he put down the phone.

  Maria moved the phone away from her ear. ‘He’s rung off. Tim. I don’t like this. He’s threatening to see a solicitor.’

  ‘Mum, that’s ridiculous, I’m ill, for God’s sake.’

  ‘I hate that man. Who does he think he is? Acting like he owns you. And I wish he’d stop blaming me for everything.’

  ‘I’m sick of all this bickering. Why can’t you be grown up about it for once?’ He turned over in bed, with his back towards her.

  At about eleven o’clock the next morning, there was a loud and insistent rap on the front door. Maria got up to answer it and was staggered to see Bob on the doorstep, with a face like thunder.

  ‘I’ve come to see Tim.’

  ‘Obviously. You’d better come in. He’s upstairs in bed.’

  Bob pushed past her, and stormed upstairs leaving Maria to follow behind. He barged into the room to find Tim sitting up in bed seemingly glued to the programme he was watching on the television.

  It was clear to everyone the state Bob was in, and caused Tim to say in a light hearted manner, ‘Hallo dad.’

  To which Bob replied, ‘How are you feeling son?’

  ‘Not too bad now, thanks. Sorry I couldn’t make it the last few weeks, but I’ve been laid up with this bug. Today’s the first time I’ve felt any better.’

  ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight. Why didn’t you call me? Debra and I have been worried sick.’

  I bet she has! It’s probably a blessing in disguise for that madam, Maria thought as she stood in the doorway, remembering her conversation with Tim some weeks back.

  Tim said ‘Sit down, why don’t you dad. No need to get yourself worked up for nothing.’

  And as Bob sat down on the bed by his son the tense atmosphere in the room eased. Much to Maria’s relief.

  ‘We’ve missed you Tim. It’s been so quiet without you, in fact we haven’t known what to do with ourselves. I started to imagine so many different things, God you’ve no idea.’

  Tim smiled. ‘Sorry dad, but it was just one of those things. Listen, I’m getting up after dinner, why don’t we go out for the afternoon, in the town. I’d like to make up for what you’ve missed the last couple of weeks. And mum can come as well. We’d be like a proper family again, wouldn’t we?’

  Maria couldn’t believe what Tim had just suggested, considering he’d hardly eaten anything for a fortnight he was about to bounce back to normal.

  Bob didn’t look impressed, saying, ‘Are you sure you’re up to it?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Ok then, if that’s what you want.’ Bob had agreed half-heartedly, leaving no doubt in Maria’s mind that he was only here to see Tim.

  So, feeling in somewhat of a quandary Maria said, ‘If you want to go out with your dad on your own, I don’t mind. After all I have had you to myself for the past couple of weeks. But the only thing is, are you sure you’re ok?’

  ‘Of course I am but I want to be with both of you. You’re coming – all right?’ He said, looking at each of them in turn.

  They nodded in agreement.

  Maria went downstairs feeling uncomfortable. She was in an impossible situation which she couldn’t get out of.
Now she would have to explain everything to her parents as it looked as if Bob was staying for lunch.

  Following a very subdued mealtime, Maria had a deep desire to get out of the house as soon as possible, and once everything had been cleared away was eager to leave.

  They piled into Bob’s car, but as Tim was the only one to show any enthusiasm for this outing, Maria did wonder where they would end up. Bob must have been thinking along the same lines, when he said, ‘Right Tim, this is your idea, so where shall we go?’

  ‘Let’s go round the shops, like we used to when I was young.’

  And within a few minutes they entered the multi-storey car park at Dexford Shopping Centre. Having parked on the top storey they took the lift down to the ground floor. But Maria had the feeling this wasn’t going to work out as the conversation was almost non-existent.

  The town was busy that Saturday afternoon, and with no intention to buy anything Maria looked in several of the clothes shops, purely for something to do. Tim was keen to buy some CDs with the pocket money given to him each week by his grandparents while Bob appeared to go with the flow. But after about an hour he must have had enough when he suggested, ‘Why don’t we go for a cup of coffee? I’m parched.’

  Tim pointed to a small building opposite saying, ‘How about that café, ‘A Tasty Bite’ it’s only a few yards away – look across the road.’

  As they walked over to it Tim took out his mobile phone and appeared to send a text message.

  Sitting at the front of the café, by the window, Maria waited patiently for the two men to come back with the coffees. Bob placed hers in front of her saying, ‘I take it you still don’t have any sugar?’

  Maria nodded. ‘Just milk.’ She poured some in herself before stirring it saying, ‘This is a surprise, isn’t it? Can’t remember the last time we all went out as a family.’

  Bob smiled uneasily.

  ‘So how are you keeping these days, Bob?’

  ‘Fine, can’t complain I suppose. I got promoted. Now I’m Area Claims Manager for Car Insurance. And I get to see my son every weekend, so things couldn’t get much better. How about you?’

  ‘Oh, coping I suppose, and like you having Tim to live with us is the icing on the cake.’

  For Maria the afternoon was very demanding, constantly searching for something to say to Bob, she was unable to relax. Tim, however, talked freely with his father. As Maria glanced out of the window, vaguely listening to the conversation, she spotted a young man approaching the café, and to her amazement he pointed to Tim. When Tim saw him, he began to smile, then getting up said, ‘Hey, mum, dad – that’s Stuart. He’s a mate of mine. Would you mind very much if I go? His dad owns a garage, and he was going to ask him about a job for me. I really want this job, so I can get from under your feet.’

  ‘Well…’ Bob began.

  ‘But how about getting back?’ Maria said.

  ‘Stuart will give me a lift. See you later.’

  Maria looked at Bob, and he her, but before they could say anything, he was gone.

  They sat in silence for a few seconds.

  ‘I expect you’ll want to be getting back as well?’

  ‘Not necessarily. We’ll just finish out drinks and seeing as the weather’s so nice, why don’t we go for a walk in the park?’

  ‘Ok,’ Bob said scratching the back of his head.

  Maria felt the tension rising again and wondered where this could possibly lead?

  Chapter 29

  The awkward silence between them continued. Bob never expected to be in this situation, and now he didn’t know what to do.

  ‘Quiet, aren’t we Bob?’ Maria sounded rather uptight.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Are we going to the park or what?’

  ‘Come on Maria, you don’t expect me to believe you want to go there– do you? You never were one for walking. I seem to remember you even used to take the car when it was just down the road to the shops.’

  ‘Five years is a long time, I may have changed.’ She smiled.

  ‘Let’s not even think about five years ago.’

  Maria chose not to answer that remark saying instead, ‘If we’re going we’d better go now.’ And Bob thinking along the same lines added, ‘Or I shan’t get back home tonight.’

  He stood up and once Maria had left the table he followed her to the door and into the High Street, still awash with Saturday afternoon shoppers.

  ‘It seems to be getting busier these days, ever since they opened that big supermarket a few months ago.’

  ‘It’ll never be as busy as Cliffburn. My God, at times you can’t move in that place. It’s one of the few things I miss about this town. Sure you don’t mind walking, it’s at least fifteen minutes away I seem to remember.’

  ‘Not at all. A good brisk walk will do me the power of good.’

  Bob almost froze when she took hold of his arm, as if they were a couple again, but didn’t protest because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

  Glancing at his watch, he noticed it had taken about twenty minutes to walk to the park. And for some reason Maria appeared to have enjoyed the walk, or was it just to be in his company? Surely she didn’t harbour an idea of rekindling their relationship. How strange, aberrant even, to be clutching at straws for the slightest hope of a reunion. Well, he wouldn’t fall into that trap. He’d made a new life for himself with Debra, and no one would spoil that for him.

  They walked through the front entrance of the park, the grounds to which were extensive with lots of trees. The grassed areas and numerous flowerbeds were still very much the same, and the two bowling greens were also as he remembered them. But as they carried on he saw a man-made lake had been built, attracting various birds, ducks and geese, while the children’s play area now looked larger with newer attractions. This afternoon had brought back how happy he had once been, and how he’d revelled in having a son of his own.

  ‘We used to come here often, didn’t we Bob?’

  ‘We sure did. They were the best years of my life. I had such high hopes for Tim. So good at everything – the world was his oyster. What happened along the way? He made our lives, and then he ruined them. But when we’re up against it, we learn a lot about ourselves, and our loved ones.’

  ‘We made mistakes too, said things we both regret, hurt each other when we didn’t mean to.’

  Bob screwed up his face in anger and shook his head in despair as he looked back at the breakdown of his marriage. He still saw it in very much the same way – Maria had been unfaithful. But he chose not to reopen old wounds and remained silent. As they approached the lake, Maria pointed to an empty bench and suggested, ‘Shall we sit down?’

  ‘Why not? I’m tired – it’s been a long day.’

  They sat beside each other, both locked in their own little worlds, unable to speak. Maria put her hand on top of his for a second.

  ‘He’s trying hard for us, isn’t he Bob? Our son.’

  ‘Yes, he seems to be. Rather too much of a coincidence, him leaving us alone together like he did though, eh Maria. I get the feeling it was planned.’

  Maria blushed slightly. ‘You can’t blame the lad Bob, all children want their parents to be together – that’s natural, isn’t it?’

  ‘Perhaps it is – but what’s the point, he’ll be fleeing the nest himself before long.’

  ‘He must feel more secure when we’re both around him; don’t forget he hasn’t had that for the past five years.’

  ‘Yes, well that’s his own fault. He shouldn’t have run away, and then we wouldn’t be in this mess. I’m surprised you let him talk you into coming.’

  ‘I had no idea he’d leave us alone even though he had said he wished we’d get back together again. But now we’re here it does feel right. Look we’ve been through a lot, done a few bad things to each other. But we were happy for a long time, so why not again.’

  Bob laughed. Did she seriously expect him to be taken in like this? ‘Tha
t’s it exactly Maria, that was then and this is now.’

  She suddenly looked pale. ‘So what are you saying?’

  ‘Just that this will never happen – me and you. It’s true, I was happy with you once for many years – but now that love has died. It died five years ago and I’ve moved on. I love Debra now. She’s been a Godsend – and despite what you think, it was a long time after you left before we both realised it. The fact we’ve lasted this long is a testament of our love for each other. We’ve only been apart once, recently, for a few days while she was at a teaching conference in Blackpool.’

  ‘Oh I see.’ Maria froze, trying hard not to cry but not succeeding very well.

  ‘If you want us to be friends for Tim’s sake, fine – but that’s it as far as I’m concerned,’ he stressed.

  ‘But Tim will be so disappointed – it’s obvious to both of us his meeting with Stuart was setup, and he’s banking on getting us back as a couple again?’

  ‘Well, he’ll have to live with it, won’t he? Look, he’s all grown up for God’s sake – and has managed on his own for five years without us. So what does he care?’

  ‘He cares about us very much, or why would he go to so much trouble. We’re the only family he has, and it’s tearing him apart to see us like this. Couldn’t we try for his sake?’

  ‘That’s exactly my point – it’s for his sake rather than for ours. Our relationship has nothing to do with him. It’s about us and us alone.’ Those bad old feelings of the past had returned like they’d never been away.

  ‘That’s fine. But it’s like I’ve always said, you don’t feel half of what I feel for Tim. For us to be together again would make him so happy, he’d think of us as one big happy family.’

  Bob’s eyes narrowed. He’d have gladly throttled her, and then said, ‘Look, Maria it’s his own fault all this has happened. He can’t expect everything to be as it was when he left.’

  But then she got up and walked away. He didn’t go after her. Why should he? She’d lost his respect a long time ago when she went with that halfwit Alan. That was something he would never forgive.