Tainted Love

by Jaimie Roberts

  Thankfully, Charlie doesn’t question my discomfort; he simply moves out of the way for me when I attempt to get past, dropping my kit to the floor to deal with later.

  “So what did I miss when I was away?” I get comfy on my little stool and pick up my tea. “Thanks for this, by the way. It’s just the ticket.”

  Charlie leans his arm against the doorframe, a casual but sexy stance that makes my butterflies resurface. I hoped going away would quell any feelings I had for my boss, but the separation has only seemed to fuel them.

  “Not much has been happening. I sold the rocking chair, the writing desk, and a few other little items. Other than that, it’s been quiet. Oh, and thanks for saving me before you left. Lottie stayed, flirted like crazy, and then pinched my bum before she left, giggling like a schoolgirl, she was.”

  My head rears back with laughter at the thought. I would’ve loved to have witnessed that. “You gotta love Lottie,” I reply with a snort. “By the way, you’re welcome. I knew you could more than handle her on your own. Besides, I have Freddy. It’s only fair that you have your very own female version.”

  He points a finger at me, smirking. “Okay, I’ll give you that.” Laughter leaves me again, but then he frowns like he’s remembered something. “By the way, a man came in looking for you.”

  I swallow hard, trying my hardest to act nonchalant when my heart is now racing twenty million miles per hour.

  “Oh, yeah. What did he look like?”

  “Dark, greying hair, blue eyes, around five-foot-eleven, something like that. I would say in his late forties, early fifties.”

  Another lump forms in my throat. “That sounds like my dad,” I respond, because it does sound like my dad. Both he and Pete look vaguely similar, which only added to my disgust at what he did to me. “What did he want?” I ask, busying myself with bits of paper and mail on the countertop, trying my level best to seem normal.

  “Just wondered where you were. I told him you were on holiday, but I didn’t say when you’d be back. I didn’t know who he was to you, so I wasn’t going to give too much away. Are you alright with him, Bri? He won’t cause you any trouble, will he?”

  I drop the mail in my hands and spin around, fixing a bright smile on my face. “No, it’s fine. I can handle him.”

  His eyes narrow on my face. “Are you sure?”

  I let out a small chuckle, attempting to lighten the mood. “Sure, I’m sure. It’s fine. As I said before, my dad was never the trouble, just seriously neglectful. I’ll sort it out. Don’t worry.”

  He nods his head and tells me he’s going to leave me to settle in before disappearing in back. I won’t involve Charlie in more of my shit, I refuse to. I’ve already involved him in too much as it is without adding Pete into the mix.

  With shaky hands, I get my phone out. I charged it this morning, but still haven’t turned it back on yet. Chris will wonder why if I don’t.

  I close my eyes as I press the button to switch it back on, bile rising in my throat as the screen lights up asking for my code. After two attempts at putting it in, the phone finally comes to life, and then a few seconds later, the inevitable pings alert me to several missed messages. There’re around ten of them, but as there’re no names, I ignore them all. I don’t need to read them to know who they’re from.

  I run on autopilot for the rest of the day, catching up with all the bookkeeping and dealing with customers when they arrive. When the day ends, I shout my goodbye to Charlie and lock up the shop before walking around the back to fetch my car. I fiddle with my handbag trying to find my keys; the damn things have a habit of disappearing into the smallest of crevices, so I can never find them. Once I pull on something that finally jingles, I unlock my car and slide in, placing my handbag on the floor of the seat next to me. I’m so busy with this, I don’t see the figure approaching my car, opening the door, and sliding in the passenger seat before it’s too late.

  “Hello, Bri,” his familiar, gruff voice says, punctuating my name.

  Angry, hot tears immediately prick my eyes as I gaze into the set of familiar blues I’d never wanted or hoped to see again. He’s aged a little since I last saw him, but the only real telltale sign is the greying of his normally dark brown hair. Still, his eyes haven’t changed a bit. They still leer at me the same way they did back then—the same way that used to set my skin crawling.

  “What do you want?” I snap, angry that he’s already placed me in a vulnerable position.

  “You’ve been ignoring me,” he answers, shifting in his seat like he’s getting himself nice and comfortable. “I don’t like being ignored.” He wipes his hands on the legs of his jeans like he’s drying them off. The fucker’s already getting excited. It was always the power he had over me that got him off the most. I can see it now, the delight swimming in his eyes that he has something over me that he can dangle in front of me on a piece of string, making me obey his every command. I was never scared of Pete, because whatever shit he did to me, I always legitimised it by convincing myself it was my choice. Always my choice. Complete bullshit, but that’s how a fifteen-year-old thinks when placed in a situation that could otherwise swallow her whole. It was because of this reasoning that I was never scared of him. He’d feed me, fuck me, then be on his way and I on mine. I would be full of food, but empty of love. I would sometimes even contemplate suicide, but the only person who kept me from committing that act was my brother. That and sheer determination, telling myself that I’d only had to put up with it for a few more months and then I’d be off.

  “I wasn’t here,” I reply, the knot in my stomach intensifying.

  “So I heard.” His eyes dance across my face then down to my breasts before delving the rest of the way. “Looking good, Bri. You’ve grown into quite the woman, I see.”

  Closing my eyes, I quash the nausea bubbling. “Stop the charade, Pete. You came here for a reason. Now, spit it out.”

  A deep rumble of laughter leaves his lips before he grabs the seatbelt behind him and fastens it. “You’re going to take me for a drive to Anslie Wood—where we can be undisturbed for a while, so we can chat.”

  I know full well what he means by chat, and it makes the acid burn in my stomach. “And if I refuse?”

  His eyes widen ever so slightly, light dancing in them. He’s already hard. There’s no denying the tent now poking up from his jeans.

  “How’s Chris doing these days? Does he know about us?” He lifts a finger up, trailing it down my upper left arm. I flinch, but all that does is make him smile.

  “You leave him out of this,” I snarl, anger bubbling in my stomach.

  “I know about you,” he whispers, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. “I know your dirty, little secret. You’re quite the disgusting slut, aren’t you, Bri?”

  Fat tears threaten to engulf me, but I will them down, instead, putting my seatbelt on and starting up the car, resulting in a triumphant smirk from Pete.

  “I knew you’d see sense.”

  I pull out of the car park and make the short journey towards the woods. As I’m pulling into a wooded area with no one around, my phone starts to chime, and I know full well it’s Chris wondering what time I’ll be home.

  I switch the engine off, my mind telling my body to switch off with it. Instead, I stare straight ahead, fixing my gaze on a branch swaying in the breeze.

  “I almost forgot, I got you something,” he says, undoing his seatbelt and delving into his pocket. It’s only when he drops the offending object on my lap that I see what it is. A Snickers bar. “Remember these, Bri? You used to love it when I bought you them. Your eyes would light up like a Christmas tree. Best fucking sex I ever had.”

  I close my eyes, trying my fucking hardest to drown out the words he’s implanting in my head, but it’s no use. He’s surrounding me, his sick, twisted words, his smell, his presence. I feel him everywhere on my skin, like a thousand white, hot poker sticks.

  I fling the Sni
ckers bar onto the floor. I don’t want to see it. If I can’t see it, then it’s not there. To this day, I’ve never once looked at one of those bars for fear it’ll bring back all those fucked up memories.

  “Oh, come on, Bri. That’s not very nice, is it? Your uncle hasn’t seen you in years, the least you can do is show how much you missed me.”

  Leaning forward, he unfastens my seatbelt, and the inevitable click has me swallowing the bile in my stomach. His heavy breathing fans against my neck, the smell of stale cigarettes hitting my nostrils and making me nauseous.

  “I’m on my period,” I quickly spit out, the words automatically leaving my lips.

  “You have a mouth, don’t you?”

  An involuntary gag makes its way up my throat. “How do you know I won’t bite your dick off?”

  A deep rumble echoes around the car, making me flinch. “Okay, Bri. You want to go slow for now, I can do that. Just know that next time we meet, I will want more. Get in the back seat.”

  My hand trembling, I pull the door open, my mind telling me I can do this. I can do it because it protects me, and it protects Chris. I would do anything for the ones I love, so how is this any different? The only thing I have to sacrifice is my body… right?

  With that lie in my head, I get out of the car, and as I do, my phone rings again. “I think it might be best to put that on silent, don’t you?” Pete asks, irritation in his voice. “At least until we’re finished. We really don’t want any disturbances now, do we?”

  Once I climb in the backseat, I pull out my phone seeing Chris’s name flash up. I’ve been flat-out ignoring him for days, but I’d give anything to answer his call right now, to tell him how sorry I am, and that what I’m about to do, I’m doing for us. That I love him and would kill to be in his arms right now.

  Instead, I put my phone on silent and place it back in my bag, a tear dropping from my cheek as I do.

  “Take your top off,” Pete instructs, his breathing heavy as he undoes his jeans. I do as he requests, letting the top fall next to me.

  “Nice key around your neck. Is it the key to Chris’s heart? How sweet.”

  Through gritted teeth, I say, “Don’t fucking bring him into this. He has nothing to do with what’s happening here.”

  Pete lets out a dark chuckle that crawls up my spine. “Oh, you and I both know that’s a lie, don’t we, Bri?”

  I hate the way he says my name, like he has every right to address me. “Can we just get this fucking over with already?”

  Pete’s evil smirk is like witnessing the devil himself. “So eager, aren’t we?” He points to my chest. “Now your bra. I want to see those perky tits I used to suck on.”

  I grit my teeth, closing my eyes as I unhook my bra and let that fall down too. Pete hisses in a breath, his hands immediately shooting out to knead them. His touch disgusts me so much that when I bite into my tongue, I draw blood.

  “Fuck, I’ve missed these.” He pulls his hands away, but only so he can unzip his jeans and pull out his nasty, erect penis. “Lie on you back.”

  Like a robot, I act on his instructions, laying back until he’s straddling my chest, his vulgar cock bouncing in front of my face.

  “Take it, hold it,” he barks, his body quivering with his excitement. The only solace I have is knowing this won’t last long. He never did. Literally a minute or less, and it was over.

  I place my hand on his cock, wrapping it tightly. He pulls back, thrusting into my hand and hissing with pleasure. “Fuck, I’ve missed this, Bri. Missed you.”

  I turn my head away as he starts to move into my hand, his own hands palming my breasts as he moves. I close off, trying my level best to drown out the repulsive grunting above me and the feel of his disgusting hands on my skin.

  My eyes squeeze shut tight as his movements become faster, his cock moving in and out of my hand until he roars, stilling, and then wetness coats my chest. I gag at the smell of his repugnant cum all over me, another tear sliding down my face. This is what I’ve reduced myself to. This is what I’ve become.

  “Fuck, that’s sexy,” he coos, rubbing it into my skin. “Just leaving a little reminder for you. Look how I blend into that perfect, bronzed skin of yours. My, you have caught the sun, haven’t you?”

  “Are you finished now?” I spit, my voice raising an octave.

  With a frustrated huff, he gets off me, placing his dick back inside his jeans before yanking his shirt down. “For now, yes. But I will be in touch, and next time, don’t fucking ignore me. I’ll give you a couple of days until your bleeding stops, but that’s all. My patience can only run so far.”

  He opens up the door and gets out. “Don’t worry about giving me a lift. I can take it from here.” He’s about to shut the door, then halts a second. “Oh, by the way. Thanks for that. Just what I needed.”

  The words “Fuck you,” are on the tip of my tongue, but the door is shut before I get them out. I lay there a couple of seconds, wondering if he’ll come back. As that possibility fills my head, I spring into action, sitting up and gazing out the window. There’s no one in sight, just endless trees and greenery. Once it dawns on me that he’s really gone, I scramble out of the car with just enough time before the contents of the sandwich I ate for lunch comes back to haunt me, making my body heave even after I have no more left to give.

  My body slumps by the wheel of the car, half naked and more alone and degraded than I’ve ever felt. A bird squawks, jerking me out of my reverie. I look around to see if there’s any danger, feeling relief at finding none. I scramble to my feet, dizzying slightly from my now lack of food. I throw open the boot, taking out the big bottle of water I have stored in there for when I need to replenish the car, and I grab a rag, throwing the water on my chest, washing away his filth. The cold water hits me, making me wheeze, and that’s all it takes for the floodgates to open. My body wrenches with tears, and I scream out at the injustice in the world, not caring if anyone hears my cries.

  “Why???!!!!” I screech towards the sky, my head tilted back, my hands fisted at my sides. Angrily, I wipe the tears from my face and use the rag to dry myself up before throwing it in a bush. I fetch my bra and top from the back of the car and get dressed before getting into the car and starting the engine, numbness now taking over.

  On autopilot, I make my way home, completely unaware of the trip back. I park and make my way up the elevator to the top floor. The moment it pings and the escalator opens, our door swings open, and Chris appears wild-eyed.

  “Where the hell have you been? Why haven’t you been answering your phone? I’ve been fucking going out of my mind here.” I don’t even look at him when I walk slowly into our apartment. “Bri, please. What happened?”

  I have no choice but to answer, but all I really want is to be left alone. “I’ve had a very rough day at work and could really use a shower. Can we talk when I’m finished?”

  “Bri…”

  “Please,” I implore him, making the mistake of looking up into his concerned eyes. Tears immediately well, causing Chris to take my hand.

  “You’re scaring me.” He squeezes my hand in his, the gesture threatening to engulf me even further.

  “I just really need a shower. Please, Chris. I will talk to you as soon as I’m done. I just really need to relax under water for a few minutes.”

  Sadly, he nods his head, dropping my hand to let me walk to the bathroom. I rip my clothes off my body and turn the tap on, welcoming the warm spray hitting my skin. But then as I close my eyes, flashbacks of what happened earlier whip through my mind, making me angry. I grab a scrubbing brush, and I scrub my chest until my skin turns purple and blood starts to seep out of my pores. After a while, the water starts to grow cold, so I turn it off and wrap a towel around me before taking a seat on the edge of the tub.

  Chris enters, taking a knee in front of me as he grabs my hand. “Bri, what have you done to yourself?” He places a hand through my hair, and needing his comfort, I lean my h
ead, curving it into his palm. He cups my face, his eyes scanning mine. “Bri, you’re fucking scaring me here. Has someone hurt you? I’ll fucking kill them!”

  “No one’s hurt me,” I lie, taking his hand and placing it in mine. “I’ve just had a rough day. I tripped over something at work and whacked my chest, and I passed out for a bit,” the lie slipping easily from my lips. “Hence the reason why I’m late, and also why my chest looks sore.”

  “Shit, Bri. Why didn’t you call me? I could have come and got you. Shit, I thought you’d left me.”

  I place a hand on his face, my thumb stroking his cheek. His eyes close, giving in to my touch. “I will never, ever leave you.”

  He lets out a whoosh of air and encases me in his arms. “Oh, fuck, I’ve missed you. I hate it when we fall out. It does my fucking head in. Please say you forgive me?” He sprays kisses on my eyes, cheeks, nose, and forehead.

  “I forgive you,” I answer, not having any more strength to argue. Pete has sucked everything I had out of me.

  Chris hits me with those light blue eyes of his, an intensity in them that takes my breath away. He pulls me to him and places a warm, gentle kiss on my lips, something that would normally ignite a growing fire inside of me, but I’m still too numb to feel a thing.

  He bends down, kissing my neck, sliding down to my chest. I wince with not only the pain, but the memories of what went down. If Chris knew what had happened to my chest, there’s no way he’d be kissing it so tenderly the way he is now.

  “Sorry,” he whispers, his breaths hot and heavy. “I just want to make it all better.” He lowers even farther, his hands sliding up my legs underneath my towel. “I just want to kiss it all better.”

  I stay stock still, staring into space as he kneels before me, his face at the same level as my knees. I don’t push him away or tell him to stop, just simply part my legs when he pulls my knees apart, his head sliding in between them. There’s no reaction until his tongue darts out, and he flicks my little nub, sending shivers wracking all over my body. I groan and Chris reacts, squeezing my legs with his hands.