Tainted Love

by Jaimie Roberts

  “Why didn't you save him?!” he bellows, crying out.

  “Chris, please! Wake up!”

  I shove at him until thankfully his eyes fling open, wild and dangerous. The moment they meet mine, he calms.

  “Bri,” he whispers, pulling me into his arms.

  “It’s okay,” I soothe, running my fingers through his hair. “It was just a bad dream. I’m here.”

  He holds me tight for a few seconds before pulling away. “Must be because of the new surroundings and you not being here with me.”

  I wipe away the sweat from his forehead and smile. “Hopefully this morning Charlie will be okay, and by tonight we’ll be back at home.”

  He grabs my hand, squeezing it. “You’re not his mother, Bri. I can understand tonight as he’s just had surgery, but by tomorrow night, his nurse does need to come home.”

  As much as I want to argue with him, I bite my tongue. After one of his nightmares, he’s agitated for a few hours before he calms down. Snapping back at him now will only make things worse.

  “If you want to go back to sleep, I can stay with you,” I offer, knowing this will placate him for now.

  “No, it’s okay,” he smiles, sitting himself up and running his hands over his face. “I need to get going in a bit anyway to sort the warehouse out.” By warehouse, he means trying to find a way to get all the drugs currently in the warehouse out of it. “How is he?” he asks, motioning his head to the bedroom.

  “I had to give him more pain meds, so he’s sleeping for now. Hopefully I can get his BP up as well. It’s been quite low all night.”

  Chris places a hand on my cheek, stroking my skin. “You’re too kind to people, you know that?”

  “I would hope that anyone in my position would help, if they could. It doesn’t make me special. It simply makes me human.”

  He gives me a look as if to say I’m wrong, but I’m way too tired to argue. I’m exhausted from lack of sleep and stiff as a board after sitting so long in that chair.

  “I’m going to head back home, take a shower, and then phone the lads. Do you need me to get anything for you while I’m out?”

  Standing up, I shake my head. “No, it’s fine. The only thing I want right now is coffee, and thankfully Charlie has that here.”

  Chris gets up and leans forward, kissing my cheek. “Okay, I’ll see you later then. Don’t be late.”

  I suck in a frustrated breath. “I won’t.”

  This seems to satisfy Chris as he simply smiles, grabs his jacket and keys, and leaves the shop. I lock it behind him and wave before retreating back up the stairs. At the top, I contemplate making coffee, but I’m too exhausted to even do that.

  Closing my eyes, I make my way back into Charlie’s room. He’s still asleep, so I take his vitals again. Thankfully, they seem to be improving, so I decide to try and go to sleep. I glance at the uninviting chair and groan. Maybe I can squeeze in next to Charlie and fall asleep there instead.

  I manage to find a big t-shirt in one of his drawers and get fully undressed, slipping the t-shirt over my naked frame. I slide into the bed next to Charlie and lay on my side, watching his chest rise and fall. The only sound I can hear is his deep breathing which slowly but surely lulls me into a deep sleep too.

  I’m roused from sleep by a gentle hand stroking my back. I don’t open my eyes, simply moan my pleasure, snaking my arm and leg over his broad frame. When my leg slides over his hardened length, his hand halts its strokes, gripping my back, a hiss leaving his lips.

  My eyes fling open, and at first, I’m panicked, completely forgetting where I am, but when I glance up at a smiling Charlie, my lips immediately do the same.

  “Morning, beautiful” he whispers, making my heart do all kinds of crazy stuff.

  “Morning to you too. Are you okay?”

  “A bit sore, but better than I expected, thanks to you.”

  I glance down in shame. “It’s thanks to me that you’re in this mess to begin with.”

  He squeezes my back. “If those scumbags hadn’t attacked you, none of us would be in the positions we’re in now. It’s not your fault.”

  I smile up at him, remaining silent. It’s while gazing up into his eyes again that I realise how intimate we are. I attempt to sit up, but Charlie shocks the life out of me when he simply pushes me back down.

  A tiny but wanton gasp leaves my lips, my spine tingles, and my heart rate picks up a notch, wondering what he’s up to and wishing with everything I have that it’s no good. My eyes travel from his now sparkling eyes down to his lips, and I lick my own. I’m then yanked up on top of him in one fell swoop, Charlie hissing in pain in the process.

  “Charlie, stop. You’ll pull at your stitches.”

  “I don’t care,” he whispers, his voice coated with desire. “Come here.”

  I’m tugged down, our lips immediately locking in the most tender and precious kiss I have ever had the pleasure to experience. His lips touch mine, slowly at first, coaxing mine to reciprocate. I part my mouth, darting my tongue out, and when he growls in response, I rock my hips over him.

  “What’s happening?” I ask, finding it hard to get the words out, I’m so turned on.

  “Whatever you want at this point, Bri. I’m tired of fighting you.”

  I should stop. I should berate myself for even taking it as far as I have, but for once, my selfish side wins out. For once, I want to know what it’s like to be in this situation where everything is just natural, everything is real, and everything feels perfect.

  So I don’t hesitate to roll myself farther on top of him, straddling his waist as I continue to kiss his mouth. Charlie attempts to wrap both arms around me, but hisses with pain when he forgets his bad shoulder.

  “Relax,” I whisper into this mouth. “You need to rest. Let me do all the work.”

  I continue to lay gentle kisses around his neck, torso, and down to his stomach, relishing the sound of his sweet groans as I descend.

  “I so badly want to flip you over right now,” he growls, causing a jolt of pleasure to hit me between my legs.

  “For now, you can’t. So suck it up, big fella.”

  I undo his jeans and yank them down past his waist. Next to go are his boxers, his impressive length popping up to great me. I wrap him in my small hand, causing Charlie to release a low groan.

  “Bri,” he whispers, as I take him into my mouth, hunger lodging itself in the pit of my stomach. I slink my head down a couple of times, and Charlie responds by wrapping his hands in my hair, hissing his pleasure as I take him in deep. I suck him up and down two more times, but then he halts me with his hand.

  “I need to feel you,” he strains, making wetness pool between my legs.

  With longing filling our eyes, I lift myself up, hoisting the t-shirt over my head, baring my nakedness to him. My heart dances at his dilated pupils when he glances at my breasts. He palms one in his hand, gently sweeping his thumb over my nipple. I moan, my head lulling to one side.

  “You’re fucking beautiful. Do you know that?”

  I bend down, offering my mouth to his, our tongues dancing in unison as my hand travels down to his length. I wrap my fingers around his cock, directing it to my opening, and I carefully slide down, our breathing rapidly increasing.

  “Shit, Bri. You feel incredible!” he strains, and I moan in response.

  “You’re so big,” I whisper, my body jerking forward in response, taking him all in. I’m so fucking wet and so filled with desire that he easily slides inside of me.

  I thrust forward, my hips starting a rhythm over his engorged cock. Our breathing becomes so ragged that I have to break away, my mind focused on riding the pleasure. I throw my head back, closing my eyes, and thrust over him, taking him deep. Charlie digs his nails into my hips, causing a wave of pleasure to shoot through me.

  “Shit!” Charlie shouts, throwing his head back into the pillow. His eyes momentarily close, but when they open again, they lock with mine as I co
ntinue to pull pleasure from him.

  I’m so lost in his penetrating stare. So completely taken in by the glimpse of a life I can never have. I sink deep down again, and when I do, another jolt of pleasure zaps me so hard that I cry out, tears of joy filling my eyes and spilling down my cheeks. My pace quickens, my race to find that orgasm my number one goal. Charlie grunts and moans, which only adds fuel to my fire, until I shudder, my orgasm robbing me of sight… robbing me of breath.

  “Bri!” Charlie strains, his eyes squinting shut, his mouth parting, making my orgasm even stronger.

  “Oh, God!” I cry, and with one final thrust, Charlie is joining me, his fingernails digging into my flesh, his body shuddering with the strength of his own climax. I fall forward, my head snuggling into the crook of his neck, careful not to put any pressure on his wound. We don’t say anything for a beat. I’m too busy riding a glorious wave.

  When I calm, I wait for the guilt, the disgust… anything that will dampen this experience, but it never comes. I’m so overjoyed that tears start to fall, wetting Charlie’s bare shoulder.

  Pulling me up to face him, Charlie tenderly wipes my tears. “Hey, what’s this for? Have I hurt you?”

  Quite the opposite.

  I shake my head. “No, nothing like that at all. I’m just… I don’t know… happy?” I ask, like he can offer the answer I’m seeking.

  He pulls my head down, lightly kissing me on the lips. “Happy is good. Happy is definitely good.”

  A tiny giggle erupts as I pull him out of me, but only so I can snuggle up next to him on his good side, his hand gently gliding over my skin, causing goosebumps. I’m about as relaxed as cat lazing out in the warm, golden sun.

  “You don’t know how many times I have pictured this moment in my head, wondering over and over again how the reality of it would be,” I admit.

  His hand momentarily halts its journey over my back. “And the reality of it?”

  “Exceeded all expectations.”

  I wouldn’t normally admit to such feelings, but I know that this is a temporary solution to a situation I can never escape, so what harm is there in revealing my innermost thoughts and feelings to a man I can never be with? The thought depresses me considering I now know how it feels to have him inside me, with me, together like this. I want it to last forever, but like anything good in life, it never does.

  “What we’ve done here changes things, Bri. It changes a lot.”

  Those daunting words seep deep into my head, conjuring up scenarios that involve nothing but bloodshed. If Chris ever found out I was laying here next to Charlie like this after just having sex, not only would he slaughter Charlie, but it would break him, and I don’t think he would be able to come back from it. He’s so unstable that he probably has the notion in his head that if he can’t have me, nobody else can either. I have no clue where that would leave me, but the finality of it doesn’t even bear thinking about.

  “I know it does. We’ve crossed a line between boss and employee.”

  “That’s not what I mean.”

  I close my eyes, pain eating at my insides. “I know.” I sigh, wondering if I can get the words out. “He will never let you have me, you know.”

  “Your relationship with him. It’s unhealthy.”

  I snort. I know. Believe me, I know. And Charlie doesn’t know the half of it.

  “It’s… complicated.”

  “If it wasn’t complicated, what would you do?”

  I sigh. “Honestly?”

  “Yes.”

  Closing my eyes, I picture that beach in Bali, the sand slipping through my toes. “I would live a completely different life. A life where I could be free to marry, have kids. Basically, a normal life. A life where I can take care of sick children and nurse them back to health. A life where I can go about my days and nights and not feel like I’m suffocating from the inside out.”

  Charlie shifts a little, causing me to pull myself up and look at him. His eyes are filled with nothing but sadness.

  “Why don’t you simply leave him, Bri? Run away, even?”

  What pains me the most about that sentence is he didn’t add two solitary words at the end.

  With me.

  He wants me out of this toxic relationship I have with Chris, but he won’t offer to be the one who takes me away from it all. And why should he? He doesn’t owe me anything just because we’ve had sex now. Besides, it’s best he never does offer because I already know what my answer would be, and that, above all else, would break my heart in two.

  “I can’t run away.”

  His eyes narrow, anger setting in. “Can’t or won’t?”

  I sit up, gazing down at him, wondering how we even got here. All those months working together, he’d simply ignored me, and now he’s asking me to dump the man in my life.

  “I don’t want to give you the honest answer, but I will. I can’t and I won’t. As I said, it’s more complicated than you realise. My relationship with Chris goes beyond the realm of a normal couple. And besides, you don’t know what he’s done for me in the past. The sacrifices he’s made for me and the decisions I’ve pushed him to make.”

  I think back to the day that changed everything, and I shudder inside. I only have myself to blame.

  “So you’re beholden to him forever now?”

  I take a moment to think on that question, but there really is only one answer. “Yes.” Charlie looks away, his nostrils flaring. “Okay, so you want me to leave him, but are you going to be the one who saves me when the shit hits the fan?” He remains silent, so I say, “No, I didn’t think so.”

  I close my eyes. I’m already tired despite having had such a wonderful sleep. “Listen, I don’t want to spoil what happened between us. Can’t we just enjoy each other for the few hours we have left?”

  Charlie exhales a deep breath before grabbing my hand in his. “I’m sorry. Of course, we can.”

  I stay locked up in bed with Charlie for as long as I can before I have to shower, get dressed, and head for home. Over the next few days, I manage to juggle looking after Charlie throughout the daylight hours before dragging my heels back home in time to appease Chris. Charlie is healing nicely, and we’ve spent a few more times in bed together, knowing each could be the last. Afterwards, I go home, acting like the diligent Bri I have always been with Chris, but he isn’t stupid. He can sense a change a mile away, especially as I have avoided any sexual contact with him since. I betrayed Chris in the worst way. The worst part is that I cannot seem to even conceive of doing the same to Charlie. That should speak volumes, but at the end of the day, there’s simply nothing I can do.

  “The phone worked,” Chris says after eating dinner. “The Bilkos took the bait and are now on their way to Australia, so Charlie’s safe.”

  I breathe out a sigh of relief. “That is good news. I’ve been convincing Charlie all this time he’s been nursing his shoulder that the shop should be closed, and for now he’s accepted that. But he’s getting more and more independent with every day that passes, so the excuses to keep shut are starting to wear thin.”

  Chris reaches out his hand across the table, covering my own. “I also have some other good news.” His eyes light up so much that I can’t help but smile. Encouraging him, I nod my head for him to proceed. “I think I may have found a buyer to take that shipment off my hands for good. I’m just finalising everything now, but if all goes well, it’ll all be out of our hands in just two days, and you know what that means?” I frown, shaking my head. “It means we’ll have enough money to pursue our dream together. It means we can finally flee from this shithole and be together… just the two of us.”

  I smile widely, but it’s forced, dread collapsing in the pit of my stomach. “That is great news,” I reply, picking up our plates and taking them to the kitchen sink. I place them both inside, clutching the edge and closing my eyes. It’s this moment… the moment I have been dreading for months. The moment the final nail in the coffin will be
sealed and I will end up trapped in this nightmare forever.

  “Where do you want to go?” he asks, following behind me like an excitable puppy. “The world is our oyster. I can take you to America, Thailand, India… anywhere. Just tell me where, and we’ll start planning it together. In fact, tonight let’s sit down and map out what we’re going to do, yeah?” When I don’t respond straight away and just stand there at the kitchen sink unmoving, Chris closes the distance between us, and for the first time ever, I flinch when he reaches out to touch my arm. “Bri, what’s going on? I feel like I’m losing you, and I can’t lose you. For the last few days, you’ve been distant, and now when I touch you, you recoil away from me.”

  I grip the edge of the sink before I turn to face him, but even when I do, I can’t look him in the eyes. “It’s nothing,” I lie. “I guess I’m just tired.”

  Chris studies my face a moment before shaking his head. “It’s more than that. I can feel it. I know you, Bri, and this shit’s fucking scaring me now. It’s like you’re slipping away, and I’m powerless to stop you.”

  “I’m fine.” Those two words almost make me chuckle. I guess they really are the go-to words to say when you’re really not fine but don’t want to ruin a moment by saying otherwise.

  “If you’re fine, then look at me. If you’re fine, then touch me. If you’re fine, then be with me in all the ways we should be.”

  You mean all the ways we shouldn’t be.

  I shake my head, still unable to look at him. I genuinely thought that after being with Charlie, I’d be able to take the memories we shared together and move on with Chris. But I’d simply been deluding myself into thinking I could be anything but miserable in the face of losing the one chance I had at genuine love.

  “I’m just tired,” I say again, hoping that it will be my saving grace.

  Chris throws his arms around me, gripping me to his chest. “I can’t lose you, Bri. I won’t lose you. If you ever left me, I’d take my own life. You know I will. Without you, my life means nothing. You can’t do that to me after what we’ve been through—after all that we’ve shared.”