“Jeanie! What’s going on? Who’s that there?”
“Why are you calling me now, Jeff?”
“Because I love you. You won’t believe what happened to me—”
“You’re right, I won’t believe you. You disappear off the face of the earth for like two months without a word and you think we’re cool? Ha!”
“Who is that at our place?”
“My place. And not that it’s any business of yours, but it’s Brad. Don’t you ever show your face over here again or he’ll kick your ass. I dumped all your stuff off over at Ogre’s mom’s. So thanks for all the good times, and drop dead.” She hung up.
The Squid just looked at the phone as the dial tone blared. “Two months? She couldn’t wait for two months?”
Ogre clapped him on the shoulder.
“I didn’t even get to ask if she was pregnant or not.”
Ogre looked away and said, “You dodged a bullet, dude. I always hated her.”
“Thanks a lot. That’s really what I want to hear right now, man,” said The Squid.
“Well I thought since you didn’t want to hear any of my proverbs, I’d help you feel better by letting you know she was trash. Always out gambling your money away and trying to pick up dudes behind your back. If she really was pregnant, it probably wasn’t your kid anyway. Odds, dude. Cheer up.”
Shaking his head in disgust, The Squid said, “I don’t think a jackass like you has any idea on how to help people feel better.”
“That was rude, dude.”
“Oh, heaven forbid I offend Mr. Sensitive.”
“You’re hurting, I understand. I’m gonna let this one go,” said Ogre, backing away.
The Squid cursed under his breath and went toward the truck stop to get something to drink. He needed to forget this whole mess; he needed to forget a lot. But right beside the door was a cork board with a smattering of notes, personals and ads, and glaring out like a slap in the face was an FBI wanted poster with his face along with Ogre’s. They were unflattering pictures, probably taken from their old driver’s licenses; it made the two of them look like criminals rather than the good-natured dudes they were.
“What the hell?” He tore down the poster and looked at it closer. The verbiage was vague and bureaucratic but there was something about them both being wanted for domestic terrorism, and a warning that they were armed and dangerous was in bold lettering at the top and bottom. “Oh, this is bullshit, man!”
“What is it, Squid?”
He handed Ogre the poster and asked, “Is the truck full?”
“Yeah, I just gotta pay.”
“Better make it quick. I’m gonna ask Shuarna if she has anything figured out ’cause this mess is just getting worse by the minute.”
“You got it, Squid,” said Ogre, before he turned his cap backward and took off his shades. Looking terribly unlike himself, he strode inside.
The Squid walked back to the truck and called out, “Shuarna. You figure anything out?” There was no response, so he walked around the other side of the truck. There a black clad figure hunched, examining the back of the tractor trailer. It was tall and skinny with unnaturally long arms ending in obscenely long fingers which caressed the trailer bed. Dressed entirely in black flowing robes, it also wore a towering miter-like hat which only made it appear taller and more menacing. It had a nearly featureless black face, smooth and immobile as a mask but with glaring yellow eyes that flashed like a nova when it saw The Squid staring.
The Squid was so taken aback that he turned right around and rushed to the other side of the truck, wondering where Ogre’s gun was. Was that one of those elder things after them?
Shuarna appeared from nowhere and took The Squid’s shaking hand. “I did not mean to frighten you.”
“That was you?!”
She half-smiled. “Yes. My natural form is jarring to your kind, I suppose.”
“I’ll say. I thought you were one of those ‘elder things’ you talked about.”
Her half-smile sloped bigger. “They are much more frightening than me. I assure you.”
“Yeah, I assure you,” said The Squid, nodding and trying to get a hold of himself. “Did you figure anything out? Maybe you can separate my truck and that whatever-it-is? I need to get back to my life and get some things settled. Things aren’t gonna be easy. I don’t have the answers but we can’t stay here, right?”
“No,” agreed Shuarna. “We must keep moving. I cannot perform the separation here on this plane. We need to travel to a place where the barrier is thin, where I can work my enchantments.”
“Uh-huh. How far is that?”
She smiled at him with a wicked grin.
The Squid shook a finger at her. “I get the feeling you’re playing with us.”
“I am, after a fashion. You humans have so much passion and emotion in everything you do. I admit, I enjoy seeing how far it will go. I wanted you to carry the artifact, the Shining Trapezohedron, for me.”
The Squid frowned, “You are playing with our lives here? That’s not cool. What do we need to do to fix this, and get back to life as I know it?”
“We must go toward the Four Corners, there is a place where I can unmake this cruel manifestation and free each of our prizes.”
“What? How?”
“Would you understand me if I explained it? I simply need you to physically move the artifact.”
Shaking his head and then a finger at Shuarna, The Squid said, “You didn’t just show up in my truck. You were there the whole time, weren’t you? I sensed or saw your shadow when Ogre was getting the forklift, didn’t I?”
She shrugged.
“Maybe that bump we felt in the truck was you transforming from whatever the hell you are to this woman in front of me.”
“Do you not find me attractive?”
“Sure I do! I am as red-blooded as the next man and you are mighty fine, but I think I may have learned my lesson about pretty faces and dark hearts.”
She gave him that lop-sided grin again. “I swear I have no heart.”
“So basically all the trouble I’m in is your fault. Why the hell should I trust anything you say? I am in a world of hurt in the ‘realm’ where I’m from, and it’s all because of you!”
Shuarna looked deep into his eyes and said, “This is important. I need your help. What is done is done. We must finish this.”
The Squid opened his own eyes wide in a mocking glare. “Are you trying to hypnotize me? This kind of playing with people’s lives will not stand, sister.”
“I had to try. You can’t fault me for that, can you?”
“Yeah, I can,” said The Squid, nodding. “I’m done with this.”
Shuarna then swept her hand through the air between them, and faint blue lights appeared showing a map in midair. “Here is where we must go. Upon completion of this journey and the separation ceremony, you will be rewarded and I will set right all of the issues in your world.”
“Uh-huh. And just why should I trust any of this?”
“You have no choice. Waste time disputing this with me, and things worse than the Mi-Go will come and feast upon your flesh.”
The Squid put on his sunglasses and stood as tall as possible. “Yeah well, maybe that’s just a chance we’ll have to take, then. I don’t like being played by anyone.”
Shuarna’s coy smile vanished.
“Ogre, let’s roll. Without the lot lizard.”
Ogre walked up carrying a brown paper bag full of beer and chips. “Serious, Squid? She propositioned you?” he asked, dropping his shades to look over Shuarna with his left hand while barely managing to keep the bag upright in the other. “Also, bad news, the clerk in there recognized us. Pretty sure he called the cops the second I walked out the door.” He looked back and they all saw the clerk speaking excitedly into the phone, watching them.
Shuarna snarled at them, “You won’t get far without me. The hunt for the artifact has only begun and only I can undo th
e merging of materia.”
“Uh-huh.”
Popping open a beer, Ogre asked, “You sure about this, Squid? She seems crazy as a road lizard, but I don’t have any other answers.”
The Squid grinned at Ogre for that. “For real?”
Ogre put up a finger. “I’ve still got opinions.”
The Squid opened the door on his cab and, standing on the running board, said, “Shuarna, if that is your real name. I don’t know that we ever got a straight legit answer from you.”
“You need me,” she protested.
“I don’t know that anything you have said is true, so I think we’re just gonna say our goodbyes and leave you here. So long!”
Shuarna scowled at him. The Squid scowled back as hard as his sunglasses would let him.
Then their standoff was shaken loose by a siren, and the red and blue flashing lights came into view seconds later.
“Uh, Squid?” urged Ogre, tugging on The Squid’s shirtsleeve.
“It’s all right. I figure soon as we start driving he’s gonna think we disappeared just as much as we’ll feel like he did.”
“Not the cop I’m worried about.”
“Shuarna ain’t gonna do anything. If she was, she wouldn’t be arguing with us.”
She glared at them but had not moved.
“No, dude,” protested Ogre. “What the hell is that? We gotta get outta here!” He pointed opposite from the oncoming police car and toward a big patch of swirling darkness. Black smoke was belching forth from a dumpster’s retaining wall beside the service station. And there was an aura of dread accompanying the sight of it, a dread that needled at The Squid’s very soul and made him feel so terribly small, vulnerable and alone.
“It is the Hounds of Tindalos! I told you there were worse things waiting!” said Shuarna. “Do not look directly at them. Let’s all get in the truck and drive away, now!”
The Squid didn’t protest Shuarna jumping in the cab with them. He fired up the rig without waiting for the glow plugs and threw it into gear. In the rear view mirror, he saw long lean shapes escaping swiftly from the inky vapors. They appeared lupine, but were exaggerated and skeletally thin. At least three of them ran out and paused a brief moment, scanning each and every way as if to catch a scent.
“The Trapezohedron is merged with your truck. It is confusing their senses. You may survive,” said Shuarna.
Two Hounds were not confused and tore after the retreating truck, running alongside with long blueish tongues lolling. “Holy hell! Those things are ugly! Ogre, shoot ’em!”
“I can’t see!”
Not knowing what else to do, The Squid wrenched the wheel hard to the left and took one Hound under the wheels. They heard an awful yelp and felt a bump. “Did that work?”
“It appears so,” said Shuarna.
“Where is the other one?”
“Cheese and rice!” cried Ogre.
A twisted dog’s head suddenly leered from the glove box, snapping its terrible jaws at them, it’s long blue tongue slavering for their blood.
Ogre shot his .357 into the glovebox but the dog’s head was gone.
“Where’d it go?”
Beneath the driver’s seat, something bit at The Squid’s shoe. He screamed, poured his beer on the floor and stomped his foot down, and again it disappeared. Breathing heavy, he pulled over and looked. Nothing.
“We have to keep moving or the others will find us!” shouted Shuarna.
“One thing at a time! We have to deal with this insane dog!”
The snapping jaws were popping from above the sun visor and then gone again.
“This is bullshit!” shouted Ogre.
Something behind ripped at Shuarna’s dark shirt before disappearing again as a hail of Ogre’s bullets riddled the cabin behind. Shuarna screamed, looking fearfully about.
“Sumbitch is playing with us,” snarled Ogre.
“I’m going deaf with you shooting in here!”
“Well, do you want to get bit by an insane Labrador?”
Impossibly, the Hound’s head appeared at the slot on the door handle.
“Open the door!” ordered Shuarna.
The Squid opened the door, just missing a bite from the snapping Hound. Shuarna threw a ball of light outside the cab, shouting, “Fetch!” The Hound leapt outside after it.
Ogre lunged over the top of The Squid and shot the Hound twice, just as it turned with the ball in its muzzle. Its body fizzled and melted away in a haze of blueish smoke.
“We have to get moving!” shouted Shuarna.
The Squid, started the rig and watched in his rear view mirror as the other Hounds, covered in a greenish light, did their terrible work back at the truck stop. They had torn both the officer and his car apart, then had turned their attentions on the clerk inside the shop. The Squid shut his eyes against the horror, trusting that the truck would remain on the straightaway for the next few seconds. “Did we make it away? Are they coming? Can I look?”
Shuarna was breathing a sigh of relief herself before answering. “Yes, at least for a time. They will keep coming, however. We must stay ahead with as swift a pace as we can manage. The Hounds of Tindalos come from the angles of time and are among several entities which are offended at your passing.”
Ogre shivered and downed his beer in one great gulp before belching and asking, “Where did you say they come from?”
“They both exist and enter through angles. The corners of those walls around the garbage receptacle suited their purpose very well. We stopped for too long—we must be faster. Next time they will destroy your bodies while devouring your souls.”
The Squid raised a hand from the wheel, “So, I need an answer, Shuarna. Are you with us? Or just using us? The way I see it, we gotta work together on this, because seems like you weren’t able to fight those things off either on your own.”
She looked away but admitted, “True. I need you to transport the artifact for me. I will help and try not to allow harm to come to you.”
“Try?” he asked.
She smiled that grin again that simultaneously made The Squid uncomfortable and turned him on.
“I’ll do the best I can.”
The Squid looked her over. “I guess you’re still with us, then. No more tricks or using your mental powers on either of us.”
“What’d she do?” asked Ogre.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s over.”
Shuarna nodded. “Agreed. But we still must head southwest, to where the barrier is thin.”
“How long will this take?”
“Time is of no consequence here. It will take as long as your truck takes, though it is all relative to where in the realms we are.”
“Sorry I asked. Just not my day, I suppose.”
Ogre clapped The Squid on the shoulder. “You gonna be okay, man?”
“Yeah, you know, all things considered, I think I am. Something about horrible dog monsters coming out of corner-pocket dimensions, intent on devouring your soul, kind of puts things into perspective. I guess I’d just say I’m glad to be alive. No thanks to Shuarna here for putting us into the middle of this existential crisis.”
“Squid. Don’t judge,” answered Ogre. He then turned to lay down on the sleeper. “I’m getting some shut-eye. I’ve had enough craziness for one day.”
After they heard Ogre’s snores, Shuarna put a hand on The Squid’s and whispered, “Thank you. You won’t regret helping me. This is important.”
He smiled at her, melting inside.
8. Highwayman
They drove up a mountain with peaks that were not familiar: tall, jagged and glinting with veins of light near the zenith. A red dawn splashed bloody color across the granite face just before shadows washed over it once again, transporting them back into darkness. Colossal fir trees stood beside the highway where The Squid knew no such things had grown before. Several times it seemed to him that they actually waddled beside the road like giant penguins. “
I am straight tripping,” he muttered to himself.
“Things are different in the Dreamlands,” said Shuarna.
“Is that where we are? I thought it was Utah.”
“It is and it isn’t. This truck has wheels in each of many realms at once. Our driving is the only thing keeping us from the claws of the Mi-Go and the tongues of the Hounds. There will be other trials but for now we are ahead of the game.”
“A game? Is that what this is to you?”
Shuarna wouldn’t answer.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” The Squid shifted as they slowed, heading up a steep pass. “Good to know. Any more surprises coming up?”
Shuarna shook her head. She looked ready to fall asleep.
“You look tired. Want me to wake Ogre up so you can have the bunk?”
“No, I am just feeling weakened at holding this together. Sometimes these crossings drain me. That, and creating the light ball for the Hound took my reserves down.”
“Ogre! Let the lady get some sleep back there. Mind games take it out of her.”
Ogre jostled in the bunk but did not awaken.
“Ogre! Get up and spot me!”
Now the big man mumbled and twisted out of the sleeping cab. He rubbed his face and put his hat and shades on before saying anything.
“I figure it’s about time I let you take over,” said The Squid.
Shuarna looked concerned. “Shouldn’t we do this when we stop?”
“No, we’ve done this lots of times.”
Ogre came up behind and put his hand on the wheel to The Squid’s left. The Squid took his hands off the wheel and started to slide over with his foot still on the gas. Then in a flash he was over into the passenger seat and Ogre leapt into the driver’s seat. There was only a bare second that someone’s foot wasn’t on the gas and the rig barely hiccuped at the pressure change.
“Now go get some sleep, Shuarna,” said The Squid.
“Wake me before you stop.”
“We will.”
Getting comfortable as he could riding shotgun in his own rig, The Squid lamented the events behind and those ahead. Night and day were blinking back and forth almost once every minute. The time was passing so fast that he wondered if they would still be wanted men by the time this was over. If anything would be the same anymore. He had seen a lot of changes in his life already, and what if he was now some kind of trucking Rip Van Winkle?
Redneck Eldritch Page 43
