Redneck Eldritch

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Redneck Eldritch Page 42

by Nathan Shumate


  “I’m gonna get my gun!” shouted Ogre.

  The Squid nodded and put the pedal to the metal, kicking their speed up to over a hundred miles an hour. One of the bug-like creatures landed on top of the cab and scrambled over the top to the windshield. The Squid turned on the wipers. Ogre pulled a .357 Magnum out of his bag and aimed at the thing.

  “Not my windshield, man!” cried The Squid.

  “How else am I gonna hit it?”

  “Reach around through the window!”

  The Squid glanced in the rear view mirror and saw another creature on the trailer. And several more in the air catching up. The monster tapped a claw at the windshield, producing an awful ticking. “Shoot it, Ogre!” cried The Squid, sure that the thing would break and crash through the window at any moment.

  “What if it bites?”

  “Shoot it before it does!”

  Ogre unrolled the window halfway, reached over and fired at the monster one-handed. The bullet hit it center of mass. The creature tumbled forward over the hood and down. There was no denying the bump as the truck rolled over the top of it. “Ha! Yeah!” shouted Ogre. “Where’s another?” A scuttling sounded on the roof of the cab. And Ogre shot through the roof at the thing.

  “My truck, man!”

  “It was a dud! There’s no hole in your truck!”

  Then the monster was at the window. A hairy claw ripped into Ogre’s forearm. Blood spurted out over the window and door. He screamed like a piglet but reached back with the pistol and shot the fleshy tendril-covered head. It split wide open and burst in something like powder or spores instead of blood. The cab filled with a smell like moldy bread after the pungent carnage. The body dropped away from the truck and tumbled down the freeway.

  The Squid became aware of the dull red of evening and, concurrent with his panic, wondered how it was getting dark already. He coaxed a little more speed from the truck. At least three more creatures flew in their wake, but gradually fell farther behind as the truck sped into the gathering darkness. “Are you okay? Are they gone?”

  Ogre shook his head, but couldn’t say anything because he was biting down on a rag while wrapping a T-shirt around his arm.

  “I can’t stop the truck. Are you going to make it?”

  Ogre nodded and spit out the rag. “I think so. What the hell were those things?”

  “No idea. Maybe the UFO belongs to them. Maybe they want it back.”

  “Well, we can’t give it back!”

  The sky was fully dark and there were no stars against the blackness. “It’s night already? Where are we? We should be in Salt Lake. How can it be dark already?”

  Interstate I-80 merged with I-15 and they turned south. Still there was no traffic. “Where is everyone?”

  “Maybe we’re the last ones on Earth,” said Ogre, “and everyone else has already been taken by those fleshy-headed mutants or aliens or whatever the hell they are.”

  The truck’s headlights cut into the darkness only a short span ahead and both men cried out as they spotted the trio of the monstrous insectoids waiting for them atop a stopped car in the middle of the road.

  “They think I’ll stop, but The Squid doesn’t stop for lot lizards from Pluto!”

  “Yes, yes, yes!” cried Ogre.

  The big black Mack crashed into the stopped car, tossing it from the interstate like a toy. The alien creatures exploded in a fungal powdery blast on impact with speeding well-made Pennsylvania steel.

  “Yeah! Take that, you cosmic roaches!” shouted Ogre, leaning out the window.

  “Are we going crazy?”

  “You mean together?”

  The Squid gestured at the night sky that was already showing a hint of the approaching dawn. “I mean, we see this falling star, it’s a UFO, we pick it up just as the Feds get there, we get away and it’s night, then it’s day, and the UFO disappears from my moving truck.”

  “While strapped down,” added Ogre, as he popped open another beer. The makeshift T-shirt bandage seemed to have stopped the bleeding.

  “Yes, thank you. While strapped down. Then it’s night again and those giant flying roach things come after us and its almost day again. And we haven’t seen another living soul since we left the truck stop in Toolly and that highway patrol man disappeared on us right when he should have pulled us over. And finally, I want to say it has only felt like two hours, not two days!”

  “I got it, Squid! We got sprayed with mind-control acid and we are tripping out from CIA experiments.”

  “Together? The exact same thing?”

  “Okay, maybe not. Maybe we are dead and in Hell now. Lord knows I deserve it.”

  “That’s more reasonable. Those roach things seem enough like demons,” said The Squid as he flipped his headlights off; there was now a good mid-morning’s light. The view was splashed pink and red sandstone. Where there should have been a city’s urban sprawl going on for miles, there was nothing but strangely hued brush and rock beside the highway. “How’s the arm?”

  “It’s all right, so long as it’s not infected.” Ogre swallowed hard, staring at the blank landscape. “If this is Hell, I’m kinda glad you’re with me. No offense.”

  “None taken,” said The Squid. The rig hit a bump and jostled them inside the cab. “I didn’t see a pothole.”

  “We didn’t hit another cosmic roach, did we?” Ogre asked, looking in the rear view mirror for any sign of giant roach roadkill.

  “No. But this nightmare would get to anyone.”

  “You can say that again.”

  “Yeah. Maybe this is all a dream,” postulated The Squid.

  “You’re so close,” said a woman’s voice, behind them. “And yet so far.”

  The Squid and Ogre each jumped and looked over their shoulders at the new passenger.

  6. Under Pressure

  She had a pale, sharp face framed with long straight hair, black as a raven’s wing. Her dark eyes were deep wells that neither man could see into—they might be solid black for all either man could tell in the rapidly deepening twilight.

  “Who are you? And how did you get into my truck?”

  “Yeah, how’d you get in The Squid’s truck?”

  The Squid looked over his shoulder, back to the road and back to her, saying, “I just said that. She wasn’t there a minute ago, was she?”

  “No, dude, this is another one of these anomalous happenings like on In Search Of.”

  The Squid raised a hand to quiet Ogre’s input. “So who are you? What are you doing here?”

  She gave them a coy smile and said, “My name is Shuarna.”

  “Have you been back there the whole time?”

  “No. I had the opportunity to hitch a ride and I took it.”

  “Bad move, lady,” said Ogre, as he took a long sip. “You’re riding along with the Nightmare Express here.” He looked to The Squid and said, “Unless she’s a dream too.” He reached out to touch her and she slapped his hand away. “She’s real all right, Squid.”

  “I never said she wasn’t. You sound like you’ve got some answers, Shawna.”

  “It’s Shuarna.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Names have power. I suggest you respect that,” she said.

  “I apologize. Shar-Naaa. How did you get here and what can you tell us about this psychedelic trip? I gotta admit, I’m stumped, and even the Answer-Man here hasn’t thrown out any proverb about it yet.”

  Ogre bristled. “That was uncalled for, Squid.”

  Shuarna moved a little closer. She was beautiful, with a petite hourglass figure. She wore a strange dark garment the likes of which The Squid had never seen before, with a deep open V-neckline moving between her breasts down almost to her navel. The Squid didn’t know what to call it, having never seen the like before. If he hadn’t been driving, he would have been staring. She smelled exotic like some distant shore from the land of dreams—perhaps like Black Lotus, he guessed, not that he knew what that was. Why did tha
t thought even enter his mind? She was alluring but had a dangerous vibe about her, like a jungle cat. He wondered why these thoughts raced through his mind so quickly at her very presence. She had magically just appeared in his truck, and he thought he should be scared, but instead he was intrigued and maybe even pleased.

  “You have something that does not belong to you,” she said.

  The Squid looked at Ogre. “Great. Are you a Fed? A Spook? Maybe an agent of Mr. Lee Iacocca?”

  Shuarna gave hint of a smile. “I’m not from around here.”

  “What, Utah?” asked Ogre, who then shrugged at The Squid’s frown.

  “I dwell outside your realm. Your kind might call it the Aether.”

  “Aether realm?”

  She half smiled again. “You have stepped beyond the bounds of your world and time with this stolen artifact.”

  Ogre shook his head violently. “Impossible. This is a bad trip, a bad dream, this isn’t real, there has to be an explanation. That waitress slipped me a mickey.”

  “Believe whatever you want, it will not change the truth,” she said. “I saw a moment I could phase and catch a ride with your vehicle, and I took it. That is when you felt my footprint.”

  “The bump back there?”

  “The same.”

  The Squid looked at Ogre, then Shuarna. “Is the ‘artifact’ yours? You want it back?”

  Her smile, while pretty, was disconcerting, as if her teeth were just a little too big and too sharp. “I merely wish to keep the balance of things. Your presence bordering into the other realms has upset them greatly.”

  “Them who?” asked Ogre. “The Illuminati? The Bilderbergers? The NWO? CIA? NSA? KGB? EPA?”

  The Squid broke in, “Wait, what’s this about presence and upsetting the talents of things? What do you mean?”

  “Balance. You have upset the balance of worlds and dimensions by moving the artifact. It should have been left where it fell. It would have phased on in but a few moments. Now you are crossing realms of which you have no understanding. And in so doing you have attracted the attention of beings much less benevolent than myself.”

  “How? We’re just driving down the highway.”

  She rolled her eyes. “This vehicle has bonded with and absorbed the artifact. One of the Shining Trapezohedrons.”

  “Huh?”

  “This ‘truck’ has merged with the artifact and is now a vehicle that transcends the crossroads of realities.”

  “That’s plural?” asked The Squid.

  Shuarna nodded. “And with every movement, every revolution of its wheels, ripples in the subspace appear. With those ripples, even if you are but a drop of water skimming across an ocean, every time you touch down, they feel your presence, your violation of their space. They see you and they are coming.”

  “They who?”

  “Any of a number of entities that walk this plane. Star Spawn, Outer Gods, Great Old Ones, Elder Things, Moon-Beasts, some you have encountered already. The Mi-Go attacked you, did they not?”

  “Those giant flying cockroaches?”

  Shuarna nodded again, “The Mi-Go just happened to be nearby. It was your own brand of human luck that these weakest of antagonists were but the first. You only survived because they grossly underestimated you. Next time they will surely have greater numbers and be fully aware of how to combat your vehicle.”

  Ogre sputtered, “I do not want to see any more of those damn bugs. What would they do if they caught us?”

  “At the very least they would drive you mad, but likely enough they would devour you, and in this realm, that digestion and absorption would take eternities.”

  Ogre’s eyes flared wide and, for once, he had no words.

  “I have a better question,” said The Squid. “How do you know all this, Shuarna, and why tell us? What’s your stake here?”

  “That is a better question. Move,” she said to Ogre, who begrudgingly got up and gave her his seat.

  “Anything for a lady,” he grumbled.

  “I want the artifact, of course. But if we stop, worse fates waiting will catch up to you. That’s why I transported myself to your moving vehicle.”

  “Yeah, how’d you do that? Some kinda magic?” asked Ogre.

  She gave him a patronizing smile. “I guessed where you would be next and I adjusted myself to that frequency and spectrum. Your enemies could potentially do the same, but the human mind is so alien to them that they have difficulty comprehending your motivations. It would be the equivalent of you anticipating where a buzzing fly might travel. As I have said before, they are following the ripples, your cosmic wake. They will eventually catch up. So we must end this race as soon as possible.”

  “Wait,” said Ogre. “Are you saying we are the flies?”

  “Compared to their power, intelligence, lifespan and power—you are less than flies.”

  Ogre rolled his eyes at that and mouthed crazy to The Squid.

  The Squid ignored him, asking, “How do we end it, then? I want out. I sure don’t want to meet anything worse than those bugs.”

  Shuarna reached out and touched the truck’s dashboard. The Squid looked at the molded plastic and realized he could see the tiny silver veins spanning all over his Mack truck. Hairline fractals covered everything save himself and his two passengers. It was almost imperceptible until he really looked, and then he didn’t understand how he could have missed it before.

  “I will have to separate the artifact from the truck and take it to my own realm,” she said.

  The Squid looked in the rear view mirror to Ogre who made a grasping gesture with his hands and mouthed big boobs. “Shut up, Ogre.”

  Shuarna turned to look at Ogre. “Yes?”

  “Well, uh, I was wondering, what about us?” asked Ogre. “Where will we be? What will happen to us when you do that?”

  “Nice save, idiot,” said The Squid.

  “That depends on where we stop,” she said. “I will do my best.”

  “For our sakes?” asked The Squid, giving her his best grin.

  “Do not flatter yourself. This is for my benefit. I just don’t seek to destroy you for this trespass as the Others will.”

  “Well, that’s comforting.”

  Night had already come again, passing overhead as if they were but in a long tunnel. Faint cold light greeted them just beyond the horizon.

  The Squid asked, “Why can’t we see anyone else? You know, any other people?”

  “You are traveling between realms; you are a ghost to them. From their perspective you disappear as soon as you venture outside their immediate perception. When you stop this truck you come screeching back into your own time and realm. But the destroyers will find you, and stopping only lets them get closer. Do you understand me?”

  The Squid nodded. “I think I do. Are we still traveling our own highways? It looks the same except for the lack of other drivers.”

  “You still remain in your own realm in a sense, as if you have one foot in each world. But it is also bordering the Dreamlands, which will not be without its hazards.”

  “You mean like I’m almost out of fuel again?”

  Shuarna shrugged. “I am not particularly familiar with your earthly vehicles, but yes, we must keep moving. So you need to feed it quickly, before any malevolent entities catch up to us.”

  The Squid smiled at her. “Feed? You really aren’t from around here, are you?”

  “We must keep moving and at our swiftest pace.”

  The Squid wiped his scruffy jaw. “So I gotta keep trucking because if we stop or slow down, monsters are gonna eat us forever?”

  “Yes. Are you feeling the pressure yet?”

  The Squid looked back in the rear view mirror at Ogre who again made the crude gesture and mouthed big boobs.

  Without even glancing behind, Shuarna shot her fist back and struck Ogre in the face. His already tender nose shot blood out over his face and shirt. “I don’t find you amusing. Don’t press your
luck,” she warned.

  “You’re all right,” said The Squid, with a grin. She smiled back. It was still eerie, like something was wrong that he couldn’t put his finger on, but he was enjoying her company despite the grim tidings.

  7. Gimme Shelter

  The truck barreled through the night and into the grey day and back into the night. Sun and moon, stars and inconceivable constellations traversed the sky, washed into each other so much that they blurred the track of the cosmic sands through the hourglass. The kaleidoscope of color and night was nauseating to the men, though Shuarna seemed oblivious to the contradiction of light and time.

  Ogre heaved an exasperated breath before asking, “Where are we, Squid?”

  “I think somewhere near Spanish Fork.”

  “We gonna take the canyon or go down I-15?”

  “I dunno. Shuarna?”

  She pointed to the left but said, “Each way is much the same as the other. We’d best feed your truck.”

  The Squid pulled his truck off the highway and into a truck stop. The sunlight was harsh and bright as they coasted, but as he stopped in front of the pump and turned the truck off, night fell immediately as if a curtain had been draped over the sun. “What the hell?”

  “Your perception of time matters not. Feed your truck, but let us be swift,” said Shuarna, jumping out of her seat and walking toward the back of the trailer.

  “Fill her up for me, Ogre. I gotta try and call Jeanie and see how she is.”

  “You think that’s a good idea, Squid?”

  The Squid scowled and muttered to himself but walked to the payphone. He dropped in a quarter and dialed the number.

  It rang and rang. The Squid had to dial a second time before someone picked up. It was a man.

  “Yo,” answered the unknown male voice.

  Raucous music blasted behind the unfamiliar voice and The Squid could swear he heard a woman in the background ask, “Who is it?” before cooing, “Come back to bed.”

  “Hello?” said The Squid. “Who is this? Where’s Jeanie?”

  After a brief pause, Jeanie came on. “You got some nerve calling now.”

 

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